Rush

Hey, Mystical! I just want to talk about one thing in this review: the personification of time.

Lots of writers personify time, to the point where your personification and ideas are clashing with others, fighting to be classified as "original". I've seen a lot of great personification on this website, including a few almost entirely free of cliche, but I'm sorry to say that this was not one of them. It didn't resonate with me in the way that some others did because (although the linguistics and vocabulary were excellent), the poem seemed more like a summary than anything. For me, it was just, "time is gone" "time is back "time is gone" for the entire piece. I wish I could say more because I know how gifted a write you are and how strong some of your metaphors can be. This just didn't live up to your other work, I think.

So, how to improve this personification? Well, think about the key word in personification. /Person/. So, first of all, comparing time to animals is not going to be very helpful to the reader's understanding of the poem. And, more importantly, we never really get a taste of time's motives. Yes, it's coming and going, but we don't understand his motives (or whatever alternative it has to a motive). Remember that even your pronouns count, too. All linguistics do. Replacing "it" with "he" or "she" will go a long way for your readers and for the poem. It seems like a small change now, but believe me--it will make quite a difference.

Here are two resources that explain it better than I do:

1. Wikipedia: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Father_Time

2. Literary Devices: http://literarydevices.net/personification/

Those should help you out a bit, if I didn't. Sorry for being so harsh--I just wanted to get my message across. You're a gifted writer, and I love your work.

IronSpark

I really enjoy this. It's in fact pretty darn neat! I've often thought about what happens to "lost time". The only thing i've ever been able to come up with, of course, is that there's some giant up in the sky with the great "time recycler machine" which infinitely recycle's time. I hope he gets paid overtime.

I find the concept of this to be, pardon me, infinitely intriguing. About the only constructive criticism I can add here, would be to sort out your indents so as to have stanzas.

mpossible to be original, it is possible to avoid some annoyingly simple lines. For example, this section irked me;

Time flies by,

Like seagulls in the sky \

Except they come back

Time rushes away,

Like the sun at the end of the day,

Except it comes back

Time always flees

Like a pack of busy bees

Except they come back

Time does not hesitate

For anyone who is late

It does not come back wrote:Aha!

Wow! That was so good! Great job! Everything comes back except time, that's why you don't want to ever waste it! You can never regain the time you lost, so I found you poem very neat.
Time does fly by, it rushes by, it flees, and it doesn't hesitate, you made very good points there. The way you ended it was really cool too! It's important to be on time, so I think you I got your moral of the story across, which should be a goal of yours when writing poetry. I can't write poetry worth heck so I give you much credit for this humble poem! Keep it up, I'd love to read more.

Wow! That was so good! Great job! Everything comes back except time, that's why you don't want to ever waste it! You can never regain the time you lost, so I found you poem very neat.
Time does fly by, it rushes by, it flees, and it doesn't hesitate, you made very good points there. The way you ended it was really cool too! It's important to be on time, so I think you I got your moral of the story across, which should be a goal of yours when writing poetry. I can't write poetry worth heck so I give you much credit for this humble poem! Keep it up, I'd love to read more.

Wow! That was so good! Great job! Everything comes back except time, that's why you don't want to ever waste it! You can never regain the time you lost, so I found you poem very neat.
Time does fly by, it rushes by, it flees, and it doesn't hesitate, you made very good points there. The way you ended it was really cool too! It's important to be on time, so I think you I got your moral of the story across, which should be a goal of yours when writing poetry. I can't write poetry worth heck so I give you much credit for this humble poem! Keep it up, I'd love to read more.

Hello there. I am BirthdayHangman, here to review your poem.

I liked this one. I think that your themes were well chosen and, for a second poem, it was a very good attempt. In particular, I like this section;

Time does not hesitate

For anyone who is late

It does not come back

Time always flees

Like a pack of busy bees

Except they come back

Hi Mysticalxx,

CatLover211 here to review for you. Before I begin, I noticed you just joined yesterday. Welcome to Yws!! It's a lot of fun here, and you can do so many things! Like join clubs, review other writers' work, chat online with them, post your own work, send private messages, send gifts, all that and more here. Anytime you have a question, feel free to ask me! I've been here since July 24th, so I'm relatively new, but I know a ton about this place.

I really like your poem. It's original and creative, as well as I agree with what you're saying about time here. Sometimes (get it? some-times) time flies by, others it drags on. You have great rhyming in here, and I like the way you repeat "it comes back" and re-word it so it still says the same message.

A lot of the poets on here use punctuation in their poems.... Well, not all poems and poetry have to have punctuation. It's entirely up to the creator of the poem. In this poem, it's not needed. I'm getting tired of being told that we need punctuation in poems, so I'm just warning you that you might hear it a lot.

You have a great poem here, and 'time' is just one of the things people can wonder about. I like the imagination that went into it, and I encourage you to keep writing, keep writing poetry, and don't let bad reviews bring you down. I like your style of writing.

If you want, you can check out my work under my author name. I write a lot of poetry too. I'm interested in your work. Hope you have a great day and happy writing!