Swollen
Heavy with milk,
It hovers like a mother
With four miscarriages
And one last hope.
A pregnant cow's udder
Dangling in the sky,
Its light drips down
Thick and creamy,
And fuels the hunger
Of the hunters
Who have so patiently endured
The glaring missionary of day.
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
This is a really interesting way of portraying the moon. I've always thought of the moon to be a sort of celestial, unmoving figure. Something about it made me think of the goddess Diana/Artemis. I don't really know if you were going for that, but it's apparent to me. Thinking of the moon as a motherly figure is a really awesome way to portray it. A lot of people describe it as being "lonely" but never why. This poem gives it personification that makes me feel awful for it, if that makes any sense. You very clearly have a gift with words that allow you to portray the most minute things as people with a purpose.
This is one of my favorite pieces on here, and I've only been here for a day.
Cheers.
-Minty Leaf
Thank you so much for your kind review, minty leaf! I'm absolutely thrown that this is one of your favorite pieces <3 Welcome to YWS!
Amazing poem!
This is such a cool and creative concept, all the comparisons you have in it. Like comparing a pregnant mother with milk to the moon. Genius! It is short, but it is able to convey so much! The symbolism you use of the hunters actually being wolves is great!
"The hunters are wolves and other nocturnal predators that may pose a threat to the main character, so they draw the story back to the forest if you've read the other poems."
My favorite part is the ending, where it says, because you use such simple words, but you convey it so beautifully.
"And fuels the hunger
Of the hunters
Who have so patiently endured
The glaring missionary of day."
I have not read the other poems yet, but I am going to do that soon. This was soooo creative, and your description was great. I have never seen a poem like this because, which is great because I was looking for something new to read. Guess I found it!
Overall: Great job! This is something new and amazing!
Well I'm off to go read your other poems in the series.
Can't wait to read what you write next.
Carpe diem,
LUNARGIRL
Thank you so much for your review, Lunargirl! I'm glad you liked this piece. If you like this piece and the others in this series, I highly recommend Craig Paulenich's Goat Man poems. I based the style off of those and they're absolutely incredible.
I'll make sure to look at those, thanks.
Amazing poem!
This is such a cool and creative concept, all the comparisons you have in it. Like comparing a pregnant mother with milk to the moon. Genius! It is short, but it is able to convey so much! The symbolism you use of the hunters actually being wolves is great!
"The hunters are wolves and other nocturnal predators that may pose a threat to the main character, so they draw the story back to the forest if you've read the other poems."
My favorite part is the ending, where it says, because you use such simple words, but you convey it so beautifully.
"And fuels the hunger
Of the hunters
Who have so patiently endured
The glaring missionary of day."
I have not read the other poems yet, but I am going to do that soon. This was soooo creative, and your description was great. I have never seen a poem like this because, which is great because I was looking for something new to read. Guess I found it!
Overall: Great job! This is something new and amazing!
Well I'm off to go read your other poems in the series.
Can't wait to read what you write next.
Carpe diem,
LUNARGIRL
Wow, what a beautiful poem. I can't even get over how much I love the last lines, "And fuels the hunger / Of the hunters / Who have so patiently endured / The glaring missionary of day." It flows so wonderfully it was the perfect combination of words for what you're conveying here. I've never seen the moon described this way so the originality here blew me away. Awesome job on this it's very touching.
Thank you so much for the review! That means a lot to me <3
you%u2019re welcome!
Oop I forgot to write this:
I'm always looking for something different to read because we're on lockdown and because I'm pretty much bored. This is really interesting and I like it! I'm going to read the series in order so I can experience it better.
I really enjoyed this!
Thank you! The series will be a little bit out of order because I've been editing them as the inspirations comes, but I'm glad you enjoy it!
Wow! You replied quick
I'm magic that way
Hi another Review!
WOW the way you make these words fit together so well
When you say
"With four miscarriages
And one last hope."
It honestly speaks to me in a way most dont i understand this sentence with my whole heart and honestly it fits this entirely
To be able to put in these words and make even just the few of us who understand this feel the emotions I Feel behind it
I'm so glad this touched you! Thank you for your kind words.
Ello Raven sama, this lowly bard bows before your highness. I am here to review the work you created.
I love descriptive poems. You took a really poetical theme, the moon, and used some really nice metaphors to describe it. Comparing the moon to a loving mother, whose heart is broken after losing 4 children and showering the last one with love is sooo god damn nice. Her sweet light dripping on the earth, feeding the nocturnal creatures and people is gentle, "thick and creamy".
By hunger I assume you meant the love for the nocturnal environment of people, being calmed down by the gentle caressing of the moon's light. The hunters may be poets out there in nature, looking for inspiration.
What I disliked was the clickbaity title. I expected at least a brief description of the forest, however you didn't mention anything related to forest at all. Maybe hunters is related to a forest but that is too vague. Not cool ;-;.
Anyway with the description of the moon you nailed it. l am sure you could have done the same if you included some forest things. Good job though
Hi, Buranko! Thanks for your review! Since this poem is part of a series that takes place entirely in a forest, I found it unnecessary to reiterate the setting in this poem. The hunters are wolves and other nocturnal predators that may pose a threat to the main character, so they draw the story back to the forest if you've read the other poems.
Ooo so it is a series. Then my bad, sorry
This is such a creative concept, comparing the moon to a pregnant mother with milk like WOW I was mindblown when I finished the poem! 0_0
Like I mentioned above, I think this comparison and the way you painted the scene by those small simple verses was truly breathtaking that I don't even have a favourite part of this poem: I love everything about it!
I've been reading through it over and over again and honestly I have nothing to say except that this is one fantastic poem!
Thank you so much for sharing and keep growing <3
Aw, thank you for your review!
You're very welcome!