Seven years this sunny Sunday since you passed,
From heaven your voice echoes,
Do I still study my Bible – the dusty thousand year old one we got with our spare change,
But dear I lost it on the road to success and glamour,
Dead end, I'm turning back with guilt on my shoulders and screams in my ears,
So maybe I'll pick it up along the way,
Like you always did me,
---
Spontaneous idea. Taking a chance. Like the man in the poem. What did you think? Need a better title? Options? Thanks.
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'Ello, there, ultraviolet here! <3
This part, for me, was the hardest part to read. Mostly because "sunny" and "Sunday" are so close both in sight and sound. I'd suggest changing "sunny" to some other descriptive word.
I like this, but nothing really sticks out other than the title. The title really made me want to check this out. But the rest... it's almost too long of stanzas for my short attention span to take in. Though, this is just an opinion.
loveness, ultraviolet <3
Hello,
It's a good idea, and i like the theme. but i think you should change the third line, because it is too long.
Have a nice day!
Hello New hero,
I think that you might want to break up these sentences because they seem long compared with the rest of the poem. Also, why would you hear people screaming?It's fiction here to do a review. To be honest it made me confused.I think it might have somthing to do with the title.
I feel like you could make the ending of the poem stronger. so you are saying, that when you were lost the other person always found you or guided you in the right dirrection.
I might say somthing like I will pick it up along the way,
Because I am forever bound to you. I am by no means an expert when it comes to poetry but, hopefully this helps you. Have a great day.
Hello,
This, for me, is the best part. The choice of wording here is really nice.
The last part wasn't as clear as the first. I kind of had to read it over a few times to get it. Otherwise, this is a good poem. The meaning is clear and it had a sorrowful feel to it, which suits the story.
Keep writing!
~Crazy