A/N: Dameon is from a parallel dimension (similar to our world) and wound up the world the chapter takes place in (a post-apocalyptic world) several years ago. Several versions of himself and his brother from other parallel dimensions run what is essentially a dictatorship. Dameon doesn't like this at all, and so his coworker and friend Jade is bringing him to a secret meeting.
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They took the bus to whatever secret revolutionary meeting Jade had in mind. They didn’t have to worry about chits or any other electronic trail — bus travel within the city was open to all, unlimited. They traveled in a zigzag across Eos, through divisions he had hardly ever been in before, filled with people walking and biking, enjoying a late night out.
“How do you even know people from here?” Dameon asked as they got off the last bus on a quiet street near the highway north, an area that brushed against both the empty outskirts and the wall that separated the ruins of the east side of what was Toronto from the west, the rebuilt city of Eos.
She glanced at him, but didn’t answer at first. After a moment, she shrugged, turning away from him down the street. “I didn’t always live in the Lake District, you know. Some people kept in touch.”
She led him into the tiny streets between buildings, and in just a few minutes they had turned half a dozen times and Dameon was completely lost and starting to get concerned. Eos didn’t have slums. That was one thing Samuel made sure of. But if Eos had a poor sector, this place would be it. The roads were badly lit, with lights only every ten or twenty yards. Instead of restaurants, they passed dingy bars, and of the few bikes that were on the street, all of them were chained with two or three locks. Dameon’s hand drifted to cover his watch before he remembered he’d left it in the park. Well, at least he didn’t have anything of value on him if they got mugged.
“Are you sure — “ he began.
“Yes, I know what I’m doing,” Jade said. “This isn’t exactly my first time walking through here.” She was walking more briskly now, though, back straight and head held high.
An age later, Jade turned down a final street and halted. “Here we are.”
Twenty feet in front of her, the road ended in a concrete wall. Not any wall. The wall, the one that separatedEos from the ruins of Toronto.
Someone had bored a hole through it. Three feet wide and four feet tall, it just brushed the ground, forming a low tunnel that led outside of Eos.
“Who — how — “ Dameon stammered.
“I don’t know,” Jade admitted. “It’s been here for years. People gravitated to it, you know? Exploring the ruins — it’s fascinating. I did it whenever I could sneak away as a kid. When — we — started officially meeting, we needed somewhere where it wouldn’t go on any record, and it was only natural to come here.”
She took Dameon’s hand and pulled him forward. “Come on, we’re a little bit late. It’s not hard, just duck your head going through, and then watch out for rubble and loose stones on the other side. Way easier than New York.”
Easy for her to say, Dameon thought ruefully as he followed her in. He was a good six inches taller than her — she had to duck, but Dameon practically had to bend over double. The old, rough concrete scraped at his scalp, and then he was through.
Silence. In the calm night, not a whisper of wind, in an abandoned, crumbling city, there was silence. Five feet away, behind the wall, there had been all the bustle and noise of a city, down to a slight humming about the atmosphere. Here, the air was crisp and clear, moonlight giving pristine clarity to the night shadows, like a sculpture perfectly carved and endlessly preserved. Awash in gray, the dilapidated buildings loomed over Dameon, guards in a mausoleum.
“It’s — humbling, isn’t it?” Jade whispered, looking around. “It’s pretty dark, so be careful where you step. The meeting’s just around the corner.”
Around that corner, the ruined city was alive again. The chatter of a crowd cut through the silence, and light broke through the windows and the gaps under the doors. The building had probably once been some kind of store.
Jade put her hand on the door handle and glanced back at Dameon. He nodded. Jade opened the door, and she and Dameon slipped inside.
The room was lit with flickering candles. They threw shadows onto the wall, the light dancing over the faces of dozens of people milling around, talking and laughing in small groups as if this were some strange party. Someone had set up tables with cups of water at one end.
An old Mexican man in plain laborer’s clothes was watching the door from a few paces away, with the careful air of a guard who didn’t want to appear as if he were guarding anything. His eyes narrowed suspiciously when he saw Dameon, and he pushed his way forward.
“Jade,” Dameon muttered, nodding in the old man’s direction.
Jade looked at the man, then at Dameon’s face, then back again. “Ah. Right. Of course you’d draw attention.” She took Dameon’s elbow and pulled him aside as the man reached them.
“So, who’s this kid?” the man said gruffly to Jade, folding his arms. “He’s a Dameon, that’s for sure. One of them. Better get him out of here before he hears anything he doesn’t like.”
“He’s a skeptic, Henry. Like us.”
“Doesn’t change the fact he could go waltzing straight to Samuel tomorrow and turn us all in.”
“Any of us could,” Jade countered.
Henry peered up at Dameon through beady eyes. “A skeptic, huh? More like a spy.Aren’t all you Dameons soldiers or spies?”
Their suspicion was good, Dameon reminded himself when he realized he was clenching his jaw. It would keep them under the radar. With an effort at civility, he said, “That’s what they told me when I got here. You know what I told them? I told them I’d go to prison before I spied for them. I work with Jade — that’s how she met me. I’m a rescue worker, not a spy.”
Henry’s expression cleared, just a little, as comprehension dawned. “So you’re D-7.”
“Dameon,” Dameon insisted, shifting from one foot to the other. He hated that everyone in Eos knew his face and most people knew about his odd choice of profession.
“Dameon,” Henry acknowledged. “I see.” He hesitated a moment, then finally nodded to Jade, who let out a relieved sigh.
“We just have one simple entry question here,” Henry continued. “A question, and a warning. First the warning: what we’re doing is dangerous. You’ll learn the history at the speech tonight, but suffice it to say the government has never taken kindly to what we do here. Right now, we’re keeping quiet, keeping it safe, but we used to do more. Then we nearly got wiped out. That could happen again, anytime. Got that? Now the question: What brought you here tonight? Besides the pretty lady?”
Jade rolled her eyes. Despite Henry’s flippancy, Dameon knew better than to take the question anything less than seriously. He met the man’s eyes. “This morning, Jade and I went to New York to rescue a fallen. I brought my pistol with me. Without it, I’d be a mauled corpse steaming in an acid pool somewhere, but Jade saw me with it, and we got to talking. Half of dear old Samuel’s regulations are stupid and the other half are engineered to keep him in power. You could say I’m open to change.”
Henry actually smiled at that, spreading his arms wide. “Welcome to the the First Democratic Party of Eos. Legislative powers pending.”
Jade laughed at that. “One day,” she said, and steered Dameon away from the man. She let out a sigh of relief, but in a moment she was on her toes again, straining to see over the crowd. “There’s somany people I want you to meet now that you’re in… and the speeches are going to start any minute — “
“Yeah,” Dameon said. He wasn’t looking forward to being an object of curiosity all evening. He let Jade draw him into the crowd, trying to keep his head down as she searched for someone. Thankfully, it didn’t seem that the group was small enough for everyone to know everybody else — and besides, the dim lighting obscured the details. A good idea, to maintain anonymity.
“There she is,” Jade said, pushing between two people and tapping a young brunette on the shoulder. “Sarah!”
The girl turned away from her group. “There you are,” she said, pulling Jade into a hug. “I hoped you would come tonight.”
“Yeah, sorry I’m late. I was bringing someone new.”
Sarah looked up at Dameon and a flicker of surprised shot across her face. “One of them? Henry let him in?”
“He’s the one I’ve told you about, sis,” Jade said, giving Sarah a meaningful look. “Dameon, meet Sarah. My sister.”
Dameon nodded to her. Sarah nodded back, expression curious, but to Dameon’s relief, Jade didn’t give her a chance to ask questions, taking her hand and nudging her sympathetically. “How are you doing?”
Sarah shrugged, avoiding Jade’s eyes. “No worse than any of the other two thousand people who hated the scores they got today.”
So this was that sister. Dameon appraised her again. She looked… maybe seventeen? She had to be eighteen, to have taken the aptitude tests this year. She’d go to an accounting college in the spring. For accountants, training was what… two years? She’d be put to work at twenty. So young. The system was… what it was.
“Did you put it in the grievances pool?” Jade asked.
“Of course,” Sarah said. “They’ll read it out soon.”
At that moment, a hush fell across the room and everyone turned to face the front. Dameon, a inch or two taller than the average height of the crowd, watched over their heads as two women and a man stepped onto a portable dais at that end of the room. The man carried a large bowl. One of the women was masked.
“Your leaders?” Dameon asked under his breath.
“Yeah. Martin, Anita, and the masked one is Isa.”
“Not their real names, I assume? Why is Isa masked?”
“Not their real names. And Isa prefers to keep a low profile. More that that, she’ll never say.”
“She’s someone too easily recognized,” Dameon said in a low voice. “Politician, probably.” He wasn’t sure what to make of that.
“Friends,” Anita said, stepping forward and spreading her arms. Her face was cast in shadow, but she was a curvy woman with long hair split into dozens of braids swept back and tied together in a high ponytail. “Welcome to the weekly meeting of the First Democratic Party. It is good to see this room so full of brothers and sisters.”
The crowd cheered. Anita quieted them with a wave of her hand and raised a portable microphone to her lips. “I see many new faces in the crowd tonight. We welcome you especially, and we’re certain you have questions about who we are and what our mission is.”
She fixed the crowd with her gaze, lingering over each person, one at a time. “So I’ll tell you: our mission is to bring freedom to Eos. No more. No less.
“Twenty years ago when our President was first gathering people to this city, he was a beacon of light in a world clouded by ash. We don’t dispute that. He argued that he alone could bind us together and rebuild. Maybe he was right. But that was twenty years ago. We’ve rebuilt. We’re a stable country of millions, one of two great powers left in the world.
“Now look around. You’re fed. You’re clothed. But with what clothes, what food? The same few dozen designs, the same food collectively farmed by a few dozen farmers in the west.
“Our President would have us believe that we are free. Free from the ruins of the old world, free from scrounging scraps of what they left behind. He sits on his throne and tells us we are the ones empowered. But a human right more fundamental than any other is the right to choose. And where are our choices? Taken from us as if we were untrustworthy children. Instead, we are told where to live. Assigned a job, given our monthly budget, told what to study and even whether to bike or walk or take the trains. And still, we slip through the cracks.”
An angry rumbling rose from the crowd in agreement, a murmur of discontent that set Dameon’s teeth on edge.
“Never mind that people die because the waiting list for a surgery is too long, or hang themselves because they hate their job, or go to jail for complaining about the police, or a hundred other things. Never mind that we’re stagnant, that our technology hasn’t substantially changed in a decade. Never mind that we’re abandoning the rest of the world, holed up in our neat little country. Never mind all that, our President says.”
The crowd cheered with every sentence. Dameon shifted uncomfortably, disturbed both at her treasonous words and to realize that those words actually bothered him. He scolded himself. He was a citizen of Eos in name, not in heart — he never had been loyal and never would be. Then again, words like this were an excellent way to get everyone listening imprisoned or killed. As wrong as that was.
“Well, you know what we say to that?” Anita cried. “We do mind. We do care. And we name you a tyrant. Not a president, but a king in all but name. And your days are numbered, because we the people will rise again.”
A smile spread across Dameon’s face, just for a moment. Yes, a tyrant. Name him. That’s the first step to change.
“We must take action.” Anita clenched a fist. “Strike out. Show him that we know our rights. That we will not tolerate these abuses.”
The crowd roared, but Dameon shook his head, euphoria fading as quickly as it had come This would never work. What was this little group of malcontents supposed to do? The Senate, although it was elected by the population at large, was practically a joke — it had no power to change any but the most superficial of Eos’ laws. Hell, it was mostly the government’s Public Affairs, meant to keep the people distracted and happy.
Unarmed and with no real political power, this ragtag group had nothing. Samuel was smart — Dameon knew that all too well — and he would never allow something like this to grow strong enough to present any real threat. An outright revolution would fail. Even if their numbers were twenty times what he saw this this room, and every one of them was armed, it would only be enough to cause a bloodbath. And incremental legal change was impossible under the system. The whole thing was foolhardy. So why was he nodding along to her speech?
“These are our demands: Open boarders,” Anita continued. “An open market. Innovation. And most importantly, the freedom to chose everything from your job to where you live. Democracy. These are our goals. We want to give you voices. We want your choices to be heard. Thank you.”
The crowd cheered raucously. Her speech sounded pretty. But words like these always did.
As the clamor died down, the guy with the bowl — Martin — stepped forward and took the microphone from Anita. “These are this week’s grievances,” Martin said. “Listen and know that they are heard.”
The bowl was filled with small slips of paper, Dameon saw. The crowd fell into an almost reverent silence, attention fixed on the ritual. Martin pulled out the first slip of paper and read it.
“I wanted to buy a cake for my daughter’s birthday, but I had used all of this week’s food chits. Meanwhile, my clothing chits expire tomorrow and I still have no use for them.”
“My mother disappeared last week on a manic episode and it still won’t prove she’s ill enough to get the medication she needs.”
“I submitted a complaint to my division’s HR and it took them six weeks to get back to me.”
On and on they went. Some were petty, or simple inefficiencies of bureaucracy, but many — far too many — were appalling. If they were true. Somewhere in the middle, Martin read out Jade’s sister’s situation.
Beside him, Jade was looking at the floor, shoulders hunched. “What is it?” Dameon asked.
“All these,” she said miserably. “It’s awful. But it’s good to know.”
“I guess.”
“It is. We have to remember, Dameon. We have to fix this.”
Dameon’s eyes flicked to Martin and then across the crowd. “Is it even possible?” he said softly.
“Of course,” Jade said instantly. “It has to be. There has to be a way. It’s just so hard to find it.”
Dameon put his arm around Jade’s shoulder and drew her close to him. “I hope you’re right. Either way… thanks for bringing me tonight.”
She gave half a smile. “Of course. What do you think?”
“When’s the next meeting?” Dameon asked.
She interpreted it playfully, and her smile spread into a grin. “I hoped you’d say that. Three days. Same time and place.”
Dameon wasn’t sure what he thought yet. But he wasn’t about to miss that next meeting.
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Hello again Miss Mea!

Have you read the Uglies series, because you should read the Uglies series. Eos and Uglies really aren't that similar but I keep feeling small similarities (like having their secret meetings in a somewhat remote abandoned area).
I liked how you showed the meeting and how there was obviously a lot going on so we're kind of taking it all in as Dameon is taking it all in. If you do decide to introduce the conflict with the sister later, I think you could easily cut her out of this scene. Or, you could keep her in the scene but just change her involvement. Or, you could introduce the conflict with her not getting the job she wanted at this moment instead of in the last scene.
When the leader gives the speech and explains what they're doing and why, I appreciated it from the reader perspective as this is our first meeting and I want to know what's going on and why. But, surely there are new attendees at every meeting. Does the leader really give this speech to everyone every time? That seems inefficient, and for the regular attendees, boring. (Unless hearing it every time is a validation and reminds them of their purpose). We need it in there for the reader's understanding (and for Dameon). Could some of it be shared in a small new member group or something and then they join the large group for the grievances and other portions of the meeting? Otherwise, what is the purpose of the meeting? To share grievances and remind them of their purpose? How are they advancing their goals with this meeting?
And with the grievances, what's the purpose other than to make them known? Is it so everyone is aware of what's going on in the society? Is it for the people writing the grievance to get it off their chest? Does the group actually try to fix any of the grievances or is it more of a running list of the ills of society?
I appreciated Dameon's thoughts throughout this experience and how he was skeptical it was all going to work, but that he still wanted to be part of it. I also appreciate that even though there's totally going to be a thing between him and Jade, he's not there because of Jade and he's not coming back because of Jade, he has his own independent reasons.
Let me know if you have any questions/if you want feedback about something I didn't mention and I'll see you in the next segment
I have indeed read the Uglies series, and now that you mention it, I definitely see the similarities
Man, maybe I should re-read it, it's been ages...
Those are really good points about the logistics of the meeting and what they're all gathered here to do. Honestly, right now a lot of it is just "meet up to be angry at the government together" - the validation aspect. (Which I feel like kind of works because don't we all spend a lot of time complaining about government but not actually doing anything?) But then again I agree there should definitely be signs that there's more to this than that. Part of it is that they're not that well-established yet but hmm.... definitely something to think about. Thanks for the review!
ALSO I just noticed the Miss Mea and I love it <3
You're so welcome Miss Mea <3
Hi, Mea! Sorry for the delay again. Between holidays and LMS and seeing friends and family, it's quite difficult to squeeze reviews in.
Small Comments
Wow, that is a long sentence. It's a real struggle to take any of that information in, so definitely chop it up a bit.
Lovely description.
This was excellent too. A great little detail.
It becomes plain so quickly that he's suspicious that it hardly seems worth mentioning it here.
This part perplexed me, because twenty doesn't seem like a particularly young age to start working at. If you don't go to university - which roughly half of young people in my country don't - then you'll probably enter full-time work at about eighteen, and lots of people start working in some capacity before then. More concerning is the lack of choice Sarah has in her profession, but that isn't the focus here.
Overall Thoughts
This chapter definitely held my attention, especially once they got over to Henry, but I think Bisc has hit on a lot of the points that were occurring to me as I read this. Eos doesn't seem a great place to live, but it doesn't seem a whole lot worse than a lot of real countries, so it's hard to rally behind the cause with the same devotion as the characters. Like Bisc says, it's not that the problems addressed aren't valid, but they're still somewhat familiar, so nothing really strikes me in the gut and makes me think Eos absolutely has to change. And none of what this revolution is proposing feels like it will tackle all of those issues, even though I agree that democracy is essential regardless of its flaws.
Dameon's reaction seemed a little accelerated. You were presenting this evening stint with Jade as quite the mystery in the last few chapters, but in this chapter it's almost portrayed like Dameon knew it was a revolutionary meeting from the off - there's not much surprise or apprehension when he realises what he's got himself in for, and he responds to Henry's question about why he came as if he'd planned his words in advance. Throughout the meeting, his inconsistent reactions make sense in principle - he's a realist, and he knows how powerful Samuel is, so it follows that he'd doubt a tiny movement's power to change anything - but it just doesn't feel natural in practice. Maybe it's because I personally can't feel the driving need to change the system, at least not from Dameon's perspective. His situation isn't great, but he's not got a terrible job and it doesn't seem like he's that uncomfortable. There's not much personal motivation for him to be against the system.
It could be really interesting if his whole motivation was personal, if he only rallied with these revolutionaries to get at Samuel. There's certainly no love lost between them, it seems. I always think it makes for an interesting narrative when you get characters doing seemingly noble things for very selfish reasons. Then again, I don't know where the story is going to go from here, so maybe that character arc just wouldn't work.
So, to sum up my overall thoughts: the chapter is exciting. The meeting feels realistic, with good dialogue and a nicely integrated amount of exposition, but I'm struggling to make out Dameon's motivations in all of this. I also don't think Eos is bad enough, and thus, as Bisc says, the stakes don't feel as high as they should be. I can't throw myself behind the cause, especially as I'm not sure how much it would solve.
Keep writing!
~Pan
I'm so glad I happened to see this on the View New Posts Page because it is not in my notifications anywhere.
Thanks so much! You've given me some good ideas on how to help make this feel more personal for Dameon.
Heyo, sorry I didn't get to this last week, got a bit confused with how your publishing is on a different schedule from your LMS posting.
Nit-picks (probs won't do too many bc this is so long):
This sounds like a very specific mantra that Dameon will learn while he is here. It'd be like an addict walking into a support group meeting for the very first time and immediately reciting the Serenity Prayer.
Overall:
Okay, I think the setup is starting to be higher impact now. I'm still going to need convinced that a free market is going to practically put in place more choice - capitalism brings its own chains. But the rhetoric about how Samuel saved them and is riding on that heroism brings to mind so many dictators or corrupt rules eg Robert Mugabe, or Jacob Zuma riding Nelson Mandela's high. This gives me something understandable and concrete to latch onto. But the choice stuff still feels kind of low impact. Like, if this is a city where everyone is fed (is nobody homeless?) I just care more about that than about a birthday cake.
Impact is found in some of the examples. Not being able to gain access to manic depression medication is terrible, though I fail to see how that's better under the status quo. Plenty of Americans just can't afford this medication. And I think that's your issue. Your characters are fighting to put in place a world that sounds like current-America, though presumably Obama-America rather than Trump-America. And like, that's fine but it's difficult to feel passion for a kind-of-okay-but-not-spectacular world. I think some more explicit abuses of power than just what are essentially nit-picks, that do not happen under a free market, are necessary to establish why what they are aiming for is so much better than the current system.
This isn't to say that these aren't legitimate problems. But it's a high-stakes novel. I need something meaty to sink my teeth into to feel that suspense and care about those stakes.
Your characters are done quite well here, though it's not like there's that much to work with in this particular chapter. I really like Henry's reactions, and then the echoes of it in Sarah's, and I can see a great deal of tension arising from this obstacle. The speakers were well-described, felt entirely real. Setting was good too. I know I'm not saying much here but like you clearly are accomplished in technical elements and probably don't need me to tell you how to do those xD
Hope this helps,
Biscuits
Your comments on the stakes are so delightfully helpful, as this is one of the most difficult things I'm trying to balance in the novel. I think I'm going to push it a bit further in the next draft; we'll see.
Thank you so much!
(Also, I apologize about my posting schedule - the only actual reason it doesn't line up with my LMS schedule is because I keep forgetting to post them when I submit my chapter for the week. xD)
Haha fair enough xD I'm glad I'm helping