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Young Writers Society



Kartiel's Curse [Chapter 15.2]

by Mageheart


Author's Note: I was expecting this chapter to be a cute exploration of the room Orpheus led Cass to, but it looks like my book decided to surprise me once again. This chapter should finally touch on what's up with Orpheus and Kartiel magic-wise, and also explain why Ikach is so important to the plot of the novel.

I hope you enjoy reading it as much I enjoyed writing it!

Words: 1,607

Last Line(s): And then she gasped.

The room was easily the largest that she had seen so far—even the throne room was dwarfed by its sheer size. It was so large that it likely took up two floors instead of one, a little staircase leading to the second level beside the entrance. But it wasn't the size that filled her with delight; it was what was contained inside of the beautiful room that made a smile begin to stretch across her face.

For as far as her eye could see, bookcases filled the room.

They lined the walls, crossed from one side of the room to the other in broken lines, and even were present on the second level. The bookcases in the center of the room were at least twice her height. The ones lining the walls were even taller, at least three times her height or maybe even more. The books all had a variety of sizes and designs—they made the shelves look like uneven rainbows.

And above it all was a ceiling painted to look like the night sky. When Cass managed to tear her gaze away from the beautiful array of books, she realized that the ceiling wasn't just a regular painting. It moved, the stars slowly making their way across the sky in vaguely familiar constellations as the occasional shooting star shot across the sky.

“This is the library,” Orpheus said from a short distance ahead of her. Another shooting star shot across the ceiling; this one burned a brilliant shade of blue. Even though she was occupied with watching the ceiling and couldn't see his face because of the hood, anyways, she could hear the hint of a smile in his voice. “It's one of my favorite places in the entire castle.”

She finally looked back at him.

“I've never been in a library like this before,” she said. Awe filled her voice as she took a hesitant step forward. She wanted to learn all of its secrets—did Telorum's libraries have a different cataloging system than Earth's? What would their fiction be like? Did they have stories about heroes and knights in shining armor, or was their fantasy more akin to her realistic fiction?

“You like reading, too?” Orpheus asked.

She gave an eager nod, eyes already scanning the shelves. “I've loved reading since I was little,” she said. “I checked out so many books from the town library that my mom had to put a limit on how many I could get—we couldn't carry them all in the bag we brought.”

Orpheus followed her as she started to wander through the center aisle. “Reading was my escape,” he said. He said something underneath his breath that she couldn't fully make out. When she turned, she saw that he had extended a hand up. She didn't want to come off as intrusive and ask why, but she didn't have to. A moment later, a book floated off of the nearby shelf. She watched it gently float across the air with wide eyes. Its journey stopped when its spine reached Orpheus's hand.

“...Do all of the books do that?” she asked.

He lowered his hand and slipped the book in between his chest and his other arm. “They don't.” He looked back up at the shelf. “It would be cool if they did.”

“Then how did you do that?”

He glanced back over at her. “I used my magic.”

Now she looked over at the shelf, trying to figure out how he could have possibly used it without her noticing. There hadn't been the same warmth that she had felt whenever Lira used her magic, and there hadn't been any visible signs of darkness. But then she was suddenly struck by a pang of guilt; she shouldn't have been getting so excited over darkness magic. Her shoulders slumped, and she hurriedly turned back to Orpheus.

“I didn't see the darkness,” she quietly said.

“I don't have darkness magic,” he said, his tone now soft and hesitant. She stared—Lira had told her that he had magic just like hers. Why would she lie about something like that? “I...I know you do. It's not a bad thing. But the rest of the Partex...”

“They think it's a curse,” she whispered.

“...Yeah.” His shoulders slumped as well, and his gaze dropped down to the carpeted floor. “It's been like that since before I was born. I...Kartiel and I are people they don't like. They're scared of us. It would make sense for us to have the magic they fear the most.”

She curled her hands into fists, digging her fingernails into her palms—maybe the pain would stop the tears starting to form in her eyes. “You're a general magic user,” she guessed. “You cast spells.”

He gave a small nod. “I do.”

“That's useful, right?” Another nod. “I-I remember Lira telling me about your magic.”

Orpheus didn't say anything for a moment; he just curled his hands into his fists and continued to stare at the ground. When he finally did speak, his voice was much quieter than before, and it almost sounded like he was on the verge of tears.

“People like me are enchanters,” he said. “We create the minor things that let entire kingdoms run—the lamps, tools, and even little charms that help you with household chores. I'm still learning, but...”

She hesitated. She wanted to ask him what was wrong, but they barely knew each other—he didn't even seem like he wanted to address it. Maybe he wasn't as good at his magic as he wanted to be, and he couldn't be as helpful as he wanted? She tried to change the subject in the hopes that it would diffuse the situation without her having to actually address the cause for Orpheus's suddenly somber tone.

“Kartiel has healing magic,” she said.

Orpheus looked up.

“...I never heard about that when I was learning about the magic in your world,” she continued.

Orpheus started moving down the aisle again; Cass wasted no time in going to his side and following him through the towering bookcases. “Healing magic is rare—humans don't have it.” When he looked over at her and seemed to notice the confused expression, he rubbed the back of his neck with his free hand. “Your souls can't handle it. Healing magic is a connection between one soul and another. When he heals someone, Kartiel is channeling his magic into their soul, giving it the energy it needs to heal their body.”

There was a pause.

“My sister was a healer, too,” he softly added.

“...Oh.”

He awkwardly cleared his throat. “So, uh, what do you want to read about? Not now, but later? Or it could be now, if that's what you prefer.” The cough he gave a second later sounded suspiciously forced. “I can recommend some good books on how magic works here, but I can also find you other ones if nonfiction isn't your cup of tea.”

She looked at the shelves, then back at him. “Can you show me where the stories are?”

“I can.”

He abruptly took a turn down a new aisle, and she hurried on after him. Though the library's aisles were simple in design, the room's size made it a seemingly unending maze. They eventually came to a stop on the other side of the library. The shelves didn't look any different than the ones that she had seen in the other section of the library, and none of the books looked particularly different. She couldn't even see a different label. But this had to be the right place—Orpheus was leaving her for a nearby armchair, his book in tow.

She looked back at the impressive shelf.

“All of the nearby shelves have stories in them,” he said from his seat. When she glanced over at him for a brief second, she saw that he already had his head in the book. “Telorum values all kinds of literature, fiction or nonfiction. If there's something you're looking for, you can find it here—it just might take some time to.”

She stared at the vast array of books before her. As she read the spines in the hopes that a title would jump out at her, her mind wandered back to the earlier part of their conversations. She waited a few more minutes before gathering the courage she needed to address the topic.

“You know who Lira is,” she said. She had heard him flipping a page before she spoke; now the noise suddenly ceased, as if it had been so surprised by the comment that he had stopped in the middle of the action. “How do you know her?”

There was a brief moment of awkward silence.

“She's Ikach's daughter,” he finally replied. “Everyone in Telorum knows who the two of them are.”

Hand resting on a book, she turned to stare at him. “Why would everyone know who the mayor of Rey is?”

Now Orpheus was staring at her from underneath the shadows of his hood. “He wasn't always a mayor,” he said. He straightened in the armchair, the book forgotten in his lap. “I...I've heard that he likes to talk about his time here as an adviser.”

“He does-”

She suddenly fell silent, understanding dawning on her. Everything began to make sense—the impressive mayoral palace, his position as mayor, his interest in the lockets compared to everyone else in Rey, why she felt like Kartiel never made it past the palace's front gates, and why she felt such a feeling of betrayal whenever she had looked at Ikach.

He was the adviser who had killed the last king.


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Tue Jan 21, 2020 2:36 am
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Lib says...



But... but I thought Ikach was a good guy......... D=

Also, that's literally like my dream room. The magic included! :P




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Fri Feb 08, 2019 12:20 am
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Panikos wrote a review...



Hey Mage! How ya doin'?

Small Comments

But it wasn't the size that filled her with delight; it was what was contained inside of the beautiful room that made a smile begin to stretch across her face.

For as far as her eye could see, bookcases filled the room.


the stars slowly making their way across the sky in vaguely familiar constellations as the occasional shooting star shot across the sky.


Obviously this is very much a first draft issue, but you got a bit repetitive in the description of the library. It seems to be a bit of a habit of yours when you describe things - you do a lot of hand-holding, where you tell us a detail and then you reiterate the detail a sentence or two later, which gets a little frustrating. It slows the pacing down as well, which is why I mention it.

She wanted to learn all of its secrets—did Telorum's libraries have a different cataloging system than Earth's? What would their fiction be like? Did they have stories about heroes and knights in shining armor, or was their fantasy more akin to her realistic fiction?


This was a cute part. Though I doubt that all of Earth's libraries have a unified cataloguing system!

When she turned, she saw that he had extended a hand up. She didn't want to come off as intrusive and ask why, but she didn't have to.


Only Cass could worry that it was intrusive to ask why someone had raised their hand. You're hardly requesting his life story. She cracks me up, honestly. :P

She tried to change the subject in the hopes that it would diffuse the situation without her having to actually address the cause for Orpheus's suddenly somber tone.

“Kartiel has healing magic,” she said.

Orpheus looked up.

“...I never heard about that when I was learning about the magic in your world,” she continued.


I found this bit jarring. When I first read it, I assumed Orpheus was the one speaking, probably because I expected him to have this kind of knowledge about Kartiel. And while, yes, it does make sense for Cass to know this given that she shares Kartiel's memories, she's not actually though about his magic at any point before - or at least, I can't remember her doing so. But it seems like the kind of thing she would acknowledge internally, because it's obviously quite a surprise to learn that Kartiel doesn't have darkness magic. She talks about it so casually that it's as if it's come up before.

Overall Thoughts

I concur with Blue about the pacing. Not only does Cass need a goal, but she should want to achieve that goal quickly - there has to be some kind of pressure that stops the MC from meandering, and usually that pressure comes from time constraints. It's an oversimplification to say that formula exists in all stories, but it is incredibly common, and with good reason. You need to be able to answer three questions. One - what does Cass want? Two - what happens if she doesn't get it soon? And three - what's preventing her from getting it? As it stands, I'm not sure that you could give a definite answer to any of these.

I honestly feel like the key to all this is having Cass want to get home - properly want to get home. She says she wants to, but there's no real sense of what would happen if she didn't manage it, and she doesn't seem to be in a hurry about it. More desperation on her part would shift the entire dynamic of the story, because it would saturate everything with a tension and a drive and a force. It wouldn't mean she couldn't occasionally go gooey over libraries or relax or appreciate everything, but there would still be an undercurrent of intention beneath everything. She feels like she's coasting right now.

The reveal at the end is interesting, but not exactly dramatic because (a) it was obvious that Ikach was a bad egg and (b) I can't remember being told that an adviser killed the last king. I'm not wild about the way you revealed it, either. I feel like it'd have been more dramatic if Orpheus had delivered it in the dialogue. You could still show Cass's memories coming into play - she could realise what he's going to say right before he says it or something like that. But somehow the last line feels a bit faux-dramatic, not quite authentic enough.

I've been a real misery guts so far, so now onto some of the positive stuff. My favourite element of this chapter was learning about Orpheus and Kartiel's magic styles - I really didn't expect Kartiel to have healing magic! I assumed that he would have darkness magic, but that part of his and Cass's bonding would involve her realising that their powers weren't twisted or evil. I'm quite glad that Cass is still the only darkness user in the main cast, because it means that she's going to have to come to term with her abilities by herself. It'll be good for her development.

I'm intrigued by the fact that Orpheus is an enchanter. I expected that even less - probably because he's literally called The Dark Mage, and Lira was talking all about how Orpheus had the power to wipe out Rey in one swoop. This kid has got some incredibly bad press considering that he's just a goth-looking sweetie pie. I wonder if he feels inadequate in his powers. We know very little about enchantment so far; perhaps it's more of a layperson's magic...

I also really like Cass and Orpheus's dynamic so far - I don't think I've mentioned that. There's something very natural about it; I can tell that they're similar people and that they naturally click. I actually think there's something more naturalistic about their dynamic than Cass and Aspen's, perhaps because you're deliberately trying to write a Best Friend Relationship in the latter case. It doesn't feel like you're trying to portray anything super specific in Cass and Orpheus's scenes; the conversation just is what it is. It's good.

That's it for this one! Keep writing! :D
~Pan




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Mon Feb 04, 2019 5:47 pm
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BluesClues wrote a review...



I KNEW IT, I KNEW IT WAS GONNA BE A LIBRARY

I mean, I didn't know it at the end of the last installment - I figured it would be something scary/important (NOT THAT LIBRARIES AREN'T IMPORTANT, BECAUSE THEY TOTALLY ARE), but once I started reading about the second level and whatnot, I TOTALLY KNEW IT that counts, right

Also: SOLD. 11/10, will take that library, especially with the starry night sky??? I probably wouldn't even get any actual reading done, because I'd be too busy lying on my back staring at the ceiling.

That said, I have to return to being a broken record: Pacing. Before the issue was too much of Cassie's interiority, which isn't so much an issue in this chapter, so that's good! But I think the other problem - definitely in this chapter, but possibly overall, and I was just blinded by being so stuck in Cassie's thoughts - is that the stakes are??? Like there's zero sense of urgency, in part because we've spent so much time wandering around, and in this chapter we spend a lot of time like, "OOH, PRETTY LIBRARY. WHAT ARE TELORUM'S STORIES LIKE??? FASCINATING." I mean, it really is fascinating, and I think Cassie gives the possible differences in books between our world and theirs a lot more thought than I would've (as the author, because we know I don't think anything out *cough*), but she just, "Hey, can I read some fiction? SWEET," and there's little sense to me that we're moving toward any particular goal or the solving of any particular mystery, etc, etc.

Which, again, is probably in large part a consequence of LMS curse you, LMS *shakes fist* shhh jk ily but it's definitely something I struggle with in general and something to keep in mind when you look at revising.

THAT said, I find it fascinating that the Dark Mage is literally called the Dark Mage (okay, shh, I know his name is Orpheus), yet his magic isn't darkness magic, and that Kartiel has healing magic, which is basically the polar opposite kind of magic we'd expect him to have. I also like that the tie to Lira's father is that he was the last advisor of Telorum, although I'm a little thrown by that last big reveal - did we know the advisor had killed the previous king, or is this is something that you changed in your changes to the story? My memory is terrible, so I realize we might in fact have known this and I just forgot, but I just wanted to throw that out there, because as it stands, for me, this plot twist was not as twisty as it could've been because I was like, "did I even know this?" It's a cool twist, though I knew he was bad news so you'll have to see what other readers with better memories think of the execution.




Mageheart says...


Thanks for the review!

That said, I have to return to being a broken record: Pacing. Before the issue was too much of Cassie's interiority, which isn't so much an issue in this chapter, so that's good! But I think the other problem - definitely in this chapter, but possibly overall, and I was just blinded by being so stuck in Cassie's thoughts - is that the stakes are??? Like there's zero sense of urgency, in part because we've spent so much time wandering around, and in this chapter we spend a lot of time like, "OOH, PRETTY LIBRARY. WHAT ARE TELORUM'S STORIES LIKE??? FASCINATING." I mean, it really is fascinating, and I think Cassie gives the possible differences in books between our world and theirs a lot more thought than I would've (as the author, because we know I don't think anything out *cough*), but she just, "Hey, can I read some fiction? SWEET," and there's little sense to me that we're moving toward any particular goal or the solving of any particular mystery, etc, etc.


Oh! That's interesting. I think I might know the cause - I haven't planned this story out much not that I ever do so a lot of the chapters are based on what I think would be interesting to have. I will say that this chapter does include some hints to some major plot points that will happen later on down the road aka Orphy's reaction to the convo with Cass about his magic. I did come up with an overall outline for almost the entire story today, so I think that'll help me stay focus on the end goal - once I decide what exactly that end goal is. (I have some mini-goals, and a somewhat major one, but I need a concrete ending in mind to keep me motivated and avoid pacing issues like this.)

We'll see, I guess!

Also: I wanted to include it in this chapter but couldn't work it into the conversation, but Cass wants to be a librarian - I thought it would be cool to have a bibliophile actually want a job that involves a love of books! <3 I'm hoping to include that at some point - maybe in the second draft if I include a library scene in Rey - but I thought you'd like to know that even if it's never officially mentioned.

Which, again, is probably in large part a consequence of LMS curse you, LMS *shakes fist* shhh jk ily but it's definitely something I struggle with in general and something to keep in mind when you look at revising.


Yes, curse you, LMS. You give us so much but take so much away!

Maybe lms is secretly part of #classified .

THAT said, I find it fascinating that the Dark Mage is literally called the Dark Mage (okay, shh, I know his name is Orpheus), yet his magic isn't darkness magic, and that Kartiel has healing magic, which is basically the polar opposite kind of magic we'd expect him to have.


Thanks! I admit that part of that comes out of my dear little Orphy being a reused oc of mine, but it does add an interesting dynamic. :P Entertainingly enough, the edgy, goth appearance still hasn't changed from the original version, even though I wrote that back during freshman/sophomore year.

I also like that the tie to Lira's father is that he was the last advisor of Telorum, although I'm a little thrown by that last big reveal - did we know the advisor had killed the previous king, or is this is something that you changed in your changes to the story?


You did! It came up during the horrendous info dump of part one, which I'm definitely going to fix in the next draft. It's a crucial part of the novel, and it hasn't exactly been woven in all that well. ^^" But, yeah, one of the kingdom's advisors killed the last king, and it was none other than Lira's dad! I was waiting for someone to notice that the ages might have lined up, but it makes sense that no one did since I didn't mention it that much.

Also a lot of the times glaring chapter issues seem to draw attention away from the subtle/not-so-subtle hints I give about future plot twists. I don't know if that's a good thing or not, but it does seem to make people very surprised by said plot twists. :P

Thanks again for the review!



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Mon Feb 04, 2019 5:42 pm
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FireSpyGirl wrote a review...



Talk about a cliffhanger!! I really like the new title of this book, by the way. :). Your chapters are coming along great, they are well developed, well thought out, well executed and the plot is great! You space things out evenly, and give the reader just enough to tantalize them in every chapter, but leave enough out so that they wait eagerly for the next chapter.




Mageheart says...


Aw, thank you! It has a dual meaning, so I'm really excited for you to see how it plays into the plot as I move more along. <3




Every really new idea looks crazy at first.
— Alfred North Whitehead