The Child I Buried

Hiii!! You're poem is actually really awesome. I loved the line "they said there were no warning signs,said they never noticed". And it's actually the reality. You can see the will to live slowly die in the person's eyes. How that flame slowly dies out and the person dies with it. It's just really touching

Hey, coming in to review this amazing poem!
There were so many things I loved about this piece. You are so descriptive and it really shines through here. The way you use imagery and figurative language is so interesting here.
I especially love the repetition you use with “she cried”. It really encapsulates that feeling of crying, over and over again.
There are some things I would change, but of course you aren’t required to take any of my advice.
First, I noticed that you used the noun “grief” when it should have been the verb “grieve”. It’s just a small thing. I also wish the overall poem was a bit more cohesive, perhaps bringing the different parts together in a final stanza or through more connecting lines. The way you connect “redness’ in the second and third stanza was really interesting and I would have liked to see more of that.
Overall, I absolutely enjoyed this poem! I can’t wait to see more of what you create.
<3, Meenal (theromanticchemist)

Accidentally posted as comment

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm Kate and I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to: Kate's Line by Line Reactions;

They said there were no warning signs,
said they never noticed.
Never noticed the tears until she dived through the tranquility,
until she held the blade tearing death on her skin,
until it was no longer the eyes that bled the puddle that she laid in

They said there were no warning signs,
said she never asked for help
Yet they were looking right through her as she begged in agony,
desperately exposing her pain.
She cried for help,
she cried until the darkness swallowed her like she swallowed those pills,
she cried until she drowned into the redness of the sea and the lights went dim

In that redness laid a reflection of a child,
a child I still sometimes grief
a child who was foolish enough to believe.
She was taught people take place in our hearts,
that’s where their memory will live on,
making her home in mine
shaming me every day for my decisions

I hear her cry in the darkness of the night
the anguish in her voice wrenching my heart
And as much as I miss her,
I never even wanted her to be saved
The truth is I wished her to be erased
and when she fell to the ground,
I kept my composure, remained unfazed

Where they is I and I am her,
where she is her and her is I
As much as I’m the victim,
that night I survived.
But the part of me that slipped through time,
made me the villain of my own life

Your poem here descript a vivid scene in my mind it's almost too familiar with my experience I lived this and they way you described it is lovely just a little minor thing your poem's title doesn't really match the poem... Otherwise the poem is simple beautiful

This poem delivers an emotionally charged and deeply introspective exploration of suffering, mental health, and the complexity of survival. The narrative reveals a profound sense of invisibility and frustration with being overlooked by those who failed to recognize the speaker's pain, even as it was laid bare before them.

The repetition of the line “They said there were no warning signs” emphasizes the tragic irony of others not noticing the speaker’s distress, despite the clear signs that were there all along. It highlights the painful reality that many people who struggle with mental health issues feel unseen, even when they are crying out for help. The imagery of tears, blades, and pills powerfully captures the destructive actions the speaker took as a result of their emotional agony.

The transition from the external observation of "they" to the internal reflection of the speaker’s own emotional state is seamless. The speaker grieves for a "child" within themselves—a past version of who they were, one that was "foolish enough to believe." This line suggests a loss of innocence, hope, or trust, as well as a deep internal conflict. The child represents a part of the speaker that they both mourn and reject, showcasing the internal tension between wanting to save that part of themselves and wishing it could be erased.

The poem takes an unsettling turn when the speaker admits, "I never even wanted her to be saved" and expresses a wish for that part of themselves to be erased. This stark honesty conveys the profound self-hatred and guilt the speaker feels for their own survival. The emotional climax comes when the speaker confesses that, despite their survival, a part of them "slipped through time" and made them "the villain of my own life." This metaphor brilliantly encapsulates the internal conflict of someone who feels complicit in their own pain, even as they are a victim of it.

The interplay between the speaker and their younger self, encapsulated in the lines “Where they is I and I am her, where she is her and her is I,” adds a surreal and fragmented quality to the poem, blurring the lines between identity, memory, and guilt. It speaks to the speaker’s struggle to reconcile their past and present selves, reflecting on the complex relationship between survival and the emotional scars left behind.

Overall, this poem offers a powerful and harrowing depiction of trauma and the internal struggle with self-blame, guilt, and emotional survival. The vivid, raw imagery and the unflinching honesty of the speaker's voice make it a compelling exploration of the darker aspects of mental health and identity. It leaves a lasting impact, urging readers to consider the hidden battles people face, often unnoticed by those around them.

☆_JUNIE_☆