Silence speaks:
my sisters gracefully swept along the corridors, their exquisiteness blinding me as they sat down beside their looms and spinning wheels.
Adina, Bronwen and Rhiannon they were named and suited them perfectly.
A man with deep love for them had named them such which was the most probable reason i was named Silence.
Our father, Chrys, had died before i was born and his tight virtuous brother had ended up caring for Mother, Addi, Bronni,Rhia and the unborn child,me.
He named me Silence and to this day i am.
"Silence" called Bronwen smiling and beckoning with one slim,white finger.
"Yes?" I answered quietly.
"can you hurry down to the kitchens and see if they can bring me some things for Mother? Shes not well again"
i nodded and swept out the door ever obedient, not knowing what the consequences for running such a simple errand would be. What i would hear in the kitchens would change my life
Part one
THE SHUTTLE FLIES
Chapter one
Rhys Betrayal
Silence crept down the stairs her soft shoes never making a sound on the cold, stone, floor.
She approached the kitchen door and was about to push open the heavy oaken door when she heard the loud voice of her uncle Rhys.
"We must be rid of her soon" he was saying "tonight Silence O'Seinn must die"
Silence reeled back as if she had been slapped but, instead of running away she crept closer to the tiny crack between the wall and the door, curiosity overwhelming her.
"Why? Why must such a wee and bonny lassie be murdered? My Lord, I am a trained assassin, Why hire me? Why not just poison the poor wee barin ye'self?" asked the other voice, the voice of the assassin.
"The lass has great power, she must not see her thirteenth birthday. The way of life as we ken it will change, The Shrouded Gods will reclaim their power and our great king,Faren the 5th will fall"
Silence turned now and ran, up the staircases and into her mothers boudoir. She threw herself at the feet of her mother, "Mama! Mama! Uncle Rhys he says...He has... by tomorrow...", She babbled hysterically.
Her mother paled "What has happened my pet?" she asked grasping her daughters hand.
Silence drew a deep breath, "Uncle Rhys, I dinna ken what he was talking about but" she paused and looked up. Her mother was biting her lip tears caressing her pale wan cheek.
"He plans to kill me"
Her mother didn't even blink.
"I kenned this would happen! That, that stupid bastard would discover my secret!"
Her Mother wailed, and grasped Silence's wrists tighter.
"My pet it is no' safe for you here any longer! you must make a journey to my sister, Your Aunty Caroline (NMC)
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Wow this is good. Continue it please. (PM me when you have)
Interesting style... but yes, it was too short. Never-the-less the next part should be good.
The chapter was much too short. The prologue was of appropriate length, but... I don't like prologues. Perhaps if you combined the two it would be better?
Yeah, it's good, very mysterious (but I'm not going to vote) and yes, you need to check over your grammer. I'll give you some of the grammer mistakes I spotted...
You need a capital for the fist "my".
Space between "Adina" and "Bronwen". Also, put a comma between "named" and "and it suited them perfectly"
There's more, they're easy enough to find, so I'll leave it to you. (but did you just press enter at the end of practiacally every sentence? You need proper paragraphs)
This wasn't bad. But I can't tell a lot from such a short snippet. I think you need to check over the grammar, that was the main problem, and affected your overall communicating of the plot.
Cool! I like it! No, really, I do!!!
I hope you continue it soon!!!
PS Is there such a word as exquisiteness?