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The legs to Mr. Ream's chair scrapped across the hardwood floor as he rose from his seat. “I'll go inform the king of this development,” he said. He glanced at his daughter. “Could you help gather all the materials Cass will need for her travel? She should be able to leave by noon today if we get things done now.”
Lira gave a small, hesitant nod.
As Lira hurried about the mayoral palace to gather maps and anything that Cass didn't already have in her backpack, Cass and Aspen returned to her bedroom. The walk was taking place in a deafening silence; Cass was trying to imagine a journey across an unfamiliar world without the comfort of her best friend being by her side. She knew she could do it if she tried. Camping wasn't exactly the same, but she had studied survival skills for years. Armed with the additional knowledge Lira would give her, she would be able to handle the parts that weren't like what she had experienced in the past.
But how was she going to pass the time when the hours upon hours of walking became a blur? How was she going to fall asleep underneath a familiar sky without Aspen there to tell her cheesy and cliché ghost stories? How was she going to remind herself that things would be alright without Aspen's reassuring smile and warm embrace? How was she supposed to slip past Telorum's guards without Aspen there to come up with a witty plan? How was she supposed to survive without Aspen there to come to her defense like she always did?
How was she going to get through this without her other half?
They stopped at the doorway to Cass's room.
“Cassie,” Aspen finally said, her voice quiet, “I'm sorry.”
Cass glanced over at her.
Aspen wasn't meeting her gaze; she was staring down at the floor, her lips drawn in a thin line. When Cass followed it down, she saw that her hands were clenched and held close to her side. “I don't want to leave you alone, but it was the only way I thought I could convince him...”
Cass hesitantly reached over and gave her hand a tight squeeze.
“It's okay,” she reassured her. Her voice was shaking and uncertain, and she was sure Aspen could feel how cold and clammy her hand was. But she didn't like seeing Aspen upset like this; Aspen had done the only thing she could think of, and it had worked. Even if it wasn't all that effective, she wanted to try comfort Aspen like Aspen had comforted her so many times before.
Aspen raised her head up.
“It made more sense for you to go. Aldonius is your contracted, and you know how to survive in the wilderness more than I ever will,” she said. She gave Cass a small smile. “I was the one who sprained my ankle while hiking, after all.”
Cass hesitantly returned it. “I would be more worried if you were the one going,” she admitted, her comment barely bordering on a light joke. The situation could have been worse. If it had been Aspen that was allowed to go and not Cass, she wouldn't have been able to sleep with the thought of her best friend being lost and alone in the wilderness.
But that was probably how Aspen felt right now.
Cass took a step into the room, Aspen following close behind.
Once they were inside, they made their way over to the bed and sat down next to each other. Aspen kept her fingers wrapped tightly around Cass's hand. Cass tried not to think of how this might be the last time she saw her best friend in person for a long time—she had no idea how long it would take for her to find the information she needed.
“I'm going to miss you, Cassie,” Aspen said. She moved over towards Cass, now so close that she could feel Aspen's thigh pushing up against her own. Aspen looked up at the ceiling. “You'll talk to me as much as you can, right?”
Cass nodded.
“I will,” she quietly promised.
“And you'll tell me everything, right?”
“I won't leave out a single word.”
There was movement from the doorway. Cass turned to see Lira, a few miscellaneous items in her arms. There was a palace guard standing only a few feet away from her. Aspen looked over at the door, yawning and then rubbing her eyes with her wrist.
“The guard is going to escort you to the laboratory now,” Lira said. She faltered when she saw Aspen's face. “My...my dad wants to make sure too much time that can be spent studying your locket isn't lost today.”
“Okay,” Aspen quietly said.
She turned back to Cass and threw her arms around her. Everything was moving far too fast; she wanted more time with Aspen before she had to say her goodbyes. If only this moment could last an eternity—she didn't want ever leave Aspen's side. But then Aspen was up and out the door, and Cass with left with Lira and her collection of things.
Lira walked over to her and silently placed the items on the bed.
Cass tore her gaze away from the door and forced herself to look down at what Lira had brought. It wasn't much. There was a small book that could fit in her pocket. When she squinted, she could make out a title: The Flora and Fauna of Partex. A folded piece of parchment paper sat beside the book. A label was written in a small cursive handwriting; it was a map to the area. The last object was a handheld mirror. The design of it was simple, but Cass knew this had to be the mirror that Lira had referenced.
She picked it up and studied it.
“You just have to imagine who you want to talk to,” Lira quietly said. She stood awkwardly near the door. “I'll give Aspen hers when she's done. You should be able to call her, then.”
Cass managed a nod.
Lira took a deep breath. “The journey shouldn't be too difficult. You just...You just have to be careful in some of the more wooded areas. It's hard to see things there.” She glanced at the map. “If you just follow the line leading from here to Telorum, you should be safe.”
“Thank you,” Cass said.
Lira nodded.
She began to exit the room. Cass turned her back to the door and began to assess the items before her. The mirror would be carefully placed inside of her backpack. The map and book would go in her pockets. Her gaze traveled to the backpack. Once she was out of the city, she would change her outfit to clothes she was more comfortable in—or, at the very least, trade the boots she had been given for the sneakers she had been wearing when she arrived in Rey.
“Cass?”
She looked back at Lira; she hadn't left like Cass had guessed. She was lingering in the doorway, her attention alternating between Cass and the floor. “If you...If you see Aldonius during your travels, could you ask him about Nebris for me? I know...I know it's selfish, but I haven't heard from him since the day you got here, and I'm guessing they know each other...”
Cass gave her a small smile.
“I will,” she said.
Lira might not have come to their defense when they were arguing with her father, but Cass couldn't be mad at her. She hadn't wanted to be there for that argument; the way she had reacted had made that obvious. As Cass finished putting everything away and slung her backpack on, she turned around to fully face Lira.
“Maybe I'll see you soon,” she said.
Lira gave her a small smile of her own.
“I hope so,” Lira answered.
And with that, Cass began her journey.
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,804 Reviews
Happy Review Day, Magestorrow!
--
I haven't read any other chapters of The Three Lockets that I'm aware of, so please take that into consideration when reading this review.
So here, Cass is the one beginning her long trip, Aspen is Cass's close companion, and Lira is another one of their friends. The character dynamics here are very well thought out, and it gives each character their own personality and style. For example, loyalty is a very large part of the girls' bonds here. They exchange jokes as to ease the tension of the upcoming event, and that (combined with other things) makes your characters human. The dialogue does a lot of explaining for the characters' mood/emotions, but maybe you should try using the setting for that, too...(I don't know specifically where the setting is myself, other that it's someone's room in a palace? Is that right?)
There are a lot of classic fantasy elements in this piece, like the journey. And on this chapter you specifically focus on the preparation for the parting. If you're leaning towards the beginning of the piece, then you probably know the journey is time for big character development, and you test their willpower there. If you're leaning toward the middle, here's a good time to add tension; obstacles preventing the characters from reaching their goal.
Otherwise, with the little information I have, this is all I could generate. I hope to review more of these installments and further my understanding while reviewing.
That's all from me!
-Manilla out
(Feel free to disregard any comments you deem rude or unhelpful. That was not my intention.)
--
Hey, Mage! Back again.
Small Comments
I like these girls, but sometimes it frustrates me that Cass never actually holds Aspen accountable for her behaviour. Yes, Aspen did the only thing she could think of, but she's landed Cass in a really dangerous situation - without even discussing it with Cass beforehand. It annoys me that Cass isn't at least somewhat annoyed by this. I get that they're best friends (*cough* girlfriends *cough*) but it doesn't feel realistic that they never disagree and never argue. They're stressed out, Cass particularly. She's going to have to trek across an unfamiliar world by herself and infiltrate an apparently hostile kingdom. That's terrifying. And terrified people aren't the most rational. The gal should be angry, even if she knows deep down that it's not really Aspen's fault.
Just be wary. I worry that you like their friendship so much that you can't bare to have them fight, but the story needs interpersonal conflict as much as it needs any other kind. Cass and Aspen's relationship should grow in multiple ways. Not just from best friends to best friends with kissing - I want to see them change in how they relate to each other and view to each other. At the moment, Cass never seems to challenge or stand up to Aspen; she sees herself as inferior to her. If you want to show her development, her becoming more of an equal to her friend is a great way to do it. I don't think you've done it intentionally, but Aspen does control Cass sometimes, usually because she wants to protect her - she often speaks for Cass rather than letting her do it herself, for example. That's a great character flaw for Aspen to have, but I want Cass to address it. I feel like it's important for the development of both of them.
Also, side note: why didn't Aspen offer to leave her locket for Mr Ream to study, but come with Cass on the trip? Is there a specific reason that Aspen has to stay with her locket? Then again, if the lockets act as translators, I suppose she wouldn't be much help if she went without it...
More of a question than a critique, but are there no inns of any sort on the way to Telorum? Is Cass going to have to camp every single night? I just find it odd that they've given her no money, because surely once she gets to Telorum she'll have to pay for food and board at some kind of guesthouse. I'd have expected there to be some on the way, as well, even if they're infrequent enough that she won't have access to them every night. Then again, I don't know a lot about what to expect, so...
Again, I just wish Cass had it in her to get more irritated or angry with people. I know it's not in her nature, but everybody has a breaking point, and I feel like this should be it for Cass. Lira's not even got a guard to escort Cass on her journey - why not? She must know how dangerous it is, letting someone who's not even from this world strike out into the wilderness alone.
Overall Thoughts
I've not got quite as much to say about this chapter. I feel like it's opened up a lot of gaps; Cass just feels so ill-prepared for her journey and I can't really grasp why Lira or even an old sourguts like Mr Ream would let her make it. She's been in this world for what, three weeks? And she's spent basically all of that time in the shelter of a palace. Yet now they're letting her travel off, unaccompanied, with only a book of fauna and a map, to infiltrate a kingdom she basically knows nothing about. What's wrong with this picture? I'd almost believe they were trying to kill the kid.
Yes, she's got Aldonius's memories to guide her, but they're inconsistent and I don't think she can rely on them. Why can't Lira send a palace guard to travel with Cass? They could easily dress up in civilian clothing so that their affiliation to Rey isn't so obvious. I can see why you'd want Cass to be alone from a story point of view, because it creates a lot more tension. But it just doesn't make sense.
The only way I can imagine Cass striking out completely alone is if she didn't have Lira or Mr Ream's blessing to leave, so she had to sneak out herself. I feel like that could work. It would make sense for them want to keep Cass here, even if they are afraid of her magic and show more interest in Aspen's locket. Come to think of it, wouldn't Cass's magic be a reason in itself to contain her? If darkness magic has the power to kill and injure masses of people, and if it can cause people to become corrupt, why would they consent to send Cass to Telorum, where darkness magic users seem to thrive? Aren't they worried that Kartiel would enlist her or use her or, who knows, train her? Mr Ream himself said that the lockets hold a power that could defeat Telorum - would they be so careless as to risk Cass's locket falling into enemy hands?
It just opens a lot of questions for me. I feel like you've got two options: have Mr Ream let Cass leave, but also appoint guards to guide/protect/contain her on her journey. Or have him not let her leave, and have Cass run away on her own with only the resources she's managed to steal from the palace. On balance, I think I prefer the second option, though you'd have to invent a new reason for Aspen to not accompany her. It shouldn't be too difficult, though. Running away might make Cass an enemy of Mr Ream, and I can see her not wanting to involve Aspen and put her in danger.
There's some ideas, anyway, so do with them what you please. Everything just feels a bit confused at the minute. Good things are happening, but they don't feel like they're happening in the way that makes the most sense/offers the most suspense. It's almost there, just not quite.
That's it for this one! Despite my concerns, I'm really looking forward to seeing how Cass copes on her own. This will also be our first chance to really see the world outside the castle, so I can't wait for that!
Keep writing!
~Pan
Thanks for the review! <3
I admit this was one problem that I started thinking about after I finished writing this scene, too.
I also really like the idea of Cass sneaking out. One of the things I've been trying to do with Aspen is show that she's the type of person who doesn't like forming conflict - she likes to fit in. But I really should be having Cass make a bigger fuss about things, so I'll definitely try to include that in the next draft and in future chapters when that's necessary.