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सोचो कैसा होता एक दर्पणविना संसार,
जहाँ फ़िक्र नहीं होती बिखरे बालों और सूजी आँखों की।
जहाँ तुलना नहीं होती मोटे, पतले, गोरे या कालो की।
जहाँ निकल जाते हम अपने मन-पसंद रंग के कपड़े पहन कर,
बेफ़िक्री से, समझने यह दुनिया इन सयानों की।
हाँ, सपना तो सुहाना है,
पर क्या मुमकिन इसे बुन पाना है?
सोचो, क्या तुम सच में दिखाना चाहते
लोगों को तुम्हारी आँखों में छुपे आँसू
और तुम्हारी मुस्कान के पीछे छुपा दर्द?
क्या तुम दिखाना चाहते
अपने बिखरे बाल, नीले घाव,
और यह सब करने वाला वह मर्द?
तुम्हें लगता है यह समाज तुम्हारा साथ देता?
तुम्हें लगता है यह समाज उस दरिंदे को पकड़ लेता?
पागल लड़की —
यह समाज तुझे फिर भी दर्पण दिखा देता,
यह संसार तुझे फिर भी
दर्द और घाव छुपाना सिखा देता।
तुम्हें लगता है
एक दर्पणविना संसार
तुम्हारे लिए भी दर्पणविना होता?
तुम्हें सच में लगता है
दर्पणविना संसार का मतलब
खुल कर जीना होता?
नहीं, बदतर होता है संसार का दिखाया दर्पण, सखी,
क्योंकि स्त्री ने कभी खुद को
आईने में नहीं,
समाज की आँखों में देख कर ढका है।
उसे कभी आईने में दिख रही परछाईं ने नहीं,
सामने बैठी किसी औरत ने ही ज़ुबान पर
ताला लगाने कहा है।
बदतर होता दर्पणविना संसार,
क्योंकि वह औरत को और आसानी से दबा पाता,
“हम कमज़ोर हैं” यह विश्वास दिला पाता।
शीशे में दिखती खूबियाँ छुपा पाता,
अपनी परछाईं और अस्तित्व से
मिलन को रोका जा पाता।
तो अब सोचो—
कैसा होता एक दर्पणविना संसार,
हो सके तो…
औरत के दृष्टिकोण से।
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Hi Mangledsoul!
I honestly loved your poem. At first glance it appears to imagine an utopian society where mirror doesn't exist, implying a world free from appearance based comparison and surface-level judgements. However, very quickly the poem counters the idea of the fantasy it initially creates. The poet shifts focus to women, who are most often targeted for their appearance, and what stands out is that the poem goes beyond physical traits and explores how society's gaze judges a woman's character and attempts to look into her very soul.
The lines asking whether a mirrorless world would truly free women raises an important question. Would women really be able to live openly and freely without mirrors. The poem's painful answer is - No! It clearly argues that mirrors are not the real problem. The real problem is society's gaze and the constant judgment that comes with it.
This becomes especially clear when the poem points out that women have never learned to hide themselves by looking into a mirror, but by seeing themselves through society's eyes. There is so much criticism and judgment imposed by others that people slowly begin to mold themselves according to expectations. Once someone is labeled as behaving in an unacceptable way, they are guilt-tripped into believing that the fault lies within them. While the poem rightly focuses on women's oppression, this experience is something many of us can relate to from childhood, even though women face it more deeply and continuously.
One of the most hard hitting message from the poem comes when it shows how oppression like these are reinforced by women themselves. I don't entirely blame them because these women, they are often victims of the same patriarchal system and lifelong scrutiny. As a result, they unknowingly pass on the same restriction to the next generation. I have personally heard my mother talk about how her own mother asked her to endure injustice for the sake of family, simply because she was a woman, a wife, and a daughter-in-law. I don't blame her mother she herself was completely helpless and incapable of giving direct support to us because of the same system. Many of us have seen similar patterns in our families through our nani, dadi, maasi, or bua.
Overall, I truly admired the boldness of this poem. It is one of those eye-opening pieces that force self-reflection and introspection. As a small suggestion, breaking the poem into clearer stanzas could improve the flow, especially where the tone shifts. Sometimes formatting gets lost while copy-pasting into the Publishing Centre on YWS,(using Shift + Enter can help maintain cleaner stanza breaks). Also, adding the poem in Hindi script at the end could allow native Hindi readers to experience it in its purest form.
Happy writing and thank you for sharing this wonderful piece with us!
Thank you so much for the review HKumar. And also for the formatting tip. I tried many times but couldn't break it into stanzas.
Hey there, MangledSoul! Alex is back with a review. This will be pretty much like the one I did earlier today (switching between the languages), so let's dive right in (turtle reference hehe)!
First of all, I must commend the innovative prompt that you've made for this poetry. It's such an interesting concept to explore- I can sense my mind running in several directions. I'm especially eager to find out which theme you intend to express with this. A great rhetorical alternate reality- the only question is if it'll be a utopia or a nightmare. Looks like we're about to find out soon enough.
Not going to lie, I'm digging this idea! It sounds like such a better life- not being troubled by the constant urge to look presentable. To really being able to prioritise comfort and convience over societal perception indeed sounds like one of the greatest privileges to live with. To be free of the fear of being judged and wear the silly clothes you always liked, without a second thought. You could always blame it on the lack of mirrors in the world- "oh sorry I didn't notice what I put on, I was in a hurry" and call it day. Oh, the dreamy paradise!
A strong start! Kavita ke shuruvat me darshaya jata hai kis prakar duniya se darpan hatane par sharir va rang par kiye ja rahe bhed bhav samapt ho jaenge. Dikhne me saral si ye vastavik me atyant hi gehri hi sateek hai. Darpan ke na hone ke bavjud bhi samajh hame dekh sakta hai, atah anek aadharo pe vibhed karne ke saksham hai. Par kisi ke khilaf pakshpat karne ke sada hi do pehlu hote hai- 1) karta 2) karm, jinhe aapne bakhubi samjha hai. Dikhne me samaj ke sundarta ki adarsho se mel na khane par, karm (jiske sath bhed bhav kiya ja raha hai) ka atmavishwas gir jata hai. Vahi dusri or, karta (jo bhed bhav kar raha hai) svam ko darpan me dekh samaj dwara sundarta ke banaye manako par khara pata. Parinamswarup, karta abhiman ka shikar ho karm ko satata hai. Yadi duniya me darpan hi na ho, koi swam ko dekh hi na paega. Karta sada swam karm hone ke sandeh me rahne ke karan kuch nhi kahega tatha karm apni chavi se agyan hone ke karan ek sadharan va sukhi jeevan ji payega. Agar yeh asliyat hoti to duniya aaj se kitni alag hoti!
Okay I might need a little help here. What sayanon are you referring to? I admit I'm not much versed in flowery Hindi. I'd still appreciate a clarification if you could please, thanks.
I see what you're trying to do here! I myself love the phrase 'weaving words/scenes' for describing poems nailing imagery so I get where you're coming from. But I really think the line came across as a little hefty here. I can't actually think of a direct way to make it better but I believe I have a clever way out. How about this-
'Haan, mana ki ye sapna to suhana hai
Par kya mumkin ise boon pana hai?'
Instead of cutting short the second line, I extended the previous one so the couplet first better together. Also, 'isko' doesn't roll off the tongue quite as easily as 'ise' so that was another liberty I took in my suggestion. I think it really helps with the vocal flow of the poetry. I didn't want to take away your own artistic style from it so I've tried my best to preserve your lines here. If you still feel they compromise your original meaning, feel free to keep this version.
Adbhut, kavita ne kya andekha mod liya hai! Jo sambhavna abhi tak ek swarg ka ek chitr bana rahi thi, vahi ab us sapne ko todne me karyasheel hai. Darpan na hone par aatma ki thaki asliyat duniya se nhi chupayi ja sakegi- yeh baat nishcit hi ek kadwa sach hai. Kavyetri pathak ko sikke ke done pehlu se awgat karnwana chahti hai. Mera manna hai ki ye tarika kavita ko atyant santulit rakhne me safal saabit hota hai tatha kavyetri ki nispakshata ki pakki gawahi deta hai. In panktiyo ke piche ka chupa dard man me soye tufano ko jaga deta hai. Darpan ke bina manav apni asliyat nahi chupa payega- kya is satya ka jeevan sarvmanniye hoga?
I think we've reached the peak- the revelation of what the genius poetess had in her mind all along. The theme finally lays exposed in front of the leader- the crimes and torture against women. And a connection to how a world without mirrors is bound to make the situation worse for them.
Goosebumps! I'm loving the literary leap you've taken here. Instead of empathizing with the victim, the poetess scolds her on her naivity towards the cruel world and it's ways. As if she's asking the foolish woman- how come you didn't know any better? She's taunting the society for it's evil, but her dialogue points towards the victim to deliver an ironic blow. It's drenched in realism, not sugarcoating one bit. The poetess doesn't comfort the idiotic woman in her delusions, but still looks out for her by showing her the brutal truth of the world they live in.
Ye panktiya mujhe behad pasand aayi. Inki rachna pathak ke man me ek akashvani me kahi chetavni ke saman gunjti hai. Kavyetri ek nasamjh aurat ko samaj ka 'darpan' dikhakar uski badsurat sachai se avgat kara rahi hai. Ek darpan mukt sansar me bhi ek aurat swatantr nhi, apitu samaj ki apekshao ki janjero me bandhi hai. Kitna chubhti hai ye sachai sunne me.
Ahhhh.. it keeps getting better and better. This is straight up revolutionary. I won't be exaggerating one bit when I say you remind me of my highschool textbook, the morally rich content from the best renowned authors and poets of their time- your work replicates them so well. The injustice women face in society is so expertly captured by you, I'm speechless. I love how the poetess begins with challenging the woman's opinions at their very core- until they shatter like glass. The contrast in next line is striking when she calls the woman 'sakhi', reminding us of the noble objective the poetess bears, despite her harsh language. 'A woman has never covered herself up after looking in the mirror, but into society's eyes'- LEGENDARY WORDS. Sahi kehte hai log- ek aurat hi dusri aurat ki sabse badi dushman hoti hai. Agli panktiya isi vastavikta ka varnan karti hai. Kitna dukhad chehra hai ye, hamare samaj ka. Ek pidit aurat hi is atyachar ke chakr me swam phas kar ise bad me badhava deti hai.
On a short note, I think the word 'hamari' here is unnecessary and removing it can help the overall structure of the poem be more uniform. Just an unprofessional suggestions though! Also I loved the contrast here, how the poem earlier talked about how a world without mirrors would expose our external ugliness to the world. Now it says that the lack of mirrors would conceal our inner beauty from within us. How very philosophical!
Says the poetess after leading us through it herself! It almost sounds like an assignment, to think over more of the journey that she took the reader on- describing all the struggles women will have to face much worse of, in a world with no mirrors. This poem stirred within me no doubt, a horrific realisation brought forth by imagining a fictional world that felt beautiful before this awareness. Ignorance may be bliss, but sometimes knowledge is necessary. Meri aakhe kholne ke liye kavyetri ka atyant dhanyawad. Isi prakar krantikari kavitae likhte rahiye, aasha hai ki mujhe aapse isi prakar ki adbhut kavitae padhte rehne ka saubhagya prapta hoga.
Thank you for the review again Alex. Sayanon means wise or intelligent people. Also I'd definitely use your suggestions. I usually write in more of a local hindi than pure hindi and then edit it. And sometimes I do forget to or don't pay attention to certain parts. Thanks for highlighting that