Winged Child

i cannot grasp anything from this poem, because you've not taken the time to focus on anything in it. you've just moved through and past thoughts you had while trying to come up with this, and so you've not taken any time to revise or refine what you have. please do so next time before posting.

i will, however, let you know what i find intriguing as possible starting points for refinement and exploration:

a winged child. there's a reason you picked it as your title. what does this mean to you? does it JUST mean an angel bathed in yellow heaven light? or what images / feelings / sights does it bring you OUTSIDE of that. an angel is the easy way. what do YOU in particular feel from a winged child? you did not say angel for a reason. angel is TOO easy. everyone sees angels, as they've been turned into commodities and pasted on cards and statues, etc. give me a new winged child and the sensations of seeing a body that was once known as only heavy flesh and skin lifted into the air.

is the yellow light warm?
what does his hand feel like, hovering above you on the ground?

and does he show any sign of the way he died? which was how? just in his sleep? a sickness? is it still on his face or erased? and if erased, does the speaker feel uncomfortable at all about the incongruousness between the living baby she knew and his representation as an angel?

lastly, no idea what the golden sign means,
and how can eyes flutter? eyelashes might.

good luck. work harder. let me know if you have questions and if you'd like me to look at something else.

Hello there Milaita! I, Murtle, usually known as Kyllorac, will be reviewing you today, on this very fine Review Day.

With that said, onto the review!

I noticed you mentioned how this was a school assignment and that you wrote it in under ten minutes, but really, that's no excuse. There's this wonderful thing called editing that, while he takes a bit of extra time to complete, is totally worth the effort, especially if you're planning on making your work visible to the public. After all, if you wrote something in under ten minutes (which really isn't a very long time to spend on a piece) and then just slap it up on the internet for people to see without taking the time to edit, well, it says to your readers that you really don't care all that much about your own writing, and if you don't care all that much about your own writing, why should your readers spend all that effort caring for you?

Basically, taking the time to edit your writing shows your readers that you really care about your writing, and it gives your readers a reason to care about it too. So get into the habit of editing! And not just half-way. A half-done job is not much better than a job that hasn't been done at all, when you get down to it.

Now, with all that said, you already know there are problems with flow, so I'm going to give you a couple of pieces of advice on how to pinpoint the areas that aren't flowing so well. The best thing to do is to read your poem aloud, or, even better, have someone read it aloud to you. Take note of where you or your reader stumble because these are the trouble spots in your flow, and these are the spots that will need to most fixing.

There's no hard-and-fast way to fix issues with flow, since it all depends on the individual poem, but a good thing to keep in mind is that it's always a good idea to try several different types of fixes and then test those fixes by speaking them aloud before you write anything down. Poetry is a spoken art, more than anything, and so how it sounds is generally more important than how it looks. By reading your poem aloud (or having it read to you), it makes it that much easier to not only fix things, but come up with possibilities for fixes.

So, basically, take the time to edit your work before posting, and read your poetry aloud while you're editing. Both these things will help make your poetry that much better.

The assignment was to write a poem about a dream we've had. Ehm, I know it doesn't flow well, but, I wrote this in under ten minutes, so...

Hmm . . . . First of all, this doesn't read too smoothly, although it appears to be more of a technique... Which certainly creates a certain sense of difficulty.

other than that, I fear that I can't truly comment much, because I don't truly understand it <.> Sorry ^^ Despite certain uses of phrase which don't appeal to me personally (such as "My only brother bathed in yellow", but this is merely subjective) I certainly find this poem rather interesting ^^

Hm, the first two lines don't match up too well in terms of rhythm.