Young Writers Society

Please feel free to ignore my advice it is not meant to offend you hurt you or make this song? seem bad or demean it.

1. What I liked
This was very sweet. I loved that. That last line was most touching.

2. Drafting
Okay I have a feeling that this could be better drafted. But I an no Shakepsere so how would I know how monologues are dafted? I do know this. You might want to consider giving your character a name. It would help I think.

3. Style & Word choice.
Okay . . .first of all I think this could be a little more passionate sounding. Something about word choice made it seem as though . . .well as though this is a love song-Okay so I know this is based one but this would be more emotion stirring without the love song eliment to it-no offense of course. Thats not meant to say thats bad. It's just me. Let me show you what I mean-

So, just close your eyes and don't think of anything at all. (Closes eyes) It's like you are a dream that I don't want to ever wake up from 'cause I'm afraid that if I do then you will disappear from me forever.

It that close your eyes and don't think of anything at all. Somehow that could be more dreamy.
Close your eyes and forget everything let it go by like a breeze. It's like you are a dream I'm afraid to wake up from because then you'd dissapear.

Something like that.

3. Encouragement
This is really well written if I do say so my self. It was speacial and well unique. Keep up that style!

4. Overall
Overall I thought this was neat and well uh excuse the pun-and well played out.

hi there! i'm londone, here to review your work!

This is quite the interesting piece. You seem to be trying to express something deep. I haven't actually heard this song, but judging by your work it resonated nicely into your heart. The narrator is a nice character that made me contemplate a few things. I was a bit confused as to what was going on, exactly? Was it possible some sort of performance/act? That was what I came to with this piece. It was much different than many of the other artworks I've seen/reviewed. You did a wonderful job doing something unique!

On a more technical note, you did have some grammatical errors-- but only a few.

Your so beautiful that it makes me scared.