Everfall was a small village on the south coast of the kingdom of Luxen. It was a centre of trading, since it was on the coast, and it welcomed all people. There were very few houses, and most people came and went as they pleased. Many ‘outsiders’ considered it a refugee town, but the residents called it a family, and they would have called those ‘outsiders’ friends. Yes, it was a quiet, peaceful place. At least, it was until the Starfire Sorcerer attacked a few weeks before this story truly begins. Most of the once green grass had turned the colour of the night sky, stars and all, many buildings had crumbled to dust, and all Everfall's people now lived in fear of another attack. That is, until one late evening, two figures appeared on the hilltop overlooking Luxen, silhouetted against the slowly setting sun. The people of Everfall did not know it yet, but these two would change the course of the future forever.
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Ooh, what an intriguing little prologue. I'm super excited to read the first chapter whenever you post it! It does a good job at setting up the story; we learn about Everfall, how it's a trading hub, people come and go, and then we are told the Starfire Sorcerer attacked and many buildings were destroyed.
This is my favourite line in the piece. I wish you had done a bit more describing rather than just telling us about Everfall, because this line is so strong. I think it could be structured a little better with the grammar and punctuation. \Most of the once green grass had turned the colour of the night sky, stars and all, and many buildings had crumbled to dust. All of Everfall's people now lived in fear of another attack' just gives a bit more dramaticism to the last sentence!
This is such a lovely image! I think you could have lingered more on this, described more and leaned into the mystery, since I assume this is who the story is going to be about!
Overall, this is a great prologue, but don't be scared to make it longer! A good prologue needs to hook the readers in and set up the story, but also display your writing style and talent. I am looking forward to reading what comes next; you have really set up the mystery well! Keep writing!!
Hia! I saw you posted an entire prologue with a reading time of less than a minute and I needed to see that magic in action =D
And YWS reminded me that I already “read” the character profile for Rhea :3 Let’s see this first glimpse of actual story tho!
I like how you made your prologue reference the epic story that is about to unfold; that is is somewhat omniscient and conscient of what is to come :3
That said, I think you might be a bit too vague and are kinda contradicting each other? What does it mean that ppl come and go as they please? If it’s a trading hub why are there so few houses?
The double until (Until Starfire VS Until one late evening our 2 silhouettes arrive) also kinda detracts from the reading experience here :3 Since it’s so short, I bet you could find a different phrasing here!
Now I really wanna know when Rhea comes into play~
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