I can finally smile properly when I think of you.
The edges of my lips stretch, slide up, and form into a
smile that is reserved only for you.
The thought of you brings light to my life and meaning to my soul.
I had felt at that time particularly the need and want to give up on ever finding someone I cared
about enough to love.
But there you were, tempting me to fall for you. You didn't try as nearly as
much as you should have.
Yet whenever you came around it was for the sole reason of alluding me
into loving you.
This was something I, to my downfall, only chalked up to you being the “hard to get
along with” kind of individual.
I had tricked myself into believing you to be prey rather than predator.
I was having a hard time and didn't know what i needed.
Then, there was you…..ignoring me to the
point of irritation and then sweeping in to collect my heart once you had stolen it with a force as
small as you using your lovely voice to say my name.
I didn't yet know, but I needed…...you, out of
everyone….it was you who I had desperately needed for an accomplice..
This heart feeling that I am
currently experiencing,......while at this current moment is bothering me so exceedingly, I have yet to
decide if I liked it.
Goodnes! I love you ; Goodness! I love you
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Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,805 Reviews
Hello MisLady101! Kara here for a (hopefully) quick review!
I can finally smile properly when I think of you.
Give me your soul.With that aside, I'm not the best at poetry but here we go!
Bold = grammar and flow issues.
Italics = suggestions and overall
Strikethrough= removeUnderline = krazy Kara komments.
Spoiler
The edges of my lips stretch, slide up, and form into a {smile}
that is reserved only for you.
The thought of you brings light to my life and meaning to my soul.
I had felt at that time particularly the need and
{I want to give up on ever finding someone I cared about}
enough to love.
But there you were, tempting me to fall for you.
{You didn't try as nearly as much}
as you should have.
Yet{,} whenever you came around{,}
{it was for the sole reason of alluring me}
into loving you.
This was something I, to my downfall,
{only chalked up to you being the “hard to get along with"}
kind of individual.
I had tricked myself into believing you to be prey rather than predator. {don't you mean the other way around?}
I was having a hard time and didn't know what i needed.
Then, there was you{,} ignoring me to the {point of irritation}
and then sweeping in to collect my heart once you had stolen it
{with a force as }small as you using your lovely voice to say my name.
I didn't yet know, but I needed
…...you, out of {everyone...}it was you who I had desperately needed for an accomplice{.}
This heart feeling that I am {currently experiencing --}
while at this current moment is bothering me so exceedingly,
{I have yet to decide if I like it}
Goodnes! I love you;
{Goodness! I love you.}
My interpretation:
Your stereotypical love poem. Awwwww <3
Overall:
I did like this poem, but you need some serious help with your flow and your grammar. I had fixed them all, but you need to check out this website to help with your ellipses. Otherwise, you're good!
Why haven’t you given me your soul yet? --
Kara
Thanks for sharing this composition about a special person. The speaker describes her as helping him to smiling properly, which means that smiling was probably not sincere due to loneliness or a general feeling of feeling incomplete. That he became the light of her life. Which means that her existence was gloomy.
The bringer of hope. Which means that she had lost hope in improving her life or finding a companion. In short, she felt incomplete without him. His voice is mentioned as what finally draws the speaker inexorably to him. So the essential message appreciation was indeed conveyed.
Suggestions
Please note that the word "you" is used seventeen times. Reducing its us would improve the composition because the repetition of the sound is distracting.
The use of metaphors, similes, personification, assonance, consonance, rhythm, and internal rhyme, would separate this piece from prose which it very strongly resembles.
Please note that the word “accomplice” is used to refer to cooperation in crime. He was an accomplice in robbing the bank.
When I read the above sentence I assumed you had meant “allure” which means to attract. But then after reading further I realized that you meant “elude” which means to evade. To allude means to make an indirect reference to something via innuendos.