The Darker Reindeer 2 (bit of language)

by NightKaizer

Published December 19, 2016

In Villain

I would suggest reading "The Darker Reindeer" first before reading "The Darker Reindeer 2". The concept would make much more sense.

“Rudolph’s been dead for two years now.”

“Patience. The time isn’t right. Besides, we have to wait for Claus to come to us. He can’t postpone Christmas for two years straight.”

The first voice, a boy with dark brown hair and large antlers emerging from his head, grunted and shrugged. “I still think I’m a better Lead Deer. My nose is brighter than Tag’s.”

His companion, a girl with long blonde hair laced with braids and shorter antlers, elbowed him. “Get real, Kyte. Have you seen Tag’s reindeer nose when it lights up? It’s brighter than the Sirius star.”

“You don’t think I know that, Fiona? There’s just no guarantee it’ll work the entire trip,” Kyte argued. “Tag even said it takes a lot of effort to turn his black nose into the colors of the rainbow.”

Fiona glared at him. “Tag will try. He won’t fail.”

Kyte rolled his eyes. They strolled through the dark streets of their town, Darkwood, and turned into an alley.

“I still don’t trust him,” Kyte muttered. “He’s a Northtown reindeer. Hanging out with the gangs doesn’t make him one of us.”

“But I can try.”

Kyte looked up. A pair of dark, purplish black eyes stared back at him from the shadow of a nearby building. Jagged black hair fell slightly over one of the eyes and the newcomer blew it gently out of his face.

Kyte glared at Tag. “What’re you doing here?”

“This alley belongs to the Shades. I have every right to be here.”

Kyte snorted. “You’re not part of that gang.”

“Not officially.” Tag slipped his hands into his jeans pockets. “ But I will be soon. After Christmas.”

The comment found its mark. Kyte’s green eyes gave Tag a look of pure poison. “You were lucky. Nobody trusts you, Tag. You’ll fail, and then you’ll be out for good. My nose is better anyway.” Kyte smiled.

“So?” Tag shrugged. “Nobody likes poop-green lights either. People are expecting a red-nosed reindeer, not a vomit-colored replacement.”

“You take that back!” Kyte roared. He pulled back his fist and slammed it at Tag’s face.

“Kyte, are you crazy?” Fiona shouted.

But Kyte’s knuckles were gripped firmly between Tag’s fingers. Tag lifted a foot and kneed him hard between the legs. Kyte yelped in surprise. He spun Kyte around and, twisting Kyte’s arm behind his back, forced him to his knees.

“I killed my father for this position. I’m not about to give it up to a low-life like you. So why don’t you just shut your trap before I shut it for you?” he hissed in Kyte’s ear.

“You little, goddamn-”

“Stop it, you two!” Both boys looked up. Fiona crossed her arms. “You’re both in the same gang. Save your breath for El Fangz. It’s them you should be beating up, not each other.”

Tag reluctantly let go of Kyte and backed away. Kyte stood and flexed his shoulder painfully, all the while shooting Tag dirty looks.

“Fine,” Tag muttered. “Was wasting my time on him anyway.” Kyte opened his mouth to curse at him but the darker reindeer boy was already gone.

Kyte swore under his breath. “I’m going to murder him.”

Fiona patted his shoulder soothingly. “Another day, Kyte. Another day...."

Tag rounded the corner, patrolling the alleys in Shade territory. When I become a Shade, I’ll show Kyte, he told himself, closing his eyes to calm down. I’ll be the next reindeer worshipped by the humans during Christmas. I’ll erase all memories of my father and replace them with me.

Tag, the Darker Reindeer.

Comments & reviews · 3
User avatar
Kimnd Comment
Kimnd commented Comment · Feb 21, 2017

THE DARKER REINDEER 2: DARKEN TO BLACK
THE DARKER REINDEER 2: DARKER HARDER
THE DARKER REINDEER 2: THE REINS COME OFF
THE DARKER REINDEER 2: BLACK MAGIC BOOGALOO

User avatar
JosephGeorge
Review
JosephGeorge wrote a review Review · Dec 29, 2016

Hey NightKaizer, here for a Review Day review,

First Impressions:

Positives:

His companion, a girl with long blonde hair laced with braids and shorter antlers, elbowed him. “Get real, Kyte. Have you seen Tag’s reindeer nose when it lights up? It’s brighter than the Sirius star.”


Great job at using a real science fact to further your story and give your character some flesh. Now I know that Fiona, or probably all the reindeer, know their astronomy. Plus, it's better than just chucking some random adjectives out there for me to chew on :D

“Stop it, you two!” Both boys looked up. Fiona crossed her arms. “You’re both in the same gang. Save your breath for El Fangz. It’s them you should be beating up, not each other.”


You've kept this dark, epic but funnyily twisted feel going, and it works great. I'm really enjoying the imagery and the concept that's flowing quickly.

I’ll be the next reindeer worshipped by the humans during Christmas.


Holy *!&!@!&$*@!@%%. This is possibly the biggest thing to happen since modern television! Okay, that might be taking it to another level and over exaggerating it just a little, but this is pretty sick! So evil!

Negatives:
Kyte glared at Tag. “What’re you doing here?”

“This alley belongs to the Shades. I have every right to be here.”

Kyte snorted. “You’re not part of that gang.”

“Not officially.” Tag slipped his hands into his jeans pockets. “ But I will be soon. After Christmas.”


It's never really good to reveal, for the first time or not, your character names outside of the conversation. It just makes the narrator feel too omniscient and to worried about chucking random details at me when I need them. But here is an easy fix. When Kyte speaks the first time, you can just have them say Tag's name, and then it fixes that problem.

Overall:Great piece, can't wait to keep reading. PLEASE tag me when you get more uploaded.

I give it:
ImageImageImageImage


Joseph Henry George

User avatar
Dracula
Review
Dracula wrote a review Review · Dec 29, 2016

“Get real, Kyte. Have you seen Tag’s reindeer nose when it lights up? It’s brighter than the Sirius star.”
It's great to see a different 'type' of reindeer. More youthful, from a different background. Your story world and characters are really well thought out.

I’ll be the next reindeer worshipped by the humans during Christmas. I’ll erase all memories of my father and replace them with me.
He was an innocent child before, and now, just two years later, he's changed so much. I can see why too. I can imagine how Rudolph's death would've affected him. It all makes sense without, but if you wanted to you could turn this into a big novel and go through his change of character. It might be a fun journey to explore!

I don't have any nitpicks with this, except that you might want to have a short 'since you've been gone' at the beginning. Just a sentence or so, because I thought this would carry on straight from part one, not skip two years. I love it though! Lemme know if there's ever a part 3.



Do. Or do not. There is no try.
— Yoda