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Calmly, Cooly

by LucidNightmare


Calmly coolly, I make my way to the room.

Calmly coolly, I make my way to my doom.

Calmly coolly, feelings and fear are gone.

Calmly coolly, nothing and no one is wrong.

Calmly coolly, I make my way to the door.

Calmly coolly, my feet tread on the floor.

Calmly coolly, I make my way to the nob.

Calmly coolly, my head begins to throb.

Calmly coolly, I stare up at the light.

Calmly coolly, I leave this world tonight.


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Sat Dec 30, 2023 5:21 pm
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OrabellaAvenue wrote a review...



Hi there, friend! This is Orabella, here with a review. ^^

First of all, I'd just like to say how you gave me chills writing this. When you read this to me a few months ago, I was like o.O wait a second that's actually really cool. And my opinion has not changed a bit! Wait, that's a lie. It's changed tremendously! Now that I've read it again, I think it's even better!

Your use of rhyming adds beautifully to the overall feeling of the poem, particularly "gone" and "wrong" in my opinion. In fact, those are some of my favorite lines!

Calmly, coolly, feelings and fear are gone.
Calmly, coolly, nothing and no one is wrong.


I don't know there's just something so mysterious about those two lines, and I love it! It also makes me wonder what's happening in the character's situation? Like, why isn't she feeling anything? The fact that she says something as broad as "feelings" followed by the specific emotion "fear" makes me think she knows she's supposed to be afraid but isn't for some reason. Is there a reason? Were her feelings taken away? Has she just been through too much to care? Has she known what was going to happen for a while and has accepted her fate? And what about the next line? She's saying no one is wrong, as if there is blame on someone but she's protecting them. Is someone forcing her to do this, or is it by her own accord? If someone is forcing her, is she trying to take the blame off of them because she thinks it was ultimately her fault? Or maybe she's doing it herself, and is assuring someone (or herself!) that it's no one's fault.

Also, is it figurative or literal when she says she leaves this world? Figurative being she dies, literal where she leaves Earth(assuming she's on Earth. Oooo, what if she's not?). Maybe she's an astronaut and is being over-dramatic about leaving. (Although I'm not sure that's what you had in mind while writing this
>w<)

There's so much more I want to theorize about, but I'm going to spare you from my rantings. :)

I feel like the only thing I might suggest is adding a little more variety, but I'm not very sure about that. You're trying to emphasize the words "calmly" and "coolly", and I think you did that in a really unique and interesting way.

I feel like this could be a song the way its written. I can even imagine how it would go. *nods to a rhythm no one else can hear*

Anyway, that's all from me. I hope you have an absolutely awesome day, and never forget to keep writing!




OrabellaAvenue says...


Hey @LucidNightmare... I came here to review this again, completely forgetting I had already reviewed it >< I have no memory of writing this lol, but I guess I loved it so much that I wanted to spend time reviewing it yet again XD



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Wed Dec 20, 2023 11:21 pm
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Youbeaucupid wrote a review...



Hii there! Thought I'd hop on this train of thought, and fly over a review!

So, when I first saw your poem I felt immediately captivated by the repetitive phrases "calmly coolly" it really sets a sense of detachment, almost as if the person is trying to convince themselves of their composure. Using a mantra-like structure, really conveys a sense of and acceptance, and beautifully capturing feelings of numbness and detachment.

I really appreciate your concise wording which skillfully emphasizes the person's emotions. The repetition of actions like making their way to the room, the door, and the nob creates a sense of inevitability, as if the speaker is resigned to their fate.

Another thing that I really loved is your skillful use of contrast throughout the poem, such as juxtaposing "calm" with "fear" and "nothingness" with a "throbbing head," really adds depth to the overall. It prompts the reader to question the true emotional state of the speaker and allows for multiple interpretations of the poem.

One thing I'd really like to know is, what prompted the person in the person in the poem towards these circumstances that lead them to their end? that's my only question! Other then that you beautifully captured my attention and I can't wait to read more of your Poems, Stories, Etc!

Fly high Writer, Cupid.




LucidNightmare says...


So, to answer your question, I have no idea. I wrote this poem when I was eleven maybe twelve years old and found it in my google docs, so I just decided to post it in YWS. I don't what I had in mind at the time. I also don't think any of the juxtaposition was purposeful.



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Mon Dec 18, 2023 9:35 pm
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Kubo says...



Hey!

What an interesting story you wrote! I could imagine myself being in that hallway, approaching the door. I think it has a very personal meaning to you.

I can't shake the feeling that some sentences can bear more meaning, for example.

'feelings and fear are gone' I could understand that the subject feels numb; the absence of any emotion is maybe due to the person giving up on life, or something else.

'nothing and no one is wrong' is very interesting and a unique conclusion to perhaps a passed but failed attempt to find someone or something to blame it (the decision to go and open the door) on.

You focus on giving a detailed explanation of a very simple thing to do; walking to a door and opening it puts a lot of 'drama' (in a good way) in your story. It makes the scene feeling kind of slow, like in a 'slow-motion' video.

You place emphasis on every action you take, while saying 'calmly coolly', perhaps even if you decide to go open the door, you still try to convince yourself by saying these reassuring words? 
Or maybe to show how decisive you are ?

Either way, you accomplished something that asked for a certain "courage" or in contrast; a "deep despair" in a final attempt to "be ok".

-----

So? Well, that was my point of view. As you may see, I liked your story as it made me imagine what was behind your word choice.

While it's true you repeat yourself every sentence, I think it's part of the whole mood you want to keep, like a constant reminder or pressure.

Good job!
I can't wait to read your next poem/work.

Have a good night/day
Kubo




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Mon Dec 18, 2023 4:43 pm
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FrozenEntropy wrote a review...



Hello, dropping by for a review! I like the buildup of the story, I think this is well aided by each sentence beginning with the same two words. We as an audience get into a pattern, expecting the subject of the poem to be calm and cool, whilst wondering where all this is going. There's also a nice juxtaposition between the calm and collected stance the character takes, despite seemingly entering an intense, troubling scenario.

I'm not entirely sure what is going on. It seems the subject of the poem is going to die, and not only that, but they're going to die willingly, which is quite chilling. A part of me wishes it was more clear what was happening, but I think I'm alright with this as it is. I don't need to be certain to feel a sense of unease, and capturing that feeling is something I think you did well.




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Sun Dec 17, 2023 8:47 pm
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Ley wrote a review...



Hiya! Ley here to review.<3

First impressions... I really enjoyed the format of this poem! I wasn't sure about the message you were trying to convey, though. This kind of confused me. I don't want to assume anything, but either way this poem was mystical itself.

When I was reading this I felt... Sad, suspense! You were really able to grab my attention! It's like you told a story, and I love that in poetry!

My favorite line/quote is...

Calmly coolly, I make my way to the door.

Calmly coolly, my feet tread on the floor.


In my opinion, this is the most suspenseful part of the poem! I wasn't blinking at this point-- and I was waiting for what happened next! Wonderful job, here! <3

I also loved how you kept a steady rhyming scheme throughout the whole poem!

Some things I would change would be...

Okay, so when it comes to using the same two words for the beginning of every line-- it eventually becomes a tongue twister! I understand you used 'calmy coolly' for emphasis, but maybe start every other line with that? Eventually, while I was reading, the words turned into other words, and I had to stop and reread a couple times. Other then that, everything looked good!

Overall... This was a very deep, dark, and suspenseful piece. I really enjoyed it! I hope to read more of your work soon! Happy Writing~

With Love,
Leya




LucidNightmare says...


Thank you for your feedback! Your opinion is very helpful!




A big mountain of sugar is too much for one man. I can see now why God portions it out in those little packets.
— Homer Simpson