Exposed/ Where did I go

Hi there LoveIsInTheAir! Niteowl to churn out one last review for the Apple Dumpling Gang!

First poem:

I feel like this is too abstract for a short poem, though it'd be nice as the opening line of a longer piece. With short poems, concrete imagery is key. Give these mistakes a texture, a smell, a color, maybe working in the "bitter-sweet" wording you have in the second line.

Second one:

The rhyming actually works in this one. I again feel like the first line is a bit abstract. I also feel like "thinking too hard" doesn't work because I think "about what?"

Overall, there's some good ideas here, but more imagery would make the short piece stand out. Keep writing!

Heya. Here for a quick review.
OK, so first off, I got really twitchy and all when I saw you'd misspelled "Exposed" in the title. You might want to correct that little typo up there.

1-Exposed:
Like Rainn's already mentioned, the usage of "addictions" and "depictions" makes it seem like you're trying to make the poem rhyme too hard. It doesn't really matter if it rhymes or not. Also, it isn't really clear. You grew addicted to your mistakes, right? I mean, you couldn't stop them from happening, they were a part of you? And you grew so attached to these "mistakes" that you wanted to expose them to the world? I understand what you're trying to tell us, but your usage of the aforementioned ( I love using the word "aforementioned"! ^_^) words sort of mixes up the verse, so instead of a clearly cut and powerful image that you could have presented - which is what all short poems go for anyway - the image you form is sort of hazy. So restructure the poem maybe?

2-Where did I go?
I like it! It's short and yet it weighs down on you and makes you think. I won't repeat what's wrong with the first line, but other than that it's pretty good.

Overall, I'd say there's always room for improvement, but since this is just practice, I can safely say that if you keep working on it you can come up with something really good. Keep it up, keep writing!

Cheers,
Pompadour

Hey there! I myself am thinking about trying this short poem contest. I hope I can be of some help for you!

1: Exposed
Good start here. 13 words, 79 characters. Since in short poems you need words to really count and make an impact, I am going to do some word dissection.
The first thing that popped out at me was, actually, the last word, "Depiction". It seems out of place. The definition is "the action or result of depicting something". I ask this question: What is the relation between depiction and addiction. Was it just a word you placed to rhyme? I have found that rhyming has become less and less important to me as I learn more about the power of the right word. Yes, rhyming has its place. But don't let it rule you! I do really like what you are going for here, though. I get a good image.

2: Where Did I Go?

The very first line, I like. It gives a heavy, tired feel. But the second line throws me off a bit. To make the first line flow into the second, you would need to add something like a "With".

"With dismay and a burden,
I ran to the stars."

I also recommend you change the period on the second line to a comma. When I read this, I feel it is one sentence. I enjoyed it, though. It spoke well.

You have a really, really good start. I can feel it! I hope I was not to harsh, and if I was than you can disregard anything I said! But I hope you have learned at least something, and if you have any questions please let me know!

It was wonderful to review your works.

~Rainn