Blazing fire reaching the sky,
Is blue but no longer.
Does peace settle among us,
Are traitors.
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Canary word: Present
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,796 Reviews
Yo, Kaizer.
The problems with this boil down to a horrendous issue with tense shifts and sentence composition. In total, it really holds no emotional or engaging intellectual merit for me, and I don't see any point coming of it with edits? All the same, if you know what it's all about, do tell me. Otherwise, I believe this may be one either for a drastic facelift or, given the lack of fresh images and concepts ( ? ) it may just need to be learned from.
Always aiming to improve,
Lumi
Hey there, NightKaizer. I'm just leaving a review for you
I'm honestly very confused by the meaning of the poem. I suspect the reason is that the sentence structure is rather ambiguous. Take these two lines for example:
Was the blazing fire blue? Or the sky? I'm assuming the sky, but I'm not sure myself.
And this one...sorry, I can't make any heads or tails of this. Does it mean that even if peace returns there is treachery?
So overall, I do see some potential hidden in this poem, but it's obscured because the sentence structure is honestly rather awkward and needs some clarity and refining. I hope this review helped and feel free to PM me if you want to talk!