Young Writers Society

Hi, I'm Jade and I'll be leaving a quick review on your poem today! Let's get started.


I found this so relateable and sad, yet with glimmers of a hope and curiosity. This was so well worded and I have few comments. One, the ...'s hurt the flow, but I can see they're artistic choices. 2, The grammar is a bit off but it's not awful, 3, the flow overall is a bit weird, maybe having more of a scheme and stanzas could help?

OVERALL: The message is so strong and amazing, and I liked the emojis, I don't see that often in poetry and it made you stand out. I loved this!

Jade

Hi Megha04! I see you just joined a few days ago! Welcome to YWS, I hope you're enjoying your time here so far. By the way, your avatar is so cute! I love kittens. My name is Elinor, and I thought I would drop by to give your poem a quick review.

My comments, overall, are minor, and mostly have to deal with structure and presentation. The poem itself is strong and I love the empowering message of it, but I think there's a few tweaks you can make to make this seem more polished without changing much of the content of the poem at all. Just curious though, since you have this in "art", I was wondering if you were planning to do anything else with it?

For instance, take your first five ines:

When you feel choked and

tears surge up....

Your voice cracks....

Helpless you crave someone to hold you tight....but

none in sight....

The frequent ellipses and only having a few lines make it a difficult to read.

Imagine what just messing around with this a little could do. For example:

When you feel choked and tears surge up
Your voice cracks.
Helpless,
you crave someone to hold you tight
but no one is in sight.

WOW Megha! . You have nailed this.I think this so relatable. There are days my soul needs love, care and support and sometimes I feel no one except time can give me. Giving yourself sometime to heal is what you need to do sometimes. Then, you become the winner.
This is something worth sharing. You have given hope and light to everyone. Hustling, falling and growing again is theme you have focused on .Overall your poem was nice , short, sweet, full of emotions and hope. The best part is you ended this on a positive note.
Welcome to YWS. I hope you have a lovely time here.

Yep! Life takes bravery for some of us more than for others and sometimes things can get very hairy. The poem really expresses the desperation involved in this human condition very well indeed. Thanks for sharing.