The Carpentry Con

The Carpentry Con

“How long do we got, Liz?”

“How long do we got? You made me sell my watch, remember?”

“Jeez, girl don’t goddamn-”

“Don’t goddamn what, Jay? This con is never going to work anyway.”

“Don’t crap on me, Liz. Damnit! Pass the screw-driver.”

“The heck was that? Did you just break something, Jay? If you fu-”

“I said pass the screw-driver, damnit! Anyways, you got a phone. The hell do you want a watch for? Not that screwdriver, the little one-”

“Did you break something, Jay? Is that why you’re angry? You promised this guy a bookshelf, and if you don’t deliver we’re both screwed. Jay? Are you even listening to me?”

“Let me concentrate, Liz. I would have fixed this already if you weren’t yapping away…”

“Jay-”

“I said, shut up!”

“Jesus, Jay. I’m just trying to tell you the time. Do you want to know or not?”

“Yes.”

“Good. Well it’s three o’clock.”

“That gives us an hour, Liz. Should be more than enough time.”

--

“He’ll be here in five minutes, Jay.”

“Pass that board, and stop rushing me.”

“Four and a half minutes.”
“Shut up, Liz. Just shut up. The allen key.”

“Here you go.”

“Time, Liz?”

“Three minutes.”

“Okay, Liz, we’re done. Ready to see if this thing stands?”

“If it doesn’t, I’m going to kill you, Jay.”

“Have some faith, Elizabeth dearest…”

“Wow, Jay. I have to admit, I never thought you were going to finish in time.”

“Have I ever let you down, Lizzy?”

“Oh come on, Jay, three hours to build an IKEA bookshelf is pretty pathetic.”

“Well, I finished in time, so lay off. How long do we have, Liz?”

“He’s already two minutes late.”

---

“Ah, Jay, a pleasure to meet you in person. Sorry about being late, but the traffic on the way was terrible.”

“Not a problem, not a problem, Sir. This here is my beautiful assistant, Liz, and this here is your beautiful bookshelf.”

“A pleasure, Liz. Now Jay, I must commend you. This is some fine craftsmanship you have here. You really are a great carpenter.”

“Thank you, Sir, but Liz built most of it. She deserves the credit.”

“Ah well, in that case, I am impressed, Liz. Unfortunately, I’m in a real rush and should be going. So let’s get down to business shall we?”

“Yes, Sir.”

“We agreed on eight-hundred dollars, but lets make it a fair thousand. One does not often see such quality handiwork.”

“Thank you, Sir, you are too kind.”

“Not at all. Just one question before we finalize this.”

“What question is that?”

“Oh, I was just wondering, Jay, whether that is an IKEA box peeking out of the closet.”