Part two of Missing Autumn. I'm writing this in a different style. To help you better understand imagine the MC, Slay, talking to you and telling you her story. Well, here it is, enjoy. Comment please. Sorry It took so long to post. 
- - -
It took me some time, after the hospital incident, to realize she was actually gone forever. I would sometimes sit on the floor in front of the door waiting for her to walk in and say 'Now, Slay, you know better than to sit in front of the door. You could have broken my ankle.' After she said that I would apologize, hug her, then fix her some hot chocolate. Autumn loved hot chocolate.
I dropped out of college when she died, I couldn't bear walking into class and feeling the cold emptiness of the seat next to me knowing there should be a warm, bubbly, full of energy Autumn in its place.
Autumn was my everything, she did it all for us. I felt bad, often, because I was just the low life writer and she was the photographer, artist, counselor, part-time cell phone company worker, dancer, sewer, and a damn great girlfriend. I got a job then, after I quit college, to pay Autumn back for working so hard. I got the job to prove that I could be a hard worker too. I worked at the super store down the street. The stores name was K-Wal, Autumn would have been proud of me.
Everyday I would visit her grave, even in the cold, heat, snow, rain, or any other natural disaster the world could throw at me. I would bring fresh flowers and lay them next to her tombstone, and when I got my paycheck I would take at least half of it and put it in a little wooden box next to her grave. I would unlock the box, stick the money in it, and whisper "You deserve it" before locking the box and setting it down again. She would tell me to keep it, if she could, but since she can't it's hers now.
I never thought she wold be away from me, no, not at all. Me without Autumn was like a bird without a song, a sandwich with no bread, a reporter without a story, just plainly incomplete.
"Oh Aumutmn," I sighed as I placed a red tulip gently on her grave. It was April 12, 2010, Autumn's been dead one whole year," Happy Anniversary, sweetheart." It was also our 8 year anniversary, I was now twenty-four, we got together when we were both 15. On the day of the car wreck, the day Autumn died, we were going home from a anniversary party our friends threw for us.
"I'll be the driver," I had said," have fun!"
"But Slay," she argued with her little fist on her hips," I don't think I should."
" Go on, it's okay. Drink, have fun!" She kissed me on the cheek and skipped to the table of wine. It was my job to stay sober and I failed. I was irresponsible and I killed Autumn. I killed the love of my life.
I dropped down on my knees and hugged Autumn's tombstone, It was grey and had the words 'Here lies Autumn, a friend, daughter, and a wonderful girlfriend. May your soul rest in peace. 1984-2009.' I can still remember how she died.
By the time I realized we were in the wrong lane it was to late. The truck hit us hard, I could hear the front of our Chevy screaming and cracking under the blow. Our airbags went off and I could smell the smoke from outside streaming into the car. I was sitting straight up so my air bag didn't suffocate me, like Autumn's did. She was slumped down, riding low in her seat because she was drunk and tired. From the corner of my eye I could see her thrashing around, clutching at the air bag. Why don't they deflate, I asked myself,What's wrong with these things? I could hear muffled, panicked screams. I wanted to reach out and help her, but I couldn't move, no matter how hard I tried. Her thrashes grew weaker and slower, my vision started to fade. With her last ounce of strength, power, will, and life she screamed my name and, afterwards, I blacked out.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,005 Literary Works • 672,801 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.
First Impression: And this one...what can I say...sadness and that's about it. Its just a never ending one note of just really sad things here. Such a beautiful description that you have about their relationship and what an accident that you've come up with right there. Definitely a story that plays with the emotions and does it quite well.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Oh no...I thought this one was about a season...and some nature imagery...this took a turn for the worse right there. Oh dear well you certainly have my attention with that opening paragraph.
summons onionsThat's a lovely description that you've got right there. Definitely conveys just how much of a person Autumn was and how much she meant to this dude. Great job there.
That should be store's. And this paragraph is so uplifting in a way but still so sad that I am confused as to what I should do. One thing is clear though and that is that you are bringing out this emotion really well in us.
Oh that's such a lovely gesture there. Oh this story is going to end up killing me. It so very realistic and damn are you doing a good job getting those feels across.
Umm..just want to say that maybe umm that's slightly wrong in the Maths department. He should either be 23 or it should be the 9 year anniversary.
Oh now that complicates matters doesn't it.
Well that is truly a horrifying way to die and the warnings on those airbags are there for a very good reason. Although the wrong lane thing suggests some pretty heavy drinking and the airbags not deflating for long enough for a human being to die is kind of unlikely at least from what I know but I could be wrong.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall this was a story that really brings out a lot of emotion. Its really well done and you know I think Professor Harry over there just pointed out a couple of things but for the most part it was really well done and as far as writing goes it was just amazing.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Yeah, sorry, I had that 'out' instead of 'our' problem in my story "Nanali". I seem to make that mistake a lot. I am working on it though, thanks for your review, bye-bye!
Oh. Wow. I didn't read the first part, but the emotions pouring off of this part may cause me to. This was beautifully written. I don't mean to give you a big head or anything, but I really enjoyed reading this. Please, keep it up.
There were two nitpicks that I found. You had put "wold" instead of 'would' and "out" instead of 'our' in two places that I can't find at the moment.
Please, keep this going. I'd really like to see what you do with it.
-Jayleigh