Not One Message On Your Phone
It was a dark and stormy night dreary
When I saw a lampshade blearily
I didn't understand at first
But then it dawned on me a verse
“When in time you will need light, to read your stories late at night”
I thought it quite humorous
So I stopped my hubris
And went over to that lamp
And clicked its small switch
And there I saw beneath it
Was a book
That book was old
It was a favorite
I never saw it from this way, and in this light, I saw a different day
It had been a hard day that was
Full of woe and desolation
But now this book, dark cover and bright words
Gave me hope that my fire should not vanish
Seeing the book that way
Gave me hope for a new day
And in that day I found a passion
Not just for one thing,
Oh no,
But for life itself would see my reaction
To the fact that I had found
Would let me say it loud and proud
That this will not be my final day
But Sitting here all alone
Without so much as a message on my phone
I forgot the cruelness that followed
When one took the path least taken
I am alone on the highest degree
Without so much as one friend to comfort me
And I will stay here all alone
With no messages on my phone
And I'll follow the path least taken
So that someday I won't be forsaken
I saw every day
The loss of poetry
This is just a poor example of what it can be
But to me, it’s a reflection of self
Poetry is just a glimpse into one’s soul
It gives you a real idea that people suffer too
Someday I want to see poetry viewed and cherished
That day would be the one that others would see
That their own pain, is not alone
And maybe that day will come
Where I don't have to fear
It would be nice to take a rest
And let my worries disappear
But that day’s far in the future
Just beyond my reach
And when that day does come, that I find people who care
Maybe then they’ll be aware
Of the pain others have caused
Without realizing they were doing wrong
It’s surprising to me
To see how much realization can come from a book and tea
It makes you ponder
Just a little while longer
Should you stay to wander alone
With no messages on your phone
Or should you stay to be with them
oh, you know the ones
The ones that say “hi” with a fake smile
Those who are supposed to care
But forget to care all the same
It really is such a shame
It's getting late and my tea is cold
If I'm not misunderstood
It should be a lesson to those who will wait
So that life can give you one more date
Take that time that would be mine
And fill it with more exciting things
So goodbye for now
I go to a slumber
One that takes me from this pain and into the light
Of a brighter day
Hey friend! I am back with a review for this lovely poem of yours. Oh my, this was very personal and heartfelt. Thank you so much for sharing this lovely poem with us. Let's jump right into the review!
I feel a lot of loneliness in your words. You feel isolated, going through life, but staring at your phone screen, not seeing a single text. I feel like that's a symbol, saying that no one is reaching out to you, as if there's not a single person staying in contact. I sense a lot of comparison too, as if it's an expectation that people should be texting you constantly.
I also also sent a lot of anger. Your words speak so much truth. I feel like this is such a deep reflection, that you see the world in a very hurt way, but you don't try and sugarcoat things, you just see things for how they are. You touch a lot on fakeness. People putting on these fake smiles trying to make things happy when they don't need to be. I love the line that you had when you said "it really is such a shame". This outward reflection has such a personal feel to it.
You speak in a very interesting way. Like when you say goodbye to us, while you're ending the poem. You talk about going to a slumber, which I assume is going to sleep, unsatisfied with your day. I noticed that your text was very simple. You don't use a lot of big words or metaphors, but rather you just say a lot of facts. This was definitely a very narrative piece, if we're going through your mind as you get ready to go to bed. It's like a reflection on your day, but in a very deep way. Overall, I enjoyed this piece because of it simplicity and relatability. Fantastic work, and keep on writing!
Your friend,
Ellie
Hello Hello, I hope you don't mind me popping in with a review. I think this really well done and I do enjoy the rhyme scheme although I do have one small nitpick that might help it flow a little better. Now please do keep in mind this is just my personal opinion.
In regards to the line, "I thought it quite humors
So I stopped my hubris" To make the rhyme smoother I would put "I thought it quite humorous
So I stopped my hubris"
Other than that I agree with the others the mood is good and the thought behind it is relatable. I do wish we got to see more of what the book is like are the pages yellowed and the spine cracked? This however might be due to the fact I am a sucker for prose poetry.
All In all I wish you luck in you're writing journey and remember to drink water!
Thank you for catching the typo, I didn't even see it, Thank you!
This was a very interesting tale and I liked the comparison of book and phone. The weather is a feeling and you used your other descriptors well.
I'm not very good at writing or reviewing poetry but this was a pleasant, if somber, read.
I liked the first and last stanza a lot. This pair of lines too
"And I'll follow the path least taken
So that someday I won't be forsaken"
This poem also matches the feel of your profile pic (at least to me). I wonder if you did that on purpose or if that flows from who you currently are (or were).
I pray you find that brighter day, and that writer's block may stay away.
Thank you for reviewing my work, I appreciate it!