z

Young Writers Society


16+ Language

Ascension Chapter 9- The Red Bird

by beans


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.

Edress 14th, 326

A bright blue sky, broken here and there with cotton candy clouds. And silence. An acute silence, the kind one would find in a sensory deprivation chamber. Aurin felt the old familiar feeling; the feeling of painful remorse, and self-hatred, boiling in him like a geyser until he found himself screaming and pulling out tufts of his own hair.

Lysa was smiling sadly, a look Aurin hated with all of his being. It said, you are what you are, Aurin.

Screw you, Lysa.

He was on his back, unable to move; the marble underneath him was hot, so hot that the sweat dripping from his body evaporated upon touching it. He looked around and saw the blasted stump of the Tower around him, and what he knew to be people, a crowd of them, though he had long forgotten their faces. But he knew they were angry. Disgusted. They were gray, like graphite, and some of them were missing parts of their bodies; limbs, chunks of their torsos, even faces. A few skulls peered at him through the crowd, charred black.

They were screaming at him. All of them, at once.

Shut up! I never meant for this to happen, you have to believe me-

They became shrill and harsh, their voices rising in a cacophony of hatred and sorrow, their howling lacking any semblance to a human tongue. They closed in on him.

Then, right as they were about to touch him, and tear him apart... They crumbled, and blew on the wind, circling him like a dust devil. They converged into one, and flew into his open mouth, choking him.

Aurin jerked awake, and gasped. Cold sweat soaked his entire body, and his breathing was ragged and uneven.

They'll never leave me alone.

He noticed that the room he was occupying was not the cozy bedroom he had lived in at the Manor. He lay on a simple metal-frame bed, and that was about the only furnishings in the room; The walls were metal as well, with an iron rail built into it, like the ones built on staircases. The light pouring in from a circular window behind him told him it was day.

Am I in prison again?

Then his gaze lingered on the bandages wrapped around his body; A few around his torso, his arms, and he could feel one on his cheek. Little spots of dried blood pocked the bandages. Memory came back to him, and he felt his heart go numb.

"The Mayor's dead." He said the words out loud, as if he were the bearer of bad news and his other half hadn't heard it yet.

He sat up, planted his bare feet on the cold metal floor, and held his head in his hands. He breathed deep a few times, trying to reign in his emotions.

He remembered the firing squad, the firefight with that... man, and the woman in black. And Lapis. The girl who was at one moment an ordinary girl (save perhaps for the silver hair and the curiously archaic manner of speech) and then the next she became... what? A mech? Mechs did not move like that. Mechs didn't fight using martial arts.

Mechs didn't bleed.

He stood up and felt pain radiate throughout his entire body, a pain similar to when he had been beaten and kicked by ten police officers before his friends had run them off. This was different though. It was a sore, burning pain, like he had run five miles awake, and then another ten when he was asleep and no-one had thought to stop him.

The spells. They were unpredictable in the toll they took on his body, but after a long day of sorcery Aurin always felt like this, had to rest and eat like a glutton, and most of all try not to pass out. For the most part, he managed, though he had overdone it in the Manor.

His stomach grumbled at the thought of food, and he suddenly felt weak, his head swimming. However, curiosity overcame him and he peered out the window.

He saw clouds below him, with swatches of green and blue permeating here and there like the stripes of a zebra, for as far as he could see. There was no land or mountains to speak of.

The door opened behind him, and startled, he turned around. He brought his fists up in anticipation of battle.

Standing in the frame was an old man, small and bent, with a long wispy beard and liver-spotted bald head. He blinked at Aurin through thick glasses, magnifying his brown eyes to a cartoonish extent. He wore a white coat, and curiously, old-fashioned wooden clogs that gave an inch or two to his overall height. He was at most five feet tall. He leaned on a metal cane with four feet at its bottom.

"Easy there, bucko. I see now you're awake." His voice was high-pitched but soft, and slightly shaky.

"Uh, yeah. Obviously. Where the hell am I?"

"Do you not remember anything from the night before?"

"The night before?"

"Yes. You've been asleep for the better part of two days. You got pretty banged up down there... Had to pull some shrapnel out of you, some glass shards, bits of metal... There were a few second degree burns on your back, though they were pretty small. They'll leave a couple nasty little scars. But it's all superficial... no lasting damage has been done."

Aurin brushed the bandages with his fingertips. "Who are you? Where is Angela? Is she safe?"

"Calm down, boy. My name is Terrace Harper. I'm the medical doctor aboard this ship. And yes. Your girlfriend is safe. Though I'm afraid she's quite shaken up from this whole ordeal."

"She's not my... Wait. This... ship? What ship is this?"

Harper smiled. "Why, this is the Pallas, son. A transport ship. Not quite as big as some of the heavyweights in her class, but she's fast. Probably the fastest ship in Alnora."

"And who are you with?"

Harper's brows knitted together. "Pardon?"

"Your allegiance. Are you with Galthir?"

"Oh. No. Gods no." The old man mimicked spitting, his lips making little whispery peh. Peh peh peh noises. "Those dogs can jump in a lake for all I care. No, we're independent. Or, should I say, we work with the A.M.N."

Aurin sighed and leaned against the wall. Well, that's good at least."So... Who's the captain of this ship?"

"Why, I believe you've met her. Mara Nakashima. Should I tell her you've woken up?"

"No. I'll tell her myself."

***

Aurin walked down the hall, in a pair of military fatigues and a tank top Harper had given him. His new boots clanged on the metal grating, and he could see a pipe running underneath. He was trying his best to decipher Harper's cryptic directions, and ignore the burning pain in his back.

Aurin heard a metallic clang behind him, and turned quickly to look for its source; Nobody was behind him. It was probably a pipe or a vent, or perhaps something else.

Without turning, he continued to walk forward, and immediately walked headlong into a wall of fur and muscle; He fell painfully onto his ass and looked up.

A huge bear stood over him, covered in light brown fur. He wore nothing but a pair of rough spun britches, and a single leather pauldron on his left shoulder. Slung on his back was a G-24 rifle, affixed with a scope. A necklace of beads and little animal bones hung around his thick neck.

He peered down at Aurin with eyes eerily similiar to his own, and said in a low booming voice, "Shit. sorry, you alright?"

"Uh, yeah. I'm fine. Sorry, I wasn't looking where I was going."

"'S all good." He offered a paw to Aurin, and with hesitation, Aurin gripped it. The paw was soft and warm, and surprisingly gentle, given the fact it could break every bone in his hand with the slightest effort. The bear-kin lifted him back up easily, as if he were a child. "I'm Kordoc. Son of Ardoc."

"I'm Aurin. Aurin Acolyse... Er... Son of Edmin."

"Yeah, I know. You're that famous criminal kingpin magician guy, right? Everyone on the ship's been going bananas since you came aboard."

Just as always, my reputation precedes me. "Oh... That's... neat, I guess."

"I suppose you were on your way to the bridge."

"Yeah... or wherever your captain is."

Kordoc nodded, and turned around. "Right. Follow me."

Aurin followed him down a corridor, lit here and there with the outside sky. A couple men in overalls brushed past them, stealing sidelong glances at Aurin as they went. Uncomfortable, Aurin cleared his throat.

"So... Uh... Where are you from, Kordoc?"

"Cidran. A little port city on the southern coast called Romagoro. Doubt you've ever been there."

Aurin shook his head. "I doubt I'd be welcome there."

"Not unwelcome... Just a little out of place. There aren't many men in Cidran, or Ivarosh... Just cranky old bears like me." He chuckled.

"Did you fight in the war?"

"Nope. None of us did. We've never shared the same views as the cats, or the wolves... We like our salmon, and we like our beer. Nothing else really moves us... Certainly not religious dogma, from either end."

As they walked, a large, four-legged cat leaped down from the pipes in the ceiling and looked at Aurin with intelligent eyes. It had a long and slender body, with a golden-brown coat spotted and splashed with inky black. It wore a metal collar, a circular red bulb sticking out of the front end. It sat down in front of them and licked its paw. Then, incredulously, it spoke without moving its mouth. Instead, the red bulb pulsed with each word.

"Greetings. This one is called Ojo. The tail rises in interest upon this meeting." The voice it used to speak was clearly artificial, the words flat and devoid of emphasis.

"Hey, Ojo." Kordoc nodded at the cat, as if this was perfectly normal. "Eating well, I hope?"

The cat's shoulders twitched, as if it had shrugged. "Food does not interest this one. The Red Bird is what interests this one."

"You... know who I am?"

"Yes. This one hears man-whisperings, of a powerful one who bends fire, ice, air and earth to do his bidding. Are you not the one?"

"Well, yeah. That is me. Though it's a little more complicated than that."

Ojo's green eyes narrowed slightly, as if amused. "This one expected you to be taller." Kordoc chuckled. Aurin opened his mouth to say something, though the words died on his tongue.

"I'm taking him down to the bridge to talk to Mara. You want to come with?"

Ojo shook his head. "That is well. This one has reading that must be completed. You and this one shall have words another time, Red Bird. Try not to anger the raven." With that, he turned left down another corridor, and vanished beyond their sight as quick as he had appeared.

"He reads?"

"He's actually very intelligent. Most of his kind are."

"What... is Ojo?"

"He's what your people would call a half-kin- A beast with self-awareness. Their minds kind of jumped ahead of their physiology... They don't have the vocal chords required to create speech, though if you build them something to use instead... You have a hard time getting them to shut up."

"I see... And who built the collar for him?"

"Maekri Nosyt. He's the chief engineer aboard the Pallas. Bit of an odd fellow. A good man, and very sweet, but definitely odd. Most likely, you'll be meeting him fairly soon."

A colorful lot these people are.



They came to a pair of brushed metal doors; Next to them was a small box that appeared to be an intercom. With his huge paw, Kordoc gracefully pressed one of the buttons and a dial tone came through the speaker.

"Kordoc here. Baby bird wants the worm."

The doors slid open, and Kordoc gestured for him to enter. "Catch you later, kid."

The doors closed behind him quietly as he entered, and he looked about the bridge. The bridge was located on the bow, protruding slightly from the rest of the ship. It was encased in glass, held together by a latticework of thick metal beams. A menagerie of navigational equipment and telescreens faced ahead, port, and starboard, with a crew of eight men sitting at each. They wore no uniforms; Indeed, they appeared to be quite casual at their stations, one man sipping out of a tin mug while he perused the newspaper, occasionally glancing at the radar.

At the very front of the bridge, two men sat at the controls; They were sharing a box of pastries, and wiping their hands very carefully with napkins before touching any of the instruments.

At the center of the room, was a chair- It was a fairly ordinary looking chair, though quite tall for one of its make. It was upholstered in red leather, and the legs had appeared to be bolted to a rotating plate. It wasn't unlike a chair that the Mayor might have had once had in his study.

The chair swiveled around, and Mara was sitting in it, clad in a pair of jeans and a collared sleeveless shirt, her wavy black hair tied into a "close enough for government work" bun. Her right arm was missing; Instead, there was a prosthetic, clad in carbon fiber armor-plating, airbrushed a matte black.

He thought back to the fight between them and Abaiss, and Abaiss' remark upon gripping her arm. That's new.

Her lips turned up slightly in a smirk, and she stood up to greet him. "So you're awake. Glad to see you are well." She offered the metal arm to shake, and Aurin took it. Like Kordoc, she could have easily pulled his arm out of his socket if she wanted to. She was also quite tall for a woman, standing two inches above him. She must have won the genetic lottery. She glanced around at the crew members, who were watching them now. "Fellas, may we man the bridge for a moment?"

They shuffled from their stations and walked through the doors. The door hissed to a shut behind them, and Mara sighed.

"So... What do you think of the ship?"

"What do I... think of the ship? That's not what's on my mind, Ms. Nakashima. I-"

"It's what you saw the other night."

"Yes." Aurin felt it again; The ice cube running down his neck. His neck hair prickled when he realized she was reading his mind. Aurin shook his head, as if it would dislodge her, but that little pinprick of energy was always there when he was around her. Mara's mere presence opened up his brain like a picnic basket, allowing her to take out whatever looked the most appetizing.

She placed a hand on his shoulder; Her real one. "I understand how you feel right now." She really did. " Not many people come in contact with a Xaeon and survive."

Aurin blinked, the alien word seeming to go through one ear and out the other. "I'm sorry... a what? A seance?"

"Xaeon. A demon of the light. A god come into human flesh. A trans-dimensional being spoken of in rumors and old wives tales. Whatever the name, you've seen one with your own eyes."

Just hearing the word gave Aurin that feeling of unreality, like he had just stepped into a waking dream. Even the name didn't make sense. Aurin crossed his arms. "Yeah, I'm feeling a little ambivalent about that. But what are they?"

"They are whatever form they choose to take." Mara gestured towards a machine on the far wall of the bridge, and held a small cup underneath. At the press of a button, hot coffee trickled into it. She handed it to him and poured one for herself.

"So you're saying that Lapis, and that guy Abaiss... They're these things, these Xaeon? But disguised as humans?"

"Yes and no. It's not as pure and simple as that."

"I'm not sure I understand."

"You will."

"Great. So is that what Eld Siegfried died to protect? A girl who can turn into a giant metal killing machine?"

"That's not all there is to her."

"I'm curious to hear the rest."

She didn't answer him. Instead, she strode to her chair, and pressed a button on an intercom located on the adjacent desk.

"Maekri, please report to the mess hall. It's important. Anyone else who wishes can come as well." She released her hand from the button, and walked towards the bridge door.

"What's going on?"

"What I'm about to tell you, I want to tell the others."

***

The mess hall was of decent size, with a maximum occupancy of fifty people. Initially, it was just the two of them, then a mixed group appeared. Aurin couldn't help but notice it was a very small turnout. He noticed Angela and Lapis among them; Angela's eyes were downcast, her face as blank as a slate. Lapis was holding her hand and guiding her. Kordoc was there, as well as old Doctor Harper.



Mara looked over the group, her arms crossed. "Is this everybody?"

Kordoc cleared his throat. "Just about everybody besides the flight crew, and mech maintenance."

"Good. Introductions are in order. Aurin, this is my crew. This is Maekri Nosyt, the chief engineer."

She gestured at a middle-aged man with a curly black and grey afro, and dark skin. He wore a simple collared shirt, under a pair of orange overalls stained with black smudges, probably oil. He had a round belly, though his biceps bulged with muscle underneath his sleeves. There was an oval around his brown eyes that showed his skin's true color, while the rest was caked with dirt. He smiled and waved. "Hello, Aurin."

Standing next to him was a tall, wiry youth, with chocolate skin and a shaved head. He was the spitting image of Maekri, only younger and more athletic. His eyebrows were thin and angular over strikingly green eyes. He was wearing an outfit quite similar to Maekri as well, and had the same oil stains on his hands and forearms. He stepped forward and offered a pink palm to shake. "I'm Jaekri, his son. I'm also an engineer, of sorts."

Aurin shook his hand. "Hello, Jaekri."

Mara nodded at Kordoc. "I believe you've met Kordoc already. He is our quartermaster, so if you want to learn about a certain gun, he is your bear." Kordoc's lips turned up, showing his massive white fangs. Aurin realized he was smiling.

Next to Kordoc was a bear-kin Aurin hadn't met yet, and he made Kordoc look like a cub. He was gigantic, with black fur and one eye hidden under an eye patch. His lips were starting to sag from age. Mara patted him on one huge arm. "This is Brigand. He handles inventory in the cargo bay, and nobody does it better."

"Can we move this along? I was having a very nice dream about smoked ham." Brigand grumbled and rubbed his voluminous stomach.

"Soon, Brigand." She gesticulated to Harper. "You've already met Doctor Harper. He pretty much came with the ship."

Harper's head bobbled, a senile smile underneath his bushy beard. "Staying off your back, I hope."

Leaning against a wall in the far corner of the mess hall was a tall man, with long, dirty blonde hair, green eyes, and a few weeks worth of stubble on his cheeks. He wore a grey bomber jacket, and an expression of bored derision. "That's Edric Redaekev. He's an M.A.S. pilot, and also a bit of an asshole."

Edric blew a kiss at Mara, and she turned away, either not seeing it, or pretending not to. "Last but not least, this is Rida. She is the caretaker of the ship, so if you need anything- a bite to eat, laundry- come to her." Rida smiled and shook Aurin's hand. She was a small woman, with rosy cheeks and a yellow bandana. Locks of wavy black hair peaked out from underneath.

"Isn't all that... a little demeaning?" Aurin asked her.

Rida snorted. "It's not like any of these lot know how to do their own laundry."

The men in the room laughed nervously.

From behind them, the mess hall doors swiveled open seemingly on their own. Then Aurin heard a low purring, and Ojo hopped onto one of the mess hall tables, with all the grace his species was known for.

"Hello, Raven. Red Bird. All men and beasts. This one apologizes for tardiness. He was in the midst of a bath when he heard the announcement. This one hopes he can finish swiftly."

Mara nodded in agreement. "Yes, do as you please, Ojo."

Ojo raised one back leg in the air, lowered his head, and proceeded to meticulously scrub his crotch with his own tongue.

With that, Mara turned to Angela. "Hello, Angela. How are you holding up?"

Angela said nothing. Lapis squeezed her hand and stared at Mara, a look of pleading sorrow in her blue eyes.

"You do not have to be here if you don't want to. Would you rather Rida brought you back to your room?"

Angela looked up, and her expression changed drastically; Aurin had never seen her so angry. Her eyes were like sparks. "No. I want to know everything you do."

"Good." Mara met her gaze with a smirk, and looked around the room. "Before I begin... Are any of you holding correspondence with anyone who defers to the Queen? Do not lie. You know I will find out anyway."

The attendees shook their head. Edric scoffed. "As if. To hell with that old biddy."

Mara nodded. "As you all well know, that 'old biddy' is immortal. She does not age, she does not fall ill, and she cannot be killed."

Jaekri raised a hand. "As for that last part, no-one knows if that's true. No-one has gotten close enough to try."

"That's true, Jaekri. But for all intents and purposes, let's just say that she cannot be killed. Period. At least by mortal hands."

Aurin let this sink in. By mortal hands.

"Okay." Edric shrugged. "That's just a fact of nature. The sky's blue, the sun is bright, and Queen Armaea fuckin' Tillarand has ruled with an iron fist for three hundred years. What of it?"

"More on that in a moment." Mara walked over to Angela, and placed a hand on her shoulder. "The man who oversaw Eld Siegfried's execution claimed to be acting under orders of the Queen. Why would the Queen order one of her most trusted subjects, an ex-Chevalier no less, to die?"

Aurin glanced at Lapis. "Abaiss said that the Mayor stole Lapis from the Queen, or at least orchestrated some sort of event to free Lapis. I'm guessing it was all done through proxies."

"That man, Abaiss... Who was he?" Angela asked.

"He belonged to a group of assassins, one of seven bred for killing from a young age." Mara replied. "They are trained in every manner of deadly combat imaginable, and then they are given access to an ancient power. By all rights, one that nobody should have."

"You're talking about the Xaeon." Aurin stated.

"Yes. All six are able to turn Xaeon."

That isn't terrifying at all. "Wait. Just a second ago, you said there were seven. How do you know all of this?"

"I am one of them." Mara touched the brushed metal of her mechanical arm, flexed it. "Or was, anyway."

Somehow, this didn't surprise Aurin. "So can you turn Xaeon?"

"No, I lost that ability long ago, along with this arm. But that's a story for another time."

Lapis could turn Xaeon as well... Is she one of the seven? I'm so confused.

Angela's brow was tight-knit, her eyes burning holes into Mara's head. "If you were one of these assassins, how can we trust you?" She looked around the room at each face. When she looked at Aurin, her eyes were so intensely saturated with grief and rage he couldn't bear to look into them. "How can ANY of you trust her?"

Mara met her gaze unflinchingly. "That is for you to decide, Ms. Siegfried. But if it's revenge you want, I am forever your ally."

"We've already killed... what, eight of the bastards already?" Edric counted on his fingers for a moment. "Yeah. Eight Xaeon. 'Course, they were just Wanderers... That's what we call Xaeon who have lost their humanity, and in the process, a bit of their smarts. I guess you could say killing Xaeon is our business... Business isn't good, in fact it's downright thankless. But it needs to be done. Without Mara, we'd have no idea where to even begin."

Jaekri shrugged, a what can you do.

"So if Abaiss is back in business, that means the others must be as well." Maekri looked as if he were going to be sick. "There is already unrest in parts all over Alnora, and its only a matter of time before it reaches a boiling point. It's war all over again."

"This war is being fought in secret, with lies and subterfuge and knives in the dark. This one knows the intent. But not the purpose." The red light went out, then Ojo meowed, his real voice high and kitten-like. Kordoc picked him up and proceeded to scratch Ojo behind the ears with his great claws.

Mara turned to Angela again. "Angela, do you recall the fight between Lapis and the men who tried to kidnap you?"

"Yes."

"And did Lapis become wounded at one point during the fight?"

"Yes... She was... Struck by a crowbar. On the head. She also had bloodied her knuckles."

"And when you checked her wounds, what did you find?"

"Nothing. They were completely healed by the time we got back to the Manor."

Mara nodded. "For the benefit of everyone here, I would like to add that I saw this girl Lapis get shot in the back, twice."

"But she's..." The words died on Aurin's tongue as he looked at Lapis. Lapis, whose skin was as clean as a mountain spring, who had been shot in the back. Eld Siegfried had been shot in the back as well, and he had spent the remainder of his life in a wheelchair.

Nobody spoke. The silence was thick, almost tangible. Ojo's eyes were alight with curiosity and sudden revelation.

"She's immortal," Maekri breathed.

Lapis looked more confused than any of them. She held up her hands, staring at them, as if they would give her the answers she sought.

"Well, I didn't see that coming." Brigand looked fairly calm, all things considered.

"Bull, and shit." Edric laughed mirthlessly, his voice echoing off the metal walls. He pushed himself off of the wall, and shook hair from his face. "You're telling me that if I decide to put one in this girl's head, she'll heal, just like the Queen would?"

"You're welcome to try, Edric. Though I can't guarantee you'll get along with her very well after the fact," Jaekri said glibly.

"What you're suggesting changes everything." Maekri was staring at Lapis, with an expression of abject awe and fear. "The Queen rose to power under the assumption that she was a goddess, the last of the immortals who created this world. For centuries, the world took her at her word."

"There is one immortal who yet lives, and you're looking at her." Mara said.

"A remnant of the Old World." Ojo's ears twitched in response to Kordoc's laser-precise scratching. "Last of the Makers."

"I cannot believe my ears," Rida said, her face pale. "You cannot mean to tell me a Maker is standing in the same room as us. A bloody Maker."

"If I am immortal, as you say," Lapis began, "Why do I not remember anything? Why is my past hidden from me?"

Mara gestured at Harper. "Dr. Harper, could you please tell me what you had for breakfast two days ago?"

Harper shrugged, making a quiet groaning sound every other word. "Why the hell would I remember something like that? I can barely remember to wear pants, let alone remember what I had for breakfast two days ago. At my age, my memory is terrible."

"Yes, yes it is." Ignoring Harper's annoyed expression, Mara looked at Lapis next. "With great age, comes fleeting memory. Your body may never age, but your mind still bears the burden of so many experiences. It's a wonder the Queen has managed to stay the same for three hundred years. I wouldn't doubt she has assistance with such matters. The human mind can only take so much."

Kordoc shifted his weight uncomfortably from one leg to the other."Lapis' very existence is reason enough to have us all killed for treason. So my question is, what is she doing on this ship?"

"Eld Siegfried tasked me with finding out the truth. About Lapis. About myself. About this world. About who the Makers really were." She looked at everyone around her, her face solemn and unmoving. "And with Lapis, that is what I intend to do. Too long has the wool been pulled over our eyes; Too long have we been spoon-fed lie after lie, waging wars against eachother in the name of Gods who might well have been ordinary people like us, and spilling the blood of children onto the streets. No more. You are all welcome to join me. You're also welcome to depart at any time, in whichever city we first make landfall."

No-one budged.

"Good. Thank you." She bowed before everyone, and they returned the gesture. "I managed to get some information from Eld Siegfried before his passing, but most of it is scattered, illegible. But he was insistent on one thought... our first order of business is to find a man named Rode Silmaren."

Aurin struggled to keep calm, the revelations he had just learned causing his brain to go wild. "Who is he?"

"Apparently, he was involved with the program Abaiss and I were a part of. That's all I could glean from the Mayor's thoughts."

Maekri crossed his arms. "So where can we find this Rode Silmaren?"

"The letter says he can be found in Newchapel. Apparently, he's been living in hiding for some time."

"If he's still alive," Edric interjected. "More than likely, he's already been made."

"If there's a chance that he lives, we have to take it," Mara said, meeting Edric's eyes. "There are no other leads."

Aurin's fist clenched, seemingly of its own accord. "Time to coax him out. Where are we now?"

"About eight hundred miles out from Rynnias. We're stopping there for food, and supplies. From there, it's a straight shot to Newchapel."

Rynnias, eh? Aurin felt his stomach turn to ice, the image of a ruby set in a golden ring suddenly occupying all of his thoughts


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463 Reviews


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Sun May 31, 2015 10:52 pm
megsug wrote a review...



Hey beans!

It's been a really long haul, but I'm actually going to catch up! As always, I skimmed through the other reviews, so I shouldn't repeat anything.

Wow. This chapter was fantastic! I really appreciate all the plot building that occurred here, and I'm charmed by the colorful characters of the Pallas' crew. Your skill with characterization really shone in this chapter.

Aurin only becomes more and more intriguing as the story progresses. I feel sorry for Angela. I'm sure she's in real shock after losing her dad and whatnot, not to mention being thrown into this world of intrigue.

I'm still pretty confused about the seven assassins versus the immortal Makers though. The Xaeon aren't immortal? Right? But can turn into giant monsters which the immortals can do as well? I'm assuming the Makers live up to their name and made something? Those details are a still a little fuzzy right now, but I hope this will become clearer and clearer as the plot continues.

Also, an issues that has always been fairly apparent throughout your work is the large blocks of dialogue you'll have with very few tags or body language between. It can get a little boring, just reading explanation, so I'd suggest adding a few more movements and tags. Body language can also be very helpful in relating a characters personality.

I'm not really buying the whole immortal body, human brain thing for Lapis' memory loss. I mean, the fact is, she's not human. Her brain should fit her body as a nonhuman brain. It doesn't really make too much sense that a being would have an immortal shell, but an aging mind.

Other than those three issues, I'm really in love with this chapter. It's got me excited to flip the page and see what happens next, so I think that's what I'll go ahead and do.

Almost finished!
Megs~




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Wed Apr 15, 2015 8:02 pm
ChiravianSkies wrote a review...



'Tis me, Maddie, here to review your work and kick it out of the Green Room!
Holy flip this story is cool!
Your characterization... your world-building, your grammar...
My only problem is something that I did, which was in fact not reading the chapters before.
So, is it safe to say that Ojo freaks me out? He's got that weird chip that somehow makes me think of the cat in the Last Unicorn movie, except a lot freakier.
All this world-building is whacking me in the face, a bit. Bears... ships.. leads... it all equates to "Never start a book half-way through."
You've even got the cool names without any "Aerith and Bob"-ing. XD
So, yeah. I love this story and will more than likely read more. For the next week or so, you'll definitely see my username in your notifications. Kinda funny how I gravitate towards this stuff, heh.
Sorry for the short review, keep writing!
Maddie out.




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139 Reviews


Points: 5205
Reviews: 139

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Tue Apr 07, 2015 2:28 pm
Biluata wrote a review...



Hello, yes I know, I'm a horrible person, only 14 and reading 16+ work, but alls okay. My reviews are going to be really short for a little bit, I'm mostly trying to kick people out of the green room and into actual publication onto the website, so yay! This was a really good piece, like writtenedge said, I haven't read all of it, so once again, mainly to kick you out of the green room. The emotions that your character goes through is precise and well written out so congratulations on a good work.




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13 Reviews


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Tue Mar 24, 2015 9:44 pm
WrittenEdge says...



I didn't read all of this one, because I did a bad thing and began to read it without reading the others! Once I started reading it, then I knew that I had go back to the very first chapter and read through it all. So far, I can tell that you are AMAZING! Your use of imagery, and how well you wrote his emotions; I could just feel myself become giddy, like when I first open a new book.
And, from what I've read, I absolutely love this character!
I just wanted you to know that you're going to see my name all over your notifications for the next few days or so, because I just have to read all of them! XD




beans says...


Very well. It shall be so. :) Thank you for your time!



WrittenEdge says...


The pleasure is mine :]




We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time.
— T.S. Eliot