Young Writers Society

This poem feels like it follows a theory of, "it's not what you say, it's how you say it that makes it unique." What I mean is, this poem seems to have a simple plot if you will, but says what it means to say in a unique way. Forgive me if that is wrong, but that analysis leads me to believe that, while this piece certainly sounds unique, it isn't a very good kind of unique. I think the underlying problem here is word choice. The shorter the poem the better the choices have to be, which makes it harder on you, the author. I would love to see something along these lines, except with maybe more body and better phrasing.

Cheers,
Poop guy

i think dat ppl only like dis coz ur popular. i mean this is a tiny bit poo poo. wot is wiv the 4mat fam? a lil off killta. i know its probs da flexibility but still twas 2 vayg 4 me. i do like da bludeed wayl doe. quite rtiqlat fam. bit disappointed.

This may simply be the result of my lack of knowledge in regards to poetry and specific styles of poetry, but I find this piece quite unique. It is short and to the point, and, in spite of its unique structure and presence of only a few words, it still says quite a lot. The imagery presented itself surprisingly vivid in my mind as I read it, and I could just feel the emotional energy.

This is Kaos here for a review, as promised!

So the first stanza that you have here is nice, but I wondered about the comparison between the bohemian and the camellia and why you chose to do that. It's not a bad thing with the poem and it does give a good example of love, but it is a little hard to decipher the meaning out of it. I may as well speak on the behalf of both stanzas at the same time because they happen to have the same effect of being compared to something odd or something that you wouldn't usually think of. In that way, it works for the poem and it's one of the strengths. In terms of clarity of what you're trying to hint at or what you're trying to get across, the reader doesn't really have a clue on how to interpret the poem.

The shortness is something that should be taken advantage of, yes, but that doesn't mean any sort of theme or anything of that sort should be abandoned. I love poetry that lets the reader fill the empty space in the shoes of the poem, but there has to be some sort of space already filled to make it snug. I also wanted to talk about how the two stanzas are similarly constructed and that's something that I enjoyed about the poem and I didn't really know if you were going for it or not, but a dual kind of feel to the poem.

We have the first half or first stanza, which is something that feels more soft and honestly reminded me of a photographer, and then the second stanza. The second stanza is more powerful with its message than the first half is, or the image at least. I'm interpreting it in the way that the minnow is inside of the whale and that it's trusting it in that the whale won't eat it. I don't know if that was your intention or not, but that was the more powerful stanza and the first was more subtle in how powerful is. Those are my thoughts on the poem, hope I helped! <3