Adonia, Beloved // Chapter Three

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Adonia sat on a silk cushion before her mirror, peering through the dim morning light at her reflection for the first time in nearly a month. She was taken aback by how sickly she looked. With a sigh she freed her hair from its long braid and began to brush out the tangles she had neglected. She had woken up before her bodyguard for once, just before the sun had yet pushed its first shimmers of light over the dry landscape. As soon as the sun finally rose, Rhea began to stir.
"You're looking better this morning," she said, meeting Adonia's eyes through the mirror. She still lay in the bed on her side, her head raised slightly. Her red-tinged hair seemed to glow like fire as the first rays of sunlight touched it. "Perhaps you are feeling well enough to begin building you strength back up?" Rhea asked as she rose.
Adonia shrugged uncertainly. "Better sooner than later I suppose. I do this country no good while I'm laying here deteriorating."
"No you do not," Rhea agreed as she replaced the sash that held her dual blades around her waist. "Also, I am sure that Kiraga misses you."
A small smile moved Adonia's lips. With a sigh she rose and stretched her limbs. She still felt weak, but Rhea's temptation swayed her. "Fine then, let one of the servants have my horse saddled."
"Of course." Rhea smiled to herself, glad she had thought to mention Kiraga, and began to move toward the door.
"Wait," Adonia said, her voice troubled.
Rhea turned back to her with a worried frown. "What is it?"
For a moment Adonia looked as if she wished she hadn't spoken. When she found her voice, it was barely above a whisper. "My husband, he was not found?"
Rhea scowled. "Do not call him your husband, he gave up that title," she said sharply. Then, more softly, she answered, "no, there has been no sight of him."
Adonia closed her eyes and sighed softly. "Rhea, if he is found...I do not want to know of his fate."
"I must advise against that, Adonia. If he-"
"Please, Rhea."
Rhea stared at her for a moment, her face expressionless. "As you wish." She did not let the worry that filled her chest show. She had spent a great deal of effort trying to keep Adonia's mind away from thoughts of Rahim, but was clear that she would not be free of her grief as soon as Rhea hoped. "Adonia, I'm sorry."
Adonia tilted her head slightly where she sat looking up at Rhea. "For what?"
"I didn't protect you. I failed you." Rhea's blue eyes softened sadly.
Adonia rose slowly and put her hand on Rhea's arm. "Nonsense," she said. "You couldn't have prevented what happened. You trusted Rahim almost as well as I did."
Rhea gritted her teeth. "I shouldn't have trusted anyone who could have harmed you, not even him." She gave a start when she saw that tears were falling down Adonia's cheeks. "I'm sorry," she said again.
Adonia waved away her apology and brush the tears from her eyes. "No, don't be. Let's go."

-

A dry wind swept through the palace garden, plucking sun dried petals from withering plants. Haemon leaned against what had once been a large gazebo in the middle of the labyrinthine garden. When Adonia had taken the throne, panels were built into it to house her large eagle, Kiraga. He peered in, watching the raptor stretch her massive wings with evident boredom.
"How is she?"
Haemon turned to see Adonia approaching with Rhea not far behind. She wore her riding pants and a leather gauntlet on one hand. He gave her a questioning look as he bowed his head respectfully. "Bored," he answered. "Are you going hunting this morning?"
She nodded with a small grin. "It's due time I let Kiraga feel the wind again."
Haemon nodded in agreement "She will be glad of that."
He stepped back from the large cage as Adonia stepped inside. Kiraga screeched eagerly as she stepped up on to Adonia's gloved hand and allowed Adonia to slip a leather hood over her head. When Adonia stepped back out, Haemon offered to fetch the horses from the grooms and left the two women alone.
When they met Haemon again at the East Gate he held the reins of his and Rhea's horses in one hand, and Adonia's the reins of Adonia's sleek black stallion, Xerxes, in the other. The bells tied round one of Kiraga's talons rang as Adonia and Rhea came to claim their horses from Haemon.
"You are coming along as well, General?" Adonia asked as she climbed onto Xerxes. Her eagle screeched in complaint and opened her massive wings to keep her balance on Adonia's arm.
"If you do not mind," he said.
"Very well."
Rhea already sat oh her honey-colored horse and was looking at Haemon with what seemed to him like distaste though her face did not show more than a slight gleam in her eyes. He ignored the look and climb on to his own mount. With a satisfied sigh Adonia steered the black stallion through the gates.
The three rode together to a small open field that laid to the East of the palace walls. A gentle breeze lifted the ends of Adonia's hair as she undid the leash that kept Kiraga on her arm. Haemon and Rhea both rode in opposite directions, attempting to flush out game from the undergrowth. When Adonia lifted the hood from the large birds head, they both watched impatiently for movement.
"Ho!" Haemon called as a large hare sprang away from his horses feet. Adonia stood in her stirrups and lifted her arm up and Kiraga was up in the air in an instant, her sharp eyes locked on her quarry. The wind carried her to it, and at the last moment she swooped down and pinned the hare to the ground. Adonia felt an wave of excitement as she urged her horse forward at a canter, ignoring the pain that came from her side with every lurch. She swung down from the saddle as soon as they reached Kiraga, and seconds later Haemon and Rhea were there as well.
Kiraga hunched over her kill. She had already torn a large chunk of meat from the hare, but she gladly took the small piece of meat Adonia offered her as a reward and while Kiraga swallowed it down, Adonia took away the dead hare. "Let the cook have Kiraga's catch prepared." She held the inert mass of bloodied fur to Haemon, who took it with some hesitation.
The Sovereign rose with the eagle once again perched on her arm and the hood replaced over her head. She was more aware of the pain in her side, but she did not let it show as she climbed back onto her horse. "I would hunt longer, my friend, but I am not in the best of shape," she muttered to Kiraga as she turned Xerxes back toward the palace.

When they returned to the East Gate, the three dismounted and gave their horses to the servants to be unsaddled and groomed.

"Thank you again, General, for taking care of Kiraga while I was recovering," she said gratefully. She felt a tinge of pain as her mind drifted toward the reason she had to recover in the first time. Why would Rahim turn on me?

"It was my honor. She will be glad though, to be in your care again." He stretched his fingers toward the eagle, but she bit at his fingers when they neared her. " I fear Kiraga is not very fond of me," he chuckled quietly.

Adonia's mind was taken away from her troubles. "Do you have any word from the council, Haemon? They have sent very little word to me since my absence."

"What I've heard is troublesome."

"How so?"

"I have only heard rumor of what has been spoken within the council, but it seems that they are enjoying the freedom to make decisions without your consent."

Adonia bristled. "That is not their freedom." She glanced at Rhea, standing still as stone a few feet away. "We will have to give them a surprise visit at tomorrow's meeting."

Rhea gave no reaction aside from a hardening in her jaw, but she looked forward to seeing the surprise in the council's reaction when the Sovereign showed herself unannounced the next morning.

Comments & reviews · 3
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User avatar
TriSARAHtops
Review

Hulloooo! Taken me a few days longer than I thought it would've, but I'm back to review.

You have a couple of typos in this chapter. If you want me to specifically point them out just let me know, but I'd suggest doing another careful read-through.

I was glad to see that this chapter had a bit more to it than the previous two. It felt slightly more fleshed out, however there's still room for improvement. Imagery is something that would help put the reader into the scene. What imagery you do have is quite lovely, so weaving some more in would improve your story a lot. Also think about how the characters are feeling, have them dwell and reflect on what has happened, or let the dialogue make them think about something related to what is being said.

Another thing that I noticed was that this chapter didn't have a clear point of view. The first was from Rahim's, the second Rhea's, but this one I wasn't sure of. There's nothing wrong with writing from an omniscient narrator, but often the 'third person subjective' is more effective. This point of view is when the story is told in third person, but is centred on a certain character/s perspectives, so the reader gets their thoughts and emotions and so on. Whatever you choose to do, just ensure that your point of view or points of view are consistent and clear.

Speaking of consistency, Adonia does seem to go from very unwell at the beginning of the chapter to almost completely healed by the end of it. I'd suggest doing some research and seeing what the healing process for a stab wound is like, not only in terms of duration but also how she'd be feeling. She'll be affected by both the blood loss and the pain, and what kind of medicine does your world have? There's are just a few things you'll need to consider.

I'd like to see a little more worldbuilding, just so we can gain a bit more of an understanding of the world.

I hope I'm not sounding overly harsh, because your writing style is very enjoyable to read, and with a bit of work you could have a really brilliant story. If you'd like a review of the fourth chapter, when you poat it, feel free to give me a shout. :)

Thank you so much for your reviews <3

User avatar
Pretzelstick
Review

Hello this is pretzelsing for a review here:

I have a question, I think that this time span is too short. During one week Adonia already feels well enough to ride a horse?That is no logical in my opinion. Give her a little bit more time,say 2-3 weeks between the chapters of maybe you could squish in another chapter between two and three let's just say 2.1 more about the sick state that Adonia was in and her thoughts and feelings and Rhea's attempt and concern about Adonia like written here:

She did not let the worry that filled her chest show. She had spent a great deal of effort trying to keep Adonia's mind away from thoughts of Rahim.

This truly shows that Rhea cared for Adonia in a personal way, trying to steer her way away and around from that unfortunate event.

I also didn't understand this:

Rhea stared at her for a moment, her face expressionless.


This was after Adonia told Rhea that she didn't want to know what happened to Adonia's ex-husband. For me this would be strange and not normal if Rhea's face showed no expression or clue to her opinion or stand on this. Characters should have their feelings written all over their face,clearly visible.

I think that this line gives a feeling of rebellion or independent freedom:
[quote]"I have only heard rumor of what has been spoken within the council, but it seems that they are enjoying the freedom to make decisions without your consent."[quote]
I know it said that it is just a rumor but when you meaningfully and purposefully placed it there for me there is a hint of something fishy coming up. Do you want your reader to get that idea through this one line? Are planning to do some kind of discontentment among the council or not? Please analyze those questions and be aware what the readers could be thinking about.

I like the last sentence and I would not change it, it suggests a tone of suspense in my opinion.I hope that this review helps and that you keep on writing!

-pretzelsing

Thank you for review! I feel like this chapter is still a little shaky since I haven't edited it hardly, so I appreciate your help!

Hello! Flash here for a review.
Okay, first I want to say that no, I haven't read the first two chapters. I saw that this has been in the green room for a month so that's what brought me here. :) I'll get around to reading your first two chapters as soon as possible.
WHY is this still in the green room!? It's written in an amazingly awesome and descriptive style that's a joy to read. I feel immersed in this world as I read, it's so real! I also love the part with the horses and falconry. (Actually I wish you would have written more of that, the whole event seemed like it went by too quickly.) Oh, and the character names are beautiful!
Now onto the mistakes... There were only a few little things here:
"...hare sprang away from his horses feet" should be "horse's."
And towards the beginning when Rhea says "no," the "no" should be capitalized.
That's all I could find! Overall this is a really good work and I don't know why it's still in the green room. Keep writing!
~Flash

Thanks a lot! I'm glad you liked it. :) Actually I unpublished this for awhile when I rewrote the other chapters, so it didn't have a chance to get out of the green room until I republished it. :P



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— ShadowVyper