These are two poems which I wrote at the age of ten. They are childish and of course, could be improved but I want you to see the unedited version. Hope you enjoy!
Rainbow
After the rain when the sun comes out,
A blossom of colours shower about
These brilliant shades sparkle high in the sky,
Dazzling they are, as their beauty catches the eye
The heavens shine and shimmer and glitter,
Looking like a mirror far, far up high
It's radiant and bright and glistens and glows,
And seems far prettier when the wind blows
**
The Charming Fairy
This charming fairy,
Has cared for me
She is as sweet and kind,
As anyone can be
She is sad in my sorrows,
And happy in my joys
She fulfills all my wishes,
And cooks me tasty dishes
She is very good and nice,
As well as very wise
Who can she be? It's a flutter
She's no other than my darling mother!
***
*cringes* ugh! I hate both of these. Feel free to say anything you like! :)
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,815 Reviews
Hey there, Mystical. Here to share my two cents.
I think both of these are impressive, considering they were written by a ten-year-old. I'm not going to share any specific critiques because I think the most important thing here is to learn from your mistakes and remember your strengths. There are elements in these (for example, the vocabulary) which you should maintain and elevate, and elements (for example, the often confusing punctuation) which you should improve on.
Think of these as a launch pad. A memento. Something to remember where you've come from... and where you're going. Look at where you stumble, where your step falters for a moment. Look at your flaws.
Then practice.
Practice writing whole sentences of gibberish. Of nothingness. Just airy, light-headed ranting. Practice writing reports and books and poems and everything in between.
Then get better.
It comes with the practice, you know. The "getting better" phase comes after, but it does come. Eventually. I've seen your work on here, and I know you've come really far from here, and you're getting even better.
I can't wait to see your work in five years - or even five weeks. Now is the time to practice and love your practicing.
Sorry this review wasn't more on topic. I just wanted to throw my hat into the ring.
IronSpark
No, no, no! Do not be embarrassed by these poems, they're great!
They demonstrate a remarkable control of language for a ten year old. I know I couldn't write rhymes when I was in fourth grade!
If you do want to edit these to reflect your more mature writing style, do keep copies of the old ones as well. There's a ton of value not only in nostalgia, but as a marker of how far you've progressed as a poet.
Some lines are awkward, like "As anyone can be" and "Has cared for me" and they go against the grain of the work. The works should be edited for cohesiveness.
Overall, I like
- command of language
-rhyme scheme
-imagery
What needs work:
-clarity
-awkward lines.
Nice poems! Hope to see more!
Okay, thanks for constructive criticism! Like I said, I just like these unedited versions even though they have many flaws.
By the way, I was in sixth grade when I was ten years old. 
I'm a little ahead of the normal age group. 
I appreciate your help!
ok well i like these! few suggestions
"Looking like a mirror far, far up high
It's radiant and bright and glistens and glows,"
ok so this just doesnt seem to fit... the bottom does slightly, but the first the mirror, not sure about this.
That last one is the cutes thing i have ever read! omg. no suggestions for that one. great for mothers day. love all your rhyming scheems and lastly i guess is keep up the good work!
Maddie
Thanks for the review!
*I want to make this review more directed toward the author.*
I fully relate to your thinking that old work is cringe-worthy. But really, from that perspective, I think you did a grand job capturing description in these two pieces. Applaud yourself; you even as a ten-year-old understood what good writing meant. Great job!
Thanks!
Hi there, Mysticalxx! cleverclogs here to review!
Since there are two different poems here, I'll split my review into two separate sections.
Thoughts on "Rainbow"
This was my favorite of the two. I feel like this poem was just a nice description of rainbow. It's not anything else, and it doesn't really need to be. I liked your choice of words; they really helped enhance the imagery. The rhythm was also very smooth, for the most part, and the rhymes weren't forced. The four lines I'm going to focus on are these:
These four weren't as polished as the rest of the poem. The problem with the first line is that it's too bulky. There are too many words, and some need to be removed. I'll leave that to you, though, since you're the poet.
The problem with the second line is that I'm not really a fan of the "x and x and x" style in poetry. It can work in poems that are sufficiently childish (which isn't a bad thing), but it doesn't really work in this poem.
The third line also suffers from that problem with the use of "far, far". It makes me think of a bad child actor from an old film or something. Also, I don't really understand why the rainbow is like a mirror. It's sort of a weird comparison, and I'm not sure why you made it.
The fourth line is also a victim of "x and x and x". I've already explained why I'm not a fan of it, so please just take another look at that line.
Since I'm pretty much doing a line-by-line runthrough of your poem, I might as well second ChipsMcCoy's sentiment about the very last line.
Overall, this was a good poem, with very vibrant imagery, but I think it could use a bit of touching up.
The Charming Fairy
Okay, I didn't like this poem as much. I'll admit that I did like it more once I read the last line, but I was still left wondering why you would compare your mother to a fairy. At first, I thought that the poem was just random, and when I finished it, I still thought it was kind of random, but sweet. I guess it's just my opinion, though, so whatever. I'll review technical stuffs now. Again, I'll focus on four lines that I think need it most.
In the first two lines, the word "very" is overused. As Mark Twain once said, "Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very'; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be."
The last part of the third line is weird. I feel like it's just there for the sake of rhyming.
I like the reveal in the last line; it made the rest of the poem sweet and about an actual person rather than just some random fairy.
Overall, the rhythm and stuff was good here, but for some reason I just didn't like this poem as much. Keep on writing!
Thank you! In regards to the first poem, I meant for the lines to have too many words.
I just don't want to edit it, because it's a reminder of my childhood writing style. But yes, I can see the bulkiness of the phrases.
The second poem: Yes, I have over used the word "very". Thanks for pointing it out! I kept thinking something was wrong, but couldn't specify it.
I appreciate your help!
Hey, Chips here with a review.
Although you stated below, you hate both the poems, I really enjoyed reading them. They were very joyful and light-hearted.
I have some suggestions for both poems. I'll begin with your first one.
It seems like you're a fan of rhyming as your rhyme in both poems. I think the rhyme scheme generally worked well, it gave the poem a rhythmic flow and the syllables were mostly consistent.
"These brilliant shades sparkle high in the sky,"
This line is good and descriptive, however it is just stating the obvious. We're aware of how the colors of the rainbow are high in the sky and their shades. Perhaps giving the reader a different perspective or insight on it to make it more interesting and less predictable.
"Dazzling they are, as their beauty catches the eye"
This line read a bit awkwardly aloud, but its nothing a bit of sentence re-ordering wouldn't solve. Instead of, "the eye", shouldn't it be, *our eyes*? As I assume you're referring to the readers here.
"The heavens shine and shimmer and glitter,"
I didn't see the correlation between heavens and rainbows clearly enough in the poem, so maybe linking them more for coherency. I notice that you tend to say, "and" a lot in the poem, i suppose that's partly for the syllable consistency but it just gets repetitive at times.
"Looking like a mirror far, far up high"
To me, the mirror and heaven context didn't make sense and I think, "far" didn't need to be repeated. One "far" would have been enough or, "way" up high, but that's optional I guess.
"And seems far prettier when the wind blows"
From my understanding, a rainbow is not affected by wind speed. Maybe elaborate more on this line/concept.
"This charming fairy"
And cooks me tasty dishes
She is very good and nice,
As well as very wise
Who can she be? It's a flutter
She's no other than my darling mother!
The part about dishes could have been more descriptive in saying what those unique dishes are. I found that part in particular a bit out of place to the rest of your poem. I personally disliked the phrases, "good" and "nice" being used anywhere as they don't give a precise representation or accurate description of what or how something is, the words are simply just too basic to create any effect. I suggest you use more intricate adjectives. Simplicity is fine, but at times it gives no favors in creating a worthwhile message.
I really liked the ending of your poem, it was lovely.
Overall, they just need some editing, they have potential. I noticed you stated that you wrote these when you were ten, I'd be interested to see what poetry you write right now.
I hope this review was of help to you.
--Chips
This review WAS of help to me! Thanks!
Yes, I realise that the second poem is really weird, but it's how I wrote when I was little. So I didn't want to edit it. 
I appreciate your help!