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A Carolina Millennial in a Prehistoric Tribe Chapter 12

by MaybeAndrew


Chapter Twelve

Murder with a Mini cooper

Danger can remind you that you have two choices, face this harsh world a lone mortal, or seek the aid of The Eternal. 

-Paul Meyer, A Worshiper Dilemma 

It was a beautiful day in early summer. I rolled the window down as we passed through wooded hills. Athena was soon out of sight, the treeline hiding Her from view. We were heading to my lunch with Doctor Robert Skizan. The forest got denser and denser as we passed through three layers of security until finally, we passed through a tall barbed-wire fence covered in warning signs. The fence slid away, and the car drove slowly through. I looked around. The road cut thick forest. I don't know what I expected, but we seemed to be in the middle of nowhere.

"Where are we?" I asked

"Morvan Regional Natural Park," Avary replied.

"A natural park?"

Avery nodded.

"Why hadn't I thought of that?" I chastised myself aloud. Why did no tell me that yet? "It would have to be federally owned land. So, to the public, there's now just this secret operation going on in the middle of the woods?"

"Yes," Avery said.

"Seems very Close Encounter Of The Third Kind-ish," I said as we turned a corner, and the fence disappeared from view, hidden by some low bushes. Avery gave no response.

The park wasn't just a forest. The hill-filled area also had fields, rivers, and ponds. I noticed that France didn't have as many tall, thick trunked trees as American. In France, the trees were closer to the ground, more spread out, and seemed less old.

The serene car ride was interrupted by my phone vibrating in my pocket with a call. I pulled it out and took a shuddering breath as I saw who it was. Adam.

Adam was my older brother by three years.

Is.

I don't know. Like I said, tense is hard when time travel gets involved.

I'd last seen Adam at my dad's funeral. Adam and I had always fought and competed as little kids, but at the funeral, we had our biggest fight yet. He was the oldest and most financially successful of the siblings, so he took the lead at the funeral. During the weekend we spent together, he exploded after my speech, saying that I was being self-centered and then yelled at me for not helping dad edit his book. I said that they were all treating dad like a saint when he'd just been a guy and an imperfect one at that.

At that, Adam shook his head and walked away from me. I had not talked to him since.

As I stared at my phone, cold and hot emotions rippled through me. Anger, pride, confusion, and most of all, shame.

Good ol' shame. You see, each time Adam and I had a bad interaction, I felt ashamed of what I had said, but since that wasn't particularly fun to feel, instead I decided to blame it all on him and put myself in the place of infinite rightness.

Deep down, I knew this was a farce, but it was easier than talking to him.

Now he was calling me, bringing everything I had avoided thinking about to the surface.

But you're the successful one this time! The voice reminded me.

And then another voice spoke. The voice of little Matt, who wanted his older brother to let him ride on his go-cart, made me blush. Adams wants to talk to you.

A mix of both sides churned around my face, making it hot and tingly as I answered.

"Hello," I said, the two sides holding each other in perfect balance.

"Is this Matthew Meyers?" Adams' deep, familiar voice asked.

"Yup, it's me. Adam?" I responded.

"Yeah, it's me. I got this number from that email you sent to the family," I was confused, and then I remembered Myke had emailed my family to tell them I was moving to France for my job with the UN.

"Oh yeah,"

"Yeah, awesome that you got a job with the UN! And in France! Kinda out of the blue." Adam said.

"Yeah," I said again.

"How's it been so far?"

"Great! Great, busy, but really cool."

"That's great! Hey, me and Ashely were planning on taking the kids on a trip to Italy this summer, but when we heard you were in France, we thought maybe they could come to see Paris and their uncle instead. Whatcha think? Is Paris cool?"

Unbridled joy sparkled through the confusion like grains of salt on ice. "Oh my gosh, that'd be awesome! I've been dying to meet little Timothy and Mary-Marget."

"Yeah, they're just starting to talk now, and it's adorable, and Francis hasn't seen you in so long he barely remembers you. But Grace does, and she said she'd much rather see her favorite uncle than Italy."

A pure laugh bubbled out of me as I remembered the adorable face of little Grace when I had last seen her. She had been eight and was missing her two front teeth. She got excited about everything and thought I was the coolest person in the world. "We're looking at plane tickets for next week. Would that work?"

"Yeah, I'm pretty busy, but I have Saturdays off, so I could see you all then!"

"Great, we'll all be heading over then!"

"Sounds great. This is a really nice surprise."

"Yeah, the kids have never left the states, so it'll be good for them. And it's been too long since we've talked."

I paused, "Yeah."

"Okay, see you Thursday!"

"See ya."

"Love you." He said.

I paused and looked at Avery, whose eyes were glued to the road and giving no sign of listening.

"You too,"

***

If I'm being honest, I kinda expected Paris to be a bit of a disappointment. I thought all that talk about its beauty and culture was made up by a bunch of posers and the Paris tourism agency. This belief was somewhat based on experience. I've been disappointed by cities before, to my uncultured eyes, New York and DC and London all look the same on the surface, But Paris actually felt different. There were no skyscrapers or super modern buildings. The architecture was consistent with itself and what you want it to be.

We parked a couple hundred yards away from Le Bouillon, the restaurant where the Doctor had told me he'd meet me. Avery insisted on coming with me, saying he wasn't allowed to let me out of his sight. I thought it felt a bit like overkill since no one knew who I was yet, but I allowed it.

As I got out of the car, I peered down the street. The one-way street curved slowly out of sight, the stone-cut four-story buildings that enclosed the road like a canyon or alleyway. The buildings on either side of the street were long and felt almost more like parts of the streets geography than buildings. They matched each other and were loosely consistent in style, but no two spots were the same. The buildings were littered with windows, balconies, signs, colorful doors, and glass fronts displaying various wares.

A little arched alleyway with stone stairs there, a shop which front was made of panes displaying old wooden toys here, and an old French guy passing me on a bike right there oh my gosh, that was a little close.

Nothing looked perfectly new, but nor was anything falling apart. The city seemed to be playing this balancing game, and for a moment, a game I was afraid I was interrupting.

A french truck beeped past me, and I jumped slightly. I hadn't been in the real world for a while. I saw the little truck putter down the street, leaving behind a slight smell of exhaust. I was relieved for the poles that lined the sidewalk. They seemed to prevent the cars from accidentally jumping up the low curb and ramming me into the beautiful buildings.

As I watched the truck turn the corner, I caught the smell of bread and could hear that comforting hum of the activity of a city.

I smiled and looked back at Avery. He smiled back. "First time in Paris?" He asked, pronouncing it painfully french.

I blushed ever so slightly as I realized how uncultured I was, "Yes, it's lovely."

We arrived at a little intersection where the sunlight cut down the street and illuminated Le Boulin. The restaurant was at the corner of one of the long stone buildings. It was spilling out onto the large area of sidewalk beside the intersection, a little red awning extended out and shading the many green chairs.

"Matthew!" Doctor Skizain said, standing up from the table furthest out from the restaurant. "Good to see you. Come sit down."

"Hey!" I said, walking up and shaking his hand solidly, "It's a really nice day.

"Yes, the weather is extremely pleasant." He said as he broke from the handshake and slipped into the chair. It was weird to see him in person. He was just there, the thin beard, sharp cheekbones, glasses, and nice understated suit.

I sat down, and Avery sat next to me. A couple people looked our way, most of them staring at Avery, who was wearing a bulletproof vest and scowling at just about everything.

The Doctor ordered our food in fluent french, and then we got talking.

"How was the drive here?" He asked.

"Good, Honestly, I didn't really realize where we were until we left the park."

He chuckled, "Yes, A park is the only piece of land in France where they wouldn't have to clear out villages."

I nodded, "They're saying it's mining, right?"

"That's the story the public hears." The Doctor agreed, "And it is not entirely a lie either. Huge amounts of uranium were recently discovered in those mountains."

"Really?" I asked, a slight tinge of embarrassment rising as I remembered how I'm still kept in the dark a lot.

He leaned back and smiled as if aware of the effect he was having, "The project requires substantial amounts of uranium to function. The uranium mining and use of atomic machinery have sparked rumors that France is making atomic bombs, but the more common theory is that France is going nuclear. The government has been talking for ages about getting the electric grid completely off of fossil fuels. So it's actually quite a plausible guess."

I nodded, "Yeah, and I bet the project is helping keep those rumors going."

"They definitely are, and the populace of the world actually cares very little about what little France is doing in their park. It doesn't affect them, so why care? And, as of yet, it doesn't score any team political-points, so why comment on it. It's too soon to know who should be outraged. And Time travel rumors are too absurd for even most of the conspiracy inclined, so the project is safe from terrible scrutiny."

I chuckled, "It's even hard to believe from the inside."

"It is 'Magnificent,' as Gabrellio would say."

I smiled, "Yes, he does like to say that."

"I'm glad that Gabrellio has warmed up to you. He's a good friend of mine, and I like when my friends get along." Robert said, I felt a little spark of kinship as I realized he had put me in the category of friend, "And he has more power in the project than you would think. He isn't just their fundraiser."

I nodded, not sure how that was true, but I wanted to make it look like I already understood. "But what are you up to now? Where have you gone since the project?"

"Oh, not far. Athena is a possible source of infinite clean energy, so I'm exploring that as a possibility. Just drawing up some designs here and there and working with Green Now, the charity, to help develop that."

Before I could stop myself, I blurted, "If I may ask, why'd you quit?" Why didn't you just work on that from the inside? Why abandon Her?" Curiosity, my constant companion, along with worry and that zit next to my lip that seems to be unkillable.

He sighed, "A lot of reasons, but in the end, Destiny's Touch started to get the better of me. I was going under a lot, but the effects it was having on me began to grow, and even when I slept, it was there." He looked off into the distance dramatically, "The dreams! The dreams." He cried with a shudder. "Are you starting to have them yet? The terrible dreams?"

I froze and tried to keep my composure… They were just dreams. "What kind of dreams?"

"Dreams that were like the Touch… the same types of things you saw while under, but clearer. Terribly vivid." He said.

I slowly shook my head, my dreams weren't what I saw in the touch, nothing like it, in fact.

Well, 'in-fact' they were very similar, but 'in-experience' or 'in-belief' they were quite different, because one I relished, and the other I hated. One proved that I had control, and the other shattered it. Often emotion feels much more real than fact because fact exists outside of the self, but feeling inside of it, so feeling tends to like to validate its own truthfulness.

"No, I haven't yet." Even though I hadn't thought it was a lie, it felt like one leaving my mouth.

The Doctor searched my face. "Nothing? Nothing strange? They turned out to mean nothing, but it would be nice to talk to someone about them. The touch is terribly alone in that way. You're the only one who has experienced it. I just want someone else who knows what I dreamt," A shakiness had crept its way into his voice. Doctor Skizan was begging me.

I paused, then my jaw hardened. He had placed himself below me, I was in power, and I would not go back down to him again. "No, nothing."

Suddenly, the Doctors face completely changed back, and he laughed, "Doesn't matter much." He took a sip of his glass of wine with a look of ease on his face, but I thought I saw in his eyes the sharp look of decision.

"You must excuse me. I need to use the bathroom. Little too much coffee this morning, I suppose," He said, getting up. The Doctor walked inside of the building, leaving Avery and me alone.

Taking a sip of my soup, I considered whether our conversation had been too out in the open.

My mind wandered to the horrible thing Robert had told me. He had quiet because his brain had begun to break down. If his had, what about mine? I was going under even more than him now. I never had time to recover either. Had the psychologist been right? Would I injure myself soon? Was Josh just going to use me up and throw me aside?

Avery interrupted my thoughts with a look of concern. I'd never seen Avery express any emotion, let alone a negative one. He was staring intently at something behind me. In surprise, I turned around to investigate. Rocketing down the road much faster than seemed safe was a silver mini-cooper. It had to be going at least 45 miles an hour on the narrow street. People were yelling and jumping out its way as it passed by them. It was moments away from the intersection and only accelerating. As it entered the intersection, its tires skidded, and it turned sharply. It whipped around, not to one of the streets, but the corner where all the tables from La Bulletin sat. Where I sat. It was skidding at me.

Someone slammed into my side, throwing me off my chair and out of the path of the car. I landed on the hard stone with a heavy body on top of me. My head stopped uncomfortably quick as it became acquainted with the pavement.

As my brain settled back into its place, I heard the last ringing of a massive crash and crunching. The street and my brain had devolved into screaming confusion in a moment.

The thing on top of me - Avery, jumped up quickly but stayed between me and the building. I looked between his legs. The small car had managed to squeeze between two of the poles, jump the curb, and fly through our table and chairs we had been sitting at moments before, turning them to kindling. It had kept going, flying through other tables, like a bowling ball through pins, sending people and chairs scattering. The car had then slammed through the restaurant's front wall and come to a halt when it hit the restaurant's counter. "Stay down, Monsieur," Avery said. I realized he was clutching a pistol in his hands.

A man rolled out from the front seat of the car into a crouch. His face was bloody from a cut in his hairline, but in one hand, he clutched a dark object. He moved to point the gun at Avery. Before he could, the sound of a Gunshot cracked the air. I gasped and blinked. I felt dizzy and nauseous. Had I been shot? But then I saw the man fall back against the wreckage clutching his chest. Avery shot five more times, filling the air with the splitting sound. The man jerked with each shot and then went completely limp.

Avery turned around and scanned the area, and then his eyes fell on me. "Lunch is over, back to the car," Avery said, helping me up.

"What?" I asked, feeling the spot in my head that was now bleeding slightly.

"You are not safe here. You have been made a target."


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Mon Nov 15, 2021 10:26 am
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HarryHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: I love this little turn that things have now taken with so many potential negative impacts being highlighted rather strongly for Matt and he's going to learn the not so glamorous side of his current life...well, things are certainly happening in this one.

Anyway let's get right to it,

Murder with a Mini cooper


We've had funny title, we've had more serious titles, and this is proclaiming straight up murder...well I suppose you weren't kidding when you said things were really about to go down in this chapter.

It was a beautiful day in early summer. I rolled the window down as we passed through wooded hills. Athena was soon out of sight, the treeline hiding Her from view. We were heading to my lunch with Doctor Robert Skizan. The forest got denser and denser as we passed through three layers of security until finally, we passed through a tall barbed-wire fence covered in warning signs. The fence slid away, and the car drove slowly through. I looked around. The road cut thick forest. I don't know what I expected, but we seemed to be in the middle of nowhere.

"Where are we?" I asked

"Morvan Regional Natural Park," Avary replied.

"A natural park?"

Avery nodded.

"Why hadn't I thought of that?" I chastised myself aloud. Why did no tell me that yet? "It would have to be federally owned land. So, to the public, there's now just this secret operation going on in the middle of the woods?"


Hmm...a detail I never asked for but am glad to receive....I can't believe I never tried to questions the fact that this massive building can just exist in the middle of nowhere without public scrutiny...and well...of course....this is a good reason you've come up with here. :D

The park wasn't just a forest. The hill-filled area also had fields, rivers, and ponds. I noticed that France didn't have as many tall, thick trunked trees as American. In France, the trees were closer to the ground, more spread out, and seemed less old.

The serene car ride was interrupted by my phone vibrating in my pocket with a call. I pulled it out and took a shuddering breath as I saw who it was. Adam.

Adam was my older brother by three years.

Is.

I don't know. Like I said, tense is hard when time travel gets involved.

I'd last seen Adam at my dad's funeral. Adam and I had always fought and competed as little kids, but at the funeral, we had our biggest fight yet. He was the oldest and most financially successful of the siblings, so he took the lead at the funeral. During the weekend we spent together, he exploded after my speech, saying that I was being self-centered and then yelled at me for not helping dad edit his book. I said that they were all treating dad like a saint when he'd just been a guy and an imperfect one at that.


Okayyy...well that doesn't sound like the sort of person to just call for a regular checkup which explains him not really existing till this moment and oof, with the way that this conversation is setup here, I have no doubt that things aren't going to so well here in conversation now that Matt is perhaps doing a lot better than Adam is and he can fight back on that front.

Deep down, I knew this was a farce, but it was easier than talking to him.

Now he was calling me, bringing everything I had avoided thinking about to the surface.

But you're the successful one this time! The voice reminded me.

And then another voice spoke. The voice of little Matt, who wanted his older brother to let him ride on his go-cart, made me blush. Adams wants to talk to you.

A mix of both sides churned around my face, making it hot and tingly as I answered.

"Hello," I said, the two sides holding each other in perfect balance.

"Is this Matthew Meyers?" Adams' deep, familiar voice asked.

"Yup, it's me. Adam?" I responded.

"Yeah, it's me. I got this number from that email you sent to the family," I was confused, and then I remembered Myke had emailed my family to tell them I was moving to France for my job with the UN.

"Oh yeah,"


Okayyy....so his brother doesn't sound like he holds all that much of a grudge there, so it looks like that part of the conversation might be civil but the few thoughts fluttering through Matt are already raising a couple of tiny alarm bells at the moment, and I can't help think that something potentially horrible could happen.

"That's great! Hey, me and Ashely were planning on taking the kids on a trip to Italy this summer, but when we heard you were in France, we thought maybe they could come to see Paris and their uncle instead. Whatcha think? Is Paris cool?"

Unbridled joy sparkled through the confusion like grains of salt on ice. "Oh my gosh, that'd be awesome! I've been dying to meet little Timothy and Mary-Marget."

"Yeah, they're just starting to talk now, and it's adorable, and Francis hasn't seen you in so long he barely remembers you. But Grace does, and she said she'd much rather see her favorite uncle than Italy."

A pure laugh bubbled out of me as I remembered the adorable face of little Grace when I had last seen her. She had been eight and was missing her two front teeth. She got excited about everything and thought I was the coolest person in the world. "We're looking at plane tickets for next week. Would that work?"


Okayyy....well so far the conversation is getting along a lot better than anticipated. Hmm, for all the setup we got to it with the fighting and the not so great relationship and the clear absence of proper contact if a random email is the way Adam found his number....this is going very smoothly with like zero awkwardness...which I feel like perhaps should be there a teeny bit.

I paused, "Yeah."

"Okay, see you Thursday!"

"See ya."

"Love you." He said.

I paused and looked at Avery, whose eyes were glued to the road and giving no sign of listening.

"You too,"


Well...this could be good...or bad...it is happening in a chapter were murder is supposedly going to play a part....and if the sort of murder you highlight in a chapter title, it can't be of a major character so...someone has to get killed somehow.

If I'm being honest, I kinda expected Paris to be a bit of a disappointment. I thought all that talk about its beauty and culture was made up by a bunch of posers and the Paris tourism agency. This belief was somewhat based on experience. I've been disappointed by cities before, to my uncultured eyes, New York and DC and London all look the same on the surface, But Paris actually felt different. There were no skyscrapers or super modern buildings. The architecture was consistent with itself and what you want it to be.

We parked a couple hundred yards away from Le Bouillon, the restaurant where the Doctor had told me he'd meet me. Avery insisted on coming with me, saying he wasn't allowed to let me out of his sight. I thought it felt a bit like overkill since no one knew who I was yet, but I allowed it.

As I got out of the car, I peered down the street. The one-way street curved slowly out of sight, the stone-cut four-story buildings that enclosed the road like a canyon or alleyway. The buildings on either side of the street were long and felt almost more like parts of the streets geography than buildings. They matched each other and were loosely consistent in style, but no two spots were the same. The buildings were littered with windows, balconies, signs, colorful doors, and glass fronts displaying various wares.

A little arched alleyway with stone stairs there, a shop which front was made of panes displaying old wooden toys here, and an old French guy passing me on a bike right there oh my gosh, that was a little close.


Okayy...good chunk of description there, I love how this slows the pace down nicely and really lets us sort of catch a breath and just immerse ourselves in this brand new setting where whatever is about to go down is going to go down. Its a surprising tranquil start to a murder scenario of all things.

I smiled and looked back at Avery. He smiled back. "First time in Paris?" He asked, pronouncing it painfully french.

I blushed ever so slightly as I realized how uncultured I was, "Yes, it's lovely."

We arrived at a little intersection where the sunlight cut down the street and illuminated Le Boulin. The restaurant was at the corner of one of the long stone buildings. It was spilling out onto the large area of sidewalk beside the intersection, a little red awning extended out and shading the many green chairs.

"Matthew!" Doctor Skizain said, standing up from the table furthest out from the restaurant. "Good to see you. Come sit down."


Okayy...well description over....time for the conversation I suppose....let's see what this is all going to be about and ahhh...we're about halfway through this chapter and I'm really starting to get very curious about what that whole murder thing could possible relate to.

"Hey!" I said, walking up and shaking his hand solidly, "It's a really nice day.

"Yes, the weather is extremely pleasant." He said as he broke from the handshake and slipped into the chair. It was weird to see him in person. He was just there, the thin beard, sharp cheekbones, glasses, and nice understated suit.

I sat down, and Avery sat next to me. A couple people looked our way, most of them staring at Avery, who was wearing a bulletproof vest and scowling at just about everything.

The Doctor ordered our food in fluent french, and then we got talking.

"How was the drive here?" He asked.

"Good, Honestly, I didn't really realize where we were until we left the park."

He chuckled, "Yes, A park is the only piece of land in France where they wouldn't have to clear out villages."


Okayy...so we're going to start with some more generic pleasantries I see....nothing too important being tossed about. It looks like maybe we'll have a bit of extra knowledge put on us about how this whole thing is kept secret I judged this conversation's direction correctly here.

He leaned back and smiled as if aware of the effect he was having, "The project requires substantial amounts of uranium to function. The uranium mining and use of atomic machinery have sparked rumors that France is making atomic bombs, but the more common theory is that France is going nuclear. The government has been talking for ages about getting the electric grid completely off of fossil fuels. So it's actually quite a plausible guess."

I nodded, "Yeah, and I bet the project is helping keep those rumors going."

"They definitely are, and the populace of the world actually cares very little about what little France is doing in their park. It doesn't affect them, so why care? And, as of yet, it doesn't score any team political-points, so why comment on it. It's too soon to know who should be outraged. And Time travel rumors are too absurd for even most of the conspiracy inclined, so the project is safe from terrible scrutiny."

I chuckled, "It's even hard to believe from the inside."

"It is 'Magnificent,' as Gabrellio would say."

I smiled, "Yes, he does like to say that."


Hmm, well...okayy....well that's an interesting thing to mention there...especially with Gabriello's line getting tossed in. Also I suppose it would make sense that uranium is required and well the convenience of this all lining up so well seems to be something you can explain away as simply good planning.

"Oh, not far. Athena is a possible source of infinite clean energy, so I'm exploring that as a possibility. Just drawing up some designs here and there and working with Green Now, the charity, to help develop that."

Before I could stop myself, I blurted, "If I may ask, why'd you quit?" Why didn't you just work on that from the inside? Why abandon Her?" Curiosity, my constant companion, along with worry and that zit next to my lip that seems to be unkillable.

He sighed, "A lot of reasons, but in the end, Destiny's Touch started to get the better of me. I was going under a lot, but the effects it was having on me began to grow, and even when I slept, it was there." He looked off into the distance dramatically, "The dreams! The dreams." He cried with a shudder. "Are you starting to have them yet? The terrible dreams?"

I froze and tried to keep my composure… They were just dreams. "What kind of dreams?"

"Dreams that were like the Touch… the same types of things you saw while under, but clearer. Terribly vivid." He said.


Hmm so we know the reason, and I still wonder if maybe there's more to him than he lets on. Its so easy to trust him but there's just something about him that suggests that he has a little bit of an ulterior motive hidden somewhere...also well, I guess we also know what might be in store for Matt soon.

"No, I haven't yet." Even though I hadn't thought it was a lie, it felt like one leaving my mouth.

The Doctor searched my face. "Nothing? Nothing strange? They turned out to mean nothing, but it would be nice to talk to someone about them. The touch is terribly alone in that way. You're the only one who has experienced it. I just want someone else who knows what I dreamt," A shakiness had crept its way into his voice. Doctor Skizan was begging me.

I paused, then my jaw hardened. He had placed himself below me, I was in power, and I would not go back down to him again. "No, nothing."

Suddenly, the Doctors face completely changed back, and he laughed, "Doesn't matter much." He took a sip of his glass of wine with a look of ease on his face, but I thought I saw in his eyes the sharp look of decision.


Well, random changes of mood like that are certainly not normal, and you can sense some kind of foreshadowing. Its almost a little on the nose there what with the chapter title, although that could just be someone trying to throw the readers off....also yes I am theorizing about this murder and I get the feeling the doctor has something to do with it and something bad is going to happen rather soon.

Avery interrupted my thoughts with a look of concern. I'd never seen Avery express any emotion, let alone a negative one. He was staring intently at something behind me. In surprise, I turned around to investigate. Rocketing down the road much faster than seemed safe was a silver mini-cooper. It had to be going at least 45 miles an hour on the narrow street. People were yelling and jumping out its way as it passed by them. It was moments away from the intersection and only accelerating. As it entered the intersection, its tires skidded, and it turned sharply. It whipped around, not to one of the streets, but the corner where all the tables from La Bulletin sat. Where I sat. It was skidding at me.

Someone slammed into my side, throwing me off my chair and out of the path of the car. I landed on the hard stone with a heavy body on top of me. My head stopped uncomfortably quick as it became acquainted with the pavement.


Oh...wow...so that's what the murder scene is...an attempted one, well this is a far more serious moment than I at first imagined it would be based off the title itself, oh that bathroom break is way more suspicious now..although a mini cooper to the face huh...not the worst assassination method but just so oddly violent and the sort of thing that can get people asking too many questions. This doesn't like a very professional assassination attempt...although the target is definitely either Matt or who knows, it could even be the doctor who just go lucky...

The thing on top of me - Avery, jumped up quickly but stayed between me and the building. I looked between his legs. The small car had managed to squeeze between two of the poles, jump the curb, and fly through our table and chairs we had been sitting at moments before, turning them to kindling. It had kept going, flying through other tables, like a bowling ball through pins, sending people and chairs scattering. The car had then slammed through the restaurant's front wall and come to a halt when it hit the restaurant's counter. "Stay down, Monsieur," Avery said. I realized he was clutching a pistol in his hands.

A man rolled out from the front seat of the car into a crouch. His face was bloody from a cut in his hairline, but in one hand, he clutched a dark object. He moved to point the gun at Avery. Before he could, the sound of a Gunshot cracked the air. I gasped and blinked. I felt dizzy and nauseous. Had I been shot? But then I saw the man fall back against the wreckage clutching his chest. Avery shot five more times, filling the air with the splitting sound. The man jerked with each shot and then went completely limp.


Okayy....well great...so that's going to just draw multiple crowds. Certainly a bit of an amateur and almost kamikaze attempt there by whoever was driving. It makes me wonder if this is just some random person hired by someone whose jealous rather than a proper assassin financed by someone with some extra money and influence, definitely a lot to think about.

Avery turned around and scanned the area, and then his eyes fell on me. "Lunch is over, back to the car," Avery said, helping me up.

"What?" I asked, feeling the spot in my head that was now bleeding slightly.

"You are not safe here. You have been made a target."


Well...that's ending on a note that I completely wasn't expecting, but I am certainly super excited for. This is something that certainly sounds plausible to be happening to someone in the position Matt has been granted but I definitely wasn't expecting and with the strange behavior by the doctor and so many other little factors, this is quite the mystery here.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall, I loved that bit of setup with his brother and then more relaxed and rather peaceful scenes before things just immediately slowly started sounding a bit grave with the dreams and then when it all came to head things just exploded and went in the worst possible direction for poor Matt...I am very excited to see where this will go next.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




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Sat Nov 13, 2021 5:41 pm
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MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi MaybeAndrew,

Mailice here with a short review! :D

This chapter is a little more unconventional. It starts off well, as the previous ones did, and I like that, but with each new paragraph the story here develops too much in a thriller direction. Not that I don't like it, but it was surprising after we learn about Matt's brother Adam that it has now turned in a different direction here than I expected at the beginning.

I like the chapter. It created a good overview and most of all I like that you've slowed down the pace here and gone a bit more in the direction of calm, well, until the last point. :D

I was expecting to get a flashback after we find out about Adam when they were at the father's funeral and think this was a missed opportunity not to include that. I still liked the brief description, but for the phone conversation afterwards it seemed like two opposite poles where I think you could build it up a bit more "convincingly". Because we don't learn very much about their actual relationship and with the phone conversation I didn't get the impression there was much fighting or anything. Because the previous descriptions made it seem as if the two had broken up, it was quite unexpected to have them on the phone now.

The second half turned out to be a good thriller and I'm glad that Matt gets to see something of France, even though Paris is probably not really representative of the whole country. The only question is how it can be that they talk about Project Athena in the restaurant, which is quite a secret thing after all. All it takes is for someone to listen in and they're blown or all the information is sold on. :D Maybe just mention something more detailed, maybe where exactly they meet, in which arrondissement or how many people are in the restaurant, etc....

I like the structure of the chapter. At least in the second half I was very engaged and the way you increased the pace. I like this ending and now wonder who is behind the attack. The Russians, the North Koreans or Adam, etc...?

Other points I noticed while reading:

Murder with a Mini cooper

I don't know why, but I find the title quite amusing.

We were heading to my lunch with Doctor Robert Skizan. The forest got denser and denser as we passed through three layers of security until finally, we passed through a tall barbed-wire fence covered in warning signs.

I think you could expand a bit here and make a better transition, because I was curious to know more about the Doctor, but then you suddenly switch to the forest. One or two sentences are enough to make the transition better.

Why did no tell me that yet?

The "one" is lost here. :D

I noticed that France didn't have as many tall, thick trunked trees as American. In France, the trees were closer to the ground, more spread out, and seemed less old.

I've never been to America but that's what comes to mind when I think of the forests there. Gigantic Sequoia trees that make you dizzy just looking up.

The architecture was consistent with itself and what you want it to be.

I think you've summed up quite well what Paris actually is. I like that you didn't go down the route of describing it as a "city of love" or a "city of light".

and an old French guy passing me on a bike right there oh my gosh, that was a little close.

I would hyphenate the "oh my gosh" because it better shows that it's bringing up a brief "fright".

He asked, pronouncing it painfully french.

Because of the pain, the capitalised F has given its little brother the place in "french" :D

illuminated Le Boulin.

Earlier, "Le Bouillon" was spelled that way.

"It's a really nice day.

Here the second quotation marks have gone to visit Paris. :D

Yes, A park is the only piece

A small mistake with an A written too capital.

The uranium mining and use of atomic machinery have sparked rumors that France is making atomic bombs, but the more common theory is that France is going nuclear.

Since I'm not up to date with the statement, this could be complete bullshit, of course, but France has several nuclear bombs. I would perhaps just add a "new" to "atomic bombs" to make it more accurate.


Have fun writing!

Mailice




MaybeAndrew says...


Thank you so so much Malice! I'll be sure to edit all of those mistakes, and yeah, I guess I should clarify that I mean staking up the nuclear arnsal
Yeah and I should really get a hold of capitalizing proper nouns I'm crap at that.
strangely enough, the first draft of this chapter had a flashback with adam in it, maybe I should bring it back, but I do plan to put some in the next chapter, so I'll look into it.




I will call them my people, which were not my people; and her beloved, which was not beloved.
— Romans 9:25