For as long as I remember
I've been staring at that figure.
The one who's staring back at me
From the wrong side of the mirror.
She looks awfully familiar,
But in due time it seems to be
That the longer I stare at her,
The less she starts to look like me.
Just like viewing a picture
With the shadows in the borders,
In every second glance at her,
I see all new kinds of horrors.
What I once thought were doe-like eyes
That held the twinkle of a star
Now look like the eyes of someone
Who has forgotten who they are.
But when I move, she moves as well
And we reach to our reflection
Cringing at every flaw we find
In that blotchy scarred complexion.
As I watch, that lovely angel
With tear stained cheeks and weary eyes
Writes her will with gentle kisses
And with her gaze gives last goodbyes.
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140,098 Literary Works • 672,998 Reviews
This is a pretty powerful piece. i always love it when poems incorporate reflections in them i some way. Overall, I feel that you did a really great job with this piece. I enjoyed the pacing, the flow and the wording, and the poem does a good job at conveying emotion. However, the line "what I once thought were doe-like eyes", while good, could benefit from being rewritten (this is just my opinion, keep in mind). In this instance, a more emotionally powerful word, such as exuberant or some other word, would be more effective than a word such as doe. Not that the line is bad as is, I just think that it could be better. Other than that, this is a very strong piece of writing that you can certainly be proud of. Awesome work!
Thank you for the kind words.
Hi Morrigun! Roses here for a little review and a little piece of cake of my opinions hehe.
I loveeeee this poem so much. The stanzas were nicely cut off, the rhyming wasn't forced in any way, and overall the flow of the poem was nice.
I think the word choice was excellent and was beautifully written to express and tell the emotions and feelings you were trying to portray.
I do think the title could have been better. Instead of for she was me, I would put something along the lines of Mirror or A stranger to express more feelings and grabs the reader to read your poem.
Capitalizing is not needed but it is all about your personal preference or style.
In the third stanza, there needs to be a poem after "her", so like this:
I also want to add on that in this poem I can really identify what the narrator feels, which makes it more interesting for me and others to read.
Overall, I think this poem was lovely and had very minor mistakes.
I hope this helped a little bit. Bye!
I was a little confused when you said there needs to be a poem after "her" , but I got what you meant and I fixed that.
Yeah, I wasn't the biggest fan of the title but to be honest it was all I could think of. Thank you for your review!
This is PusheenTheCat and today I am going to write a review for you.
First I would like to say is that your poem really goes together and makes everything feel like it was going to be there one way or another.
Second I really like that it flow's and it makes things feel like you are there and that you could go to bigger than now.
Third I would have to say is that you made everything go together like when you said
"'Just like viewing a picture
With the shadows in the borders,
In every second glance at her
I see all new kinds of horrors."' This was were I couldn't stop reading.
This was PusheenTheCat and thank you for the story for me to review keep writing and I hope to see you soon.
Thanks a bunch!!!
Morrigun,
This poem was really beautiful.
I really appreciate poems that rhyme, because poems that don't, don't really go with the flow for me.
I love how you described the change that our 'angel' has been through with the help of a mirror.
The fact that I cannot find a single flaw in the poem( grammatical) is a big up-vote. People don't realize how not punctuating poems kills the poem.
Keep up the good work.
Cheers!
Alex Blackwell
THank you for your review! :3