Disclamer: This song was written as an anti steroid message
Headstrong
Not right/See the Light
For all those who think they are wrong
Just remember what you are
Headstrong
For all those who want to be strong
And for all those who want to do wrong
Just remember what you are
Headstrong
Don’t you what you are doing
Don’t you know the wrong you are brewing?
It is the law that is the law you are screwing
Just remember what you are
Headstrong
It’s not just society you are rejecting
Your moves are ejecting
It will be impossible to start correcting
Just remember what you are
Headstrong
And soon you won’t hold a thought
Because sooner or later, you will be caught
And your dreams will be distraught
Just remember what you are
Headstrong
Just this once you say
And yet, the end is delayed
Because you never accept much needed aid
And with all the dangers out of the way
Just remember what you are
Headstrong
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139,786 Literary Works • 672,767 Reviews
Mostly, I feel like this is strong. I just have a few suggestions.
Obviously, songs don't ~have to follow a verse-chorus-verse-bridge-chorus structure, but I feel like if this song was sung, it might sound a little same-y. ("Same-y" is a word now. I hereby declare it.) I would suggest changing the structure of the penultimate verse to break up what might become monotony. With the structure the way it is now, it seems more like a poem than a song.
There are a couple of lines that I might suggest changing. I would replace "Don’t you know the wrong you are brewing?/It is the law that is the law you are screwing" with two different lines, since these two are some of the weakest lines in the song. "The wrong you are brewing" doesn't exactly make sense unless the person is creating the steroids themselves, and...okay, I don't know if that's how steroid use usually works, but it's still awkward. And "it is the law that is the law you are screwing" is both redundant and awkward.
I hope this attempt at a review was helpful. Keep writing!
Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo yeah
Macho Man Randy Savage here to deliver an Elbow Drop of a review!
Steroids is a very interesting topic,
my whole career was plagued by themand they deserve to be put on a higher level of awareness. I'll agree that the sentiment and theme is there and could snap into any opponent at any time. I have to give you props for that. But the problem is not the message, but the words you use to portray it.Lyrics are different from poetry, but it doesn't mean that the format has to be completely different. There are some lines in here that make no sense.
that line specifically sounds like a broken record and makes no sense grammar wise. If you use steroids you aren't screwing the law. You're barely screwing others over. If anything you screw yourself over (if it comes down to that). It all depends on awareness, jabroni. Let me cite some more lines.
The problem with lyrics is sometimes people try too hard to stay in rhyme. That's no good, bro. You could tell this is forced. The first two lines, specifically. After staring at them for a while and realizing what they mean, they aren't fluent. If someone is going to get caught, they're going to be afraid, worried. They are going to hold thoughts. It seems like you are considering steroid users aren't humans.
Your moves are ejecting? I need some clarification on that, please.
Spoiler
HEADSTRONG
GONNA KEEP YOU ON(?)
That is all, Gorilla Monsoon, and before your enemies get to you, remember;
Snap into a Slim Jim!
OOOOOOO yeah!
I apologize but I cannot take this review 100% seriously, I cannot tell if you are serious or not.
Well, I meant what I said, but I have fun with it. To sum it up; I agree with the message but the way it was formatted didn't deliver. Few nonsense lines and overall repetition fail to leave a mark.
I agree somewhat which you but just look at how most people around my age (I will not specify) are extremely gullible, not to mention this was one of my brother's summer school assignments that he enlisted me to do sense I am the writer of the family.
I...I don't see the point you were trying to make.
Forget it, keep your opinion and I'll keep mine.
Okay, if I made you feel awkward, then I apologize, you have several good points here, but this was my first song, for the nonsensical lyrics, they were filler, and the repetition is made to keep it in your head.
Hi there! Let me be the first to review on such a bright & early morning.
too early for me but I have to get up. I check Poetry, Lyrics, Art, and Shorts whenever I get on here. They're my favorite sections to read. So, naturally, I stumbled upon this lovely song & decided to leave a review.
Fortunately, I've never known someone who uses steroids or abuses the drug. I can't relate to the song in that way, but I can when hitting a low point and needing to get up again, to be strong once more.
I hope you have a superb day & you remain headstrong throughout.
(I can be a new friend!)
I'm rambling, I know.
"Your lines are choppy." "I couldn't get the flow of it." "I didn't like it." These are all things I wouldn't say to you because frankly I disagree. I liked this song. It's a motivating song that tries to teach you right from wrong, good from bad, and to never give up even when you're at your lowest point.
The lines flowed nicely, and I'm being honest. I read it in my head while seeing the words on the screen, and I wasn't confused about a length of a line or too many syllables. It's all about frame in Poetry. That's what most people agree with. But it's okay to step out of the boundaries and do something different.
Your word choices rhymed, so there's nothing there that I could complain about. No punctuation, minus a few marks. That's good. Songs don't need punctuation. And I didn't see any grammar mistakes or typos that could be revised.
"Headstrong" will probably, well most likely, stick in my head for a couple hours.
Overall, I generally enjoyed this cute little song. Be sure to post more, okay?
~Freak
If you are wondering why there is a question mark there, it is because the word program made me put it there, I pre type the stories on different programs because I don't like using this program
Oh, okay well still great job!