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Heyyyyy Lumi. So sorry this is so late. I didn't actually forget about reviewing this (it's actually been nagging me at the back of my mind for literal months now oops), but since my at-an-actual-computer time is pretty limited these days and I refuse to review on mobile after that one disaster of a Review Day, this review got pushed off up until I unexpectedly found myself with a day off.

You can thank the snow day for getting this review to you that much sooner.

With that said, and with how long I've had to mull over this piece, I'm going to focus more on my feelings and interpretations of this piece and how they've evolved over this long span of time, especially since they've wound up heading in a very different direction that everyone else's (whose reviews I totally mined for comparison purposes and to see if I had more than my own leg to stand on).

My initial impression of this piece was "meh". Had it not been you that requested that I review it, my impression would still probably be "meh" because the formatting felt a bit overwrought, without there being a clear purpose for it except to look pretty, and I would've told you so and left it at that were you anyone else.

But I know you, and so I knew there had to be a reason for the formatting, and so I slept on this piece, tried to figure out what it was.

I wound up counting three voices in this, and even though they're all filtered through the narrator's perspective, there's two threads of dialogue (the italics) in addition to the narration. The most interesting thing, and actually the biggest thing that initially elicited the "meh" from me, was how this reads almost as two separate poems mushed together into one. Those four italicized lines stand pretty solidly on their own, and while I feel like I might be reading into things a bit much, the story I see in those four lines especially involves a love triangle.

I'm hoping that that was intentional, but then again, I am completely biased. ;P

But with that interpretation in mind, as I went back and read the rest of this, I found more pieces that seemed to support this reading, particularly the lines about the "misplaced heart" ruining two lives, and how there's a "he", a "you", and a "she".

And well, even if the bi love triangle angle wasn't intentional, I am appreciating the conflict of the play between passion vs. love and the way memory plays into the perception of both.

Hey there Lumi! I am here! Full disclosure - I didn't read the other reviews you received so if I repeat anything they've said I apologize. So, on to the review!

Starting out I'm really intrigued by the chicken feed and liquor line. Compared to the "autumnal fireplace" stanza which has all this intimate descriptions, the lines about chicken feed and liquor seem almost crass in comparison. I'm guessing this is an intentional juxtaposition though. My interpretation of that line is either
A) The point of the poem is to show - we can't just live on food and drink, we have to feed our souls too - we need love to thrive or to do more than just survive.
or
B) The love is meant to be portrayed in this poem as a "chicken feed" sort of relationship - like it does the job, it works, but it's not something that creates the "impossible spark".

Maybe both of those tensions are present in the poem. On one hand it seems to say, there's something missing. On the other hand the speaker seems to be trying to convince themselves that they are content.

The spider mentions made me initially think - oh maybe this is all an allusion to a Charlotte's Web sort of relationship - where the two are overly dependent and doomed to fail. But I might be reading too much into it - and the webs and the spider the speaker promises not to hurt might just be another symbol for the fragility of the relationship.

Now a couple wording confusions I had.
You have two italics lines that are off-set - "we named her excitement." and "and i wonder if i can call him that" -- assuming these lines are supposed to be parallels I'm really curious about the pronoun switch from her to him. It's a little bit confusing to keep track of the subject actually in the first one "named her" I have no idea who "her" is - the lover, the truck, the spider, the spark?

I also appreciated most of your word flips where you slightly altered the general way people speak or phrase things to make the poem have a more interesting character - one phrasing that I didn't quite worked for flow/comprehension was "with or no sparks" -- didn't quite work for me. I mean I get it, but I think it could be worded better.

I thought the formatting, punctuation, and capitalization choices all looked purposeful and portrayed further meaning without getting distracting. I particularly liked the progression of the truck careening and then repetition of "the one" - the way it cascaded down seemed to mimic the lurching truck or lurching heart and then the emphasis with the capitalization on "one" in the last line fit perfectly - referencing when people look for the mysterious one like their soul mate or whatever they want to call it.

I also appreciate the balance you were able to find between the poem feeling stream of consciousness but still feeling ordered and rooted in reality. My main problem with many stream of consciousness poems is how random they feel - but everything in your poem linked together and felt like it belonged in the same piece. The poem felt very present when I was reading it, like you could see the scene and the emotions play out and could try to piece together the story. While I had trouble really piecing together what all of those background pieces were -- I think the emotions of a conflicted, fragile, yet loving relationship came through.

Thank you for sharing, this really was an enjoyable piece to read! Let me know if you had any questions about my review or if I completely misinterpreted a part of it!

~alliyah

Hey Lumi! c:

First of all, you always seem to create really interestingly formatted poetry! This one is no exception to that! I admire that because I'm always a little afraid to do that. And I really enjoyed the kind of blunt - yet soft - thing this poem has going for it. Like it seemed very truthful, and very heart-felt, almost like someone sighed and then a poem was born, if that makes sense?

I wanted to comment BRIEFLY on the title. I really like the title, but there's a tweak I'm going to suggest because whenever I read it I'm like that's so PERFECT except I kinda stumble over it. That suggestion is move the 'is' out of the bracket, so that it reads: all I need is (the ever-breaking heart)

I feel like it flows better that way. Like with the 'is' in the bracket, I feel like there's an awkward cut-off between there. Maybe that's what you were going for- but that's just my feelings! ^_^

NOW. I'm not sure what this poem is about. But it definitely feels like a longing poem. Like a love poem but a sad love poem (I mean the title kinda gives that away, but I also get that from the liquor and chicken feed thing and other things obviously). And I feel like I'm able to connect with this poem because - cue boring relation to my own love life - but like, it hurts being the one that loves more. And I feel like this is kind of about that- loving and loving no matter what the other person throws your way. Which is what makes it bitter sweet, both beautiful and sad. Beautiful because it's amazing how someone could hold an entire relationship together on their own, and yet so many people do it on such a regular basis. And sad because those hearts are emptying with no one or thing to refill them.

The mention of liquor irked me a bit. Especially getting by on liquor. It just makes me sad because so many people do get by on simply liquor, or they think they are, but in reality it's partly what's ruining their life. It's also a struggle for those who love them, trying to help but not being able to in some ways. There's really only so much you can do for a person in that kind of situation, and it's really tough! So I guess to me I read that and went no no you can't get by on that. Don't even try. And I think that's what makes this poem almost desperate. Like the people in it are grasping for something.

Anyway, I have to get ready for work! This was a lovely poem to read and think about! It certainly got me thinking a lot!

-Socks

I love the poem, Hope to see more from you

hiiii
I haven't been in a chatroom since 2007!!!!

Hey there, Lumi!

As I expected, this poem's pretty solid. The first time I read it, I was tired, so I had a harder time picking up on the subtleties that poke through the edges and between the stanzas (in the case of the latter, literally). Fortunately, now that I'm a more rational headspace, I have the chance to admire the details. As far as I can tell, the narrator is the restraint in the relationship. In the opening lines, the lover comes across as laid back, almost dreamy. He eagerly moves along towards some distant One (as the later stanzas indicate, an excitement or ideal in their relationship that is impossible to reach), while the narrator is hesitant and withdrawn. He seems averse to the word "spider," which makes me wonder if that's perhaps because the word reminds the narrator of the lover, and that lover's all-encompassing and all-aspiring nature, and he finds it hard to evoke what is already so strong. In any case, I think the narrator best conveys his hesitance in the first stanza with "if only you understood," suggesting that he has a more realistic viewpoint than the lover, and knows The One might not exist.

The second stanza is the heavy hitter to me, as it outlines their relationship. The narrator appears uncertain that their relationship with last as long as autumn, or will perhaps hurt both of them in the process. It adds a darker mood to the poem, as best demonstrated by the final two lines of the stanza. By then, it's apparent that the lover strives for something more than their already peaceful relationship, by desiring to reach that "impossible spark" (which appears to be The One). This may be what crushes them both, as the more realistically-minded narrator acknowledges, but I love how the narrator brushes those concerns aside in the third stanza. He knows they may be screwed, but he doesn't care; they're in love, and, for now, that's all that matters. The narrator rises above the depths of hesitance and worry to express his devotion, though the poem ends with another effective twist by having the narrator return to his concerns, in the evoking of the term "spider" once again. As such, the final mood is a mixture of bittersweet and foreboding, particularly when the narrator ties together the gaps between stanzas to wonder if he can call the lover excitement, and make him truly be The One.

So yeah, all in all, this poem is fantastic. The style is unique, fitting the narrator's rises and falls in spirit, and the dialogue has a wonderful informality to it that adds charm to the piece as a whole. I haven't any complaints, except that "he'd say it" has a contrasting tense compared to the next few stanzas, and gave me an initial impression this was set in the past. Nevertheless, well done!

Hey, I'm Noelani, and I hope you don't find this review offense. I like the flow of your writing, but I don't really understand what it means or the propose (main idea) of your story. In your writing you haven't capitalize what is important to capitalize in your sentences. Such as the word I, the first place letter of the beginning of a sentence, etc. With that said your writing is wonderful, and please continue writing.

Lisbeth here to review!

Very poetic indeed, and so beautiful to read. Often with poetry I like to lightly sway from side-to-side as the words flow. I feel very deeply with this, and to be honest there isn't a lot to say besides the fact how much emotion there is in this. I'm nearly ten years younger than you, so I don't even know how much my criticism would count for, as you would be far more experienced than me in the world of writing. That being said, I don't think there's any criticism I would give anyway ^^

Well done!! Keep up the beautiful work and continue sharing your individuality with all of us.
-Lisbeth

Ghost has arrived.

Ghost perceived a good writer, so she slithered in like the shadow that she is and decided to write a review where she isn't lazy.

First things first, there are A LOT of good things to say about this. I enjoyed it very much. I felt that autumn fireplace. I saw that truck that careened like a heart in motion.

But most of all, I felt the sadness of this.

I realized that the character, or possibly even the writer, is feeling the emotion of love 'with or no sparks.' My interpretation is that love isn't perfect, but it happens anyway, because no matter the consequences, it goes on.

I think this person doesn't want to 'wreck it all, looking for that impossible spark'. They don't want to go to far to make this love be everything it could be, and possibly hurt their partner in the process.

This is beautiful. You've definitely impressed me.

Ghost