Young Writers Society

Hey! Forever here with a review!!

Okay first of all, I would really like to jump into a few specifics and then I will go to my overall interpretation.

He answered in a very sweet tone of voice, man, I'll get diabetes if he keeps smiling at me like this.

Oh well, I didn't really understand why the word 'diabetes' was used. Like if it was used to indicate how sweet Ciel were or something, I think you could use some alternative.

The answer relies on how I decide, how I manage each and every situation and how I heal the hole that you had left inside of me, the hole that ate me alive, the day I mourned your death.

I noticed this in the prologue too but undoubtedly forgot to mention. You are switching from he to you. I would suggest you to stick to he or him as it has been used in most of the story.

Yeah, I was never lonely with him around and yeah, he became something close to an older brother or dad to me but sometimes his teasing was so annoying.

You repeated this oldee brother thing earlier so I think you don't really have to say that again.

Also I would like to mention that the idea of the sun and the sparkling ocean has beem used quite a number of times. I do understand that those are meant to emphasize on those ideas and Ciel's beauty but at the same time, as a reader I personally don't think that repetition is being very encouraging. It can basically make the reader skip paragraphs and in turn skip things whixh are actually very important foe the development of the story itself. You definitely don't want that to happen, do you?

The fire, that inextinguishable flame hidden deep within his soul erupted in his eyes as the red of the setting sun erupted and covered the sky in an explosive manner, engulfing it as one, time stood still as we stayed young forever…

That was a really good expression!

Plot

What I find really interesting about the plot is it's continuity. Like I did not read the previous two chapters and yet can connect very well with whatever is happening in this chapter. You managed to maintain a good continuity since the very start of the book. So seems like Michael was reborn as a baby and then has grown up throughout the years. I didn't expect that but well, not bad. From what I understand, this is the first encounter of Ciel and Michael in their second life. I am still not satisfied with this relife as from what we see here, it's basically being the reliving of a lot of people besides Michael. Anyway, not much happening in this particular chapter but well, I really liked how quickly they became friends with each other. I would like to know one thing. How is it that Ciel and Michael did not know each other? Like they belong to the very same class and they don't know each other. It appears a bit strange to me.

Characters

In this chapter, we actually get a good insight into both Ciel and his mother's character. I don't think a lot happened or changed to Michael's character. They are just like I thought them to be. So nothing new in that aspect. Talking about Ciel, he actually seems to be a genial and friendly person. Till now, I don't think he was understood even a bit of whay is happening between him and Michael. I hope he will understand it soon. However at the same time, I hope that events will not take a turn in the negative after he understands it. For the development of the friendship, I have to give the credit to the teacher. If it were not for the teacher, I don't know how that would have happened. Now we go to Ciel's mom. She has the personality of a strict but careful mom. Haha, they managed to fool her by giving excuses. Oh wait, I forgot about the gatekeeper. Hm... I don't have the slightest idea about what the gatekeeper is doing here but yeah, the gatekeeper is definitely being a support to Michael which I think is quite good because there maybe times when Michael might feel lonely. If I am not very much mistaken, is the gatekeeper there to ensure that Michael doesn't mess things up? Perhaps... Not sure about this.

Description and setting

I would have loved if you had described Ciel's room a bit more. I remember you mentioned a teddy once but I couldn't visualize the whole room in its entirety. So I guess more descriptions will help. I do understand the fact that Michael was way too absorbed in Ciel so it's probable that they might not have noticed things. However, still you have to include descriptions for keeping your readers engaged. Talking about the positive aspect, I think i really liked how you described the deers. That was really an interesting description there.

All in all, I think this was an interesting chapter. You need to work a bit on giving descriptions in suitable places and removing over repetitiveness. That's all.

Keep Writing!!

~Forever

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: OKayy well this one was an interesting chapter. So much goes on there to the point I don't know if I could even really summarize it all in one bit. I will say that overall it does work as a pretty good follow up to that second chapter but it does have quite a few more issues than the other two chapters did.

Anyway let's get right to it,

"Sorry, ma'am! I got lost in the hallway!"

Ciel!

After 7 years, we finally meet again. I was so happy that I felt small tears dwell in my

eyes as my stiff expression softened up a lot. The warm tears dwelling in my eyes covered my vision, blurring it in the process. The water connected itself to the retinas of my eyes, slowly growing and forming a hot tear, bound to run down my face. I wiped my eyes in a quick swift motion, making sure no one saw me tear up at the sight of Ciel.

Oooh this is a beautiful moment here. With all the backstory we've seen and that horror that ended up happening in the second chapter, for Michael to have another chance there and this time for it to not be just this fleeting moment of teasing but actually be something that appears much more tangible is a lovely moment although its interesting to see what the world has in store for them this time.

Ciel looked so beautiful. His skin was as smooth as a pearl hidden deep within the ocean, for it looked like white silk and it was as soft and white as freshly fallen snow, complimenting soft looks. His dark hair had a blue tint, those blue strands highlighted those ocean-blue eyes that I loved to admire and get lost in. Even now, nothing could outshine that spark in his eyes, that lively spark, a fire so bright, nothing could ever extinguish it. An inextinguishable flame, a flame so bright and outshining; I could get lost in those eyes, lost in a paradise I wished to stare into forever. The sky aligned beautifully with his eyes, a beautiful symphony, a fight outshining everything around them. The sun rays that shone into them made them sparkle even brighter, it was unbelievable how they resembled both the ocean and the night sky, the starry night sky I stared at for so long that day, the day I died.

The sun rays entering Ciel's pupil lit up the blue in his eyes, a blue as deep and mysterious as the ocean could get, making them look like a beautiful turquoise-bluish ocean. An ocean so deep, deep enough to hide all sorts of trauma or pain and bury that exact pain deep within its beauty. The beauty his eyes carried around was always distraught with pain and agony, every time Ciel cried, I felt a small piece of my heart crumble and break. Every time he cried, his gorgeous eyes dulled, the duller they looked, the more it shattered my heart. Seeing tears, tears as clear and innocent as a crystal, run down his cheeks, slowly falling to the ground where they were bound to shatter, staining his cheeks on their way to fulfill their destiny, felt as if my heart had been stabbed and torn apart into a million pieces.

Hmm that description goes on for kind of a while. One one hand I'm not exactly against it because of just how very clearly important Ciel is to everything that's going on here and this person in general. It makes sense that we'd have an infatuation of this magnitude but at the same time I feel like this moment does drag on for a tiny bit too long there for us as readers but we don't quite share the same sentiment as the author and feels like a bit too much of a break in the pacing.

Thinking back now, I made those beautiful eyes shed a million tears, a million tears too much, a million tears I could have prevented. Back then, I knew his father had died recently, so I used to pick on him. I used to tease him with this knowledge, hurting and becoming the only reason those tears had left his eyes…I was a horrible person, I was so horrendously broken, broken to the wish for everyone else around me to be just as broken as me, for everyone who had any spark of happiness within them to feel the same pain as me, for everyone's happiness to die down. Just like that, I made the most beautiful eyes shed the most tears; such cruelty is not what he had deserved. If I had just been less of a coward and if I had just admitted to my feelings and stopped being a complete douchebag, I could have changed the outcome even sooner. I could have lived a more fulfilled life by fulfilling the life of others around me, instead of tyrannizing their lives and destroying the happiness of others. Thinking back, that would have been a drastic change in my life, it would have resulted in drastic changes in my story and way of life, a change well needed.

"That's fine, now, why don't you sit down beside… Michael!"

Oh wow well that revealed so so much more than I thought it was going to and well this backstory truly is a powerful one here and suddenly everything that we saw from the earlier moment in that void make a ton more sense and come across much more painful. This second chance really is proving to be something else entirely here.

She pointed at me, underlining her suggestion with a friendly wave in my direction. Ciel stepped closer to her and looked at me. The second our eyes met, I felt my heart skip a beat. I felt the heat rush into my face as those sparkly eyes filled with life and warmth met my dull, lifeless ones. The sparkly ocean had finally met its opposite, the dull gray desert filled with emptiness and hollowness. My heartbeat fastened, pounding as if it was going to jump out of my chest.

In those 7 years that have passed, I have never felt this way for anyone except for you. The pounding feeling in my chest reminded me of that day 7 years ago, the day I lost you, the day I missed my chance to see you again. Maybe the universe is repaying me for being good by sending you to sit beside me, this small significant gesture was enough to enlighten my day.

This time I think you're paragraphs surrounding the description are much better sized. They end up matching a lot better and the moment really comes across powerfully instead of feeling like it dragged on a bit too long. I think the first set of paragraphs like this could benefit from being of a similar length to this one.

A very heavy feeling suffocated my chest, it felt as if my heart had sunk down, deep within my own thoughts, as much as this gesture had enlightened me and had filled me with joy, it had also put a heavy weight to carry on my shoulders, the weight of responsibility and desire, this weight was pressuring me once again. My desire for Ciel grew every day, every day I longed for him more, every day I wanted him more, every day my love for him grew. This was a given chance to build a relationship with Ciel, I have to use this chance in order to be with him. The pounding of my heart was all I could hear as Ciel approached the desk beside me, my muscles tensed up as he sat down, my eyes followed his every movement. His every movement was made up of grace and beauty, mesmerizing me and pulling my center of attention back to Ciel's beautiful eyes, eyes as admirable as the ocean, a sparkling sensation.

'Michael, stop staring at him!'

Well I feel like someone had to say that unfortunately. As sweet as this moment is for Michael to finally feel like everything he's pulled off here to be worth it at least, it probably isn't the wisest idea for him to just continuing openly staring at Ciel quite like that because of just how long that has been going on there.

The gatekeeper's scolding brought me back to reality and made me snap out of this mesmerizing trace I was trapped in. Only then, did I come to notice that I was staring at Ciel, leaning my head in my hand. I must have looked hilariously idiotic!

'Thanks for snapping me out of this…'

'You're welcome. But seriously, get a hold of yourself. What's next? You'll get a boner staring at him?'

The heat rushed into my face as I quickly looked back to the teacher who had been talking for quite a while. I hadn't paid any mind to her until now, so I had no idea what was going on or what she had been talking about. I shook my head slightly and tried to shake off those lewd thoughts rushing through my mind, how dirty of me! How could I think about Ciel in such a sexually attractive manner! Get your shit together, Michael!

Well that one really hit some interesting points there. It looks like the gatekeeper is really settling into the whole idea of some gentle ribbing coming across there and its an interesting bit of duality because while it is a hilarious addition to everything this story doesn't always really vibe too terribly will with that sort of secondary character given how impactful some of these moments are meant to be. Could just be my personal preference coming out there.

I mentally slapped myself, blushing at my own thoughts. I quietly cleared my throat and put my focus back on the teacher, hoping no one noticed my small outburst of emotion.

No matter how hard I tried to maintain my composure, my mind kept drifting off to Ciel, he had captured me once again, he put me in a trace, a trace so mesmerizing that it was hard to snap out of it or ignore its call. Its call to embrace me, to cradle me, to trap me deep within my own self. Even before I knew it, it had already cradled me in its own world once again, engulfing me in its beauty and grace. A beautiful harmony mirrored itself in Ciel's eyes, those eyes, I could stare at them for eternity, a beautiful symphony, a mesmerizing sensation of a gracefully shaped being, a being worthy of owning the heavens.

"Now, let's get into groups of two for your first project!"

Groups of two? What for?

Oh well it looks like Michael really is getting all of the opportunities handed to him here with Ciel being assigned to sit with him and now clearing getting a chance to work on something together. Well for once it seems everything is aligning properly for Michael although I am now very paranoid to see quite how hard this is all going to come crashing down because things simply do not just get this good in a story without there being some sort of catch.

I snapped back to reality and looked around to see everyone starting to pair up, leaving me alone, at least I thought I was left behind. As I felt a gentle tuck on my shirt from the left, I turned around to face the one who had tugged on it and saw Ciel. It was Ciel who tugged on my shirt!!!

"Hi, my name is Ciel, wanna partner up?"

I blushed at the gentle smile he beamed at me, a smile so bright that it could light up my whole world, his smile outshines the sun, no, all the stars in the whole universe. A bright smile covering both my cheeks occurred on my face, no matter how violently I tried to shut it down, I couldn't. My heart was beating violently, pounding, jumping up and down in my chest, spreading warmth throughout it and slowly bringing the blood in my face to a boil. I composed myself as much as I possibly could before answering:

Well this is really showcasing quite how infatuated Michael happens to be here. It seems every time Michael is brought back to reality for a brief moment he ends up just sinking straight back into worser and worser moment of just staring and studying the beauty of his former lover there.

"Hello Ciel, I'm Michael, sure!"

His smile suddenly brightened, even more, now I seriously need sunglasses before my eyes start to melt away, looking at his stunning smile and sparkling eyes. A smile able to light up the whole world, eyes that outshine everything around them, stunning them and trapping them in their beauty, a body shaped gracefully to fit the beauty his eyes resembled, what more could be wished for?

"Did everyone find a partner?"

The teacher's voice echoed through the room, the room quieted down and we all nodded in unison, turning to face her, she then clapped her hands together, smiling. Misses Petersen then proceeded in announcing our task as a duo:

Well let's see where this is going to go here. It does look like this partnership has in fact started here and as long as Michael somehow manages to figure out how not to stare at Ciel every five second, things really will be kicking off quite nicely here. Hopefully we get to see wholesomeness for at least a little bit longer through this.

"Now that everyone has found a partner, I want you guys to design a poster together that will introduce yourselves in front of the class by tomorrow. You are free to leave."

After she was done with her announcement, she smiled, tilting her head to the right, and turned around, facing her back towards us as she wrote down our assignment on the blackboard in front of us. The chalk hitting the board made an uncomfortable noise to which I slightly flinched a little, the inharmonious screech of an overused chalk stick hitting a blackboard was unpleasant to the ear.

'Huh Romeo, you finally got your chance to shine, isn't that so?'

'You again, jeez, you gave me a heart attack.'

Well it seems the gatekeeper there is also a little happy there in terms of it all managing to happen here. ALthough the gatekeeper sticking around for quite this long is bring some flashbacks to that void moment here, this exact combination taking place last time really did not end up well for poor Michael.

I rolled my eyes at the gatekeeper's teasing and heaved a sigh. A chance to shine, huh? That's not the case, this is only to "get to know each other", to make new acquaintances, it's not a date, or is it?.

'It's not a date, so stop being a tease, Ezathriel.'

The gatekeeper's name was Ezathriel before he died, he told me that 7 years ago after that black void incident. It seems that supernatural powers reign over us humans like we are nothing but roaches, no matter where, there is no escape, the gods of both worlds reign over this, they watch us, judge us, and rate us. They rate us to determine who gets into heaven and hell, they also determine who will be stuck in between the void, bound to shatter and break there, a horrendous fate that one has to suffer once they are stuck in between the void. A fate I nearly suffered 7 years ago. I was lucky to have been saved by Ciel…

Okay this is an interesting little conundrum you've created there. I love that we've got some information about the mysterious gatekeeper and we see something that ends up ironically enough humanizing him a lot more but this just doesn't feel like quite the right moment and realizing that this information was discovered in the scene earlier makes me wish we saw it in that moment rather than it being narrated back to us here.

Thinking back, it is questionable if he had saved me or not, what Ciel has said, all those words that escaped his mouth weren't exactly that encouraging to save me, no, they were said to hurt me and push me deeper into that realm of pure despair and darkness, a realm where there was no light, no sky, nothing I envied. A realm, a world with no escape, a world without Ciel, a world unworthy of living in.

I heaved another sigh, as these thoughts ran through my mind, hoping that Ciel had no memories of our former life.

Well that's an interesting thing to bring up there towards the end. I love how much tension that immediately drops on the whole scene as we know that those memories certainly will lead to hatred and derail everything that's going on with this one.

"So, whose house are we going to?"

"Let's go to mine if you don't mind!"

He answered in a very sweet tone of voice, man, I'll get diabetes if he keeps smiling at me like this. His smile lit up the sky, outshining every other being in this world, nothing could ever compete with how beautiful he is.

'Man, he sure is sweet, you got a decent taste, I'll admit to that, Michael.'

Did he just-

How dare he drool over my Ciel! Ciel's mine!

Well that escalated in a direction I really wasn't expecting to see there wow. And we also just have yet another paragraph of this. I feel like you might want to look in cutting that down just a little bit because at this point we have absolutely got the point about how infatuated Michael happens to be and as realistic as it is for Michael to continue to daydream in the context of a story it gets a bit too repetitive.

'He is, so stay away, you old creep.'

I clenched my fist into tight balls as Ezathriel chuckled at my silly childish behavior, I forced a smile, standing in front of Ciel with gritted teeth.

'I said he was cute, I didn't say he is my type or that I like him, you dumbass'

My tense muscles relieved their tension as I felt the heat rush into my face. Have I gone mad?! Barking at Ezathriel just like this?! This wasn't like me at all, especially after considering the fact that Ciel isn't even officially mine, no, he was never mine and I was never his…

The thought of the past, saddened me again, my smile was about to drop when Ciel spoke up again:

Well another little emotional rollercoaster there I suppose. I like that we are getting acknowledgments when Michael here goes a little bit too far in the appreciation department for this situation so that we do have it grounded in the fact that Michael sort of obsession here does go a bit too far sometimes.

"My mom said she'd come to pick us up!"

I smiled at him and nodded to acknowledge his offer. He suddenly started pulling me outside, I tripped at the sudden force of being pulled on my left arm. Ciel slid the doors in our way open and rushed outside, pulling me along. His grip was gentle and his hands felt warm, just as warm as his smile looked.

"Come on! Go faster, you slowpoke!"

He turned around to face me, smiling and laughing. A smirk crept its way on my face as his soft laugh echoed in my ears, ringing and sending shivers down my spine. The harmonious sound of his laugh made my muscles tense, a symphony of the heavens. A heavenly tune, a tune as pleasing to the ear as the singing of birds in the early morning, a harmony not to be distraught.

Ahhh well this is a beautiful little moment where they are properly acting their age and we're seeing just that wholesome childhood friendship although it does unfortunately look like that's just going to end up drawing out another long paragraph of appreciation from Michael there.

My mouth widened and opened itself, forming a wide cheeky smile, covering my whole face. Oh, how I've missed this melody, how badly I missed his laughter, how the feeling of inner peace and fulfillment spread throughout my body every time I heard his laugh. Tears welled in my eyes, dreading to fall and shatter on the ground, staining my face with painfully burning marks, leaving traces of pain, the pain I carried around with me since the day I had lost him…

He dragged me to the parking lot where his mother had been waiting for us. She was sitting in her car, reading a book. The second she saw us, she closed the book, turned around, and opened the car doors for us, stepping out of the car.

Ciel stopped in his tracks and greeted his mother:

Well this is going pretty well so far. Barring the Michael appreciation paragraphs we're seeing these two able to actually enjoying being kids here and things proceeding along surprisingly quite well here. Its especially powerful when its combined with all of the tension from earlier just hanging over our heads now all deadly and threatening to break out.

"Hi Mom, thanks for picking us up!"

"Hello Mrs. Dujardin, it's a pleasure to meet you."

I said, bowing my head to her in respect. Even though she didn't know me, at least not in this life, I tried to look as moderate and well-behaved as possible, so she'd let me be around her son as a "good influence". I remembered quite vividly how Ciel's mother had gotten obsessed with good manners since her husband's death. To me, even now, it has been a miracle how her husband's death has influenced her desire to have a well-raised son. Sometimes it is best not to question things too far.

As I recalled some memories of Ciel in his former life, I realized that his mother had succeeded in raising a very gentle, well-behaved boy. Ciel was gentle in every aspect, even now he could never hurt a fly, his innocence is a dually bladed sword, it is both a blessing and a curse. A weapon so mighty and powerful, a blessing so fulfilling and tranquilizing, no bad side could be seen in this tranquility, in this work of art. If you dared to stare deeper into this blessing, you saw a curse, a curse as brutal and harsh as a work of hell could be. A prison as inescapable for a mere human as for a bird trapped inside a cage, a prison of a life sentence, a prison with no entry nor escape route. A one-way ticket to being a bird, a bird trapped in a metal cage.

Well this is quite an interesting paragraph there for us to stop at. It appears that Ciel's parents ended up being a very complex situation there and even though Michael probably through being too naive and abused to understand what's happening chose to use this in a horrible now Michael understands far more about the values that actually end up driving this family.

"Ah hello… eh…"

"Michael, my name is Michael, ma'am."

I said, looking back up, smiling at her sincerely. In order to stay by Ciel's side, I have to earn her trust, her trust is the basis for building a relationship with Ciel, the base for twisting our stories around, a ticket to the only heaven I desire, a ticket to be his forever. There's only one heaven I desire, a heaven far beyond one's imagination, far beyond one's beautiful temptation. The only heaven I desire is to be with him, to hold him, to kiss him, and to call him mine, mine forever but am I worthy of entering the heaven I desire? No, the real question is, will I ever be worthy of calling him mine, embracing him, kissing him and holding him? The answer to that seems to be written in the stars, no, in my actions, in my influence on our story. The answer relies on how I decide, how I manage each and every situation and how I heal the hole that you had left inside of me, the hole that ate me alive, the day I mourned your death.

Well that's quite a dive to take there. It starts with the simple idea of how Michael does in fact this time have to be good to this whole family, understand then and learn to earn their respect and trust but we get yet more of a peek at the horrors that took placer in that past life and I for am all for it because it really telling us quite a bit.

Even now to this day, I am still mourning his death because the Ciel I once thought I knew is standing in front of me as a different being, no, as a whole different person, a person that I don't recognize, a person out of my reach.

"Ah, what a nice name, I'm happy you and Ciel became friends so fast. Let's go now, so you two have more time to hang out with each other and work on your little project!"

I nodded in agreement as she slid the car doors open, motioning for us to sit down inside. We did as she had asked us to do and she drove off, steering her way through the enormous traffic, safely guiding us to Ciel's home.

Well that opening moment with the family appears to have gone fairly smoothly there. It seems for the moment Michael attempts to do better are paying off and things are actually going alone as well as he hopes they would although once again the deeper this goes, the more this feels like a nice long setup to a horrifying reveal to come towards the end of the chapter.

After we had arrived, we entered the house, taking our shoes off at the entrance and hanging our school uniform coats into the wardrobe in the entrance area.

After I was done hanging my stuff away, making sure to be clean and precise as Ciel's mother's eyes started ripping holes into my back, if stares could actually rip apart atoms that are attracted to each other, successfully creating a hole, a portal to the void, I would have been bound to suffocate in despair, bound to lose myself in the process, bound to fall into a deep slumber of nothing but emptiness and hollowness. Her stares sent shivers down my back, successfully tensing my muscles, my muscles clenched together as Mrs. Dujardin examined me from behind, giving me the chills and immobilizing me with her glare.

Oooh well that's an interesting one. Given how things started, you though the mom was actually pretty friendly but perhaps either simply through this person's own mind these things are being brought out a lot more powerfully and Michael appears to be physically affected quite strongly from all of this.

I suddenly felt Ciel's gently grip on my arm, he tugged on it and asked with a concerned look in his eyes:

"Are you okay, Michael?"

"Yes, of course, I am! I was just stunned at how well organized your house is!"

I answered, scanning the room with my eyes, making sure my answer pleased Mrs. Dujardin, I felt her gaze leaving my back, as I sighed in relief, my answer had really pleased her expectations. My tense muscles started to relax again, as that sigh of relief had left my mouth, it was such a pleasing feeling that spread throughout my body, such a great relief that it was tensing once again, tension after relief.

Well this is good...it seems Ciel is already quite concerned, although it does seem like Ciel just happens to be a really good person who looks out for people by default more than being concerned for Michael especially. At least it looks like Michael managed to escape the first sort of test I guess when it came to how Ciel's mom would act there.

"Let's go to my room then!"

There it was again, Ciel's smile, a smile as bright as the sun could, no, brighter than the sun could ever shine, a smile that was able to outshine the sun, an incompatible opponent. His smile could always melt me within seconds, my knees felt weak and wobbly as his smile beamed wide across his face, covering his cheeks and giving him a very childlike look.

'Try not fainting on the spot, Romeo.'

I mentally rolled my eyes at Ezathriel's comment, he was obviously searching for opportunities to tease me like always. In those 12 years that he kept an eye on me, he had always used every opportunity to crack jokes or try to tease me, making me blush or feel a little embarrassed. I should rather call it 7 years, as I had only known he had kept an eye on me when I was 5.

Well now this time these jokes actually do complement the whole thing a lot better and they do in fact actually work towards being these Michael appreciation paragraphs a little bit more palatable at this stage and that I think is a good plus there because these paragraphs are realistic even if they can get boring.

If I'm being honest, the more he teased me, the more he joked around with me, the more he felt like an older brother to me.

'Ah shut it, you old man!'

I smiled a little, as the easiness that Ezathriel's teasing gave me spread throughout my body, tingling on my cheeks a little. Having him tease me in uneasy situations became a tradition between the two of us. Ezathriel isn't someone to openly show affection to others, but no matter what, he does care, he cares a lot actually, everytime when things get uneasy, he is there for me and helps me overcome my doubts. He is like an older brother or father to me. At first it was really awkward for me as I had never had someone look after me like that, but now, I don't think I could live without him doing that for me. Sounds cheesy but I'm only telling the truth.

Hmm well this is a good little tangent of thoughts. Good to see our good ol' gatekeeper get a bit more of a mention and an acknowledgement for everything that he has in fact done for Michael here. it doesn't really get appreciated nearly enough in the midst of everything else that's happening.

As I started losing myself in my own thoughts again, Ciel had already grabbed my arm, dragging me to his room. So adorable, I never imagined I'd be able to see him smile at me and interact with me like this. Even if his gesture was small and insignificant to most, to me it opened up a whole new world, a world of inner peace and fulfillment. A world so desirable, a world I would be stuck in, a world I loved, loved more than I could ever love myself.

After we had entered Ciel's room, I came to realize that there was a lot that I wasn't aware of, there was a lot I didn't know about him. I came to realize that this was my first time actually stepping inside his room, I never really saw the inside of it, I only ever saw light burning late at night.

Oooh this is an interesting detail to drop on us there. It seems that first meeting in the previous life really went significantly much worse there if somehow Michael never even managed to make it to this room. I suppose the paranoia from earlier gets a bit more of justification through a moment like this.

"So, Misses Petersen said we needed to do a partner project where we introduce ourselves to the class. What do you wanna do?"

Ciel sat in front of me on the soft furry carpet laying beneath us, covering the whole floor, making the room feel fuzzy and warmer. The atmosphere my surroundings emitted felt warm and cozy, nearly as if it reflected Ciel's personality and emitted a similar feeling in a similar way as Ciel did. The feeling of comfort, a lover's comfort, spread throughout my body, putting me at ease, easing the tension in my body, and relaxing my mind. Feeling such easiness made me feel quite lightheaded, as if my head was in the clouds, as if the heaven I desire slowly came down upon me, rewarding me by sorrowfully bringing me to the paradise I desire. A paradise so beautiful that one would never desire to ever leave, a paradise so desirable, a paradise so beautiful, able to outshine one's imagination, a beauty beyond what's rewarded to a mere human, beyond the insignificance of a mere human like me. Did a mere human like me even deserve to experience such paradise? No. The answer is no, no such being as me is worthy of such a paradise, only a harmonious gorgeous being, a being resembling inner peace and harmony, a being like Ciel, is worthy of such heaven.

Oh kay...well this is one really is far too long of a paragraph. Even if it wasn't just a repeat of everything we've already so far its just too chunky to chunk in there and it fully breaks the entire flow there. I get that in some sense the flow is meant to break there as Michael drifts out of the scene he's in to some degree but its really just excessive at this point and it actively is making this harder to read.

As these thoughts crossed my mind, I stared at Ciel's ocean eyes, his pinkish soft lips, his snow-white skin, his whole being was enough to mesmerize me, his love, his affection, him being mine was enough to reward me, to bring me into a deep slumber, a slumber so pleasing, it equaled to the eternal life of the heavens. An eternity of joy and comfort, an eternity I long for so deeply. The longing to spend this eternity with Ciel was a spark, the spark I needed for going through with my goal, the spark giving me strength and determination.

That being followed by yet another paragraph does not help matters either. Perhaps if it was just this paragraph it could somewhat be excused in the grand scheme of things but that combination of paragraph really sinks things a little in this moment.

"I'd say we should discuss what we like first and then do the poster accordingly!"

He nodded at my suggestion. This suggestion of mine wasn't only said because I wanted to act normal but also out of pure curiosity, pure curiosity about what has changed since our past life and if anything had changed at all. Our story had already differed from before as we had only met now, in middle school.

Ciel smiled, tilting his head a little bit, his smile as warm as it had looked, hid sadness and sorrow deep within itself, divided in harmony, harmony between joy and sorrow, brightness and darkness, the balance of the universe, the balance that keeps everything intact, the balance being resembled by Ciel's nature. A symphony I admired so deeply, a symphony engulfing me in its charm, tempting me to give it my all, tempting me to sacrifice everything including myself to achieve that harmony. The temptation to make him mine, to mark him as mine grew the more I stared at him, at the ideal I envied so badly, at the heaven I desire, at the paradise I long for.

Hmm well this is getting mildly creepy now though I have to say. I don't know if maybe this infatuation is actually meant to come off as creepy because we have drawn some attention to the obsession but now while this whole innocent conversation is going on the fact that Ciel is actually still for all we know 12 and Michael is technically 32 does not help matters. It gets a bit uncomfortably close to being something else entirely and paints this whole scene in suddenly a very different light.

"Well, I like reading and writing books…it's not too boyish, I know…"

Ciel mumbled under his breath, avoiding eye contact with me by looking out of the window, he then lowered his gaze, preparing for the worst. I then gently cupped his face, making him stare into my eyes, unavoidably forced to look at me.

"You don't have to be boyish to be perfect, being unique doesn't make you weird."

Well that definitely heightens the creepiness again. Its a sweet thing to say, don't get me wrong but the forwardness there coupled with all the other thoughts just rub the wrong way a little because it does feel a bit like manipulation to have Michael using all the knowledge he has to just sort of almost convince Ciel to end up falling for him. Its a bit of a icky line to walk there and I just wanted to mention it.

…in your case, it makes you even more perfect than I could ever be, perfection on the level of godliness, the perfection of the heavens. To me, no matter what you like, you'll always be my favorite being in this world, a being so unreachable, a being so perfectly imperfect. You have always been perfect in your own way, Ciel.

You don't need to please anyone else other than yourself, Ciel, darling, oh, how I wish I could say those words out loud to you. I wish I could embrace you and hold you in my arms, so I can tell you how much I love and admire you. So I could show you how much you mean to me…

And then this whole thing devolves into more of these paragraphs and that's just not helping matters here. I've said this too often now but again this is just a little too much and if you really want to go ahead with this reclaiming love situation you'll have to be a lot more delicate than this to avoid the trap of being very creepy.

"You think so?"

He asked, slowly looking back up from the ground, making our eyes meet. I smiled at him, suppressing the blush rising into my face, trying my best not to show how flustered I was at how shy Ciel acted. His shy antics slowly made the heat rise in my face as my cheeks visibly reddened from second to second. Being able to make me flush red like this is a skill only Ciel mastered, a skill only Ciel will ever be able to maintain.

"Yes, I sure do!"

Well this moment is at least a little bit better there. Slightly more toned down and feels a bit better. Perhaps if some of the rest could also match this more or maybe just cut out to some extent, this might come across with a different message. This is assuming that's what you want to do of course. If you were going for the creepiness you are absolutely nailing it here.

He then beamed that bright smile of his at me, blinding my hollow being in his inextinguishable flame, in his brightness, he had engulfed my dark soul deep within his bright flame, a flame consisting of hope, joy, warmth, and a fulfilling aura only Ciel was able to emit, a flame so hellishly strong and heavenly beautiful, a flame incomparable to any other being, to any other source of hope in this world, a flame outshining our dull world, my dull world. I subconsciously tilted my head and tried to equal the warmth his smile had emitted by smiling at him as brightly as my dull, dead soul allowed me to. Trying to match Ciel's flame was an impossible task I was willing to take on, an unbeatable match, a fight with already determined roles, one winner and millions, no, trillions of losers. I was bound to be one of those losers, an ordinary human with no specialties of worth as a person to society, but if being a loser means making Ciel a winner, an extraordinary human, a human desired by everyone else, a person to never be outshone by anyone else, I am willing to lower my worth and stay down low in the shadows, in the shadows of Ciel, an unreachable person worthy of the heaven's admiration.

"What about you?"

"Pardon me?"

Well I've honestly come to a point where I just don't want to read these paragraphs anymore. They're just saying the exact same things over and over again at this point and I think you really need to rethink that a little. Again could just be me, but I'm having trouble making my way through this section now, something I didn't see at all in the previous two chapters.

I blurted out at Ciel's unclear question, he just chuckled, covering his mouth with his slim small hand. Ciel's hands had always been small in comparison to mine, I could engulf his in mine any time I wanted to with my big hands, even his hands resembled how fragile he was, a fragile being, a being as fragile as thin eyes but as beautiful as all four seasons could be combined.

I wanted to remove his hand from his mouth so I could see him smile, so I could stare at his beautiful smile, listening to the sweet melody that symbolizes his laugh in deep admiration and affection towards him. The urge within me raged beyond my composure as I slowly extended my arm, ready to gently grab his wrist and pull it down, so I could admire his gorgeous smile better. Before I could get a hold of him, he had already opened his squinted eyes again and laughed under his breath, making me pull my hand back, hoping he didn't notice me extending my arm to grab his wrist:

Well this is definitely now proceeding that darker path once again. I think you really do need to think a couple of times on exactly how you want some of these moments to come across. Its a delightly terrifying mix of cute and creepy at the moment.

"What you like of course, you dummy!"

His laugh intensified as the blush rushed in my face, giving me a shy flustered facial expression that I tried to hide by looking away and nervously chuckling, the air tensed as soon as I did so, suffocating me again. Getting suffocated in Ciel's charm wasn't too bad of a fate, no, it wasn't bad at all. This fate has already been put upon me, inevitably engulfing me and offering to stand with me, to stand beside me and protect me, to create its own world, a world only I was allowed to enter, a world I desired to enter.

I cleared my throat, trying my best to relax my tense muscles and answered smiling at Ciel:

"Well, I like the ocean and sky, astronomics interests me as well!"

Well at least that moment was okay again. This is what's really causing me to wonder here because these moment do work okay enough that we can appreciate them properly, its just that these moments end up flanked by much worse ones.

…but I have a very strong, special liking towards you, Ciel. You're my sun, my source of light in this dull world. I don't actually like the real ocean, the only ocean I like is hidden within your eyes. The only sky I admire reflects itself in those ocean eyes of yours, those eyes I love more than I could ever love anything else in this world, those eyes blessed with beauty by the heavens. The only astronomies that wake my interest are the stars reflecting in your eyes, the reflection I saw that night, the reflection and beauty that made all my worries vanish and time stand still as you admired the falling stars that day, the day I fell in love with you.

Back then we both got detention for getting caught in a fight, we both snuck out and I was forced to bring you home. On our way, the sky had already significantly darkened, we both didn't dare look at one another, looking away from each other in awkward silence kept me distracted from my growing feelings for him and my throbbing heartbeat within my chest. Back then, I was clueless as to what had happened to me, I didn't quite understand why my heart rate always fastened around him, and I didn't understand what this warm feeling inside my chest indicated. I really was a dense idiot for hurting him, but things are different now. I'll atone to my sins by giving him all the love and affection he deserves.

Okay so this little pair of paragraphs is much better there. In that case we see that Michael is genuinely just reliving happy memories and simply trying to make up for all of them. That ends up coming across a lot more on the vein we started off in that just those long random moments of infatuation.

"Oooh, so you like sundowns and sunrises?"

I nodded at his question as I saw his eyes light up in excitement. His sparkly eyes and a cheeky smile hit me like a train, he looked so gorgeous. A wind breeze blew through the room from his open window, making a brown teddy bear fall to the ground, while Ciel's hair got blown into his face, covering his right eye as he smiled at me. The sun shone into his face, lighting up his show-white skin and gently engulfing his soft facial features.

The noise of the falling teddy echoed throughout the room as we both snapped out of our conversation and turned to face it. The teddy looked quite old, it was still in great condition but it had its small scars and imperfections, making it unique.

Oh well that was an interesting moment. The wind making a statement like that to interrupt them looks like we're about to head perhaps a deadly little cliffhanger here although I will say given how this has gone suddenly that tension doesn't feel nearly as unwelcome anymore somehow.

"Ah, sorry about that!"

Ciel apologized, picking that teddy up and putting it back on his shelf. As soon as he had turned around, his expression saddened and he lowered his gaze, sighing at the teddy heavily.

"Did your dad give you that teddy?"

I mumbled, staring at him from behind. Even from behind, did he look so fragile and perfect, his slim figure matched perfectly with his divine soft face, it looked as if the slightest wind breeze would already be enough to harm him.

Oh dear it feels like Michael may have slightly overstepped on that one. Ciel's attitude has manage to shift properly now and given the warnings earlier, it feels like something is going to come to a head here and not in a way that will end particularly well for Michael.

No matter what happens, I promise, he will be safe with me.

"Pardon me, what did you say?"

As Ciel had turned around to me, I felt my heart drop to the floor, bound to shatter and leave my body with no way of pulsating blood through my veins. It felt as if all sources of life had been ripped out of my body as my bloodstreams turned cold, lowering my body temperature and letting all sources of color drain from my face. The noises surrounding me quieted down as I felt a huge amount of blush and heat rise into my face, this was so embarrassing!

"I just said that the teddy looks quite cute."

Well it looks like Michael realized something wrong did actually happen there and try to fix it. Now I wonder how this well end up affecting this all. It seems like it was almost sort of a throwback how things started to get horrifying earlier and Michael's last ditch effort her might not work and possibly make things worse.

Thank god he misheard me before, I heaved a small sigh in relief as Ciel turned back around. That was a close call!

The blush that had rose into my face burned my skin as I cleared my throat and played with my collar, nervously fidgeting with it, trying to calm my pounding heart down.

'I was sure you're gonna get caught, Romeo. Don't give me a heart attack like that!'

'I felt my heart drop and my soul leave my body, Ezathriel. Give me a break.'

I then heard him chuckle at me again as my soul came back to me, slowly returning into my chest, slowing down my heart rate. Sometimes having Ezathriel comment on nearly everything I do isn't half bad, but only sometimes!

Well it looks like that bullet was actually successfully dodged. I didn't really expect to see that happen given how things were going along there. Well, well. Let's see what more is on offer here and if perhaps that ends up revealing a little more on the consequences of what could have happened and if perhaps somehow Ciel is simply choosing to hide some things here.

'Yo, Romeo.'

'What do you want?'

I rolled my eyes, leaning my head on my hand, sighing in annoyance. What did he want to tease me about now?!

As much as I liked his constant presence, I hated it as well. Yeah, I was never lonely with him around and yeah, he became something close to an older brother or dad to me but sometimes his teasing was so annoying. The urge to slap him or shut his mouth somehow was always there as well, just like his constant presence, one day, one day I will slap him across his face!

I was close to screaming at the top of my lungs as Ezathriel's voice echoed through my head again:

OKayy... that was an odd series of thoughts there. Its very odd to see Michael's appreciation of the gatekeeper turn so sour all of a sudden and get colored by decidedly darker thoughts that the happier moments that Michael was talking off earlier. That feels a bit too inconsistent or perhaps its a sign that Michael really is going downhill through this after all.

'Your shirt collar is unbuttoned.'

He deadpanned that information to me like that. I quickly fidgeted with my collar as an attempt to fix it again as I heard Ciel speak up again:

"Are you alright?"

"YES! I AM!"

I yelled out, blushing in embarrassment. Great. Now I yelled at him. Ciel froze as I looked down at my shirt, finally buttoning my collar again, still looking down in embarrassment. How could I look at him now?! I shouldn't have let my guard down that much! Goddamnit!

Well that definitely didn't end well at all. I have a feeling things aren't going to go particularly great with this moment here. So many close calls happening in such close proximity feel like they shouldn't be something Michael ends up getting away with so easily unless there is more to this Ciel than we are able to see in this moment.

Suddenly a beautiful melody echoed throughout the room. It was Ciel's laughter. My tense muscles slowly softened, letting all the tension within me vanish slowly. All I need to calm down is hearing his laugh, seeing his smile, heck, just being by his side was satisfying and calming enough for me. I heaved a sigh, letting the last bit of tension leave my body before smiling at Ciel, admiring his laugh in awe.

"The sun will go down soon, I know a perfect spot to watch that sundown! Wanna go and see it?"

Ciel suddenly scooted closer to me in a swift motion with sparkling eyes, eyes sparkler than any ocean could sparkle. The sun rays adding that magical spark in his eyes reflected the life and joy in Ciel's eyes. I promise no matter how bad things get, I will protect that spark with my life.

Okayy somehow that ended up doing more good than harm there and I have to say I am very surprised by that bit of information. It really feels like that shouldn't be happening like this and its now making me suspicious of Ciel. And if Ciel really is normal, I feel like this moment then comes across as a bit too unrealistically ideal for Michael there.

I backed away a little as our faces were only inches apart and smiled at him, trying to restrain the blush rushing into my face and calming my racing heart down. Now, on closer look, Ciel's clean skin, almond shaped big eyes, rosy lips and small sharp nose, his features in general shone down on me more, they outshone my mere presence, the mere presence of an ordinary human. No matter how gorgeous he looked, his eyes, they mesmerized me once again, putting me in a trace, a lock, a seal to my view. I couldn't take my eyes off of his, sharing such deep eye contact made my heart flutter. It fluttered in my chest, beating rapidly, screaming for me to kiss him, to make our lips engulf each other and eat each other whole, like predators fighting to eat each other as prey, one lion, the symbol of the sun, the top of the food chain, fighting against a wolf, a mere servant of the moon. Two opposites clashing to outshine and devour the other, I was his prey, he was my predator, a wild sensation I always dreamed about, a rough temptation trying to engulf me and chase me to madness, no, the real madness is hidden deep in his eyes. They were driving me insane, their beauty is driving me to insanity, they devoured my sanity deep within their beauty, leaving no trace of it behind.

"Sure!"

Well that's another one of those paragraphs that are hard to read again. As much as the repetition of this is all in character once again it really is a chore to read through at this point, especially in paragraphs of that particular size.

His smile grew over his cheeks as he jumped up and pulled on my wrist, dragging me out the door. If this continues, I might actually go insane. His touch, it tingled on my arm, making the hair on it stand straight while all my senses experienced a tempting sensation, a temptation like the touch by a god. The warmth Ciel's hand had emitted slowly spread throughout my body, bringing heat into my face and slowly engulfing my mind in its charm, sending my mind off to admire him for an never ending eternity.

We rushed downstairs to the front door, as soon as we approached the hallway between the kitchen and the front door, Mrs. Dujardin suddenly stood in front of us, frowning in dissatisfaction with our actions and asked with a sour expression:

"Where are the two of you going? Shouldn't you two work on your assignment?"

Ohhh well this one is an interesting little wrench in the works. I like that we do at least have this one bit of a grounding element happen there. Its a nice touch of normalcy around all of the circumstances that have upto now ended up being just a tiny bit too convenient there.

She crossed her arms in front of her, supporting her breasts as she tapped her foot on the floor indicating her displeasure with our actions, the tapping was all that was audible for the ears, the air tensed and we both awkwardly stared at the floor. The thick air surrounding us felt like a heavy weight trying to push us down, the way she glared at us sent shivers down my spine. She was indeed one heck of a woman, a very very scary one.

"We are working on it Ma, we want to go watch the sundown and take pictures for that assignment!"

Ciel smiled at her innocently, nearly sheepishly, and nudged my side with his elbow, signaling that he needs me to play along to make our lie look authentic, I immediately understood what he was on about and added.

Okayy...Ciel lying there to get to this sundown is certainly an interesting moment. We can see a bit of friendship already developing there and hopefully this doesn't actually end up breaking that trust Michael wants to form long before it can properly even begin to form.

"I have a pretty good cell phone camera, we were on our way to take a photo of the sundown as it's part of our assignment, ma'am."

Mrs. Dujardin looked like she took hold of the bite and nodded in acknowledgment, she then walked back into the kitchen to finish preparing dinner. Ciel and I silently heaved a sigh in relief of her believing us, before storming outside. Ciel led the way as I acted like I had no idea where we were going.

'Oooh, he's seriously leading you to that cliff!'

Okayyy well this an interesting moment. It seems at least we're somewhat headed to one of those treasured little memories there. That definitely has the potential to be quite exciting here although I am still a bit paranoid of what we might come to see here.

Ezathriel fangirled over us and made sure to specifically stress the word "that" to over exaggerate how "surprised" he was, I rolled my eyes at him and looked to my right. There I saw two deers running around together. One was white and the other was black. The black one's fur was a little blueish and shone brightly in the sun. It jumped around the white one in excitement, nearly as if it wanted to tease the white deer and get it to chase it. The white one had a majestic stature and looked quite calm in comparison to his companion, its fur reflected the rays hitting it in a gentle manner. They stared back at me before suddenly bowing their heads and seemingly kneeling down to me, no, they must be kneeling to Ciel not me. Either way, they looked so majestic and mesmerizing.

"Come on!' Hurry up or we'll miss the sundown!"

Ciel turned around, snapping me back to reality, I apologized while fastening my pace before looking back to where those two bowing deers stood.

Well this is definitely mixing with some interesting moments alongside this wholesome little run and the way it seems to be building to something really doesn't seem like things are going to just end with a quiet view of the sunset. Too much is being built up for it resolve that simply.

As I did so, they were gone, I just shook my head and kept walking. Maybe I was just hallucinating, maybe the deers I saw just now was only in my head, an hallucination to trick my mind but why? Is there a trap at that cliff? Did the void summon itself again? Did it want to bring me back to this realm of despair?

"Woah! Look!"

Ciel's shout brought me back to reality. I looked up as the sun rays blinded my vision and I squeezed my eyes shut, instinctively raising my right arm in a defensive manner to block the sun from entering my eyes. It was too bright for me, my eyes felt like they were on fire, the sun rays burned them out of my head.

Hmm well Michael certainly seems to agree that something is off although Ciel on the other hand is acting pretty normally still and just running towards the sunset like you would expect him to be doing. Well this is all definitely dealing with quite a bit of thoughts here.

After my eyes had finally adjusted to the bright sensation taking place in the sky, I removed my arm that was covering my sight and stared at the beautiful sparkly ocean and orange yellow tinged sky. The bright colors, engulfing the sky and creating a soft gradient with the snow white soft fluffy clouds, reflected themselves on the surface of the peaceful ocean. Small waves followed by gentle breezes hit our faces immediately, gently covering the air in a salty cool comforting aura. I took a deep breath and inhaled this salty scent the ocean emitted fully throughout my lungs, taking in the calming aura this view gave me.

It was silent, the only thing audible to the ears of a mere human were the gentle breezes of the ocean and the waves hitting the shore. I turned to my left where Ciel stood, I opened my mouth to say something but froze in place. Ciel, his eyes, they shone brightly, brighter than the ocean reflected these sun rays. The fire, that inextinguishable flame hidden deep within his soul erupted in his eyes as the red of the setting sun erupted and covered the sky in an explosive manner, engulfing it as one, time stood still as we stayed young forever…

OKayyy so we did get things to be wholesome after all and we get a really cool little description there for us to end on. I love the way you manage to bring that to life. It feels like a powerful little painting there almost. Although now this chapter ends with more of an odd sense of finality than really a cliffhanger.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall a bit of a mixed bag this one, especially depending on your intentions there towards the very end of it all. Well I do think despite all of this we've been attached enough to these characters that we do still have that want to keep reading and I do look forward to seeing what this next chapter might be like.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Kate