He came to school,
So bright and happy,
The quiet atheist boy
But inside,
His heart was skewered with a blade,
From his mother's recent death
He didn't tell them,
His little secret,
He knew what they would say
They'd bring up God,
and Hell and Fear,
And make him mumble the prayer of salvation
Chris was sure the Christians would,
He knew them to be a dim-witted bunch,
From personal experience,
Then one day on a camping trip,
They asked him what he thought,
About the principal's prayer,
He admitted that he didn't believe,
He needed more convincing
But was still a good person
From that day on,
The atheist was a spider among flies,
Ignored and excluded from any religous talk,
Was he a threat,
Did he think he was so bad,
as to deny God without proof?
Apparently so as whenever he talked,
They raised their defensive shields,
As if he were brandishing a blade in their faces,
The good natured boy still hoped for the best,
And attended church one day,
And there he questioned a teaching
- a simple question that the youth group could not answer
The word spread fast,
They said how unholy he was,
They said he'd openly denied the Lord,
The last straw was an arguement,
Between him and a Christian boy,
All he'd wanted was a reason to believe
From then on Chris was convinced,
That this 'God' had no heart,
But not that He didn't exist,
Not that he didn't exist
The Christians had lied
"God doesn't want me like they'd said,
Because I wasn't born to Christian parents or...
Or live in a fancy house.
So why should I care about Him?
He abandoned me."
Now are you just a member,
Of Ignorant Christians 101
No?
Name a reason why Jesus is the Son of God,
Or better yet, 35!
And do it boldly!
With a knife at your throat
Or a kid, begging for answers
The only reason
Chris needed to be so sure,
Was to know that his poor mother was alright.
This is really telling of life. I am a Christian and I have seen this happen so often its crazy. Im not putting the religion down or anything but I think that you put a powerful message into a powerful poem. I liked it, although Im new and I dont know how much my liking it really matters, but I thought I would tell you. Keep it up.
ashlyn
Hi there.
This poem was really put together well. I am a full believer in Christ and i know that he loves every one no matter what they believe. The people in your poem are not proper Christians, they didn't treat Chris the way he was ment to be. Loved.
Keep writing, message me if you need anything.
Dacoozed
The emotion in your writing is something to be admired. Emotional writing is the best way to write I believe so on that I tip my hat to you.
However, as a Christian I have to admit a bit of distaste in this, yet there is some truth that there are a few that exile the non-believe. And that itself is ungodly. To condemned others is to condemn thy self I believe.
And as for a reason for there being a God I say to Chris that everything in this world is unknown until it is felt.
Truth and false are just words used to manipulate ones mind yet once you are able to feel the truth of something you can believe it. Such as love, you think you know love but you don't until you feel it. And thats how it is until you feel God and know he is truth. No one can tell you or save you its a one on one with you and God.
Find your path out of the dark and you'll find your Way2Dawn.
Good luck!
-Dawn
I agree with Tenyo 100%
from what I can tell, the original was much better. Taking this as one of those topics where everyone has to shove their opinion in, unless it's a grammar/spelling/capitalization mistake: Do not edit it. Simple.
Because then you're piece of work will become others, not yours.
As far as your poem goes, I really liked it. It opens up our eyes on how some people behave like this. However, don't think who or what you wrote about is a Christian. Because anyone can call themselves one, but it takes a true one to be one. Call him a "fake" if you must, but I stress that from any angle you look at him, he is not a Christian.
Christianity isn't about being born holy, or having Christian parents, or living in a fancy house. It's about accepting God with all your heart and truly fearing him.
Great job, keep up the good work!
I love the feeling of this poem and the idea behind it, but there are a few parts where the rhythm seems forced. Other than that, it was good. I can identify with it.
Also, Catholics ARE Christians.
hmmmmm... Fascinating. I myself am Catholic. I do know lots of people who claim to be Christian and don't really know what that means. Your poem summarizes perfectly what many people are like in this world; they fear the unknown. Well done I thoroughly enjoyed this. Splendid job.
``greyson``
You have obviously never known a real Christians.
WOW!!!!!
Hey,
it's been a long time since I've done a review. But I'll try.
Not only was that a good peice of literature, I think we can all learn something from this too. This is a very deep poem that, if anyone is willing to understand, will challenge the way we react.
I was clicking around on YWS and you title caught my attention. I figured it would be just another person bashing people's beliefs, but it's not. I can feel the emotion that you have put into this, and I find it simply amazing. As a Christian myself, you made me think about my life with Christ. I have had trouble with proving God is real at points with people, and I was very ashamed. I also see the bashing of the people that don't believe the same, and I find this stupid. Love the person, hate the sin I always say. Anyway I have friends just like yours, and I would die for them any day if they would get saved, but I don't force it on them. Oh well that's about it.
-Flower-
Umm... I'm sorry :p I'm about to go against a lot here, and say something that's probably a little harsh.
I liked the poem the way it was before (and the original title too.) As Taletypist said it was hard to tell which end of the spectrum it was written from, which, I think, gave it an all around unbiased point of view.
But of course you have to be brave to write about religion, because you're always going to offend somebody, there's always someone who will turn the thread into a place to state their own beliefs, and there's someone who will hold prejudice against your work by assuming your work is prejudiced.
Remember that whilst accepting critisism you've got to stand by your own reasons and principles that you had in mind when you made the piece. When I look at this now it seems like it's been overly edited and diluted to suit the critisisms that you have recieved.
I really liked the original. It was sharp, and stood out a lot. I guess it's just up to you whether you want to keep to your own style or write to suit the majority.
Well let me just start off by saying I commend you on your theme. My religious themed poems always turn out like rubbish, but this is quite good and written well as a story or cautionary tale.
I really like the ambiguity of the narrator from start to end.
"mumble the prayer" I liked this, I could easily picture him kinda turning his head and mumbling it. Great word choice.
"As if he were brandishing a sword in their face," I loved this because it so well captures the feeling! Many times when I confront a Christian on their beliefs they put up their shields the same way.
"his type" I think you really portrayed the discrimination that one of the most disliked minorities faces. Not just with this quote but throughout, which must be an accomplishment considering you're a Christian.
The last stanza was really a strong and convicting end. Remove the italics blocks and your good. [i]
Very nicely written. and coming from an extremely Christian boy I have to say that those May not be Christians whom you described. The World has given Christians a bad name and its not even The Worlds fault. It's ours, Christians hardly act truly Christian anymore. Where in the bible does it say 'shove thy word into thy throat'? your poem made perfect since to me and many other. Very good job on touching onto a sensitive subject that really shouldn't be sensitive at all. Like the ABR song Mariana's Trench, "but our swords are shoved deeply in our thoats" many Christians' sword are shoved into their own throats.
Anyone feel free to message me about anything, or for my testimony:)
- Deify
Yeah, I know some Christians that are like that to me and I am a Christian. So, I know what you mean. The poem is very good...
A. S.
Hero, I just wanted you to know you don't have to apologize to iheartbooks or whatever. Although I am a Christian and I have many friends who are Christians, I do know a couple of people who do act like that, sadly. But that is not what Christianity is all about... well, anyway, the poem is fine adn it just describes an Atheist outlook on life.
Thanks for reading,
But it is kind of unrealistic to say every Christian did that. ^_^ If its supposed to do that to make a statement, I understand. Just trying to be helpful.
Sun.
Hello Hero,
This should be "They asked him what he had to say,"
or something along those lines.
And now I shall share my opinions on The Christian Lie, just because I'm a super-opinionated type.
So I think it's bigger than just a few people. Traditional Christian holidays have been turned into marketing oppertunities. Christmas is all about the presents and other such crap now and Easter is all about the Easter Bunny instead of the Resurrection. Our entire culture pretends to be Christian, but how many people do you know who actually go to church every day and pray and really believe?
And now I sound like some kind of conspiratist.
or just a plain hater. But whatever.
Anyways, I sadly know people like those who you mentioned in here. They are so quick to tell non-believers that they're going to hell. They don't focus on what could happen, on forgiveness, etc.
Yeah, so, that was my opinion in a condensed form.
Good work. I enjoy controversial topics and angry poetry.
Toodles!
~emerley.
Wow, your poem really made me think about my faith and how I show and represent my faith to others. It also touched emotion. As a person just getting into poetry, this poem is an inspiration. (: I want to write a poem that unlocks memories and forgotten emotions just like your poem pretty much did to me.
As almost every other review, I do have a suggestion. In some parts of the poem you overused words in lines that were close together. For example, the word is anyway.
Repeating the word kind of made my mind jump straight to the anyways and made me want to skip the lines. I think you should think about rewording it, so that it would remove a couple anyways.
Overall, I enjoyed reading it. (: I hope I helped you.
-Morgan(:
I'm fascinated with this because, even as a Christian myself, I cannot tell which end of the spectrum the writer is coming from. At first glance, it seems obvious. "Oh, this is an atheist trying to make Christians look bad..."
But anyone with any sense looks at it a second longer and thinks, "No... maybe this is a real Christian sick of being made to look bad by hypocrites."
In that way, it's written very nicely.
Theological two cents to consider though - whether the writer is Christian or atheist - would be this: Truth by definition is exclusive. A Christian is not ignorant for believing that their faith holds merit or that the Bible is true. What would make a Christian ignorant would be to call himself a Christian while also openly accepting all other world views. Should a Christian beat their tracts and Bibles over an atheist or someone that believes differently? Never.
But while it could be possible that all religious philosophies in the world are wrong and no one has the answers, it can not be possible, by law of non-contradiction, that all religious philosophies in the world are right and to be accepted together. A Christian accepting this concept is not a hypocrite. A Christian fooled into believing that they are somehow better than anyone else - is.
i don't believe God sends people to hell just for not believing in him. it's more about the kind of person you are and the life you lead. but no, those people aren't christians. x
I like this poem, it's nice. Sorry for the misunderstanding, but now that you've explained it, I get it! =] Sorry once more, keep writing! It was really good!
I'm not a believer, but neither do i have anything against believers, but i dislike those you discribe, those who cant accept somebody elses way of thinking. I thought this poem made a good view about how it often is without ppl thinking of it as in the past times when atheists would be slaughtered and kill for only a strict thought.
Good work // Hugs and Hearts from Saga
i'm not afraid to die. i just think i'll miss everyone a lot. christians aren't hypocrites; not if they really believe in God.
these people in your poem aren't christians.
All I can say simply is that, that was brilliant.
Hay Hero! :}
Good job. This poem, however, depressed me. I absolutely HATE Christians who are like that. 99% of Catholics are like that, too, so. Errg.
Anyway. I could really feel the emotion in this. Good job!
Come to my shack or message me if you ever need reviewing again.
Love & Blessings,
Aushy
Maybe I ought to make a poem in reverse, Whisperer? Thanks everyone. Ayobaness.
That was really intriguing! Nice poem!
I just hope every atheist would be as good as the character in your poem. >.<
This is really good I like it a lot.I have one suggestion...
I would change don't to doesn't. Have a good day. FictionWow, that was powerful. I could almost feel your anger and protectiveness of it. Another thing I loved is that you're only the second person who started each line with a capital letter, and your perfect use of punctuation. The pauses were in all the right places. Keep on writing!