You have no reason to be worried,
You have no reason to be scared.
I am here.
I am here.
I am here.
I'm shining light through your darkness,
I'm bringing hope through your doubt.
Never fear.
Never fear.
Never fear.
I'm a blanket for the cold.
I'm the one who makes the mold.
I'm the one who hears the silent screams inside of you you hold.
I'm an ever present love.
I'm an always peaceful dove.
I know you in and out and I fit you like a glove.
So there's no reason for your crying,
and there's no reason for your tears.
I am here.
I am here.
I am here.
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140,763 Literary Works • 673,687 Reviews
I hate to do that, but I have to say it: I just didn't like it.
I felt like you're not even trying, writing two lines then just writing the same sentence three times makes me feel disregarded- like you didn't even bother to think.
I know that isn't the truth, I know you probably did it because it means something- but it still seems to me that way.
Also, let's look at the stanzas who weren't built that way:
"I'm a blanket for the cold.
I'm the one who makes the mold.(This rhyme is forced, and I have a hard time enjoying it.)
I'm the one who hears the silent screams inside of you, you hold.(This is way out of weight)
I'm an ever present love.(What does that mean)
I'm an always peaceful dove.(again, it feels forced)
I know you in and out- and I fit you like a glove."(actually a good rhyme here)
Lastly, the words and theme themselves seemed not creative and cheesy to me, and not very powerful- This poem is about declaring your eternal loyalty to someone- Where's the heat? the emotion?
I'm really really sorry if I hurt you, but I thought you deserved the truth- and don't forget that's just my opinion, it's just as possible that I'm wrong and you're right.
Please don't take it personally, I'd hate to see someone hurt because of me
SubjectBlue
I gotta say, "GOOD JOB!!" The highlight of reading this poem was how it flowed extremely well.
One part that I didn't really understand was:
It had to make me think for a LOOONG time about what it means. And, I still don't quite get it. Like, the mold, to hold your heart? or, something else? Can you please explain?
Haha, I actually thought you might have been desperate for words, but, the words you chose actually worked!!
For instance:
I'm not too sure I like the repetition of 'I am here' and 'Never fear'. It came across a little repetitive to me. I can also see the reassuring side of it. However, the repetitive bit stood out more than the reassuring side of it. I think that it's be alot more powerful if you only use it once.
This line sounds a little awkward for me. First of all, it's a lot longer than the previous line and second, the last two words sounds unsmooth. I can see that this is part of the rhyming scheme, I'd suggest you find another word that rhymes with 'cold' and 'mold' and use that at the end. Or reword the line.
These two lines generally say the same thing. Personally, I don't think that you need two lines saying the exact same this. Maybe change your second line to a line that says something else?
Overall, I'd say the rhymes were pretty good. The overall flow was also quite good. I'd suggest that maybe you think about the lines more. Are they too long? Are they too short? Do they say the same thing? Can it be phrased better? And so on. I think that some of the lines in this poem could be improved. That's all. Keep writing
It was good but i would want to see more emotion in it. You kept repeating "I am here" and it was alright because it gave off a sense of reassurance but at the same time it almost felt like you were using it as a filler. You could really expand more and give more mental insight...sorry to be mean but i feel like it'll be really good with a little teensy bit of work
Hello! Nice poem you have here. It flows pretty nicely. It could use a bit more feeling: it doesn't seem very dramatic and it seems really formal.
The rhymes feel a bit forced, too. For example:
I underlined the rhyme that really catches my attention. This line doesn't make much sense. Sorry if I'm just not getting something
But that's really the only comments I have, other than it's pretty good (if a bit forced/formal)! Thanks for sharing, and keep writing!