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Mango

by LucidNightmare


Why are we all plumbs?

Why are we all grapes?

Why do we all have sweet centers?

Why are we all served on plates?

Why are we all mangoes?

Why are we all tangerines?

Why do we all have bright colors?

Why are we all never mean?

If you are a tangerine and you are grape,

And if you are plumb, well that is just great!

But if I'm a mango,

then what is this thing that I just ate?


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Sun Jun 09, 2024 7:20 am
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OrabellaAvenue wrote a review...



Hi there sister!! So sorry it took me so long to get to this... << >> Yeah, you know I've been busy you understand, totally right, yeah...

Anyway, I've come by to say how LOVELY THIS THING IS WHAT THE HECK???! And you wrote it in like, what, 10 minutes? (Not as long as I usually spend writing things, that's for sure.)

I love how funny this is, too! You nailed the humor right on the spot, and although it was a while ago, I still remember the first time I read this and I just burst out laughing (hey, maybe I'm like you when you just laugh and laugh and laugh at the dumbest stuff I say. *GASP* OoO -o- OoO -o- OoO -o- OoO -o- ... no way) Okay, but especially the last line. When you told me that her name was Mango, I was like - oh! She just ate herself!! XD hahaha!! And the way she said it so innocently and surprised - it kind of reminded me of a little kid, and how they don't always... get... it... or they don't realize something until it's too late...

I also love the rhyming scheme! It flows so smoothly, and honestly it's really hard to rhyme and that's why I do a lot of free verse nowadays hehehe.

Honestly the only thing I'd suggest for improvement is clarifying that the MC's name is "Mango," as I think I was confused about that, but otherwise this poem is epic!! I mean, adding a little note or something to the top would make all the difference, and it doesn't need to be that long. "This is told by a girl named Mango" or if you want to keep it more tied in with the story, "Mango's POV". I noticed, too, that your description actually explains this pretty well:

Four friends are eating fruit in the kitchen and hanging out. Only for Mango to realize something very important.

This makes it so much more clear, and I wish YWS would always show you the description. But alas, it won't show every reader every time because it only appears in certain places. Had you not told me and had I not read that, I would have been really confused. (Although, again, not too much so. It's not hard to piece together, it's really only more brain power and maybe slightly more difficult than usual)

This was from quite a bit ago (6 months to be exact!!!), and I wonder if you have any other poetry you have ideas for (Ooh! Or poetry you already have that'd you'd be willing to share!!!! )

Either way, I just love reading your writing, and I'll see you again soon! Don't forget to keep writing forever and ever and ever, and have an amazing day, little bean, love you! <3<3<3




LucidNightmare says...


Awwww! Thank you!



OrabellaAvenue says...


Your avatar perfectly describes that message



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Thu Jan 04, 2024 2:04 pm
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Ventomology wrote a review...



Hey! What a fun read! I'll keep this short because Leya covered a lot of the stuff I thought of, so let's dive in.

I love how playful and hopeful this poem is. I think there are probably many ways to read this, but I immediately thought of it as a poem highlighting how people can all be different and fun and unique, and how that's a good thing. The line "Why are we all never mean?" gives the poem a kind of childlike hope for a world where people really aren't mean to each other.

And of course I love the humor at the end! I guess my interpretation could fall apart there, but I definitely got a laugh out of it, so mission accomplished eh?

My one additional piece of advice, on top of seconding Leya, is that I think the line "But if I'm a mango" needs a second half. Obviously, this is free form poetry--I won't know how you imagined the precise rhythm of the piece unless I heard you read it out loud--but you actually have pretty solid rhythm and rhyme in those last four lines, and I think you could have a full ABAB or ABCB scheme there if you wanted. It's a fun poem, so you can definitely go between rhyming and non-rhyming sections without it feeling out of place. Giving that second-to-last line a second half will just strengthen this section.

Actually, if you wanted, you could even set those last four lines into a new stanza. You don't have to--the change in punctuation and rhythm makes it very clear already that this is a new section of the poem--but there's no harm in reinforcing what I already there.

Hope this helps! This was really fun.
-Vento




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Wed Dec 13, 2023 1:32 pm
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Ley wrote a review...



Hiya! Ley here to review.<3

First impressions... This is a super different poem, and I haven't seen anything like it! It made me smile while reading :D

When I was reading this I felt... Happy! But at the end I was like 'oh crap' because of the last line xD This was the perfect poem to make someone smile, and it was truly impressive!

My favorite line/quote is...

But if I'm a mango,

Then what is this thing that I just ate?


I loved this line! The only thing I would recommend is that you capitalize the letter 'T' as every other line in the poem is capitalized.

Some things I would change would be...

Why are we all plumbs?


I'm pretty sure the fruit you're mentioning is a 'plum'. :)

If you are a tangerine and you are grape,

And if you are plumb, well that is just great!

If you broke this up into different lines, it would flow much smoother! Example:

If you are a tangerine,
And you are grape,
And if you are plumb,
Well that is just great!


Overall... It's super nice to read a funny and personified poem! I really did enjoy it! Happy writing! :)

With Love,
Leya




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Tue Dec 12, 2023 6:43 pm
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DeadMenTe11N0Tales says...



Nice.





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