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Scrambled Mind

by Megha04

When you feel choked and

tears surge up....

Your voice cracks....

Helpless you crave someone to hold you tight....but

none in sight....

The darkness engulfs you

And you want to scream and

ask for help....

But you know the cries will

be falling on deaf ears or

busy minds....

So you choose to cry

yourself to sleep in....


Your soul in need of love and care....

Afraid to confess....

might just end up somewhere ....

you never wanted to....

As the night closes in....

You hope for the morning to come soon so that another day starts with you smiling and showing how happy you are....

And then another night would come followed by another morning....

As the cycle continues

you survive everyday being at the brink of the end....

You survive with a hope....

A hope of being better for the best....

A hope of someone making you better with time....

A hope of feeling all that you desire and crave....

Girl you're brave 😌🙃

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188 Reviews

Points: 6366
Reviews: 188

Sun Apr 26, 2020 1:54 am
LadyBug wrote a review...

Hi, I'm Jade and I'll be leaving a quick review on your poem today! Let's get started.

I found this so relateable and sad, yet with glimmers of a hope and curiosity. This was so well worded and I have few comments. One, the ...'s hurt the flow, but I can see they're artistic choices. 2, The grammar is a bit off but it's not awful, 3, the flow overall is a bit weird, maybe having more of a scheme and stanzas could help?

OVERALL: The message is so strong and amazing, and I liked the emojis, I don't see that often in poetry and it made you stand out. I loved this!


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1252 Reviews

Points: 3698
Reviews: 1252

Tue Mar 31, 2020 2:16 am
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Elinor wrote a review...

Hi Megha04! I see you just joined a few days ago! Welcome to YWS, I hope you're enjoying your time here so far. By the way, your avatar is so cute! I love kittens. My name is Elinor, and I thought I would drop by to give your poem a quick review.

My comments, overall, are minor, and mostly have to deal with structure and presentation. The poem itself is strong and I love the empowering message of it, but I think there's a few tweaks you can make to make this seem more polished without changing much of the content of the poem at all. Just curious though, since you have this in "art", I was wondering if you were planning to do anything else with it?

For instance, take your first five ines:

When you feel choked and

tears surge up....

Your voice cracks....

Helpless you crave someone to hold you tight....but

none in sight....

The frequent ellipses and only having a few lines make it a difficult to read.

Imagine what just messing around with this a little could do. For example:

When you feel choked and tears surge up
Your voice cracks.
you crave someone to hold you tight
but no one is in sight.

I didn't change anything you wrote at all. Ditto goes for the rest of the poem, I would just play with it a little more. Also, the smiley faces at the end are cute, but don't really belong in something like this.

Just a thought. Hope you're having a great week, and keep writing! :D


Megha04 says...

Hey @Eleanor, thanks for your feedback.

Good to hear that you love kittens because even I am a big cat woman. Yes, I am new to YWS and till now I seem to enjoy most of it.

As far as my poem is concerned, well, thank you for your tip and review. But I would just like to mention something over here that why it has been written in such a way. This poem was written by me as a self help. So when you actually undergo something similar and you have no one around you really don't think of verses and lines. But after I finished writing and recovered I read this trying to get its meaning. And I did not feel like making any changes instead kept it as it is ,completely natural. So you see this is a one time written work.

Anyway thank you for your feedback. Hope you're having a great weak too. Till then happy reading.


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63 Reviews

Points: 986
Reviews: 63

Fri Mar 27, 2020 2:40 pm
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BhavyaMehta123 wrote a review...

WOW Megha! . You have nailed this.I think this so relatable. There are days my soul needs love, care and support and sometimes I feel no one except time can give me. Giving yourself sometime to heal is what you need to do sometimes. Then, you become the winner.
This is something worth sharing. You have given hope and light to everyone. Hustling, falling and growing again is theme you have focused on .Overall your poem was nice , short, sweet, full of emotions and hope. The best part is you ended this on a positive note.
Welcome to YWS. I hope you have a lovely time here.

Megha04 says...

Thank you so much for the love and support. At times we feel the end is near and all we have to do is make that the beginning of something good that is about to come.

Welcome! very true. Keep spreading positivity like this.

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31 Reviews

Points: 2199
Reviews: 31

Fri Mar 27, 2020 2:19 pm
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Alfonso22 says...

Yep! Life takes bravery for some of us more than for others and sometimes things can get very hairy. The poem really expresses the desperation involved in this human condition very well indeed. Thanks for sharing.

Megha04 says...

We want to be heard but unfortunately no one write to yourself ...feel good stay good ...and thank you for the love...

the only theft here is of decency when carina decided to rob me of my pride and put me on a banana
— veeren