The sea of stars encircle me as I drift through the night;
my hands, my feet, seem to reach nowhere.
I painfully try to spread my crumpled wings,
but when I take flight, the tears will emerge.
The hourglass that sways wildly from my neck
keeps turning, and turning -
I wonder when the flow of sentiments will stop.
I can see you through my trembling fingers;
The morning light that we once basked in radiates from you.
I can see the green fields that we once danced in;
You lifted me across the birds, the clouds, the skies.
It wasn't long till the dark clouds came -
The storm of war belted its song and pulled us apart.
The waters stopped flowing; the crimson kept raining -
I held your cold, white hand tight, but not for long,
as I am soon swept away by the flood of chaos and confusion.
As the ground of despair's dark crevasse surfaced,
a foreign cry resonated, and I heard.
Floating away from the abyss and towards the voice,
I found you wandering in your own thoughts -
The eyes of a fighter, but the soul of a lost child.
The downpour began, but you never walked away.
You took my hand, and the journey began -
The hourglass does not stop, spinning the wheel of time,
but the flame in our hearts remained and burned.
We clashed against the wings of others as we flew -
The flight was turbulent, but we continued.
Somewhere in infinity, with our vows scattered in space,
the gates of a brilliant tomorrow is waiting for a key.
But before the key can be retrieved,
our cries will strike each other, again and again.
As long as I am living, I will hold this sword
and wait for the moment to arrive.
For now, I will sing and stem my wounds -
eyes bright and brimming with the warmth of golden memories -
a trembling prayer begins its voyage to the heavens.
(Dedicated to L.R.)
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140,223 Literary Works • 673,046 Reviews
WOW. I really, really, really liked it. I'm not a poetry technician but i would say you've really got the poetry/imagery thing down pat. Well done, it was really beautiful. You obviously have a great talent! My only criticism would be that towards 3/4 mark, i sort of lost what was actually happening. This is probably because you needed it to have a little more real stuff in it. By that i mean that you should of had some more stuff happening and less describing, but that's juts my opinion. You have a great way with words and a humongous vocabulary for one so young so well done! Oh and a little more poetry rhythm could have been good. But i'm just trying to tell you something constructive because it was beautiful.
