My Amateur FanFic - Misty Mountains

This is a great work of art and a great twist of the fandom. It is also great to see a fan of the Lord of the Rings and the Hobbit. I love the stanza "An elf dances through the forest green,
Her face and body straight and lean.
The sword pierces the green beast's heart." love how you bring the character to life.
Elven form and grace's a work of art. Love the way you show your feelings through the elf and the poem it was awesome keep writing great works like this poem.

First off, I'd like to congratulate you on your spectacular choice of fanfic. Wording is splendid, everything flowed. Applause for you. Congratulations, you've made a good poem. I have quite a few things to say about this poem, mostly compliments, and following along the lines of: "I adored this, however, there were a few mistakes." Don't fret. We'll start with the compliments.

Loved your descriptions-- I could see everything just perfectly, and this is a hard feat to pull off whilst writing a poem. You, however, managed that. I admire you, you poet, you.

Also, fantasy. Fantasy is hard to capture, and you've swung wildly at a fastball. You, however, hit a grand slam. Now, I don't compliment easily. So take pride in this little gem of yours. Fantasy, fantasy, fantasy. What could be so hard about it? Well first off, you could've butchered this. You literally could've chopped it into little pieces, as it screamed for you to stop. At your fingertips, however, you've made it shine, like a star.

Because you've added adventure. Adventure and fantasy is a bit like peanut butter and jelly, so great job with that.

It's graceful, it flows, and that's what every poem should do. You have that magical, musical, lyrical quality that just makes a poem CLICK. And trust me. There are some out there who can't do that. So good on ya.

Now that's I've waxed, polished, and shined your ego, let's dent it a little. I do have a few things to say (after scouring through this, and nitpicking, and digging around). It took a while, but I found some things.

First off (as already pointed out), the second line of the first stanza. "I place a finger upon the brim".

Now, I understand this is simply a sentence cut in half, but even then, it just doesn't work. Your entire poem is mystical, and mysterious, and just so fantastic, and don't get me wrong, this line tries to play along. But it doesn't quite make it. So I suggest different wording-- look up in a dictionary, something a bit more rustic.

Secondly, the second line of the third stanza: "Her face and body straight and lean."

Well, I don't mean to be rude, but c'mon. Who are we kidding? This is poor description. We are authors! The rest of the piece is magnificent, and beautiful, and the describing is just SPOT on. And then we have this simple line. And it detracts from the over all piece.

All in all, this is fabulous. Amazing job, I adored it. I'm expecting more from you soon, dear Milaita! Good luck, and keep writing!

~Bandit

"Misty Mountains, cold and dim,
I place a finger upon the brim,
of a hodded cloak of burlap,
while I empty my animal trap."

I must note that the rhyme is not exactly good here... Maybe 'on' the brim? Hooded*, you probably meant. And... the next line doesn't truly rhyme well... And I can't really understand it so far, although that could be just me.

"A sword of silver shines beneath the moon,
and upon the blade a fiery rune." I would advise you to make the second line longer, for better rhyme.

"beats'", maybe?

"Elven form and grace a work of art." Makes no real sense . . . . Perhaps "Elven form and grace's a work of art."? (grace's = "grace is")

Aside from that... Although a rather simple work, and short, it is pleasant to read XD