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ah, s***.

Hello darling.
I'm ever a fan of your works, and this doesn't disappoint at all.
Over time, I've realised not to try limit your usage of spaces or capitals, and this is a great example of your unconventional formatting. I must say I think I enjoyed it.
One aspect of this that I relish is that there are millions of ways to interpret the meaning. What the poet's actual sentiment was, perhaps we'll never know.

The first feeling that your work triggered was curiosity, and then wonder, and then melancholy (in that very order)
Curiousity? Because of the hint of a story untold. Why is the poet unsure as to whether his 'mama' would want to remember him at all? What events took place between them as to result in this state of relation? The poet speaks of 'fear in the rapids'. What course did their life take as to instigate such fear?
The two questions asked in the beginning may be interpreted as to positive memories versus negative ones. Does 'mama' remember the poet for their happy times, or for their fear?

Wonder? Because of your exemplary play with words. I'm not going to say much about that, only I hope you never lose this magic. It shows real skill when you make such impact with so few words

Melancholy? Probably because any art that relates to mothers will cause that.

I liked your title very much. I'm assuming it refers to cameras, which refer to memories. The poet wonders what he will be remembered for.

I said earlier that I won't bother your use of spaces, but I'll put it across that while the last line seems fine- it gives a staggered effect, as though the poet wishes to delay the truth- I'm mot completely up for the distance between 'if' and 'it really came down to the bone'.
But of course, this is your art, and it is lovely as you made it.

There's not much to say, this was glorious <3

Hello @Lumi,

This was powerful. There was a mystery and a dark, brooding intrigue to this piece. I loved it immediately.

In my mind, I read this as a somber meditation of a grown child, who regrets his relationship with his mother, or maternal figure. That said, we tend to imagine what we know to be true, so it is natural that I saw myself. I am curious to know who your speaker is in your mind, and what transpired between them and 'Mama'.

Your use of space in this poem was, in all honesty, a little confusing to me in parts. That is probably just my stupidity, though. I will do my best to clarify my confusion:

Your space before the first line " Do you remember..." seemed like the usual indentation prior to the first line of a letter. This is how I interpreted this entire poem, because of that indentation -- as a letter.

Your space before the word "And" sounded as though the speaker was drawing breath. Or, this space was meant to emphasize the idea of this child/speaker in the dangers of the rapids. I liked this space.

Then, you add a space between "And" and "if". This is what threw me off. I loved the line itself but I would close the gap between them. It felt awkward as I was reading it.

" it really came to the bone, would" ----This line was perfection.

The multiple spaces within the next line was just a teeny bit jarring. They seemed kind of superfluous. It made sense to me as such:


"you want to remember me
at all?"


This stresses that the mother character is viewed to be the fault of their falling out; that she is the one who does not want to remember, and your speaker laments this.


All in all, this was outstanding work. The vague, mystique story-telling combined with your strong ability to convey emotion is an excellent pairing.

I am a fan, Lumi.

Looking forward to seeing more of your work here, and if I can help with anything else, please feel free to drop me a PM.

Have a great day.

-mav


Mavis Knightley
www.mavisknightley.weebly.com