a spider on a wet mirror

Hello! Wow, I sure love this poem. First of all, thanks for leaving the request in my thread! I totally would've reviewed this either way, because it's so fantastic. Let's jump right into the review, shall we?

I lay there,
like a spider on a wet mirror,
trapped in an invisible substance.
below me in a far-reaching distance
lies the peril of the shattered tile floor,
each crack representing
how utterly useless my tangled legs are.
each drip of water
draws me closer downwards.

I absolutely love this. You compare yourself to a spider, which is trapped on a mirror. It's trapped because the mirror is wet, so its legs are tangled and stuck in the liquid. It's almost like it's drowning, but its head is still above the water. Below, can see the shattered tile floor. It says if any attempt even escape would be impossible, because of all these traps that live below. But, the water is slowly, dragging them down, as they get closer and closer to this fay that seems just as horrible as where they are right now. I could see this be applied to life a lot. Sometimes we really get trapped in a place where we feel like there's nowhere to go. It's like that saying "between a rock, and a hard place" or something like that.

but unlike the ensnared legs of a spider,
a thought is unshackled,
and can only be chained down
by itself.

I really liked how you ended this poem. You talk about this wall, being a reflection of yourself. And then you go through a lot of these internal thoughts, but finally at the end, you talk about how spider may have ensnared legs, but unlike a spider your thoughts are free to roam. At the end, it really feels like you're comparing the spider to your own thoughts. Perhaps it's your thoughts that feel trapped, not your entire personage. You feel like everywhere you think and look things aren't completely right. I feel like this really captures overthinking, thinking that any option is not the right option and not being able to decide between two things that feel so big. One thing I like to remember is that maybe both options are OK. Maybe there isn't a good and a bad, but there is joy to be found wherever you go, whether it's on the mirror or the floor, you'll learn, and you'll grow, and you will fight and you will succeed. This is a fantastic poem! I love the aesthetic, too of the picture copy that you put in the post. Fantastic, keep writing!

Your friend,
Ellie

Hey there!

I love poems exploring themes of loneliness; I find myself often gravitating towards it both when writing and reading! So, needless to say I was instantly drawn to your poem.

The image of a spider on a wet mirror definitely sets the tone of loneliness and being trapped, almost within yourself, and unable to free yourself. I like how you fleshed out the imagery of a wet mirror to include water/the ocean, because I think it created a cohesive stream of consciousness throughout the poem. For example:

swirling in my head like a school of fish,
my hearing sucked out in a whirlpool.

cannot pull a fish out of a whirlpool.

^^ I like how the word "whirpool" is used in both of these lines — I feel like it ties beginning and end together nicely!

I feel like there are a few instances here where some of the wording could be refined? There are really strong metaphors and imagery present, but at times it comes across very blatantly, in a sense that it leaves little room for the reader to make their own interpretations. For example, "each crack representing / how utterly useless my tangled legs are" tells the reader quite literally what the cracks in the mirror represent. Experimenting with specific language could be beneficial! This is definitely very technical, but it's helpful to show a poetic theme through imagery rather than telling the reader specifically what you're trying to say. Eg: "each crack twisting up / my tangled legs further" or "each crack a testament / to my tangled legs". Trusting that the reader will process what the cracks in the mirror mean can help give you more freedom in how you word things! (Of course, this is just my thought process)

I almost feel like describing the vastness of waters/the ocean could enhance this idea of loneliness? Also, might it be worth exploring how a spider can't swim? The concept of struggling to swim and fighting for air and threatening to drown could work in service of the themes explored here!

I loved this! The subject matter itself was very unique, and is a clever way to illustrate loneliness which has often been written about in other ways. You have a lot of wonderful lines throughout the poem!

Until next time~