Young Writers Society

Hey there, Eli here for a review of your wonderful work!

I did not expect such an outcome. To be honest, I expected you to be telling us about someone, something even maybe, that has gone through a lot and now they are dead or in some kind of a parallel universe where they can finally find the place they needed to be their whole life and stay peacefully there. But it turned out that our character was actually part of one's soul, a memory that is unique to its own kind. Each memory is unique and stores so many emotions, past events and maybe things we do not want to even remember. I did not expect such a turn into this work. Still, I am thrilled by its concept. I do not know if the concept of the dancing happy ones were that some memories were of emotional and positive events or something that is totally out of this road that I am currently walking on but this is how I understood it and it also gives them a special meaning. I love your little remarks in between the work to specify for us what is going on because the reader would get confused. And it was like a little sneak peek towards the real meaning of the work. It was very touching in the end to give the memory a reason, giving the gray something light of hope. A heart.


He sees many other figures—some nameless and dull like himself, others -/, vibrant and dancing across the ground.

They float more than anything, like spirits. (great sentence, it caught my eye the most and it gives enough information for the creatures)

So, it gives him the impression that it can see everything he is, and everything he is made of, and again, something like a feeling but not quite a feeling put-puts through him.


Keep on writing!

Hey there,

Only the one nit-pick, so well done on that!

looks for a place he belongs in

(Here, we must stop to avoid confusion. It might be thought that the word soul would be used, but he does not have a soul, he is a part of a soul.)

(Note: It has forgotten its name, so we will call it a “he” for the sake of clarity.)

He wanders through a gray landscape and looks for a place he belongs in. He sees many other figures—some nameless and dull like himself, others vibrant and dancing across the ground.Mmm, I love this. He watches with no reaction at all.I like this, but feel like it could be more He is only looking for one thing, and while he may not know what it is yet, he will know once he finds it.

And he keeps going. He’s You don't really need the he here not walking, exactly, because he doesn’t walk. No one in this dreary place does. They float more than anything, like spirits. I want to know why this place is dreary if possible

So he floats on, looking around at nothing in particular. There is a place where the bright, dancing creatures stay. They laugh and jump and pay no mind to the lifeless figures hovering next to them. He thinks this is what he’s searching for—somewhere he can rest forever. While I love this paragraph, it confused me a little bit.

He observes this all without a word, staring at the colorful creatures celebrating in their own little place. Some of them are splashed with red, some yellow, some a brilliant purple that shines right in his eyes and very nearly blinds him. He looks down at himself and finds only a bland gray. He has never been self-conscious before—creatures like him don’t exactly have feelings—but something pitters through him and sputters to a stop.The ending of this paragraph feels like the strongest to me as well it feels like it could be foreshadowing something [but maybe not]

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But if he had only looked a little closer, he would've seen a bit of blue right over where his heart would be. Ok, I lied, this is perhaps the strongest line of the entire piece.