this, i felt, was a great fanfic. however there a few grammar and spelling errors that you might want to check out. plus i would love it if you did one on the son/daughter of one of the very minor god/goddess.
z
Okay, so this is a Percy Jackson and the Olympians fanfic. I used this translator http://gr.translit.cc/ so it may not be exactly like the words are in the book. However, it's still in Latin letters. Shall we begin?
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I was born of air. Well, not in the literal sense. Okay, here's the thing: my father is Zeus, Lord of the Skies. And my mother? Well she's a weather anchor. And at that moment, I was stuck in a stuffy classroom listening to my English teacher totally misrepresenting the gods.
“Zeus tossed Hephaestus off a mountain.” She made the appropriate gestures and I frowned. Then I lifted my hand.
“Didn't Hera do that?”
“Some say so but I think it was Zeus. So there rolls baby Hephaestus...” I dropped my head onto my out stretched arms and dreamed of Camp Half-Blood.
Five more minutes and I'm all yours... Five minutes later, the final bell rang and my summer holiday officially started. I'm Trent Aether, and I'm a demigod.
I was running down the quiet road. My house was five blocks away. The wind was in my face and the sun beamed down. I felt like I could just fly away. I was every picture you'll Google of a care-free guy jumping in a lake, of every kid flying in the air. Oh the joys of being fourteen... That's when I realized that I was meant to be meeting Nico in like, one minute. I poured on the speed.
I skid down the road and backed up then I was running on green grass. I went up the steps two a time and two doors down the corridor. I opened the door. Gasping for air I collapsed on my bed. There was a slight whisper of shifting air but my eyes were firmly fixed to the ceiling. “Nico, how are you?”
“You ready to go?” Nico asked.
“Nico, I'm only leaving tomorrow. Sit down, let me fetch you a drink.” I threw my weight forward and stood up.
It had been one year since I'd seen Nico di Angelo, son of Hades and my best friend. We were meant to hate the guts out of each other but... well I saved his butt a couple times and he let my talk with my deceased mother quite a bit so... we're equal. So, a lot changes in one year, right?
Nico's hair was shaggy as ever and black as midnight. His eyes were deep black too. And he wore a black T-shirt with black jeans. He was taller and fourteen, like me. Nico was also the camp scout. Being the son of Hades, he could get information even better then Hermes' or Athena's kids. He could go to primary sources. So Chiron usually had him in the underworld when trouble stirred.
“No thanks, Trent. Look there's trouble at camp.”
“Trouble, what kind of trouble?” I had changed into my orange Camp Half-Blood T-shirt. #1 was displayed brightly on my heart.
“I dunno. There's a giant attacking attacking...”
“Let's go.” I grinned at him and scribbled a note to leave for my dad.
Gone to Camp Half-Blood. Big Trouble, sorry for leaving so early.
Trent.
Nico touched my arm and I felt myself being pulled through darkness, being transported by it. And soon we stood at the base of half-blood hill. There was a giant, with a club and Tyson stood at the peak of the hill. He rushed down shouting, “Peanut butter!”
Nico grabbed my arm and we ran up the hill. Tyson leapt upward and then smashed his club downward. The giant dodged to the side and swung his fist. Tyson went flying. Nico and I were halfway up the hill. A horde of demigods appeared with bows and arrows. But their attack was useless against the giant who stood at twenty meters tall.
He was made of bronze, seemingly. In his left hand was a shield and his right was clenched in a fist.
Nico slashed against the giants ankle but had to jump to the side as he simply kicked away. Fighting was useless, we needed to stop him until we could think.
“Boήtheia, patέra!” I shouted. In other words, Help, father!
I drew my blade, Skybreaker, and it crackled as I did. It was silver. It reflected the sky. It always reflected the sky. But there was a crackled again and a spark and suddenly my blade was engulfed in electricity.
I saw Percy Jackson, son of Poseidon, next to Tyson. He looked really, really angry. I had an idea.
“Percy!” I shouted. The urgent look in my eyes made him run over, abandoning Tyson to an Apollo medic. “Percy. Hey, how was school? Okay dude, here's the plan.” Percy listened as I gave him the details, then he nodded. Fear built up inside of me but anyway, I charged.
I stabbed my electric blade into the heel of the bronze giant. He leapt into the air and I had to fall back to avoid being crushed. He was really angry with me now. I closed my eyes and whistled hard. Then I leapt into the air. I was high in the air and still going higher. Below me, the bronze giant grabbed at me and the campers marveled. Above me was the black muzzle of Percy's pegasus, Blackjack. He whinnied and I guessed he was trying to say something. But since I wasn't the son of Poseidon, it pretty much sounded like a whinny to me.
He tossed me in the air, which I didn't object to. Then I landed on his back and flew above Camp Half-Blood. I aimed my blade at the bronze giant and shot him... in the rump. Angered he made a leap for me but to no avail. I flew low, blasting him as much as I could. When he was really angry, he began to chase me.
“Beat it!” I shouted and blasted the grass in front of the other campers. They scrambled aside as I shot through the magical borders of Camp Half-Blood. I shouted, “I, Trent Aether, give you, random bronze giant, permission to enter camp!”
Everyone gasped as the giant made its way past Thalia's Tree. I flew through camp, constantly blasting the giant until the lake was in clear sight. Luckily enough for the dryads, there was a clear and wide path to the lake. Soon I was hovering over the lake. The giant stopped at the beginning of the vast lake. Below me, as large as an ant, was Percy Jackson, son of the Sea God.
The water churned and spun and lashed out at the giant. It was so quick, I can't really describe it. There was a rush, a spray of water and then I could see the bronze form of a giant below the crystal clear water. “Take me low Blackjack.”
My feet were touching the water. I stabbed Skybreaker into the lake and willed the lightning to pass from it. There were no sounds but I could feel and almost see the energy passing through the water. The giant jerked a little bit underwater then the red glow that had previously possessed its eyes, died out. I turned back on Blackjack and headed for the Big House. Despite the fact that I had saved camp, I was going to be in so much trouble.
---
For a title, what's better, Trent Aether and the Secrets of Olympus or ... and the Secrets of Mount Olympus?
this, i felt, was a great fanfic. however there a few grammar and spelling errors that you might want to check out. plus i would love it if you did one on the son/daughter of one of the very minor god/goddess.
Hey there~ I like this story!I can see that you're a fan of Percy Jackson~! And i saw a Narnia one just now. Hehe~ So funny~~~ Trent Aether and the Secrets Of Mount Olympics would be good! I like it, again! Is there going to be chapter 2? Any way i would follow this story~!And wait, Is this a novel...? Keep up with the good work~~~!!!
~~~Dylan
I like it! I like how you write in the same style as the Percy Jackson books, which can be describing an epic life-or-death fight and still have you laughing. You do a good job writing in the same style; I recognized it right away and wanted to keep reading. I also like how you included Nico, Tyson, and Percy in the story, but you're telling it from your own character- all too often people write fanfics that have none of the original characters in them.
I would advise you to be careful and keep the same elements to the original characters that were shown in the books, because that's what fans of the series probably enjoyed the most. Maybe it's just a personal pet peeve, but there's nothing I dislike more in a fanfic than great main characters getting turned out of their personalities- but that's just my own opinion, and feel free to ignore it.
If I didn't completely lose you with my tirade, the only nit-picks I noticed were a few run-on and fragmented sentences that left me asking, 'what?'
I drew my blade, Skybreaker, and it crackled as I did. It was silver. It reflected the sky. It always reflected the sky. But there was a crackled again and a spark and suddenly my blade was engulfed in electricity
Just curious; if his dad is Zeus, why is Trent leaving him a note? Unless you mean step-father or something... or you're saying Trent lives with Zeus... again, just curious.I grinned at him and scribbled a note to leave for my dad. Gone to Camp Half-Blood. Big Trouble, sorry for leaving so early. Trent.
Hi Hero
So, this will probably be a pretty short review as I haven't read Percy Jackson. I'm going to focus purely on the stylistic elements of your writing.
Your action scenes are looking far sleeker than they were last time I read your writing. You need to stop interspersing your work with spurts of information that are passively and the past. Unless absolutely necessary, don't describe a shirt change or something other like that. Also, as the first person narrator, you should only describe things you'd notice. Most guys don't take in that much information about physical appearance. I'd try to keep the story down to merely what your character would see.
Also, try work on developing some sensory description and your world somewhat.
I'm going to have to cut myself short here.
Have a great one!
No nitpicks here.
Just wanted to say I liked it. Oh, and my character wanted to say hello to a fellow child of Zeus.
Hi.
So, I thank you for writing a good fanfiction.
Maybe the main character should ask for help from Percy and his friends?
It's a good way to show the "fan" element in this work.
Hi TheNewHero
I really like this. Its almost as good as the real thing.
I haven't got any nit-picks.
midnightread
I like it! In fact, I went to see that movie not to long ago...Very descriptive! Keep it up!!
~Cheez_Burger~
YAY! I'm soo excited for this! hah.
First off, pretty good. However, I really want to know who Trent's father is. That's probably a very important aspect of the story.
A sharp, piercing sound like wailing spirits.
Points: 990
Reviews: 5
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