E - Everyone

Adonia Beloved - Prologue

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When Adonia turned seven, she was placed in the outer palace. There, she and the other children were taught mathematics, philosophy, politics, and various other subjects. Adonia made few friends and often spent her free time as far away from the outer palace as she was allowed. While the other children tried their best to impress the council, Adonia would often sit staring at clouds as the councilmen passed by. Rumor said that the elders would make a decision soon as to which of these students would succeed the current sovereign. It was a shock to all when Adonia was chosen. When she turned twenty-two, the old king stepped down and she took her place as Queen.

This one which strayed away from the others became what they had all sought to be. This one which wished nothing more than to ride horses and swim in the rivers was given the world to shape between her slender fingers. She accepted her duty gracefully and hid the suffocating feeling she felt in the palace. All belonged to her but she only wanted freedom. It was a deep love for her country that kept Adonia in the palace and granted her an eternal throne amid the stars.

Her husband, Rahim, was a dark hole beside her. His love for her was without limitation, and his jealousy equally so. He had a lust for power and a want for the throne that drove him mad and a passion for his wife that drove him even madder. It was not long after she had taken the throne that Adonia's beloved husband plunged a knife between her ribs.

For two nights Adonia walked beside death, moving closer to him with each passing moment. When she returned from his side and rose from her bed, it was proposed a miracle and a message from the Gods who had shown their support of the young sovereign's reign.

Rahim had fled the palace immediately after attacking his lover. He narrowly escaped, exiting the large gates of the palace just as the general of the imperial army and dear friend to the queen found her lying in a pool of her own blood. General Rhea sought harsh vengeance on Rahim, but the search teams she sent out returned empty-handed. One man, Ajax, had shown exceptional talent in tracking and had discovered several leads, but even he was at a loss. Disheveled, Rhea had turned her attention back to Adonia and awaited her recovery.

When the God's blessed Adonia with their healing gifts, the country rejoiced. Amid the bright lanterns and festive music, Adonia was drowning in a pool of her own misery. Her life was worth nothing now that the one man she had loved had tried to take her life and now lived in the shadows with a heavy bounty on his head. Throughout the feasting she remembered his smile, his laughter, and his voice.

The day he asked her to marry him she lay in a meadow while Rahim sat next to her, weaving wildflowers into her long silky hair.

"Marry me," he said, his eyes shining brightly.

Adonia looked up at him with surprise. "But we are still so young."

"Do you doubt out love?"

"No, of course I don't but-"

"Then marry me. I don't care how young we are I know that I love you," he took her hand in his as she sat up, blossoms falling from her hair.

She paused, staring thoughtfully at a petal that had landed on her down-turned hand, in the other she squeezed Rahim's hand lovingly. "Of course I will marry you. I love you." She leaned against him, her forehead laying softly against his cheek as Rahim wove his fingers together with hers.

Comments & reviews · 3
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F*** yes
Just F***ing yes
This is a BEAUTIFUL setup for the story
Being the romance lover I am, I adore the angle between Rahim and Adonia. Honestly, this is probably my favorite idea of a couple that I've heard for a literary work. It seems so realistic, considering all the messed up stuff that happens in the world. Though as you're aware, I like me a happy ending LOL
Rhea I weirdly want to go mad with vengeance, idk, I can just see her character doing that. She seems so focused on it that I want to see if it eats her from the inside out or something like that.
Interesting plot idea and I can't wait to see where you go with this.
I may even do some fan art if I like what I see XDD

Love ya doll
Great job!
~Maddie

Everything you said about this I just kept thinking 'Honey, you got a big storm coming' xD so I'm hoping I get the rest up so you can see what happens!

User avatar
EscaSkye
Review

Hey LittleFox! I love the imagery I'm getting from this work. It's not too descriptive that I don't have to imagine anything, and at the same time, it's not lacking it either. It's just the right amount. You also made me curious as to what would happen next to Adonia as well as her husband. Will Rhea be able to get vengeance? Will Adonia stop Rhea if ever she does manage trace down Rahim? I don't know, and that's one of the reasons I want to stick around to find out. As far as mistakes go, LoseControl mentioned that there are some typos here and there. I'll list them down for you, as well as other things which I found odd.


It was a shock to all then the on the chose was Adonia.

I was confused with this one, particularly because of the phrase "then the on the chose". An edit will quickly fix that though.

But it was a deep love for her country that kept in the palace and granted Adonia an eternal throne amid the stars.

I don't think "But" is necessary here. Also, you missed writing in the word "her" between "kept" and "in".

For two night Adonia walked beside death, moving closer to him with each passing moment.

You forgot to put "s" on "night".

He narrowly escaped , exiting the large gates of the palace just as the general of the imperial army and dear friend to the queen found her lying in a pool of her own blood.

Erase the space between "escaped" and the comma.

That's about it as far as mistakes go - at least, that's all I spotted. I found it interesting that Adonia misses Rahim, really. I personally would have a grudge on Rahim if I was in her place. I also like how you ended this piece with a sort of flash back. It makes me see more of those precious moments Adonia holds dear, and I find it nice how her love for freedom was somehow reflected on the proposal, both of them being on the meadow and all. Good job!

Thank you so much!

User avatar
LoseControl
Review

I immediately "fell in love" with Rahim. Love and jealousy. Two things that are so strong, so strong they can lead to insanity, and even stronger when combined. Adonia still feels so strongly for him even after he tried to kill her, and that just makes it even more beautiful. Also, I love that you reference to the Gods.

There are a few typos, but nothing major. I would suggest two things: take out the "Oh?" in her initial reaction to the proposal, and add a bit more emotion at the end, just to show that it was indeed love and not just two teens/young adults and a crazy crush.

All in all, an excellent piece! I truly do adore it, and will read it many times over.

Thank you that truly means a lot to me!



The only person I know for certain I am better than is the person I used to be.
— CandyWizard