“What if it’s all fake? What if nothing they teach us is real?” The words that came out of Donna’s mouth surprised her, but she believed them, which surprised her more.
“Yeah, right. What if Mrs. Harley-” Maddy paused, widening her green eyes and feigning shock. “What if Mrs. Harley is really an alien, and she eats children for breakfast?”
Lillie, Donna's other friend, smirked. “No wonder they kicked you out of the popular clique, Donna. You actually attempt to have a brain, though what you’re preaching is totally false. Every person under the sun knows that schools can’t teach lies.”
“Now who’s using their brain?” Donna retorted, though she could feel her pale skin turning redder than Maddy’s lipstick. She busied herself in eating her salad, hoping that her friends wouldn’t notice her embarrassment.
The truth was, Donna had been banished from the popular girl’s group because of saying things like that. She hadn’t tried to get herself kicked out, but the words just popped out of her mouth sometimes. She didn’t understand it, because she didn’t think like that. At least, not usually…
Donna flashed back to a few weeks ago. She’d been sitting in her tie-dyed bean bag, attempting to do her science homework. Her attempt wasn’t going very well. It might have been the fact that the Imagine Dragons’ song, “It’s Time,” was blasting from her Bose® speakers, or it could have been that Donna didn’t believe a word her astronomy teacher had spoken earlier. She hoped it was the song. Life would be so much easier if she believed the nonsense that flowed from Mrs. Harley’s mouth.
“You’re right though, dear.” A female voice whispered. Donna’s head jerked from side to side, looking for the person who had spoken. Her mother had a gruff tone, and she usually yelled. This person had whispered in a soft and sweet way. Nobody else lived in the L.A. apartment besides Donna and her mom, Christina. Then again, how could anybody know what Donna had been thinking?
“Oh sweetie, she isn’t a person. You won’t be able to see her, but you can hear her. I feel for you. I wouldn’t want to hear the queen of the gods 24/7 either.” The voice that had spoken was different than the first. This one was male, and was silky and seductive, like Bruno Mars’ voice.
“She is not the queen of the gods!” Yet another voice spoke, this one female and quite irritated.
“Yeah, yeah, nut.” The male voice was back. His tone was clipped, like he was tired of having this argument.
There was a growling sound, but that could have been Donna’s mother as she walked through the hallway, passing Donna’s room.
“You better be working on the schoolwork, girl. You get anything less than an A, and you gonna feel it.” Christina Marlie made fist to prove her point.
After she stomped off, Donna found herself waiting for the voices to come back, but they were gone.
- - - - -
“Earth to Donna. Earth to Donna.” Lillie waved her hand in front of Donna’s face. Donna blinked, coming back to reality. Maddy doused her in water, just to make a statement.
“Dude! Not cool!” Donna spat, water dripping from her face. She was glad she didn’t wear make-up, because it surely would be running all over her cheeks.
“Yes it was! I made sure the water was freezing. I wouldn’t want to burn you or anything.” Maddy grinned, and she and Lillie exchanged a high-five.
“Thanks, guys. Love you too.” Donna grumbled.
“Hey! We couldn’t have you missing the best class in the world, could we?” Lillie protested, still grinning.
“Yeah. Mrs. Harley’s class is a field day.” Maddy said, sarcasm dripping from her voice. “Did you guys bother doing last night’s homework? I didn’t. Astronomy is too boring.”
“I did. Did you?” Lillie was back to being semi-serious. Even with the trouble she liked to cause, she was a straight A student.
“Kinda. I wrote the first couple of sentences truthfully, and I put random things down for the rest of paragraphs, at least for the short answer questions. I guessed for most of the multiple choice questions. That strategy has worked for me for this entire unit.” Donna laughed.
“I’m going to fail the test today. Oh well. I don’t really care. I aced the earth science portion of the class, so I can flunk astronomy and still pass for the semester.” Maddy is what Donna’s mother calls a “bad influence.” In other words, her mom doesn’t want Donna hanging out with her. That’s pretty funny, considering it’s coming from Christina Marlie, who is the worst influence of anyone in Donna’s life.
“Well, that is a great mentality to have.” Lillie rolled her eyes. “That test is going to be so easy.”
“Speak for yourself,” Maddy joked.
As they threw what remained of their lunches out and headed for Mrs. Harley’s classroom, Donna found herself worrying about the test. Last night she had thought, “Why bother studying for something that I don’t believe in?” Now she was regretting that decision.
If only failing a freshman astronomy test was the worst of Donna’s problems.
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Hey! Rainbow Cabbit here to review your lovely story. Your story was great, and I absolutely loved the cliffhanger at the end. Also, I found how you made Donna really confused about the whole situation because it is so realistic. The very real scenario setting is probably perfect for the story as it makes the story more interesting. Imagery in this chapter just blew me away. However, in the beginning you dedicated one whole paragraph to describing the one girls clothes. It is good to describe what a person is wearing, but readers get bored if you stuff it all in one chunk. Instead, try hinting their descriptions within the story, like you did with Donna's pale skin. I really liked this story a lot, and keep up the good work!
Thanks!
Hey, Flame here to review!


First off, welcome to YWS! I hope that you really enjoy it here.
Don't get me wrong, I loved your piece; it was sweet and simple, you captured the reader's interest well, and as mentioned below, there were no grammatical errors...I just found the beginning a bit unrealistic. You tried to make the dialogue natural, but teenagers (I'm assuming they are) usually don't converse in that fashion. If they're being sarcastic, you have to establish that, clear things up a little.
Another thing that jumped out at me. You stated that despite (?) Lillie's prettiness, she was mischievous; mischief doesn't relate much to physical appearance, except for a twinkling in the eye. Easy to fix!
I'm also unsure about the title, as it really doesn't suit your style and plot. Be creative!
Keep up the good work, Mary 97, and happy writing!
~Flame
Hi Flame! Thank you for the review
I don't have a title yet; I typically don't write one until I'm further into the story. I'll work on trying to figure something out though. Suggestions would be appreciated 
I'm not entirely sure how to edit my piece once it is published, but I'll definitely apply these corrections for my next chapter. Thank you!
And I found the edit button. Thanks again!
Ha ha, it took me much longer to find the edit button. I hope that I can help with the title when you submit more of this--I can't wait!
Hi Mary, Cheetah here to review your piece.
This was really good! There were no spelling errors and the writing was very clear. You got my interested in the story from the beginning. Good job!
There was only one little thing I would change.
Right now it kind of sounds like you're talking to someone named Lillie. Maybe change it up a little so the sentence is more clear. Ex: Lille, Donna's other friend, smirked. You wouldn't be likely to be addressing someone as 'Donna's other friend', so this new sentence would work if you want to use it.
This looks really good! I can't wait to read more!
Thank you so much!