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It ended too soon

by Lolita18

I wanted her love,

she wanted me to leave,

we had loved each other so much,

that it overflowed,

and one day,

that love was not enough,


Three years of marriage,

two years of love,

one year of friendship,

And we made zero efforts to save it all,

She thinks, I will move on soon,

She thinks, I will forget her,

And maybe,

I want that too.


How can I forget about our first meeting in the library?

How can I forget about our late night beach walks?

How can I forget about our baking together?

How can I forget that you're allergic to nuts?

How can I forget that you are still wearing the necklace that i gave to you?

You tell me!!

How can I do that to us?

Is this a review?



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275 Reviews

Points: 50546
Reviews: 275

Sun Apr 14, 2024 2:30 pm
RavenAkuma wrote a review...

Hello, My Friend!

You wrote an incredible piece here. Each line rings with emotion, bringing it through to the reader. Alongside each vivid detail that was included, they tell a unique story about having loved and lost. It's just incredible.

*ahem, as for a more technical review, I have little to complain about. Structure and content were both great. As a very minor recommendation, I don't think those lines toward the end need commas after the question marks, but that's a very minor thing. Great writing job ~

As I read, one of my favorite parts was when the poem transitioned from the subject of moving on to all the details, putting more focus on how hard that is. I was also captivated by the way you describe the relationship with this line:

we had loved each other so much,

that it overflowed,

The idea of an "overflow," of it becoming too much before not enough, was just a fascinating poetic detail that, again, made this piece feel very unique and authentic.

Overall, this was a lovely poem. Thank you for sharing it with us ~

Lolita18 says...

Thank you so much for your review. i am glad you liked this piece. (-:
also, i wanted to ask how do you do this...ummm.....thing like bold double inverted commas and the darkened color with the copied texts?

I am new to the online world so i dont know much. sometimes i feel like i have a generational gap between me and my age people. ok look at me rambling, forget it.
so, thanks again and please answer whenever you are free.

RavenAkuma says...

No problem!

And the formatting is different on YWS, I'm still getting used to it myself lol. For the quote format, it's a code you have to put in. So if you want to quote something, you would type this, but without the asterisks:

[*quote] Write whatever you want to quote here [/quote*]

This is also how you do bold type [b], italics [i], and even spoiler boxes [spoiler]. The post linked below makes a great reference sheet if you want more specifics. Hope this helps ^^

The Big Book of YWS Codes

Lolita18 says...

[* so thank u, again for teaching me]

Random avatar

Points: 53
Reviews: 1

Sat Apr 13, 2024 4:13 pm
Aaa2 says...

Hi, you're poetry is nice. I don't know about poetry rhythm. But about the meaning, it's a love song and that when relationship brake up its memories will left. In a friendship one may want to brake up but the other one still have feeling to the other one. If you tried and you're works wasn't successful, you would try again. That's alright sometime don't get the results you want.Writing is a good skill.

Lolita18 says...

Thanks a lot for the review. glad you liked it.

Random avatar

Points: 53
Reviews: 1

Sat Apr 13, 2024 4:12 pm
Aaa2 wrote a review...

Writing is a good skill. Hope you be successful in it.

Lolita18 says...

thank you for your best wishes. hope you have a great day/night.

Irrigation of the land with seawater desalinated by fusion power is ancient. It's called 'rain'.
— Michael McClary