Young Writers Society

That was quite something! I loved how the poem hooked me in the first few lines, it was wonderful. That was a good piece. The poem was easy to understand as well as it succeeded in expressing what it was all about. A good read definitely!
The structure and form were good and the word selection and usage were amazing as well.
I loved these lines-
"This doesn't seem like a coincidence. I'm just going with flow.

Just by seeing your happiness, the world becomes so different from yesterday.

You're a call to me. Together we become flowers, as if we are waiting.

We bloom together as one, until the winter comes.

Maybe that is just how the Universe wants it to be.

You know, I know. You are me and I am you.

Without missing anything, the universe moved for us.

Because it had our happiness all planned out.

Cause you love me and I love you."


CORRECTION SUGGESTIONS -

You're a call to me. Together we become flowers[] as if we are waiting. (remove the comma after flowers)
You saved me[] from suffering, just like if you were penicillin. ('me' was redundant)

Hey! Just dropping in for a review! I'll start with the actual English and flow of the poem then get into the mushy stuff. So, let's get started!

In the second sentence, of the first line - it makes sense but, It doesn't sound or flow right. 'The' is missing between 'with' and 'flow'. On the second line, I'd take off 'from yesterday.' it's honestly not needed. Line three just plain out does not make sense to me.

Okay. So, your poem in all does not make any sense. First, it seems like the universe is trying to keep you apart, then it's trying to keep you together... You are all over the place. There are WAY too many metaphors it here and hides the message it contains. Pick one or two that work together and use them throughout the poem. It works much better.

Because of the.. how do I say it... jumping around I couldn't feel anything and It will most likely be the same for the one you wrote this for.

Okay... I feel like I was too harsh... Was I? I'm sorry if I was. Anyway, that's how I feel.

Radrook here a once again to offer some suggestions.
Apologies if i offend. It isn’t my intention.
Please feel full free to cast aside all things you deem not helpful.
But if you do be sure its true by being extra careful.

That having been said:

Thanks for sharing this poem concerning a person who describes a relationship as planned by destiny. I like the metaphors of Alice and the Cheshire Cat, angel and world, and the simile of flowers and blooming together.

I paused to think about how destiny planned the relationship and then feels jealous and causes fear. Destiny is being personified via providing it with emotions and motives. So as a reader I had to ponder deeply into its reasoning about these two persons.

The poems's conclusion is a delightful surprise when the speaker reveals that he doesn't yet have her permission to love her. He needs her permission so he isn't sure. Which means that all the previous statements which conveyed certainty have to be reevaluated based on that. IMHO

All in all a very delightful read. Looking forward to reading more of your work.

suggestions

Mentioning gender would be nice.

fluttering heart = cliche'

You're a call to me. [You call out to me.] I had to stop and consider whether he was tagging her as a mere "call girl". "You are a call-girl to me".

Hey Namjoon2003, Queenie here for a review. For starters, I really liked this poem because it described love very well and it is a poem that many can relate to. Also, I think that you used a lot of good similes and metaphors. That being said, there are a few things that you could do to take this poem to the next level. First of all, this poem is a bit on the choppy side, so to make it more smooth and flow better you could maybe think about trying to keep a similar amount of syllables or beats in each line. Also, you could perhaps try adding a little bit of a rhyme scheme to this poem because it is an element commonly found in love poems. Additionally, you format each line grammatically (capitalization and punctuation) as if each line was a complete sentence; however, that is not necessarily true. Many of your "sentences" in fact are actually just phrases. You might want to experiment a little with changing up your punctuation a little so that it is grammatically correct. That being said since in poetry punctuation is a stylistic choice, it is solely up to you to make that choice. Also, in the line,"You saved me from suffering, just like if you were penicillin." the word penicillin is a little bit of a weird word and doesn't really fit the love theme even though the simile makes sense and is good. I would suggest keeping the simile but changing the word penicillin. After reading those suggestions, please keep in mind that they are only suggestions and that you don't have to follow any of them if you don't want to. All in all, this was a very well written poem with a very sweet message, so please keep writing! Also, I look forward to reading your future pieces!