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Chapter 1 - born anew

by MissSaigon


…as I was born anew.

Now my journey in life will restart itself, gradually erasing all the events and pains of the past. A new chance had unlocked itself in front of my very own eyes, leaving me in awe of the karma I was given.

Now all I had to do was acknowledge this chance and use it to my advantage to change the outcome of the heavenly judicial court. Therefore, desires to be fulfilled, opportunities to be used, whatever happens, I will seek Ciel and bring great fortune upon him.

I heaved a deep sigh mentally as I felt my body being lifted and carried away from my mother for examination.

After we had headed home, I had been quiet and calm the whole time, pretending to be an angelic child to ensure my parents would not dare hate me.

I vividly recall the disgusted face of my mother whenever I was screaming as a baby. My parents generally disliked me a lot as a child and never wasted any unnecessary attention or time on me - even the most minuscule interactions were too much of a waste to them. I was a general waste of space to them.

Normal parents call their children by sweet nicknames and would sacrifice everything to be there for their kids, yet mine, they never would have offered a penny for me - even a cent was worth more than me.

Growing up, I had always considered it the reality I was driven to endure and live in as ordinary, but now, that will surely change for the better.

...

As a newborn, I had nothing much to do or look out for, yet I made sure only to cry when it was ultimately 100% necessary - when I was starving, for example.

I was a quiet baby adored by all of my parents' weird pedophilic friends, which was disgusting if you ask me, yet I was in no position to complain.

...

One day in the park, when I was around three years old, I saw a kid scrap their knee, falling off the slide. I, who wasn't into playing there at all, used that opportunity to shine and raise my karma, so I walked up to that kid and started soothing him and bringing him to his worried parents. If it had been my old self, I would have probably laughed and not taken any action to help the boy.

His father gave me a pad on the shoulder, praising me for my calm demeanor and the aid his son received. I thanked him and returned to my former spot below a tree, enjoying the cool shadows below it - reading a poetry book.

Good poetry could make one's heart blossom. A poem holds more than most would think - fantasy and reality clash while one immerses in the beautiful lingering words of engulfment.

Others would entitle reading as tedious, especially considering my age, yet I had consistently grown fond of it.

Reading always calmed my mind and distracted me from the dangers, upcoming interactions, and events I profusely wanted to avoid.

The more knowledge I got acquainted with, the easier it would be to avoid certain situations. As a result, I dug deep into my studies and taught myself a lot - self-defense, financial knowledge, geography basics, and much more.

And like this, the first five years of my life flew by fast.

It felt like time was racing itself once again - it was a never-ending race of progress and failure, a fight never to be entitled to be won or lost.

I knew I'd soon get to see him again but this time, not as a naughty 5-year-old but as a well-behaved one.

In this life, I had never disobeyed my parents or acted mischievously the way I used to back in my first life. Although I changed a lot from back then, many accidents and mischief created by little devilish me never occurred, and I ensured myself of that.

Every single moment of my regressed life, I had been cautious about being a good person and only doing good deeds for the greater good. My diligence in all my actions saved me from much trouble and suffering.

Yet in order to meet him this time, I had to disobey my parents' orders - I needed to violate them and run away to meet Ciel.

"Ciel, oh, how I've missed you."

I mumbled to myself, expecting no one to hear or acknowledge me.

Since I was reincarnated into my own body and life, I have kept my memories to my previous attempt at living.

Yet, one question did not leave my mind. It bothered me a lot, though. No answer would be fitting enough to be helpful to ease my mind.

Could you have even called my former life living?

I was a bad guy. I remember that very well. I was a rude bully who picked on the weak to hide how powerless I felt inside. Constant pain and suffering were always caused by me. I never did anything good for anyone around me. I was always a burden. I always burdened those I loved. No matter who I cherished, I always ended up disappointing and hurting them. Even Ciel, I pushed him afar from my wall - a wall of escape, security, but also loneliness.

Behind that wall, I was constantly hiding. I always hid what I felt for him. I hid my true feelings by bullying him and abusing him. My wrong actions spoke louder than my scream for love - my desperate call for help and absolute security.

I was lonely and yearning eagerly, eager for love, yet scared to love and trust. I desperately hoped for Ciel to pull me out of the misery I put myself in, a terrible burden that no one could endure, an excruciating headache I caused him. My hope ran thin until I slowly lost it all.

I stared at the sky and wondered, searching for his lost soul, his former self. Wryly how I thought I could see him up there. He wasn't there. He would never be.

I longed to see him again, but I also dreaded looking at him, staring into his eyes, and seeing that unbearable animosity whenever he looked at me. That mere hatred of my every being, that hatred I caused myself.

The realization of what a terrible person I was, hit me harshly, wryly shocking me a bit. I knew I was undeniably lousy, but I didn't think of myself as that pivotally bad.

I don't know if I could ever make up for my former actions. Still, if I can, if this reincarnation of my own life gives me a chance, I hereby pledge to make up for all my previous mistakes and regrets and turn them into favorable memories for me and everyone around me. Then, I will prove to him, no, to myself, that I can be a good person.

I was so deep in my own thoughts that I did not notice a small smile and tears forming in my eyes. What a weakling I am, so pathetic…

'Being good until now, huh, Michael?'

What was that? That sounded like the gatekeeper's voice, but where was he? I looked around. The sudden swift movements made me quite giddy as I had stood still before.

'No need to look for me, I'm not present, and only you can hear me. It's your first time reincarnating, isn't it?'

'Umm, yes, it is, but… how can I hear you? This doesn't make any sense. Am only I able to hear you? Can other people around me hear you too? How does this-'

Being astonished by his sudden presence was an understatement of what I felt. Has he been there the whole time, or did he appear recently without my acknowledgment of his existence?

'Shut it. Too many questions at once, you're giving me a headache, you know?'

'Oh, sorry...Earlier, though, you gave me a heart attack. I thought you wanted to take me back and bring me straight to hell, you see?'

I said, still flabbergasted at his existing voice within my mind.

'So first of all, only you can hear me. Second of all, this is called telepathy, you dumbass.'

'Rude.'

'I can hear you, y'know?'

'Shoot. I nearly forgot that…but can you hear everything, I think? Like every single thought?'

'Yes, so stop obsessing over your "Ciel". I cannot hear your dirty ass thoughts anymore. It is driving me nuts!!!'

I blushed at his statement and cleared my throat, facing the ground in embarrassment. But, unfortunately, his overexaggerated tone did not help ease the heat that flushed into my face.

It was unbelievable to me that he heard me drool over Ciel and shower his name with love and affection all those years. The exposure of my thoughts to him was such a vast invasion of my privacy! Just thinking about the fact that he heard all my lewd thoughts…

How genuinely lovely of him to tell me now after five years. Couldn't he have told me this earlier?

'So, tell me, why do you plan on disobeying your parents?'

'Huh?'

'Earlier, you said something about disobeying them to meet Ciel for the first time.'

'Ah, yeah, I met Ciel by running away from my house after a big fight with my mom.'

'You were a naughty kid, ya know?'

'Yes, I know, but I tried my best to change and behave well in those five years. You have to be honest, though. I did successfully change my behavior to the opposite of how I used to act. So, I think it worked out quite well.'

'I have to agree. You did succeed in changing. Looking back at your old records, there is a remarkable difference in behavior and attitude.

He paused.

'This also caused your parents to treat you differently, didn't it?'

'Yes, you're right. My parents are pretty… nice? So yeah, you could call it friendly. Now that I'm starting to recall old memories of my former childhood. I do remember them being more abusive to me in many ways, especially in their punishments.'

'That's true.'

What? How does he know...?

'I always keep my eyes on all interesting beings as a gatekeeper, and since the day you were born, you have been very, very interesting and unique, in my opinion.'

I nearly forgot he could hear me as a chuckle escaped my mouth.

I slowly started remembering all these atrocious memories of my parents. Regret flooded my mind as I reeled from side to side gently.

In an attempt to forget as I aged, I repressed those memories. I suppressed them from ever coming to the surface.

Yet, only now did I come to realize how miserably I failed as they raced through my mind, burning traces into old, heavily scarred memories. The paths those memories left unboxed old traumas while cutting through my memory like a million sharp knives.

I felt my breath hitch as I tried to breathe in fervently. The air was suffocating me. No matter how much air I consumed in each breath, it felt like it wasn't enough. I felt like I couldn't breathe - like the air had no oxygen. Like everything necessary within the air was amiss.

My surroundings started to shift. They looked wonky as my vision started to blur. Finally, my recalled memories entirely covered my eye, showing me the punishments anew - leading me to relive the confrontation I dreaded.

...

The basement.

The bedroom.

"Mop the floor, useless slut."

...

Shut up. This is all in the past, nothing…no…this is in the present…a different present...

...

"Open your legs."

"No one will ever love you with that dirty filth you call your body."

"Don't expect love when you don't deserve it."

...

'HEY! CALM DOWN. TAKE DEEP, STEADY BREATHS!'

His shout brought me back to reality.

Only now did I realize how badly my whole body was trembling like an aspen leaf and how I was gasping for air. It felt so suffocating…I felt so smothered.

Everything around me felt so claustrophobic, like the walls - no, everything surrounding me is closing in, asphyxiating and crushing me slowly while I beg for forgiveness and help.

Why did I start panicking like this? When did I start crying?

I wondered as I felt hot tears run down my cheeks, falling to the ground, bound to shatter there. My tears shattered like my body did as I had ended my first attempt at life on the rooftop…on your birthday, Ciel…I couldn't heal the hole you left in my heart no matter how hard I tried…

Only when you lose someone you seem to realize how much you loved them - I only ever realized your worth after I lost you, Ciel.

'Are you okay, kid? Do you need anything?'

He sounded oddly concerned for me, not as cocky and annoyed as usual. Instead, he sounded rather caring, and…his voice sounded warm…which soothed me a little...

How pathetic…Even a servant of heaven, the gatekeeper stuck in between heaven and hell, felt pity for me. He pities me. He looks down at me…

'I'm alright…'

'Are you sure? You started trembling like ass. I thought you had a heart attack…I got a little worried for a minute.…'

His voice started to fade and quiet down at the end of his sentence. I smiled a bit through my tears as I began to reconstruct my posture that had broken down as these memories flooded my head.

I was sitting on the ground - knees bent to secure my head. I must've looked like a pathetic little piece of shit.

I took another deep breath, closing my eyes while facing up to the sky, letting the bright sun rays tickle my skin while blinding my already closed eyes. Ultimately, I sighed again and let the sun warm my shaken, grueling body.

'I'm sorry. I just got overwhelmed with the flashbacks that flooded my mind. I'm fine now.'

'Are you sure?'

'Yes, I am.'

'Okay, stay safe when meeting your little lover. I'll be going back to my duties now.'

'Okay. See you.'

I heard a chuckle before it became silent again. While heaving a sigh, I finally opened my eyes before jumping over the backyard fence, gently landing on my feet and rebalancing myself from the impact. As I climbed over it, I looked around again to orientate myself with my current surroundings. Although I don't wholly remember where I went that day, my memory was blurry because of how furious I was. That rollercoaster of emotion I went through resulted in mestomping away from my house and running in any direction, staring at the ground, and cursing at my mother's judgment and behavior.

Oh, how stupid little me was. But nevertheless, looking at it from a more mature perspective, it was somewhat funny, yet I was also gobsmacked because of my own stupidity. So I chuckled at my own memories as I followed the path going deep into the forest.

Although I didn't start running consciously, I could feel my pace speeding up, making me feel sure about my instinct - I was following the right way to see him again. The closer I got to the place where we met, the faster I ran. I was chasing my own past, trying to recite and rewrite it - a history I want to change, the past I want to forget.

"Hahahaha! This is so much fun!"

Ciel!

I started sprinting at my limit and ran as if my life had depended on it. His voice, it must be him. I would have bet my life on it!

"Sorry, Ciel, but we have to go back now."

"But-"

"No buts, we can come again tomorrow."

No! Please don't leave! I want to see you again. Just once, just one last time! Please, I'm begging you, please don't leave! Don't leave, Ciel!

"Ciel!"

I called out as I saw his beautiful blueish-black hair. It had a blueish tint when the sunlight had shone on it. Even now, in this state, he did look gorgeous!

I couldn't let him leave like that! No, not like this and not now!

Ciel turned around after hearing me shout his name, I was so far away, but he still heard me. He looked around with a confused expression as I listened to his dad say:

"Come on, Mommy's waiting for us."

"Okay, Daddy!"

Ciel answered, hopping after his dad, who took hold of his hand.

As they looked at the sunset one last time, his father gently led him away from the cliff.

I had to admit the sky did look mesmerizing. It had a purple base with many hot pink and red tints. The clouds were as white as snow but blended with the atmosphere, creating a perfect, charming gradient spectrum of colors.

But no matter how beautiful the sky looked, it couldn't compete with that look in your eyes, the look in your eyes the day the stars fell…

If I had just been faster, I wouldn't have missed him…

"Fuck, fuck, fuck…"

I cursed in frustration while hitting a tree on my left, staring at the ground with nothing but regret and anger at my own weakness.

'Are you alright, Michael?'

The gatekeeper's voice asked me.

'Great, now he's back.'

'Aye, I'm just trying to help you, you know?'

'Help me? How nice of you.'

I spat at him, rolling my eyes in frustration, still staring at the ground.

'Don't get sarcastic with me now, will ya?'

I clicked my tongue at him and looked at my hand, which was throbbing and stinging from hitting a mere tree.

Staring at the forming bruise on my hand knuckles, I gritted my teeth.

My body's the problem!

Now that I think about it, my previous body was way more substantial and more rigid! So a mere tree would have never stung that badly when I hit it!

That's it! I have to improve my physique! Not only my mind and behavior but also my body!

'Are you okay? Did you hit your head or something?'

'Yes, I am fine. I also didn't hit my head, you dumb shit!'

'Who're you calling a dumb shit, you dumbass!'

'You obviously! Who else could I mean?'

'Hmpf!'

'A pout, seriously? It seems like you aren't as old as you try to behave. How childish.'

'When I died, I was 20. So I'm still older than you!'

'Now, this sounds really childish. It seems like you are mentally younger than me!'

'Excuse you, you rude brick!'

I couldn't help but smile and giggle to myself. It did feel good to talk to someone like him - just joking around does ease one's mind.

I heaved a sigh, rubbing my right thumb over my slightly swollen hand, and was about to take my leave when suddenly, a strong wind caught up to me. The wind got sucked in one particular spot that formed a black hole that started sucking all my surroundings, including me, into itself. It only caused a considerable breeze. It looked like a tornado but turned to the side like a horizontal tornado hole - it looked like a portal, a gate that drew me towards itself. What was that?

Suddenly, a massive ray of light came out of that hole. Its brightness easily blinded me. I held my arms up for protection, closed my eyes, and turned my head away from it. The light burned in my eyes and harshly blinded me. I didn't know what was happening, but that hole, it felt so mesmerizing…

I didn't know what came over me, but my body started moving closer to it. The closer I got, the more it began to suck me in.

Finally, my clothes started tearing and flaring from the intense suction within the hole.

Soon, I was standing there half-naked, my clothes hanging around my waist, dreading to get sucked into that hole and enter it - awaiting what would happen to me now that I stood on the edge of the cliff face to face with a heavenly phenomenon.

"Michael…"

Ciel? Ciel, is that you?

"Help me, Michael…"

He needs help? What is happening? Ciel? Ciel, where are you?

"I'm here, Michael, come to me…."

The voice coming out of the hole demanded. It was clearly Ciel's voice, but why was I scared to enter? What held me back?

Ciel, he was right in front of me! I want to see him. I want to keep him by my side and never let him go again.

Daring to sacrifice myself, my desiring urge to be close to him overwhelmed and numbed my senses as I reached out until my right hand touched the source of Ciel's voice. Still, as soon as I did, everything around me darkened, my surroundings vanished, and all that was left around me was nothing but darkness and emptiness.

It was silent, completely silent. Where was I? What has happened to me?

"Ciel, where are you?"


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KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Well this was a powerful little piece here. I think you've really created a lovely first chapter here. So many hooks scattered all throughout all of it and it comes together well with a pretty strong personality base for this character to really make a pretty solid first chapter there.

Anyway let's get right to it,

…as I was born anew.

Now my journey in life will restart itself, a new chance has unlocked itself in front of my very eyes, now all I head to do was acknowledge this chance and use it to my advantage to change the outcome of the heavenly judicial court.

I heaved a deep sigh mentally as I felt my body being lifted and carried away from my mother for examination.


Well this is quite an interesting place to start. It seems like this person somehow is literally born anew there and has some sort of actual memory of whatever past was lived. It definitely makes for one of the more intriguing openings I've seen in a while here. I can't wait to see where this goes.

The first 5 years of my life flew by fast. It felt like time was racing itself once again, I knew, I'd soon get to see him again but this time, not as a naughty 5-year-old but as a well-behaved one. I have never disobeyed my parents or acted mischievously, the way I used to back in my first life. I changed a lot from back then, many accidents and mischief created by little devilish me never occurred, and I made sure of that. Every single moment of my regressed life, I had been cautious about being a good person and only doing good deeds for the greater good, but this time I had to disobey my parents' orders to meet him. I need to disobey them and run away to meet Ciel.

"Ciel, oh, how I've missed you."

I mumbled to myself.


Hmm this is an interesting one once again. Its a very interesting to think of someone having to be a five year old with the experiences of a full life and being able to twist the way they react to their parents simply to ensure this one thing happens something. It feels almost like a video game where you'd play it a second time to get a certain ending and it makes for a very interesting concept here. I'm very intrigued to learn more about the backstory of all of this.

Since I was reincarnated into my own body and life, I have kept my memories to my previous attempt at living.

Could you have even called my former life living? I was a bad guy. I remember that very well, I was a rude bully that picked on the weak to hide how weak I felt on the inside. I was constantly hiding, I always hid what I felt for him as well. I hid my true feelings by bullying him and abusing him. Thinking back, only now do I really come to realize what a terrible person I was. I don't know if I could ever make up for that, but if I can, if this regression of my own life gives me a chance to, I will make up for all my previous mistakes and regrets and turn them into favorable memories for me and everyone around me. I will prove to him, no, to myself that I can be a good person.


Oh this is definitely playing with the idea of redoing choices really interestingly here. You can already tell there's some very strong backstory there behind all of this that supports all of these decision that this person is choosing to make here and I love these details being tossed in without you diving too deep to reveal said backstory too early. It makes things much more interesting.

I was so deep in my own thoughts that I did not notice a small smile and tears forming in my eyes. What a weakling I am, so pathetic…

'Being good until now, huh, Michael?'

What was that? That sounded like the gatekeeper's voice but where was he? I looked around, the sudden swift movements made me quite dizzy as I had stood still before.

'I'm not present and only you can hear me. It's your first time regressing or better reincarnating, isn't it?'

'Umm, yes, it is but… how can I hear you? This doesn't make any sense, am only I able to hear you? Can other people around me hear you too? How does this-'


Oooooh well this is interesting. Some sort of gatekeeper person which I assume is meant to be the gatekeeper of this world's version of the afterlife to some degree. This sort of contact does suddenly make things very interesting because it seems like this person knows quite a lot about what's happening here and very much seems to have some sort of stake in what's happening here.

'Shut it. Too many questions at once, you're giving me a headache, ya know?'

'Oh, sorry. You gave me a heart attack, I thought you wanted to take me back and bring me straight to hell, ya know?'

'So first of all, only you can hear me. Second of all, this is called telepathy, you dumbass.'

'Rude.'

'I can hear you, you know?'

Shoot. I nearly forgot that…but can you hear everything I think? Like every single thought?


Well this is a fun way to reveal exactly what sort of powers this particular person has and somehow the idea of a baby having this conversation that is very clearly a rather grown up one is also kind of hilarious to imagine even within the confines of what appears to be a pretty serious conversation there.

'Yes, so stop obesssing over your "Ciel". I cannot hear your dirty ass thoughts anymore. It is driving me nuts!!!'

I blushed at his statement and cleared my throat, facing the ground in embarrassment, clenching my fists together in tight balls. I couldn't believe that all those years, he heard me drool over Ciel and shower his name with love and affection. It was quite embarrassing to think about the fact that he heard all my lewd thoughts…How genuinely nice of him to tell me now after 5 years, couldn't he have told me this earlier?

'Why do you plan on disobeying your parents?' Huh?


Well this is definitely revealing a lot and I love the way you've chosen to do it here. This dialogue functions as a much better way to convey all of this than dumping it on us randomly so I'm just loving this whole conversation very much at the moment.

'Earlier you said something about disobeying them to meet Ciel for the first time.'

Ah, yeah, I met Ciel by running away from my house after a big fight with my mom.

'You were a naughty kid, ya know?'

Yes, I know but I tried my best to change and behave well in those 5 years, I changed my behaviour to the opposite of how I used to act, I think it worked out quite well.

'You did succeed, looking back at your old records, there is a remarkable difference in behavior and attitude. This also caused your parents to treat you differently, didn't it?'


Ooooh well this is an interesting one to explore. I like how that reason still is very much going along with the incredibly cryptic nature of it all and really not developing too far beyond that. Seeing how these decisions are now affecting this second life though is more than making up for it in terms of fun additions.

Yes, you're right there, my parents are quite… nice? Yeah, you could call it nice.

Now that I'm starting to recall old memories of my childhood. I do remember them being more abusive to me in a lot of ways, especially in their punishments.

'That's true, I always keep my eyes on all interesting beings as a gatekeeper, and since the day you were born, you have been very very interesting and unique, in my opinion.'

I chuckled at his statement, remembering all these terrible memories of my parents. I shouldn't have recalled them, I repressed them so much to try and forget them as I aged, I suppressed them ever coming to the surface but now they are racing through my mind, burning traces into old scars within my memory. The traces that those memories left reopened old scars, cutting through them like a million of sharp knives, I felt my breathing fasten, it felt suffocating here even though I was outside. The air was suffocating me, no matter how much air I consumed in each breath, it felt like it wasn't enough, I felt like I couldn't breath, like the air had no oxygen, like everything necessary within the air was amiss.


Oh this is not good...but its also telling so much and I love this. It looks like there was quite a significant difference between this person acting up as a child and not, and there's some really quite powerful trauma hidden in there that is now making a bit of a comeback here. Well things just got quite a bit more interesting.

My surroundings started to shift, they looked wonky as my vision started to blur. The memories I recalled blurred my vision, showing me the punishments anew.

The basement.

The bedroom.

Shut up. This is all in the past, nothing…no…this is in the present…

"Open your legs."

"No one will ever love you with that dirty filth you call your body."


Oh wow that one took a real turn there. It looks like things weren't just slightly worse but were in fact about as bad as once could possibly especially if we're talking about those things happening to someone actually at the age of five. Wow that is some heavy stuff there.

'HEY! CALM DOWN, TAKE DEEP STEADY BREATHS!'

His shout brought me back to reality. Only now, did I realize how badly my whole body was shaking and how I was gasping for air. It felt so suffocating…I felt so suffocated, everything around me felt so claustrophobic, like the walls, no, my surroundings are closing in on me, trying to choke me to death and crush me slowly while I scream for forgiveness and help. The air felt like it had no oxygen, and time felt like it was standing still. Why did I start panicking like this?

When did I start crying? I wondered as I felt hot tears run down my cheeks, falling to the ground, bound to shatter there. My tears shattered like my body did as I had ended my first attempt at life on the rooftop…on your birthday, Ciel…I couldn't heal the hole you left in my heart no matter how hard I tried…

'Are you ok, kid? Do you need anything?'


Well this is another interesting one. The fact that this person is still suffering so much after having lived a full life and presumably died in some way to come back shows just how strong of an imprint that was. And then there's the fact that this gatekeeper who at first appeared mostly uninterested seems to actually care for this person's wellbeing to a pretty interesting degree there. That definitely seems very interesting.

He sounded oddly concerned for me, not as cocky and annoyed as usual, he sounded rather caring, and…his voice sounded warm…How pathetic…Even a servant of heaven, the gatekeeper stuck in between heaven and hell, felt bad for me. He pities me, he looks down on me…

I'm alright…

'Are you sure? You started trembling like ass, I thought you had a heart attack…I got a little worried for a minute…"

His voice started to fade and quiet down at the end of his sentence. I smiled a bit through my tears as I started to reconstruct my posture that had broken down as these memories flooded my head. I was sitting on the ground, knees bent to secure my head. I must've looked like a pathetic little piece of shit.


Oh wow, somehow even that care seems to be getting a little twisted there and this person is starting to feel even worse. A startlingly realistic look at it all there which I think serves really quite well in terms of making it clear just how horrible things happened to be for this person during this previous life.

I took another deep breath, closing my eyes while facing up to the sky. The bright sun rays tickled my skin while blinding my already closed eyes. I sighed again and let the sun warm up my shaken body.

I'm sorry, I just got overwhelmed with the flashbacks that flooded my mind. I'm fine now.

'Are you sure?'

Yes, I am.

'Okay, stay safe when meeting your little lover. I'll be going back to my duties now.'

Okay. See ya.


Hmm well that recovery doesn't seem quite believable enough there. It looks like its all just waiting to flare up once again at just the slightest of touches in this person. It definitely a nice and powerful extra layer of tension into this whole opening and that's quite nicely done.

I heard a chuckle before it became silent again. I heaved a sigh finally opening my eyes before jumping over the backyard fence. I climbed over it in a swift motion before looking around again to orientate myself with my current surroundings. I don't completely remember where I went that day, my memory was blurry because of how furious I was. I just stomped away from my house and ran in any direction, staring at the ground cursing at my mother's judgment and behavior. Oh, how stupid little me was, it was kinda funny. I chuckled at my own memories as I followed the path going deep into the forest, I could feel my pace speeding up. I didn't start running consciously which made me feel sure about my instinct. I was following the right way to see him again.
The closer I got to the place where we met, the faster I ran. I was chasing my own past. The past I want to change, the past I want to forget.

"Hahahaha! This is so much fun!"


Ciel!


Okayy this is interesting. Given the kind of scenario surrounding us at the moment its almost difficult to tell if we're actually in the past life here while this person runs or if this person actually ran all the way to this Ciel person and I love that there's a tiny grain of ambiguity there because it makes this whole scene just that bit more potent.

I started sprinting at my limit and ran as if my life had depended on it. His voice, it must be him, I would have bet my life on it!

"Sorry, Ciel but we have to go back now."

"But-"

"No buts, we can come again tomorrow."

No! Please don't leave! I just want to see you again. Just once, just one last time! Please, I'm begging you, please don't leave! Don't leave, Ciel!

"Ciel!"


Hmm well this one does look like perhaps it is meant to be the present given it seems this lover person is also still a baby from the looks of things. Well that makes it interesting as to how far this person actually managed to run as a five year old which brings up more questions about this reincarnation process that now I must know even more of the answers to.

I called out as I saw his beautiful blueish black hair, it had a blueish tint when the sunlight had shown on it. Even now, in this state, he did look gorgeous! I couldn't let him leave like that! No, not like this and not now!

Ciel turned around after hearing me shout his name, I was so far away but he still heard me. He looked around with a confused expression as I heard his dad say:

"Come on, Mommy's waiting for us."

"Okay, Daddy!"

Ciel answered, hoping after his dad who took a hold of his hand. His father gently led him away from the cliff as they watched the sunset. The sky did look mesmerizing. It had a purple base with a lot of hot pink and red tints, the clouds were as white as snow but blended in with the sky, creating a perfect gradient spectrum of colors. But no matter how beautiful the sky looked, it couldn't compete with that look in your eyes, the look in your eyes the day the stars fell…


Oooh this is quite an interesting moment, to see that there's maybe almost some sort of connection there which brings up many more question about exactly what kind of situation this Ciel might be in and the kind of backstory again that led this person to make all of these choices. Once again more questions to have answered and I love that.

I cursed while hitting a tree on my left in frustration, staring at the ground with nothing but regret and anger at my own weakness.

'Are you alright, Michael?'

The gatekeeper's voice asked me. Great, now he's back.

'Aye, I'm just trying to help you, you know?'

'Help me? How nice of you.'

'Don't get sarcastic with me now, will ya?'


Oooooh well it looks like the gatekeeper is going to be a pretty constant recurring character judging based off of that and there definitely is some connection there and care even though the gatekeeper appears as a somewhat neutral divine being at first because of them appearing in this moment where our protagonist is feeling this down.

I clicked my tongue at him and looked at my hand that was throbbing and stinging from hitting a mere tree. My body's the problem! Now that I think about it, my previous body was way stronger and tougher! A mere tree would have never stung that badly when I hit it! That's it! I have to improve my physique! Not only my mind and behavior but also my physique!


'Are you okay? Did you hit your head or something?'

'Yes, I am fine, I also didn't hit my head, you dumb shit!'

'You obviously! Who else could I mean?'

'Hmpf!'


Okayy that's an interesting decision and conversation to come to. Comes a little out of left field almost given the kind of mood this was in but somehow at the same time it makes an odd amount of sense for exactly that situation to transpire there.

A pout, seriously? Seems like you aren't as old as you try to behave as.

'When I died I was 20, I'm still older than you!'

'Now, this sounds really childish, it seems like you are mentally younger than me!'

'Excuse you, you rude brick!'

I couldn't help but smile, it did feel good to talk to someone like him. I heaved a sigh, rubbing my right thumb over my slightly swollen hand and was about to take my leave as suddenly a strong wind caught up to me. The wind got sucked in one particular spot that formed a black hole that sucked everything. It only caused a huge wind, it looked like a tornado but turned to the side, it looked like a portal. What was that?


Oh well that got very interesting. We learn this person actually died at twenty. That's nowhere near as old as I expected that to be. That seems like it makes all of this feel significantly more recent then that any of the other moments would. Well well, things just got quite a bit more interesting.

Suddenly the a huge ray of light came out of that hole, its brightness easily blinded me, I held my arms up for protection and closed my eyes, turning my head away. I didn't know what was happening but that hole, it felt so mesmerizing…

I didn't know what came over me but my body started moving closer to it, the closer I got the more it started to suck me in. My clothes started to tear and rip from the strong suction that came from within the hole.

Soon, I stood right in front of it, awaiting what will happen to me now that I stood on the edge of the cliff face to face with a heavenly phenomenon.


Oh wow, well that escalated fast. Now we've got portals and strong supernatural happening and wow this world is unravelling fast and suddenly we have a hundred more questions to go here. This really is putting in a lot of good work as a first chapter in dropping many many hooks for us readers.

"Michael…"

Ciel? Ciel is that you?

"Help me Michael…"

He needs help? What is happening? Ciel? Ciel, where are you?


"I'm here Michael, come to me…"

The voice coming out of the hole demanded. It was clearly Ciel's voice but why was I scared to enter? What held me back? Ciel, he was right in front of me! I want to see him, I want to hold him, I want to hold him close to me and never let go again. I reached out until my right hand had touched the source of Ciel's voice but as soon as I did, everything around me darkened, my surroundings vanished and all that was left around me was nothing but darkness and emptiness. It was silent, completely silent, where was I? What has happened to me?

"Ciel, where are you?"


Ooooh this is a lovely little cliffhanger. I think you built upto this moment really well so as things all dissolve around this person and get every so slightly crazy it still seems rather plausible and actually still manages to work pretty well and well it definitely makes you want to read on here.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall a really quite solid first chapter here. It captures most of the essentials that you could possibly want from a first chapter and does it pretty well. I'm honestly very curious to see what happens next and I'll be heading to that second chapter right away.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Kate




MissSaigon says...


Tysm for the review, maybe check out the Prologue, so a little bit of the confusion is taken off of you (^w^)



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Mon Jan 30, 2023 12:10 pm
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Hi, I'm here to leave a review.

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The first 5 years of my life flew by fast. It felt like time was racing itself once again, I knew, I'd soon get to see him again but this time, not as a naughty 5-year-old but as a well-behaved one. I have never disobeyed my parents or acted mischievously, the way I used to back in my first life. I changed a lot from back then, many accidents and mischief created by little devilish me never occurred, and I made sure of that. Every single moment of my regressed life, I had been cautious about being a good person and only doing good deeds for the greater good, but this time I had to disobey my parents' orders to meet him. I need to disobey them and run away to meet Ciel.

This paragraph includes details about Michael's experiences and emotions, creating a straightforward and clear picture of his journey. You've done a great job at summarizing everything for the first 5 years. It's also exciting to finally find out that this is how Ciel and Michael met.

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'Being good until now, huh, Michael?'

What was that? That sounded like the gatekeeper's voice but where was he? I looked around, the sudden swift movements made me quite dizzy as I had stood still before.

'I'm not present and only you can hear me. It's your first time regressing or better reincarnating, isn't it?'

'Umm, yes, it is but… how can I hear you? This doesn't make any sense, am only I able to hear you? Can other people around me hear you too? How does this-'

'Shut it. Too many questions at once, you're giving me a headache, ya know?'

'Oh, sorry. You gave me a heart attack, I thought you wanted to take me back and bring me straight to hell, ya know?'

'So first of all, only you can hear me. Second of all, this is called telepathy, you dumbass.'

'Rude.'

'I can hear you, you know?'

Shoot. I nearly forgot that…but can you hear everything I think? Like every single thought?

'Yes, so stop obesssing over your "Ciel". I cannot hear your dirty ass thoughts anymore. It is driving me nuts!!!'

I blushed at his statement and cleared my throat, facing the ground in embarrassment, clenching my fists together in tight balls. I couldn't believe that all those years, he heard me drool over Ciel and shower his name with love and affection. It was quite embarrassing to think about the fact that he heard all my lewd thoughts…How genuinely nice of him to tell me now after 5 years, couldn't he have told me this earlier?

I really liked the personality you gave to the gatekeeper. The gatekeeper's playfulness and caring demeanor soothes out the tension of the story and gave me a relaxing feeling upon reading this chapter. The one thing I found somewhat odd is that the gatekeeper's personality in this chapter was excessively different from his/her personality in the prologue. In the prologue, the gatekeeper was a bit more serious, but in this chapter he/she was a bit more immature.

Code: Select all
Suddenly the a huge ray of light came out of that hole, its brightness easily blinded me, I held my arms up for protection and closed my eyes, turning my head away. I didn't know what was happening but that hole, it felt so mesmerizing…

I didn't know what came over me but my body started moving closer to it, the closer I got the more it started to suck me in. My clothes started to tear and rip from the strong suction that came from within the hole.

Soon, I stood right in front of it, awaiting what will happen to me now that I stood on the edge of the cliff face to face with a heavenly phenomenon.

"Michael…"

Ciel? Ciel is that you?

"Help me Michael…"

He needs help? What is happening? Ciel? Ciel, where are you?


"I'm here Michael, come to me…"

The voice coming out of the hole demanded. It was clearly Ciel's voice but why was I scared to enter? What held me back? Ciel, he was right in front of me! I want to see him, I want to hold him, I want to hold him close to me and never let go again. I reached out until my right hand had touched the source of Ciel's voice but as soon as I did, everything around me darkened, my surroundings vanished and all that was left around me was nothing but darkness and emptiness. It was silent, completely silent, where was I? What has happened to me?

"Ciel, where are you?"

This is a really exciting twist in the story and it leaves me wanting more. I don't have a slightest idea of what happened to Michael or what will happen next. I'm really excited to see how you are able to continue the story from here!


That's the entire review. However, I might have found some loopholes regarding the story and the entire "reborn" mechanism. You might have already found these loopholes and are already planning to answer them in the future, but I'm going to list them out here just in case.

1. The prologue mentions that Michael was a 50-50 case. But this chapter greatly portrayed Michael as a bad guy. This makes me wonder how was he a 50-50 case when he had already done various bad deeds in such a young age.

2. Michael was reborn with the memory of his past life still intact. In that case, Michael would do as many good deeds as possible to get to heaven. Wouldn't this make hell not an option anymore? In other words, wouldn't this be unfair to those who didn't have a second chance to relive their lives?

That's all from me. I'm excited for chapter 2!




MissSaigon says...


Thx a lot for this review!
About the loopholes, I left them there on purpose. They will be answered greatly in the following chapters.
About the gatekeeper, it will also be explained better about the twisted personality and personality change!

Stay tuned for the upcoming chapters, and chapter 2 has also been uploaded ;)




There’s always a story. It’s all stories, really. The sun coming up every day is a story. Everything’s got a story in it. Change the story, change the world.
— Terry Pratchett