“I was afraid of this… heard your case… encouraged Dr. Phsi to let me interview you… bad, bad, bad…” Brianne mumbled as she shuffled through a couple of papers that had been in the bookshelf.
“What’s wrong?” Donna could feel fear rising in her chest.
“Those voices? The gods? I’ve heard them too.”
-----
Why didn’t you tell me? Donna thought furiously. The gods were silent. Real helpful, guys.
Brianne stood. “Donna, we need to talk. If you’re truly one of us… this is bad. Very bad. There’s something you need to see.”
Donna’s hair stood on end. Her stomach began to churn. “What do I need to see?”
“I… I can’t tell you. Not here. And it’s really something that you need to see for yourself. Please, just trust me. I know Apollo told you that you could. Listen to him. He’s a god. I think he knows who you can trust.” Brianne was practically begging Donna for her entrustment.
Donna’s mind began to really race. The truth was she didn’t know what to make of this whole situation. She didn’t know who was lying and who was telling the truth anymore. She didn’t understand any of it, but she knew she’d need someone to help her through everything. Brianne seemed so sincere, so genuine…
“I’ll text my mom and tell her that it’s going to take a while; that she should just go back to the apartment.” Donna quickly keyed in the text.
“We’ll wait for your mom’s response. I’ll leave first. Give me a minute and then take the elevator down to the lobby. Don’t let anybody tempt you into leaving the lobby.”
Donna’s phone vibrated. She read the text: k. will c u in a lil while. “My mom’s leaving.”
“Okay. Remember, whatever you do, don’t leave with anybody!” With that, Brianne dashed out of the room.
Donna began a silent count to 60. It was hard to keep the count even; her breathing was so rapid. She waited a few extra seconds, then slowly stood and sauntered out of the room. A few seconds later, she passed the receptionist’s desk. Brianne and Juliette were arguing.
“I need to get home! My dog is sick!” Brianne had an urgent look on her face, and her tone matched. Donna found herself believing every word. Brianne was a good liar.
Donna found herself questioning her decision to put her faith in Brianne. If she can lie that well to Juliette, why wouldn’t she be able to lie to me? Oh well, too late to turn around now. Besides, the fear in Brianne’s eyes was real.
Juliette looked exasperated. “You can’t let your dog come first. The clients are more important.”
Brianne let out an exaggerated sigh. “Juliette, I told you. Donna is my last client of the day, and she and I are finished.”
Juliette rolled her eyes. “Fine. You doctors get everything you want.”
Donna stepped into the elevator and hit the button that read “Lobby.” The door closed, and classical music began playing.
If all things horrible came from Evil, elevator tunes are probably one of its proudest accomplishments, Donna thought. Funny that she could think of something to amuse herself at a time like this. Focus, she commanded herself.
When the door opened with a ding, Donna surged out. She kept a brisk pace while her eyes searched for a place to sit. She decided on a bench that backed up to a wall. At least that way she could see all of her surroundings.
Donna had only been sitting for a moment when an elderly man sank down next to her. Brianne had warned her not to leave with anybody, but the man hadn’t spoken. Still, she kept her guard up, which seemed silly. The guy was old enough to be her grandfather.
The elevator doors opened with another ding. Brianne rushed out, her eyes scanning the lobby. When she spotted Donna, her eyes widened and she ran towards her.
“Hey! You ready for lunch? Hope you haven’t been waiting long.” Brianne’s tone was light and carefree, but her eyes held a trace of panic. She smiled, trying hard not to show her fear.
Donna didn’t know the game Brianne was playing, but she tried to go along with it. “I’ve only been here a minute. Let’s go,” was her response as she stood and began walking with Brianna towards the doors.
Donna followed Brianne as she took a left and made her towards a parking garage. It was a warm, sunny morning. Donna hadn’t paid much attention to her outfit this morning, but she quickly realized that the jeans and white she was wearing were suitable for the warm weather.
Brianne led Donna to a black Chevy Camaro. Brianne slipped into the driver’s seat and motioned for Donna to jump into the passenger seat.
The black leather seat was warm, but not uncomfortably so. Donna sank into the bucket seat, trying to make herself think. She began taking deep breaths. Brianne shoved a key into the ignition and revved the engine. Within minutes they were pushing their way through the L.A. streets.
Brianne jabbed a button in the middle of the dashboard. Pop began to blast through the speakers. It was Gotye’s “Somebody I Used to Know.” Brianne spun a dial, and the speakers cranked up.
They were silent for a long time. Donna’s thoughts jittered back and forth in her head. She was so nervous; she thought she was going to be sick. She was really glad Christina had rushed her out the door before she could eat anything for breakfast. She could feel nervous sweat making her hands and forehead clammy.
By the time Brianne started talking, they were cruising along the coast of the Pacific Ocean. Brianne pressed a button, and the convertible top began to retract.
“We can talk freely now.”
“What do you mean, we can talk freely? Why couldn’t we talk freely before?”
Brianne sighed. “I assume the gods filled you in on Evil?” When Donna nodded, Brianne continued. “Evil can get information on what we know, and what the gods know. The wind helps break up our conversations. The music covers up anything else. Metal works best, but I can’t listen to that.” For that, Donna was grateful. At least Brianne had similar taste in music.
“Anyways, any music will do. You should refrain from speaking openly in closed quarters.”
Donna slunk back into the chair. She thought about yesterday’s conversation with the gods. She must have worn a guilty expression, because Brianne spoke in an understanding tone. “You didn’t know better. Don’t beat yourself up over anything you’ve already said; it wasn’t your fault. Besides, you didn’t understand much of anything, and I doubt the gods would have told you anything that could really give Evil information. Especially if you were talking aloud.”
“You said Evil can eavesdrop if we aren’t careful. Why is it eavesdropping? Is it planning something, like a war?”
Brianne was silent for several minutes. Finally, in a very quiet tone, she replied, “We aren’t sure.”
“What do you mean, you aren’t sure?”
Again, Brianne took a while to answer. A couple of times, she glanced at Donna, like she was debating what she could tell her.
Come on, trust me. Donna thought. I need to know what we’re up against.
“We don’t have people who can report to us what Evil says. For one thing, it is extremely difficult to escape Evil’s grasp. It requires an extremely strong person to resist it, and even then they are still somewhat controlled. The main reason, though, is that Evil doesn’t actually say much. It influences people, but they don’t know why they’re doing the things that it wants them too. Does that make since?”
“Um, no.”
Brianne pursed her lips. “Think of it this way. Evil encourages Person A to murder Person B, who could have helped us in some way if they were alive. Person A may think he or she is killing Person B because Person B owed him or her money, or they’d gone through a bad break-up, or something. But in reality those feelings of justice are just put into Person A’s head by Evil, so it can get him or her to cooperate. Humans are sort of like little voodoo dolls for Evil.”
“How come Evil can have a hand in all humans, but the gods can’t?”
“Actually, the gods do influence humans. It’s commonly called a conscience. But, you know how it is easier to do the wrong thing than the right, so people usually do the wrong thing? That shows that Evil’s presence is stronger in those people. Yes, there are still genuinely good people, but they aren’t as common as the ones who are influenced by Evil.”
That made more sense. One thing was nagging at Donna, though. The sweat began to trickle down her forehead as she spoke. “You talk about humans like you aren’t one. What… what are you?”
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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Hello again! Cheetah here to review!

As I was reading this I was thinking of all the twist endings you always use. I crossed my fingers, hoping there'd be another one and I wasn't disappointed. I'm SO eager to find out who, or should I say, what Brianna is! Great job!
Your language was excellent once again, and the story's flow was smooth. Towards the middle of this chapter however, things began to taper off. It's in that moment that readers loose interest so try to make sure everything is brisk and ties into the conflict.
Well done! I can't wait to read chapter 5! Keep writing!
Thank you! I had a feeling this was going to be a boring chapter because so much of it is talking. I edited out a lot of not-needed stuff to try to keep things moving. Thanks again
Hey Mary97! Silver here!
You have a great writing style and everything really flows well together. I really like the little flashbacks before the start of each chapter.
I have to say that your ending left me really frustrated! I want to know what Brianne is now!
Just a minor error:
"Does that make since?”
I think that you had meant to say "sense" but apart from that everything was perfect! Can't wait for more!
Silverlock
Thanks Silver! I make that mistake all the time. I typically catch myself, but obviously not this time. I'm sorry I left you frustrated
I'll have more up soon, I promise! I'll try to make it worth the wait 
Hey, Flame here!
...
Again, I laughed to death reading Donna's thought comments. New favorite line of the day: "If all things horrible came from Evil, elevator tunes are probably one of its proudest accomplishments."
Humor aside, however, I think that the introduction of the conflict should be more subtle. Don't get me wrong; your writing is fluid, you've developed your characters well, and you've focused a reasonable amount on the conflict! I would just suggest building the exposition more.
I also hope that you explain why Brianne can conveniently hear the voices. It'd be disappointing to learn that some random substitute shared Donna's secret ability. I'm sure that you'll come up with something spectacular, though
So is the Evil going to possess her? Is that the reason you chose this title??? Who--what, I mean, in the world is Brianne??? Can't wait to read more!
~Flame
Thanks Flame!
No problem!