Molly McCoys

by MOIMOW

Published June 22, 2011

In Poetry

Molly McCoys
swore off all boys
at the reasonable age of 13.
She'd had her first crush
but it wasn't the rush
she'd expected it would've been.

Molly McCoys
again swore off boys
at the reasonable age of 15.
Someone'd caught her eye,
and on him she did spy,
until she learned he's obscene.

Molly McCoys
once more swore off boys
at the reasonable age of 18.
It'd been all in her head.
She'd ended up in his bed.
She'd made it all up, like a dream.

Molly McCoys
soon after swore off boys
at the reasonable age of 19.
They'd had a quick spat,
and that had been that,
because his house was not clean.

Molly McCoys
swore off all other boys
at the reasonable age of 24.
She forced a small smile
as she walked down the aisle
and said the word, "Forevermore."

Spoiler! :
This is just a fun little thing I thought up. I thought I'd put a spoiler here because, well, everyone else does it, and you know what they say about everyone else and that bridge. And many people of my family have jumped off bridges in their lifetimes. Not kidding. :)

Comments & reviews · 8
User avatar
Alliaaryn5665
Review
Alliaaryn5665 wrote a review Review · Jul 4, 2011

Hi,

Haha, nice! One thing:

Molly McCoys
swore off all other boys
at the reasonable age of 24.
She forced a small smile
as she walked down the aisle
and said the word, "Forevermore."


I loved that stanza! Until the last line. It didn't fit at all, and seemed so awkward. Good job! This poem was incredibly cute, even if you had issues with capitalization.

Farewell,
A.

Random avatar
TylynRae
Comment
TylynRae commented Comment · Jun 26, 2011

Haha, this is really cute and I really enjoyed it. The flow was good and for some reason it reminded me of Little Miss Muffit, it just had that feeling to it. It was cute with really good rhythm and just made me laugh. Really well done =]

User avatar
geekchic
Review
geekchic wrote a review Review · Jun 26, 2011

This made me laugh. It was such a nice, cute poem. Everyone else pointed out the errors so I pretty much have nothing else to say. Great work and yeah...bye. :)
-Hope

User avatar
mellophone7
Comment
mellophone7 commented Comment · Jun 26, 2011

Cute, MOIMOW. Real cute. :) Yes, I loved reading this! The flow and rhythm was just great, and I didn't see any grammatical mistakes. Great job!

User avatar
Matthews
Review
Matthews wrote a review Review · Jun 23, 2011

Wow I love this. This is adorable, fun, and just a really overall enjoyable read! Great job!! The rhyme and rhythm is fantastic, and it flows along wonderfully. One TINY thing that bugged me: "She forced a small smile" at the last stanza...wouldn't she be really happy? I just don't like the idea of someone FORCING a smile walking down the aisle. Anywho, cute, cute poem. :)

User avatar
tigershark17
Comment
tigershark17 commented Comment · Jun 23, 2011

Awesome! This is hilarious, and so much fun. I love it!

User avatar
Payne
Review
Payne wrote a review Review · Jun 22, 2011

I'm not the best at reviewing poetry, and I think Sol pretty much covered the critiques...

at the reasonable age of 15.
Someone'd caught her eye,


This is my only nitpick. I'd suggest changing it to 'someone had.'

I really liked this. It was short, but very entertaining, and you kept up the continuity quite well. Nicely done, and keep up the good work!

User avatar
GeeLyria
Review
GeeLyria wrote a review Review · Jun 22, 2011

Hahahahhaha! Moimow, this is so funny! xD Lol. Good stuff! Something that I would suggest is to write the numbers in letters. And also to place commas, cause you wrote periods but your poem lacks commas.

Example:

MOIMOW wrote:Molly McCoys
swore off all boys-
at the reasonable age of 13 thirteen.
She'd had her first crush,
but it wasn't the rush,
she'd expected it would've been.

Like that. :) I think that if you do that on every stanza, like I just noticed you did on the second one, it would look more professional. ^_^

You did a great job! Keep writing.

~Solvy <3



What really knocks me out is a book that, when you're all done reading it, you wish the author that wrote it was a terrific friend of yours and you could call him up on the phone whenever you felt like it. That doesn't happen much, though.
— J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye