Note: You might notice (later on in the chapter) that Ktyra's brother's name is insertnamehere. That is because I have not come up with a name for him yet. If you have any ideas for his name, let me know! (It can't be a common name) Any feedback on this chapter and this novel in general is much appreciated! Even if you say that this is the worst thing you have ever read, that would still be helpful, as long as you tell me why. Thanks!
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Ktyra was born on the thirtieth of March in the Corner Village. By then, the curse had been going on for fifteen years, and the people of the town had a decent amount of knowledge on how to deal with cursed children.
There were two types of curses that were known: internal and external curses. Internal curses involved things inside the mind or something supernatural. External curses involved curses that were in the body or outside of the body. All peoples' curses were logged in the village archives. This was to determine if there were any repeats, a change in curses, or any patterns, in case there was any sign that the village curse was ending. When cursed children are born, they wouldn’t show that they are cursed if their curse was internal. Eventually when a person grew up a little, their curse would then show and their curse would be logged in the archives. And in schools, a class was added that was made to teach children how to deal with their curses.
So when Ktyra was born, she didn’t show any sign that she was cursed, so the doctors naturally assumed that she had an internal curse. A cursed child would eventually become discontent from their curse, as curses make a negative impact on a person. But Ktyra seemed to only be discontent about normal things, such as needing milk or a change of diapers or a lullaby. The doctor said that this was completely normal. “She’s just a late bloomer!” she laughed.
As time went on, the curse never appeared. Ktyra always had something non-magical that needed to be satisfied, and never a magical need. “It must be an undeveloped curse,” the doctor said. “A curse that only comes when talking or reading or something she hasn’t been able to do yet.”
But when Ktyra started talking and walking, the curse still didn’t appear. At this, the doctor decided to test once and for all if she had a curse. She extracted a blood sample and put it under a microscope. If there were little dark cells that changed colors (these were called nano-nox-arcana) in her blood, it indicated that she was cursed.
Ktyra didn’t have any in her blood.
The doctor was shocked. How could she not be cursed? The witch had cursed the village so that all people, including those born in the village and the children of the cursed, would be cursed for life. Had the curse stopped? Were their days of cursed lives finally over? But there had been a baby born soon after Ktyra, and they had a curse. Then why didn’t Ktyra have a curse? The doctor ran through all the possibilities of how she could not have a curse, but none of them lined up.
Ktyra’s parents, on the other hand, were extremely relieved. Ktyra was their first child, and their friends who had children had told them about how hard it was to raise a child with a curse, so they were worried about having a child with a curse, since they had little experience. When they heard the news that Ktyra had no curse, their worries went away, but they, too, were confused on why she did not have a curse.
The doctor had tried to see if she could find a reason as to why Ktyra did not have a curse, but she found none. Yet.
➵
Almost nine years had gone by, and Ktyra was now twelve. She, her parents, and her little brother lived in a small blue house. She was sitting in her room, with her dark brown hair hanging down as she looked down at her paper on her desk, when she heard a knock on her room door.
“Yes?” she called, looking up. The door opened, and her mother, Andromeda, was standing there, in a simple t-shirt and a skirt.
“Dinner's ready,” she told her cheerfully. “Chicken rice porridge.”
Ktyra gasped and her dark blue eyes twinkled. “Yay!” she said. She didn’t like plain porridge, but the chicken porridge her dad made was something he made rarely, and a dish she very much enjoyed.
She walked down the stairs to the dining room, where her parents had put steaming bowls of porridge on the table already. Her brother, insertnamehere, was toddling around the table. Ktyra’s father, Vtynno, was already sitting at the table, and smiling at Ktyra. He was, too, wearing a simple t-shirt and pants.
“Hi,” insertnamehere said happily to Ktyra, waving. He only knew a few words, and this was one of them.
Ktyra sat down at the dining table, and her parents did the same. She picked up her spoon and started eating.
“Ktyra, you have an appointment with Doctor Chrysswheel tomorrow after school.” Andromeda told her.
Ktyra finished what was in her mouth before speaking. “What for? Has she found that I have a curse or something?”
Andromeda looked at Vtynno, then looked back at her daughter. “I think it’s just a check-in, to see if anything has arisen, but apparently there will be a sorcerer there.”
Ktyra nearly choked on her food. “A sorcerer?” Sorcerers didn’t really appear much in public doing magical things and telling people that they were sorcerers, and especially not at a clinic. “Why are they inviting a sorcerer to a clinic?”
“Just in case the sorcerer might see something that the doctor hasn’t.” Andromeda told her.
Ktyra felt a little weary. They already knew that she didn’t have a curse, and finding out if someone had a curse only involved a syringe and a microscope. Why would they need a sorcerer to come? Was there something else they were trying to discover?
“But Ktyra, you must remember that whatever the sorcerer asks you to do, you must do it,” her mother continued. “Even if what they ask is strange, you must do as they tell you.”
Ktyra scoffed. “Why, mother? Just because someone has magic doesn’t mean that they can suddenly turn into a warlock.”
“Your mother’s right,” Vtynno interjected. “Magic is something that cannot be meddled with, and if used wrongly, it can have great consequences.”
“Okay, okay, I’ll be careful.” Ktyra sighed. She continued eating.
“I’m going to go get more food,” Vtynno said, standing up.
“I can go get it for you,” Ktyra said, also getting up, “I was just about to get more anyway…”
Suddenly, Vtynno screamed in pain and massaged his head. Ktyra sat back down.
“Oh right, I forgot…” Ktyra’s father’s curse was that every time someone said or did something nice to him, he would get terrible headaches. Because of this, Ktyra and her mother had to get used to ignoring him when he got them, because if they tried to help him or say something to comfort him, it would only make the headaches worse.
After Ktyra finished her dinner, she helped her parents wash up before going upstairs to shower and get ready for bed.
She went to bed wondering what could possibly her doctor and a sorcerer want to “check in” about at her appointment the next day.
End of chapter
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140,099 Literary Works • 672,998 Reviews
Hello! I'm back again!
Let's get right into it! So, Ktyra is not cursed? I think I could have guessed that. After all, it was mentioned in the prologue that things changed after she was born. I wonder how. I also wonder why her parents are so concerned about raising a child with a curse if they themselves are cursed. That seems a bit odd. Wouldn't it be more unusual in their positions to raise an uncursed child? I don't know. Maybe not.
You have definately kept up with the mystery here. I am curious to see what is going to happen to Ktyra when she meets ths sorcerer. I get the feeling that perhaps the parents plan on getting their child cursed to make her more "normal." But what if Ktyra was born with an immutability to such a curse? Is that possible? Im just guessing. I hope you realize that this is a good sign....when your readers come up with odd explanations for things because it's not all laid out immediately. And there's no need for that, as there are some more chapters I hope to explore in the coming days that will hopefully satisfy my questions...
I do have a couple of grammar critiques...
“It must be an undeveloped curse.” the doctor said.
Here, use a comma instead of a period after "curse." There were a few other places here that I saw that error. No big deal.
I can't give you a name for Mr. insertnamehere. But I think it'd be cute if it started with a K.
Have a wonderful day!
-Kaia
P.S. Sorry for not quoting your bit here. I'm using my phone and it's a bit tricky to do that on a phone.
Hi Kaia, thanks for the review!
Thanks for pointing out the thing about the comma. I got a couple of reviews about similar mistakes that I had thought I fixed but I guess I missed one.
No problem there. I'm like YWS's Grammarly when it comes to my reviews.
Hope you have a great day!
Hey there,
Your story was amazing!!!
Awesome job, let's start right away with the review, shall we.
About your questions as a name for the little brother. I am so excited to give you some suggestions, I am an excellent name up-maker
Let's start right away shall we:
- Darian
- Leif
- Orion (This is the middle name of Sirius Black, my fav. Gryffindor character.)
- Soren
- Rome
- Cove
- Cal
- Ariodas (Short: Aro/Ari)
About your story in a rough draft:
First of all I must say, I love anything that has to do with magic, witches, sorcerrers, curses, and just magic all over again. You did a great job getting me hooked to the story in the beginning. I love your thought that the whole village is cursed and everyone that's born is cursed too. You've really thought this through and it's just fantastic and awesome squished together with awesome sauce on top. Wow! Wow! Absolutely very nice!
About your characters:
1. Ktyra
2. he who shall be named: hewhodoesnothaveanameyet (lil bro)
3. Andromeda
4. Vtynno
5. Doctor
1. Ktyra:
Our main character (protagonist).
I think her character development is great, but she could use more physical description if you ask me. (For example, "She has red black/brown/green/whatever color hair that reaches her lower back or just to her shoulders and when she smiles she gets dimples in her face or she has freckles that make her poofy pink lips even more beautiful and her nose is very small just like her father, but it's the perfect one.) I love that she has a nice connection with her brother, most siblings don't have that. And that's special. l think it's very sad that she can't help/ do anything nice for her father, but that's part of the story I guess. I personally love her and you did a great job creating her personality as a 12 year old also. Asking loads of questions, wanting to know why and how everything works and is. The fact that she is the only one whose curse isn't discovered yet, makes her even more unique. And that way she's a very interesting character. I also love her name very much, it is not common and it has a nice ring if you say it out loud. The perfect name. I think you did a great job creating a protagonist everyone will love.
2. hewhodoesnothaveanameyet:
About our protagonist's little brother.
By the way he talks to Kytra I think he should be seven or nine. He's a very nice character with a soft personality and just the sweet loving brother in there. I am very excited to know his curse also, because I hope it's not that bad. He's so sweet. (imma cry if it is a horrible curse)
3. Andromeda:
The mother of Kytra.
(First of all: I love her name very much, because she has the name of one of the Black's sisters from Harry Potter. The good one, the soft one, the one that didn't care about blood status unlike her sister, but cared about the good hearted people and chose love over reputation) You made her the perfect mother of Ktyra, even though I'd like to hear more of her background and her personality too. I am happy she looks out for Ktyra and only wants the best for her. The fact that she tells Ktyra to do whatever the sorcerer requirs even if it's weird of stupid and not to question it, shows that she has certain experience of life. And that she only wants the best of the best for Kytra, hoping she has no curse of course.
4. Vtynno:
The father of Kytra.
I feel very bad for him to have such a cruel curse. I mean if someone does something nice for you, you get a headache. (Very thought-trough. I wouldn't have thought of that or even imagined it. Great job there!) He also wants the best out of the best for Kytra and his family. Even though I feel terrible for him, I still like him. He could use more character development, but he's okay.
5. Doctor:
The docter who does everything on everything to find a curse in Kytra.
I like the doctor's motive and concern. You've really put that in there and I can sense he's/she's worried, because he/she would be very happy if Kytra is a child born without a curse. 'Cause that'll mean there is hope for the village. Fantastic job there, I could totally read all of that in your story and create a vivid picture for myself.
Suggestion for second part/ further on in your story:
1. Basic, casual plot line: Kytra can be the girl who saves the village from the curse and finds the evil witch and forces her to lift the curse or kills her and the curse lifts it own.
2. Plot twist: Kytra turns bad by the witch who cursed the village and becomes her sidekick or even more powerful than the witch and her little brother has to kill her to save humankind. Sad, but great ending.
3. Swapped child: Kytra has some kind of magic power and is a child of the witch itself who cursed this town, she was swapped at birth so she would stay safe.
4. Sisters: Andromeda and the witch who cursed this town were/are sisters and bad witch cursed the town, because she was in love with Andromeda's boyfriend, but he loved Andromeda.
5. Black magic: Kytra has no curse but she has bad magic, which will make her bad. Even though she tries very hard to stay on the good side, she will be dragged to the dark side and turns bad. Huge plot twist there.
6. Illusion: Or you could create it all a illusion, the whole village and stuff and Kytra and her brother are the only real people.
About your title:
You've chosen the best title, even though I don't know what the purple stones are yet, but I suppose that'll come later. It's your title that dragged me to read and review your story. It has this magic and calling, beware thingy that is so attractive. I mean, purple stones. That's odd, but also different from regular stuff. Nice job over there, very on point.
About your writing style:
Your writing style is different from other people and it's very fun to read, 'cause it's not to hard. And it also keeps readers engaged which is a very very very good thing. You just know how to use the right words at the right moment. And you have a very good hand for description I must say. I can create very vivid images for myself while reading your work and that's nice. I love it very much. You write to intense yet so softly as a feather in the unknown. Amazing writing
style in one word.
Overall, I really enjoyed reading this chapter. It's so interesting and diligently written. You did an amazing job, keep writing. I'll be checking very soon for chapter 2. Please, continue it. You already have on trusted reader here.
Magically yours,
Rinisha
Hi Rinisha, thank you so much for your review!
You know what, I might use "Ariodas" for her brother's name, thanks so much for the suggestion! Those were all great names, you are a good name-maker-upper. I added more physical traits for Ktyra, and I'll probably add more later. I'm glad you like her name, too, it doesn't mean anything, (I think) I just came up with it. By the way, Ktyra's brother is supposed to be about two years old because he doesn't know that many words, and two-year-olds usually have a very small vocabulary. I forgot that Andromeda is one of the Black sisters in Harry Potter, I was just sitting there, thinking of a name, and I thought, "ANDROMEDA" and then I thought, okay. And I will be sure to put more character development for Ktyra's dad in later chapters.
Your suggestions for the plot are very interesting! I kind of know what the end will be, but also not really, so who knows? Maybe I'll add in one of your suggestions. I love books with plot twists, and you had a lot of suggestions for plot twists, so we'll see.
It's good that the title is exciting; yes, you will find out later what it means.
I'm so happy that you're excited to read the next chapter! Hopefully it won't take too long.
Hi @LuminescentAnt
I'm happy you liked the names, thank you for all of the compliments. It's alright, I love Andromeda Black. Oehhh...I'm very excited to see with what you come up next for the chapters. Take your time, don't rush it.
Magically yours,
Rinisha
Hello there!
The names you have chosen, such as Andromeda, are beautiful and memorable. You'll find the right name, just give it time!
Don't worry about the lack of a name thus far. We've all been there. I gave one character the stand-in name of Eric. That was nine years ago, and he is still Eric.
The nature of the curse was definitely startling. It threw me for a moment, and then intrigued me - it isn't something I haven't seen before.
The beginning paragraph is good, but it could be better. The flow is somewhat comprised and can be improved. Your first sentence is good, instantly catches the attention, and sets up the main character.
In this case, I would recommend you rework the following sentences into something that shows how they deal with the cursed child. Are there special ceremonies they carry out? Tests they run? You've set the stage and given us your main character, now give us props.
Here there is a slight mistake in your punctuation. It comes up quite a bit, so I'll point it out once and you can scour your work for repeats of it. Instead of a period after "the doctor hasn't", it should be a comma. Whenever there is a dialogue tag following, the dialogue ends with a comma, not a period.
All and all, this was a highly enjoyable read! The idea of the curse is novel and riveting, and it is intriguing that the main character for whatever reason is immune from it. I can feel her apprehension regarding the sorcerer visiting. I look forward to the next part!
Christus Rex Est,
Pickled Chrissy
Hi Pickled Chrissy, thank you so much for your review!
I added more detail about the system on how they deal with cursed children, thanks for telling me about that. Also, I fixed the punctuation for the dialogue, just so you know.
And I'm glad that the plot is intriguing!
Man, that sounds like a terrible curse to have, getting headaches whenever someone is nice to you. That must be hard for Vtynno and Andromeda.
Since you asked for feedback, I'm going to try my best to help you with what I know.
I noticed this because I struggle with it myself, but I noticed that you describe things a little too in detail. I could only see one instance of this, so that's good, but let me suggest something that I hope will help you.
"She, her parents, and her little brother lived in a house near her school. She was sitting in her room, doing her homework, when she heard a knock on her room door."
Most people live close to the school they attend, so you would only need to specify the distance from their school if there was something that wasn't normal about it, if they live really far away.
The point I'm trying to make is that people often use their real life experiences when imagining/reading a scene. I think that it is unfortunately something you have to get a feel for. Of course, you don't want to leave out too much either. For example, the sentence about her in her room is good because it's descriptive in the right amount.
“Your mother’s right.” Vtynno interjected. “Magic is something that cannot be meddled with, and if used wrongly, it can have great consequences.” This could actually be correct depending on what you were going for.
Here is one example: "When a sentence is split by a dialogue tag," Milk said, "use commas to split the two sections of dialogue and don't capitalize the second section."
Another: "Always put a comma at the end of a sentence that has a dialogue tag," Milk said. "If the second sentence is not part of a split dialogue, capitalize the first letter of the second section."
I hope this helped. If you need anything explained more I'll try my best.
Thank you so much for your review!
I cut out the part with the "near school" thing, just so you know. And I did fix all the stuff with the dialogue tags, I didn't actually know how it worked until now, thanks. %uD83D%uDE05
I'm glad you were able to make use of my advice! Good luck writing!