The best things in life are free, and why adopting that philosophy is a bad idea

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

Breaking news from Clifton county- another marriage has been prepared,as with the seventy during the past six months. From what we can gather, the couples have ditched the idea that you need a expensive ring to steal your lovers heart, but you will need something more. "Click" the tv went off as Jeffrey, the man who has been dying to propose to his girlfriend of two months, went to the lake for a camping trip with his and Theresa's family. It went very well and was one of the best days of his life, then, at the very end of the lake on a gap between the lake they both stood. Jeffrey then made his proposal stating the "heartwarming" question. "Theresa will you marry STOP! Whoever you are, stop reading this, if you continue to read this then you will be inspired to do the same thing that Jeffrey is doing. Do not propose at that damn lake, I don't care how fucking tempting it is, you hear me, DON'T FUCKING DO IT!" Just then, a pair of feet feet hit the hard metal floor behind him. "Enough with the propaganda already, your making it seem like this story has a bad ending, now submit and know that doom already awaits the poor fools who already get married, with or without the specialties of Clifton counties spectacular lake." A cutting noise was heard and the man was in two. "Alright, back to the story." As I was saying "me" Theresa was shocked, but still accepted, both then stood up and opened their mouths. Two, black, muddy tentacles emerged from the water and entered their mouths, the tentacles went throughout the head to the brain, and left a muddy imprint fooling the couple that they were meant for each other, reguardless of anything really. As you can see it is the easiest way to do arranged marriages, everyone else was told to look away as not to disterb their privacy, no not really, it just obscured evreyones face from seeing the truth. Now you know, the best things in life are free, and it is a bad idea to take that philosophy with anything more than a grain of salt.

This is Nikayla here for a review!

So we see that this is something of a short story though I'm confused as to what perspective this story is told in. Something else that I wanted to touch on before I delved farther into the piece is that this happens to be one large daunting block of text and nothing else. I suggest you cut this up into paragraphs so it's easier for the reader to read because stuff like this can be hard on the eyes. Another thing that I wanted to mention about this all being one paragraph is the grammar or dialogue rules following it.

You have dialogue in this chapter, and if you didn't know, you start a new paragraph or line when someone new happens to be talking. It seemed like dialogue to me at least since you happen to use quotation marks--you could be doing something else though. I wasn't really fond that you happened to use capital letters in the middle of the work because it really brought me out of the scene and can often be seen as shouting. You don't have to use capital letters in themselves to show that a character or person is shouting. Instead you can use punctuation marks or dialogue tags--both look more professional in your writing and are seen as stronger.

Something that bothered me about this is that the main character--or at least the speaker is actually telling the story. This means that they're interrupting it and starting it back up, which is something that I'm not a large fan of about this narrative because I feel like a lot of people try to do this voice and fail for the same reasons. It messes up the flow of the story because it's stopping it and that kind of ruins the pacing. I would like to see this piece in a neater state because I think that'll help the rest of the story out as well.

I hope I helped and have a great day!

Alright now for the promised review. I'll start with overall grammar, than get to the positives of this story.
Corrections
~
Breaking news from Clifton county- another marriage has been prepared,as with the seventy during the past six months.

What I noticed about this sentence on first look was the hyphen you used here. It isn't really necessary but you can keep it if desired. I suggest using a semicolon, and perhaps capitalizing breaking news as it's on the TV. So it would change to this: BREAKING NEWS FROM CLIFTON COUNTY: the 71st marriage has been prepared. (Or something of that nature)

From what we can gather, the couples have ditched the idea that you need a expensive ring to steal your lovers heart, but you will need something more.

Alright so this sentence. *lover's Also, the sentence seems a bit awkward. I think if you switched it around, added in some more words it would be more fitting. Example: From what we can gather, the couples have rejected proposal and marriage rings. Now, they will need more than just an expensive ring to steal their lover's heart.

"Click" the tv went off as Jeffrey, the man who has been dying to propose to his girlfriend of two months, went to the lake for a camping trip with his and Theresa's family.
Click doesn't need to be in dialogue. Just simply: Click. The TV switched off as Jeffrey, the man who has been dying to propose to his girlfriend of two months, went to the lake for a camping trip with his and Theresa's family.

Also, you seem to skip around in the line of events here. Can you explain him walking out of the door, his heart in turmoil after hearing the breaking news or such? Him getting in the car? Arriving there? This is only a suggestion.

It went very well and was one of the best days of his life, then, at the very end of the lake on a gap between the lake they both stood.
Separate this. The sentence can end at "very well". So: It went very well. It was one of the best days of his (describe--boring, sad, lonely, or a happy adjective? or nothing at all, just a suggestion) life. Now the next sentence becomes confusing. Are we in present or past tense here?

Jeffrey then made his proposal stating the "heartwarming" question.
Hmm, I see that you kind of skip over events rather than describing the moments of that time. To provide us with imagery...: Jeffrey got down on his knees, his (color) eyes peering into that of his lover, a () of (emotion) surging through his body.

"Theresa will you marry STOP!
For someone who doesn't understand what is going on they will not understand the transition of narrators either. Try this: "Theresa, will you marry--" STOP!

Just then, a pair of feet feet hit the hard metal floor behind him. "Enough with the propaganda already, your making it seem like this story has a bad ending,

Who is him?

already, your
*you're

A cutting noise was heard and the man was in two. "Alright, back to the story." As I was saying "me"
I've become completely lost here.

Theresa was shocked, but still accepted, both then stood up and opened their mouths.
Here: Theresa put her hands over her mouth in shock and she cried out a joyful yes. The newly engaged couple both then stood up, opening their mouths. (Or something like that)

wo, black, muddy tentacles emerged from the water and entered their mouths, the tentacles went throughout the head to the brain, and left a muddy imprint fooling the couple that they were meant for each other, reguardless of anything really.

What do these tentacles represent? Anything?

As you can see it
*comma after 'as you can see'

As you can see it is the easiest way to do arranged marriages, everyone else was told to look away as not to disterb their privacy, no not really, it just obscured evreyones face from seeing the truth.

This sentence sounds very rushed. This sentence needs to be separated: As you can see, it is the easiest way to () arranged marriages. Everyone else close to them was told to look away as to not disturb their privacy. But no, not really, it only obscured everyone's face from seeing the sad truth.
(To do sounds too elementary in my opinion but you can keep it if you desire)


Now you know, the best things in life are free, and it is a bad idea to take that philosophy with anything more than a grain of salt.

So, are you saying that the couple took their relationship for granted? That they married too quickly and didn't actually enjoy their time together?

As far as positives go, I like the imagery of the black tentacles. It would make some people shiver at the thought. It resembles possession. I also like the last sentence to finalize your point. However, this piece became confusing halfway through. And if the best things in life are free, and that is a bad philosophy, than most people buy the best things. Ex: money...prostitution in one's pleasure...expensive things. This made me think, which I enjoy.

This is very brief but I think you should separate this. It's too bunched together and it makes me not want to read it.
(Off topic but you seem like a straight to the point person, no shit taken. Respect.)