She traces the line of her butterfly
Right where the scars are engraved.
The wings spread, but the scar split.
Red liquid peeking at the tips.
The ink may wash off,
But the flaws won't disappear.
The beautiful picture carved on the lines,
Abstract art, or mysteries entwined.
Her secrets remain red,
Staining her skin like paint.
No use in catching the butterfly
For it has flown away, along with her distant cry.
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Canary word: Present
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129,423 Literary Works • 671,505 Reviews
This poem's main strength is in the fact that many of it's readers may have had similar experiences in the past, the admiration of a butterfly's beautiful swirling patterns, and then the devastation at it's accidental death. I for one relate with this story greatly. Hope this helps.
This is very nice. I'm not a poet, so I not quite cut out to review something like this, but I'll give it a shot. It's very abstract, but still has a somewhat clear message behind it. The only thing I'd do is put punctuation in some places, other than that good job!
awesome. i think you have great attempts at rhyming. no use of specific or several series of figures of speech. it makes an interesting read however!
That was very beautiful. The images that the poem put inside my head were... How do I put it? Soft. Don't get me wrong, they were very strong and got the point across, but at the same time they seemed fagile and light. Maybe it's just me. Anyway, once again, very nice.
Hey, Love! The name's Storm, and I'll be reviewing for ya tonight. ^-^ Let's get started!
Great start, Love, so as always: Write on!
"She traces the line of her butterfly
Right where the scars are engraved." I love this opening phrase and the images these words conjure in a reader's mind. Great beginning!
"The wings spread, but the scar split.
Red liquid peeking at the tips." Hmm... The way that the second line is started, shouldn't there be a comma after "split" to lead into "red liquid peeking..."? Also, although it's a nitpick, "red liquid" just does not seem to do the intended illustrative job. I realize you are alluding to blood, but the manner in which you worded this description feels awkward. Maybe that's just me but it could be referring to fruit punch, or something. xD Try using a more commanding, powerful depiction!
"No use in catching the butterfly
For it has flown away, along with her distant cry." I absolutely adore the "no use in catching the butterfly" part, believing it to be a strong image and concluding point, along with the added bonus of its reference to the title. The only item I find negative about this is the last bit in which the final line reads too wordy, and so much longer than the rest of "Butterfly". Again, I suppose this can be placed under a personal preference category. However, attempt rephrasing the end purely to see whether or not a more succinct closing helps the overall poem; its large amount of syllables takes away from the great conclusion.
I didn't notice any grammatical or punctuational errors, so that about wraps it up for this review!
---Stormsie