Gems and Jewels for Spirited Yule

Hey, there! Allow me to leave a quick review.

First off, the title is probably what caught my attention. It just sounds like it's going to be about something pretty and meaningful, maybe sentimental.

I really like the images depicted in the word art here. I noticed some alliteration as well, which I appreciate, though I'm not sure whether it was intentional. For example, in the first line, you've got, "flurry," "floats," and "frosty." In the 9th line, you say "ev'ry evergreen," which I think sounds cool, bringing that sense of alliteration without being overwhelming. It throws it in just a little, like sprinkles to top off a cupcake.

I noticed a recurrence of the concept of "weight." In the 4th line, you mentioned, "from weight and sweat we lead a new escape." Then later on you mention the idea of the tree holding weight. Because of the recurrence of this motif, I'm assuming you utilized it to convey an intended meaning. Perhaps the thought is that at Yule, people lay down their weighted spirits, and then the tree is used as a figure for that which holds the weights we abandon.

Once again, you've painted a very festive picture, and I like that. But it does take a more somber turn at the end. I think the simple lines "when all the lights go out and echos ring/The sparkles fade; we throw what we create" provide a succinct but effective feeling of the empty feeling that can come on after the high energy of the holidays dies down.

I have not come to a conclusion whether you intend this poem to be a criticism of the wastefulness that can come with the season or if you rather intend it to show that we put our whole hearts into celebrating because of the warmth and happiness it brings. Either way, I think it is meaningful. You've left it so that it can be subject to interpretation, I think, and that can be a great thing in poetry.

I would leave a final suggestion to work on rhythm and meter. I felt like this poem could flow better, and I think that can be achieved by giving careful consideration to things like the number of syllables per line and where accented beats fall, etc. I also was uncertain whether the rhyme scheme was one hundred percent consistent throughout.

Overall, this is great work, and I admire the beauty of it! Keep writing!

I like this idea/material that you're working with. I struggle with this holiday because I DESPISE this consumerism-engorged society we live in and the holidays exasperate it to oblivion. Yet, I think there is genuine magic to the holidays with excitement and love, and family. Along with this, money can be hard around this time of year especially when you worry this precious money is spent on things that don't even matter which is why I thought the line "Spend precious gems and jew’ls on short-lived things." was painfully relatable hahaha

Loved the writing style as well! Happy holidays and good job!

Hey there! Plume here, with a review!

Yay sonnets! I love a good sonnet-- structured rhyming poems are my jam and it's so good to see one on here! Especially one so apt for this time of year. I really enjoyed reading it and applaud you on your creation! I also love the title a lot-- it gets your message across perfectly!

One thing I really liked about this was your visuals. They were just so wonderful and festive. You made really effective use of dichotomies, particularly with warmth and cold. I did think it was an interesting choice to use so much imagery from the natural world. You did it so well and they were all really phenomenally constructed, but for a poem about the cost of Christmas, I felt like the imagery of the natural world worked against that, as it's one of the things in life that is more or less free. It worked to set the vibe of the season wonderfully though!

One way to elevate your sonnet even further would be to hammer home the iambic pentameter. I know when I write sonnets I'm also guilty of messing with stressed and unstressed syllables, but it really does help give the sonnet that extra-polished flow. While all your lines are 10 syllables (yay!) the syllables don't always line up with iambs, which can make it jerky at times. I think the two lines it stood out to me most on were nine and thirteen, but there were a couple others I had to read twice to get that rhythm to them.

Another thing to think about (if you decide to revisit this piece) is the volta, or shift, in your poem. It's technically an unofficial part of Shakespearean sonnets where the couplet at the end shifts to reflect the ultimate message you wish to impart on your readers, which tends to add nuance to the theme you develop. From what I gathered from this piece and based on what you've written in the ending couplet, you want the ultimate message to be a more positive view of the holiday season, where despite all the cost, it's worth it because of the joy it brings. Currently, your shift happens around line nine, and then you've got another little one where the couplet is. I think by reading through it again focusing on your intention while writing it can be helpful for streamlining the structure of it! I think writing more about the "gems and jewels on short-lived things" could also be useful-- I felt like I didn't get as much of that aspect as I wanted. I'm curious if there are ways to connect it to the warmth and cold contrast you had going on earlier in the poem, too, because I liked that aspect a lot!

Specifics

Each gentle flurry floats with frosty wind,

the puzzle pieces to a new landscape.

sonnet ate